Beta-Testing
Preface
A/N: Well HELLO! I believe it has been way too long since I've posted anything. As such, I'd like to introduce you to my newest story. Yes, this is a chapter fic. Enjoy; read and respond!
Note: DO NOT skip the Preface. You will be confused later on if you do.
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The Irken Inventors were an elite group of science-geeks, Irken or not, who controlled and oversaw the creation and production of all Irken technology. Often times, all of said technology started out as a mere idea or concept created by the Irken Inventors anyway. As such, they needed to make sure their hundreds of factory slaves and researchers were properly assembling their 'brain-babies'. If something went wrong, the Irken who caused the problem would be fired. This happened a lot at first, but soon factory slaves realized what happens after one is 'fired', and they have not had many wrong-doings or malfunctions ever since.
In the job description, it says 'the Irken Inventors advance Irken technology.' No where does it say they'd be sitting around ignoring requests of the Almighty Tallest, which is exactly what the Inventors of the year 3670 were doing. That is, until Tallest Miyuki was informed of their slack.
The nine Head Inventors had their labs on Planet Vort invaded by the angry Tallest, and were each threatened to be banished to Foodcourtia, or thrown out the airlocks if they did not get their rears in gear. Eager to keep their lives and sanity, the nine immediately obeyed the Almighty Tallest and began on their order of new invasion weapons.
10 Irk years into the future, the abomination Zim was born from the breeding pods and given the life-force of his own, very much dysfunctional PAK. After successful causing the Irken Smeet Information Download System to malfunction by clogging the drop chute with fellow smeet, Zim's actions caused the Activation Chamber to overload, and completely wiped out power on the surface planet for five years. That was only the beginning. The destruction continued through his young Irken life, causing him to endanger a fellow Irken, Skoodge, and of course, black out the planet for four more years. Forced to take notice to Zim's ability to destroy everything he touched, Overlords sent Zim away to the Irken Inventors on Planet Vort. There, he was put into military research (Station 9), and seemed to excel.
While on Planet Vort, Zim learned much about weapon creation, and offense equipment. His PAK's memory cells practically fed off the knowledge of robotics and invention. Unfortunately, his lack of proper reasoning and touch of death still prevailed. Tallest Miyuki paid a visit to Station 9's Inventor and his team to check on the new technology being researched and planned. There, Zim's latest invention of an 'Infinite Energy Absorbing Thingy' proceeded to absorb the new 'Infinite Energy Producing Thingy'. It grew to massive sizes, ate Tallest Miyuki, and went about destroying most of Vort's labs and their Inventors.
He was immediately placed back on Irk as a hobo.
And yet, they learned even as a homeless sack of waste, Zim could still destroy anything.
Remembering the Irken Elite would become Invaders, and the mighty weapons they used to conquer, Zim made it his life's goal to Invade more planets than any Irken had before. He applied to many Irken Invasion facilities on Devastis, but all denied his requests for enrollment in their training because of his destructive past and present. Finally, to get him to stop begging, pleading, and being generally abnoxious, the new leader, Tallest Spork, ordered him enrolled into Devastis' best Invader program.
Much to their surprise, he excelled in his studies, and received one of the higher grades on his AIKT, or Annual Invader Knowledge Thingy. Unfortunately, his reputation of being a walking bomb followed him there and proceeded to black out half the planet when he was fed up with a vending machine. His habits also led him to the death of another Tallest, when he accidentally summoned the creature that devoured Tallest Miyuki to the assembly hall where invader trainees were being addressed by Tallest Spork. Somehow, he was left at the academy to finish his training, and was accepted as one of the Irken Elite because of his outstanding grades.
Problem is, he knew how one invaded, but not how to apply that knowledge physically.
As such, when fellow Elite's were crowned the Almighty Tallest, Purple and Red vowed to never let Zim be apart of ANYTHING, despite his testing scores. When Operation: Impending Doom was set into motion, the two Almighty Tallest thought giving Zim a small circle of floor to control would keep him from destroying anything. They thought wrong.
