Title: New Adjustments
Fandom: One Piece
Author: Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Website: Livejournal, or
Rating: PG
Genre(s): Humor/Romance
Pairing(s): Sanji/Zoro mentions
Summary: Zoro wakes up with some changes. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.
Beta: Bronze Tigress
Warnings: Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.
Disclaimer: Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.
Word Count: 1,474

Part Seven: Damn Idiots

Zoro growled and paced his cell. This had not been a good week, at all. First he had to stay behind in port while the rest of the Strawhats were off chasing down Luffy, who had been hypnotized into thinking he was some guy named Don Quixote and was off hunting dragon maidens to save from... something. Zoro wasn't sure what. Then he had had another run in with Captain Jester and his merry band of idiots, which led to him being "Miss Zera'd" over. Then he had somehow gotten arrested by another idiot Marine captain named T-Bone. And now he thought he was in labor.

The only good thing about the entire situation was that Mr. Leafy was with him. Alright, currently puffed up into a giant spiny ball that hissed whenever a Marine got too close to the cell, but he was still with Zoro.

Hissing and wrapping his arms around his belly as another contraction hit, he snarled out through the pain, "Get me a doctor!"

"We're not falling for that old trick."

Muttering a curse, Zoro waited for the contraction to recede before edging around Mr. Leafy. "I need a doctor."

The Marine snorted then choked as Zoro lunged forward, grabbed him and slammed him chest first into the bars of the cell.

Leaning down to the man's stunned face, Zoro hissed out, "Get me a damn doctor! Now!" Letting the Marine go, he went back around Mr. Leafy to continue pacing the cell.

The Marine, having just been demon Zoro'd, ran from the prison to do as asked. He didn't know who the strange woman was, but he knew what she was. His mama hadn't raised someone foolish enough to cross a demoness already in a snit.

"Roronoa Zoro," T-Bone intoned seriously.

"Miss Zera," Jester gushed apologetically. "I apologize for leaving you to languish here. I was trying to explain to Captain T-Bone that you're merely a Zoro impersonator."

Zoro glared at the two idiots - Jester having the title because of all of their previous encounters, T-Bone getting it by default for having overreacted to one of the Marines having bumped into the wall during Zoro's arrest. "Where. Is. The. Doctor," he enunciated carefully.

"Why do you need the doctor?" T-Bone inquired.

"Are you injured, Miss Zera?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm in labor." Zoro ground his teeth and wrapped his arm around his belly. "I need a doctor unless you want me to do this on my own."

"Nonsense. You're obviously not nearly far enough along to be in labor."

"I'm over eight months," Zoro snapped. "Get the doctor. I'm sure he can confirm it."

Jester, wide-eyed and pale, nodded dazedly as he turned and rushed out the door.

"Very well. Wait here." T-Bone followed after his colleague at a more dignified pace.

Zoro rubbed at the forming headache. "Idiots."

Mr. Leafy rustled in agreement.

"Well, you are in labor," the Marine doctor said.

"As I've been trying to tell you for the last day," Zoro snarled as he sat on the bed of his cell, huffing through another contraction.

"Guard, prepare a room for us. This is not the place for a woman to have a baby," T-Bone ordered one of the Marine guards.

"Shall I try to find your troupe for you now Miss Zera?" Jester asked starting to edge forward only to be brought up short from a warning hiss from the still puffed up Mr. Leafy.

"No. They'll come back once they find our monkey," Zoro reassured the man.

An hour later he found himself in a new, and more comfortable bed surrounded by Captain Jester, Captain T-Bone, their respective lieutenants, the doctor, and the guard at the door.

"Now then, Miss Zera," the doctor began, "I'll just check and see how far along you are." Pulling up the blanket to look underneath, the doctor took one look then suddenly slumped forward in a dead faint.

"Get him off me!" Zoro snarled, pushing at the doctor's shoulders.

Apologizing profusely, Jester and T-Bone moved the doctor over to a chair while Mr. Leafy made sure the blanket was again covering Zoro's legs.

