A/N: I'm back this year I guess, celebrating a whole year of FF membership. It's been 365 unproductive days, so it's time to get cracking again. This is just a little plot I worked up in 5 minutes, and then took forever to type. Enjoy!

With Love, Your Stalker

It was a relatively special day, since everyone, including the Engaged royal couple, Zuko and Mai, had gathered at the Jasmine Dragon to just enjoy an international holiday. The day celebrated an event that no one seemed to remember, but it had picked up in popularity after the war was over. The fact that the weather outside was perfectly normal made circumstances even better. However, the dark clouds accumulating on Sokka's face suggested otherwise.

"Hello people…" Sokka trudged into the residential commonplace, where Toph and Aang were talking about hair. Neither seemed to know much about what they were talking about anyway, so when Sokka walked in, Aang ended the conversation. Toph didn't seem to mind.

"Hey Sokka!" Aang greeted. "Check this out!" Aang stood on his hand and bended the air around him to make him start spinning. When he was fast enough, he started using his free limbs to whip around like swords, and then shot fire out, creating a flaming tornado, but also setting the carpet on fire.

Katara, smelling something burning, rushed in to see the flames starting.

"What's that... oh no!" Out of instinct, she quickly extinguished them with the water she always carried. She turned to Sokka with a blaming look.

"Sokka! Did you start that fire?" Katara's tone was as cold as ice, gaze sharp as a knife.

However, Sokka's current demeanor was harder than Diamond. "No." he replied conclusively. "I didn't."

At this, Katara was taken aback. She had expected Sokka to scramble out a half-assed excuse that suggested that he really had done it, but instead he turned in a manner more befitting of Zuko. Too awestruck to find the culprit, she changed the subject. "Sokka, what's wrong? You don't seem like yourself." Her sharp tone softened.

Sokka's dark expression suddenly appeared worried. Glancing suspiciously around him, he whispered a reply. "Shhh… don't tell anyone, but I think I have a stalker. I think it's Ty Lee."

"Sokka, don't be stupid. Ty Lee wasn't even informed that we were here." Katara rationalized.

"Oh… right…" Feeling utterly deflated, but convinced that he was stalker free, Sokka, with a lighter heart, started walking upstairs.

Toph, who had no part in the conversation, spoke up. "I didn't even have to say anything to him. Good job Katara."

"Why, thank you Toph," Katara replied.

Then it hit her- Toph never called her by her real name. Looking back, she saw a strange smile on Toph's face. However, she let it pass, thinking it was nothing.

Outside, a brunette braid tied with a pink ribbon flicked in and out of view, where a small girlish giggle could be heard.

As Sokka walked up the stairs to his room, a strange sound floated through the air. It sounded like… moaning.

A breathless voice broke the sounds. "Move over. That hurts!"

"Sorry. How's this?" Another gasping voice replied.

"Oh! That's it!"

The noises seemed to drift from Mai's room, and Sokka crept closer, eyes wide. He felt his face's heat radiating, and stood speechless, feeling violated.

"A little to the left… Oh… there! Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" The voice Sokka presumed to be Mai moaned in ecstasy.

"You like that?" Asked the voice Sokka thought to be Zuko. "Well you'll like this better." Sokka heard the movement of clothing, and oddly, a much larger heavier movement of something else.

Mai gasped. "Wow! It's so… big…."

Sokka imagined what was happening in the room. "Surely they aren't…doing it", he hoped. He felt violated, but couldn't bring himself to move from the spot.

"Dammit. It won't fit. Move over a little." Zuko grunted. "There. Now it's going in."

At this, Sokka couldn't take anymore. He burst into the room, keeping his eyes covered.

"No! Stop! Don't do it! For the love of God! Stop it! You aren't even married yet!"

There was silence for a moment.

"Stop what?"

Sokka slowly lowered his hands to see Mai and Zuko breathless, but fully clothed. "You mean you aren't…"

"Aren't what?" Mai questioned.

"You know…" Sokka awkwardly suggested.

"We know what?" Zuko was getting impatient.