After Zim successfully annihilated half the Planet Irk, he was finally banished to Foodcourtia for eternity.
And no one saw him again…… Until the launch of Operation: Impending Doom II.
The Tallest were unsuccessful at keeping the short Irken out of plans, and sent him off to a planet on the outer-reaches of the known galaxy. There, they ignored him. He was out of their antenna; 6 earth months away from any kind of Irken ship. But that didn't stop him from calling them.
Keeping to their vow, Tallest Purple and Tallest Red kept Zim uninformed of new weapons, ships, plans. They occasionally sent a broken piece of equipment with claims of advanced technology, but nothing more.
……Until now.
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"My Tallest! Incoming Transmission from Inventor Mirek!"
Red grumbled, glancing over at Purple. He pulled the doughnut from his sharp teeth and leaned forward out of his relaxing position.
"Yeah yeah, open a connection," he grumbled, waving his 'hand' dismissingly. "Man, if they're reporting another Cthulu attack I swear…"
"We haven't found a way to get rid of that yet?" Purple asked, swallowing a mouthful of cheetos. "It's not like it'd be hard; Zim made it."
"My Tallest! Please, Station 6 requires your immediate attention!" a voice pleaded from the com screen. It was Inventor Mirek, an Irken who commanded Weapon Enhancement and Development. Red squinted an eye at him and relaxed back against his couch once more.
"Why?" Purple asked quickly, clearly bothered by the interruption of his snacking time. "We told you the Chtulu was your problem."
"Sirs, the Chtulu is not our problem. It's the QEPI. We have a small problem."
"QEPI? Qepi. Qeeppii…." Red mused, scratching his green chin as he racked his PAK's memory for what the QEPI was. "…Qepi. Qepi? What's the Qepi again?"
"The invasion AI..?"
Red and Purple exchanged looks of confusion. Mirek sighed.
"My Tallest, you ordered for a new intelligence that could successfully conquer a planet in mere minutes-" The Inventor wasn't able to finish as the Tallest suddenly remembered the idea they had nearly 2 Irk years before.
"OOHH! The Quick and Easy Planet Invader! Yes yes, what about it?" Purple quipped excitedly, folding his two finger-appendages together in a pleased manner.
"My Tallest… Uhm, it has a slight set-back. We can't test it," Mirek explained sheepishly, playing with one of his antenna. Red squinted at the com screen, clearly annoyed.
"What do you mean you can't test it?" he hissed threateningly, standing from the soft red couch. Mirek looked very intimidated.
"W-Well, uhm, you see.. M-My Tallest, uhm.. In order for us to, uhm…"
"Out with it, Inventor! We have very important Tallest matters to attend to!" Purple ordered, merrily scooping up a box of doughnuts. "Like eating these doughnuts! Mmm!"
"Yes! Well, see, in order for us to create something so powerful it'd need it's own life supply. Problem is, we've tried activating it on artificial generators and it used so much energy it sent Vort into rolling blackouts for the next 3 days."
"So what do you think can support the little bugger?" Red asked, opening one of his squinted eyes. "A larger generator? A ship?"
"No. A PAK."
The silence that filled the room made Mirek uneasy.
Suddenly, Purple and Red burst into untamable, hysterical laugher. This was not a good sign to the 6th Irken Inventor. The Almighty Tallest didn't laugh at weapons.
"My Tallest.. Please.." he began, but found it utterly useless to speak over his leader's laughter. "My.. My Tall-"
"You want to use… a PAK to run this thing?!" Red roared, clutching his belly as he tried to gasp in air through his laughter. "Keep dreaming, Inventor! Haha!"
"I'm very sorry, My Tallest… But… There is no other way!"
"Why not?!" Purple asked stubbornly, finally calming down at the news that Mirek had been serious.