"Get another doctor!"

"I would, but there was a riot at the docks and a fire at one of the taverns. We were lucky even to get this one, Miss Zera," Jester explained apologetically.

"Do not worry, I shall make sure that your baby is born safely," T-Bone 'reassured' as he returned to the bed.

"Not. A. Chance!" Zoro growled out, flaring his demon aura. "Get someone else!" There was no way he was letting either of those two idiots between his thighs, even for this.

Things swiftly degenerated from there as T-Bone and Jester both insisted on being the one to help him, Zoro telling them not a chance, and Mr. Leafy having to continue to defend Zoro's 'honor'. One of the Marines prudently went to get the commodore that had taken up residence in the port earlier that day.

"What's going on here?" a harsh, smoky voice boomed, breaking into the loud yelling match that the three were carrying on.

"Smoker, oh thank God! Kill me now!" Zoro gasped out as another contraction hit. "Their stupidity is too much."

"It's just the pain, Commodore," Jester cut in. "Miss Zera has been in labor for the last day, and her doctor passed out not an hour ago."

Running cool gray eyes over the room's occupants before settling them on Zoro he arched an eyebrow, "Miss... Zera?"

"Just get my baby out of me without those two," Zoro jerked his chin at the two captains, "getting a free peak."

"I would never...!"

"Miss Zera!" came the simultaneous protests.

"I see what you mean," Smoker allowed with a bit of humor. "Tashigi, keep those two out of the way."

"Yes, sir!" Tashigi agreed, pushing up her glasses.

Walking over to the bed, Smoker eyed the gathered medical supplies.

"You ever do this before?" Zoro asked.

"I grew up on a farm. But never on a human."

"Close enough. Better'n the idiots!"

Four hours later Zoro was holding his newly born and freshly washed son. "You better be worth all the trouble you put me through."

"He's beautiful, Miss Zera!" Captain Jester cried.

"I've never seen anything more humbling!" Captain T-Bone gushed.

Smoker ignored the two gushing idiots with the ease of long practice as he calmly washed his hands. "That was actually less disgusting than I thought it'd be."

Tashigi sniffed and hugged her sword tightly to her chest. "I want a baby." She then eeped and flushed bright red when everyone turned to look at her. "N-not right now!"

The moment was broken with a loud crash as Luffy flew through the window. "We've been looking everywhere for you after we heard you were arrested. What are you doing here?"

Zoro gave Luffy a look as he started to struggle out of the bed. "I just had a baby. They were nice enough to not have me do that in a cell."

"Oh." Luffy grinned and before anyone could say anything swooped up Zoro, Mr. Leafy, and the baby in his arms and carried them out the window.

"Where are my swords?" Zoro asked as he tried his best to keep the baby from being jostled as Luffy made his way out of the base with his burden.

"Nami has them. You really had the baby?"

"Yes." Zoro answered. "I'll show you later."

Once the Strawhats were underway again, and headed on their way to the next island, it was finally safe for everyone to get a good look at who they'd all been waiting to meet.

"He's so cute," Usopp said as he tried to just see the baby and not Zoro's breasts as the baby happily ate.

"He's so small," Franky said with a grin.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Robin asked.

"How could you have something so cute?" Nami asked, a bit starry eyed.

"He's very healthy," Chopper said. "He'll be my first infant patient."

"Can I name him?" Luffy asked from where he sat perched on Mr. Hardass's jar.

"Here's a lullaby for him," Brook said as he started to play on his violin.

"What the fuck is with the black hair?" Sanji demanded.

Zoro looked over at Chopper, "When do you think I can start training again?"

"Give it at least a week," Chopper answered seriously, "for light training."

Zoro thought it over before nodding reluctantly. He really hated to put it off that long but Chopper had made sure over the last several months that Zoro knew why he should wait to start training again.

"Beetle," Luffy said suddenly, getting everyone's attention with that random word. "I'm going to name him Beetle."

"His name's Fox," Zoro said calmly, as Nami stretched out Luffy's face again.