"Yes, I understand," I answered, my voice uncharacteristically monotone. I hung up the cell phone with a beep and sighed.

"Hmm?" Matt asked from his chair, his nose buried in a screen of some game system.

"That was Near."

Matt pressed pause and looked up at me. "Near?"

I nodded, my eyes focused on the ground. I was in the middle of the Kira case, trying to beat Near, and he wanted a meeting? Why now, when he didn't call to see me since I left Wammy's? "Yeah. He wants to see us before we 'do something stupid'." I looked at the ground. We've been doing stupid things our entire lives. Why did he suddenly care now?

Matt smirked. "And he thinks we'll do something stupid?"

I couldn't help but smile at his sarcasm. "Yeah, I wonder why."

--

"I'm glad you came," Near stated emotionlessly, which made me wonder whether or not he truly was glad or if his words were just habit.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered as I watched the boy. He sat facing me, surrounded by a city of dice.

For a moment, a strange thought passed through my mind. Dice were white and black, kind of like Near and I. Mostly white, with a few black spots. Without either color, the die wouldn't make sense; it'd just be a cube of one color. Without both colors, the die wouldn't be complete. Where was I going with this? Was I thinking about the Kira case?

Or maybe was it my own feelings toward Near?

I shook my head clear of the strange feelings I felt for him and got back to business.

"So? What do you want?" I asked firmly, showing that I was in no mood for small talk. Behind me, beeping sounds were coming from Matt's game. "Turn that off!" I yelled at my best friend, spinning around and grabbing his game. Had he been anyone else, I would have broken it without another thought.

He grabbed it out of my angry hands and saved the game, turning it off without a word. He knew I wasn't mad at him; just using him as a punching bag. He knew, although he never admitted it to me, that I had homosexual tendencies, and being around Near made it worse. I noticed his lips curve slightly into a smirk.

That bastard was laughing at my pain! He was reminding me, with every moment that stupid smirk sat on his face, that I was in love with Near!

With my rival. Now that L was gone, Near was secretly my hero. He was who I was striving to be. He took up all of my thoughts. He was constantly in my mind. Every night I dreamed of him, and every morning I'd wake up thinking of him. Every time I bit into a chocolate bar, his face flashed in my mind, reminding me of his strange quirks and his lifeless eyes. I want to make him happy. I want to make him whole. If only we could be a die, black and white, mixed into one.

But I could never do such a thing. We were too different to be anything other than rivals. We could never be friendly towards each other, not like we were when we were young.

I forced myself to frown and snap my mind out of its thoughts. I turned back to Near, who had one eyebrow cocked at my strange behavior. It was a commonly known fact that I was prone to sudden outbursts, but it was just as commonly known that they were never directed at Matt .

"Anyway," Near began, brushing off my tantrum as unimportant, "do you happen to remember anything from when you were six and seven? Halloween, specifically?"

Matt took a surprised step backwards, and my eyes widened.

In all the years since then, none of us ever brought up those events. Even when L died, we pretended like nothing had happened on his sixteenth and seventeenth birthdays. Maybe we were too afraid. Maybe we thought it was some childish dream. Or maybe we just thought that if we ignored it, it would go away.

Maybe we just didn't believe. But once I saw my first shinigami, my memories from those two days flooded my mind, instantly sending chills down my spine as I remembered a friend that died because the anger of the person- if you could possibly call him a person- she was trying to help.

The moment I first laid eyes on a god of death, I remembered L. I remembered the curse. I remembered it all.

And then I blocked it out again, trying to maintain the thought that it would never happen.

"From the looks on your faces," Near said, piling up the dice, "I will assume you do."

I had nothing to say; neither did Matt, who had slipped his portable game system into his pocket and began listening intently.

"I believe that Kai caused this. Had there not been a curse, I don't believe Kira would ever have existed. Of course, I have no real proof," Near stated.

"You're saying Kai caused Kira?" I asked disbelievingly.

Near placed another die onto his pile. "I won't know unless you and Matt die. I believe Kai killed Fae to warn us." At the mention of Fae, Matt and I flinched. Near, however, kept a calm composure. I always admired him for that. "And, his curse caused Kira to be. He killed L. You both know you're next. I think Kira is Kai's curse."

The silence went on long after he had spoken; I now realized the point of this visit. He was worried. I turned my back to him and began walking out with Matt right behind me. I couldn't deal with this, and I wanted to get away. If emotionless Near was worried, then there was a probable reason to be. I just wanted to curl up and disappear until this was all over. And, when I felt safe enough to come out, I would scoop Near up and never let him go.

I wanted to do that now! I wanted to take him into my arms, and maybe even cry from happiness. But how could I do that? I couldn't let my feelings get in the way of my destiny, the destiny that was given to me the moment I met Kai.

I looked at the floor and let out a little groan. I turned my back to Near and made my way to the door.

"Mello."

My feet stopped by themselves at the sound of his voice but I couldn't bring myself to turn back to him. It was like my body was in control, not my mind. I felt frozen. Frozen in fear that if I saw Near's face again, I wouldn't be able to stop Kira. I knew right then and there that my mission was a suicide mission, and that only Near's plea could keep me completing it. I knew that, if I looked back, I could break Kai's curse. But I was too stubborn, and I knew that if I did break the curse, Kira would live on.

"Look at me," he commanded. I thought I heard him struggling to keep his voice emotionless. When I replayed his words in my mind, I became sure that his voice cracked.

I had to beat Near. Even if I beat him in something so small as not turning to him, I had to beat him. I did not turn to him.

"Don't do something stupid and let him win." His voice was even and cool, but I could sense defeat in it.

"I'll do what I have to in order to kill Kira. I won't lose to you, Near." I said, passion filling my every word. What I really meant to say was, 'I love you' or even, 'Thanks', but all I could do was show my inferiority complex. I shook my head and walked out into the hallway, wishing that I could obey Near's command. I walked through the doors, a triumphant smile on my face.

"Goodbye," he called, his voice breaking slightly.

I looked back through the closing doors, seeing my one love brush a single tear from his eye.

--

"I got you killed, Matt. Forgive me," I mumbled in the truck as I sped away. I watched the little television screen, staring down at my best friend who was dead because of my own recklessness. I wished, more than anything, that I could have protected him. But, I really only selfishly wished this because I knew I was next.

--

As my heart began failing, I gave up, knowing I could not fight my fate this time.

As I gasped frantically for air, I heard a disembodied boy laughing.

Damn...... it...... Kai I thought between gasps that sent pain shooting through my dying lungs. I couldn't think and breathe at the same time. It was too painful. It took up too much energy.

And then everything went black.