"No other technology is as powerful as the PAK! It can support life for so long when left uncorrupted that the oldest Irken is 115 in IRK years! And he's still strong! Who knows how-"
"We can't give you a PAK, Inventor Mirek," Red stated seriously, wiping tears from his eyes. "If we do, some poor defenseless Smeet would be left to die. We need all the young Irken's we can get. Call back when you have a solution."
"But, My Tallest-"
"GoodBYE, Inventor Mirek!"
With that, the connection was cut.
"Man, what a jerk," Purple grumbled, leaning into the soft cushions with an annoyed look on his face.
"Tell me about it," Red agreed, picking up a bag of Licking Sticks. The leader got maybe one lick out of the snack before the com screen burst to life once more. He growled gently and narrowed his eyes.
"Mirek-"
"My Tallest, excuse me, but we had already thought of another solution," Mirek butted in quickly, trying to keep his rulers from hanging up on him again.
"Explain," Purple ordered calmly, an unimpressed look on his face.
"Well, if we can't have a PAK by itself.. Why not an Irken?"
The Tallest snorted.
"Nonsense; it's untested. Why risk the life of a loyal Irken?" Red retorted, dipping the Licking Stick into it's pouch of powdery yum-yum.
"I'm uh, sure one Irken won't ruin-"
"SILENCE! I'm not going to give you an Irken test subject either, Inventor. That's just cruel and unusual-"
The Irken leader was cut off by the whirring and fizzing of another opening connection. The screen split, and the image of a rather battered Irken in pink appeared next to the com link of Mirek on Vort. Purple and Red almost instantly groaned heavily and sank in their seats. "Hold on, Mirek. What NOW, Zim?"
"My Tallest! My Tallest! My Tallest!" Zim spouted, looking utterly paranoid as he ran around the screen, hiding behind things and shedding a purple ooze. "My-My Tallest! MMYYYY TAALLLEESSSTTT!"
"Get ON with it Zim!" Red complained, putting his fingers against his forehead.
"It's the human stink-beasts…" Zim explained in a more silenced tone, now hiding behind his operations chair, both eyes darting about. "They're gaining an advantage!! They.. Have.. PURPLE ICE JUICE!" The small Irken then thrust forward a clear bottle of Sno-Cone grape flavoring, the thick syrup inside sloshing around angrily.
The Tallest merely stared in utter annoyance at the display.
"This is the worst time of the Earth year," Zim continued, throwing the bottle behind him as he clambered up into the chair. Not a moment later his robot GIR waltzed by with his head inside the bottle of syrup, giggling like a madman. "Their huge sun makes the air hot and sticky, and smells of filthy human skin secretions and poo flies. They use this.. Ice Juice.. to cool their filthy HUMAN organs and-"
"We don't care. Get to the point, Zim," Purple ordered hotly, already tired of hearing the little monster's voice. Said Irken immediately calmed.
"I need some new technology to further my invasion."
"Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm no."
Zim frowned, squinting one eye in concentration. "What?"
"No, Zim."
"….What was that?"
"NO."
"Could you repeat tha- GIR WOULD YOU TURN OFF THAT FILTHY EARTH MUSIC!?"
The sound of insane giggling and laughing reached the earholes of the Tallest, followed by the heavy pounding of a loud techno track. The two leaders cringed heavily at the noise, covering their 'ears' as they half-watched GIR flail by the screen with a large music playing device on his head and Zim in hot pursuit. The Tallest sighed and turned towards the screen with Mirek on it. They tried to ignore the terrible music and destruction on the other screen.
"I'm sorry Inventor, but it seems we're going to have to deal with Zim…. Again…" Red stated, sighing heavily at the idea.
"Zim..? As in, THE Zim?" Mirek questioned, a thoughtful look crossing his green face.
"Unfortunately."
Mirek was silent for a moment, then he grinned broadly. "I have a solution! We should send the QEPI to ZIM for testing!"
"What? Are you insane? That's the-" Purple cut short, processing what the inventor had said. He soon grinned merrily. "- Best idea I've heard all morning! WOOHOO!"
"Mirek, get your transport ship ready for Zim. He'll have to come to Vort for installation. I DON'T want him to mess this weapon up by installing it wrong," Red ordered. "Knowing Zim, he'd put it in the wrong segment of his PAK. Also, duplicate the program with the Handheld Copy Thingy, just incase he DOES mess it up somehow."
"Yes My Tallest! Right away!"
Mirek's connection closed, and the image of the now destroyed communications room in Zim's base stretched to full screen. Zim himself finally wobbled back in front of the com, looking more battered and beaten than before. He threw the music device off the screen, where it landed with a loud crash, and turned towards the feed.
"Sorry about that.. My Tallest.." he panted, wiping his forehead. "Now, about my weapon request-"
"Ah, yes," Red interjected, standing from his seat. "We're going to accept your request…. For once."
Zim's face lit up. "Really!? REALLY?! Ohmygod THANK YOU MY TALLEST! Event the mighty ZIM is not woorrthhy!"
"…..I know. Now, a transport ship will arrive blah blah blah. You're going to Section 6 of Vort-"
"I USED TO WORK ON VORT!"
"….Yes, yes we know. Inventor Mirek is going to fit you with the latest and greatest in Irken technology. But remember, it's a SECRET, so you can't tell a soul what it is."
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you. It's a secret."
Zim blinked, then grinned. "Yes sir!"
"Once you're fitted with it, you gotta start reporting back more often-OW!" Purple yelped as his sentence was cut short by a swift elbow in the Squeedly Spooch. He was whirled around by Red and pulled into a two man huddle.
"What do you mean 'report back more often?!'" Red hissed, flicking his companion on the forehead. "We can't stand him NOW!"
"But how will we know if the QEPI destroys the little filth bomb?"
A pause. The Tallest glanced back at Zim for a moment. He was pulling at his left antenna, his pointed tongue curled over his upper lip. GIR ran by behind him, squealing merrily as it flew a pig on a waffle around the room.
"Ok, we'll tell Inventor Mirek to keep tabs on him," Red compromised quickly, turning back towards his fellow ruler. "But if I hear Zim more than I have to, bad things are going to happen."
"Ooo! Bad things!" Purple chimed, smiling broadly. The two broke and stood before their com screen.
"Zim?"
"Yes, Almighty Tallest?" Zim squeaked happily, releasing his antenna to focus on his screen.
"I don't want you calling us again unless something utterly terrible happens, alright?"
"Yes sir!"
"Goooooood," Purple droned, tapping his fingers together. "Now leave us to our tasty treats!" He giggled merrily and scooped up an armful of Irken snacks, cuddling them like tiny smeet. Zim saluted loyally, then cut the transmission.
Red picked up his Licking Stick and placed it in his mouth, relaxing back down into the comfort of the Almighty Red Couch. He rolled his head towards Purple with a blissful sigh. Purple greeted the noise with a content sign of his own, followed by the noisy crumpling of snack packaging.
"Imagine….. If that weapon malfunctions.. Zim will be gone forever," Red dreamed, closing his eyes to picture the little worm being destroyed by a huge robot feeding off his PAK.
"I know.. Wouldn't that be sweet? Imagine.. A life without Zim…."
Tallest Purple and Tallest Red were now skipping daintily through a beautiful, bright field of flowers, hand in hand. There were smeet dancing around them in giggling circles of happiness. The entire Irken race was lolling through the grass and flowers, overcome with happiness and excitement. Delightful Irken music drifted through the air, bringing a calm, serene aura.
Suddenly, a backdrop of a pretty little field fell over behind the populace of Irkens. Around them was complete terror and destruction. Aliens of all kinds scattered in fear at large Irken Invasion weapons, fires burning buildings and beings alike. Ah, how the Tallest loved a successful invasion.
And Zim was the only thing keeping them from accomplishing one.