Sokka's mind went blank before he realized he had to respond. "Ahem… Never mind. So… what were you doing?"

"We were moving furniture. Why? What did you think we were doing?" Zuko questioned.

"Nothing. Uh… See ya." Sokka left the room mentally kicking himself and feeling stupid.

Mai turned to Zuko. "What do you think he meant by it? He also said something about us not being married yet… and…"

As the realization dawned on them, they blushed and looked away quickly, trying to gather themselves.

Toph stood by the stairs. "That went well," she whispered. "Heh heh…"

Other than the confrontation upstairs, the rest of the afternoon was fairly quiet, with no other mishaps. Until…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGH! NO! IT'S HER AGAIN! SHE'S BACK!" Sokka scrambled behind a pillow to try and comfort himself.

Everyone rushed into Sokka's room to see what was going on, but when they saw he was perfectly safe, they left, grumbling about Ty Lee not even being invited to Ba Sing Se.

However, the slip of paper lying on the floor suggested otherwise. It was addressed to Sokka.

Dear Sokka,

I hope you are well.

I have a proposition, which you will follow. If you don't follow my directions entirely, I will have to come back and do fun things with you.

From this moment on, you are going to finish every sentence that comes out of your mouth with the words "In my pants". If you don't I will do stuff to you. You also can't speak of this note to anyone.

With Love,

Your Stalker

Utterly baffled, but left with no choice, Sokka vowed to not speak until the day was over.

Later, Sokka walked down the stairs and into the room just as he had earlier. This time, though, Mai was arguing with Toph about personal hygiene, while Toph seemed to be thinking of a derogatory nickname for her at the same time. Zuko, tired of the two arguing looked to Sokka.

"Hey… Sokka… How's it… uh… Going?" Zuko stumbled out, still not too sharp on social skills.

Sokka simply nodded in recognition, trying to appear as lively as possible, but not before Katara noticed his lack of voice. Sensing something was wrong again, Katara started over to Sokka, slightly uninterested. "What's wrong now, Sokka?"

Sokka shrugged.

"Why aren't you talking, then?" Katara pressed.

Sokka shrugged again.

Everyone started pressing Sokka with questions.

"Why are you so quiet?" Aang interrogated.

"Yeah. Usually, you can't shut up." Mai followed.

"Tell us what's going on, Sokka." Toph commanded.

Sokka, being pressured caved in.

He spoke. "Well uh… I can't speak because there's this problem…" He remembered the note, and groaned. Slapping his face, he mumbled, "…In my pants…"

"What?!?" the whole group was taken aback, the girls blushing profusely.

"I said… I can't speak because there's this little issue…In my pants…" Sokka repeated.

"God, you're sick." Mai stated, recovering from her initial shock, looked at Sokka with utter disgust. "First you think of… things… when you don't know what's going on, and now you inform all of us about all of the little dysfunctions you happen to have." She raised her hand, as if to slap him, but pulled it back, turned, and scoffed. "You're so-"

Katara cut in. "Wait a minute… What's this about thinking about 'things'"?

Zuko coughed, and Mai realized she had said too much. She stood frozen, mind racing and face red for a moment before she could defend herself. "Um… Nothing. That's not the point. It's just the fact that this oaf can't keep his problems to himself."

Zuko wasn't surprised that Mai was so passionate about this, as opposed to her typical demeanor. She was very touchy on the subject of… certain things, as he had found out by the raunchy jokes the elders would occasionally pass at them in the Fire Nation courts. He figured he would have a few problems to patch up with the last elder that Mai had threatened to kill.

Mai continued, interrupting Zuko's thoughts. "I'm leaving. I don't want to see your face." She walked away with a deeper-than-usual scowl.

Sokka bowed his head to hide the blush of his own, as the other girls slowly stepped away from him. The guys, however, stayed to comfort Sokka, sending their sympathies based on either experiences or at least knowledge of what's going on.

As the night drew nearer, and the girls eventually got over Sokka's predicament, the time came when they all went out, just to shop at the markets and do whatever else was going on, since the random holiday did consist of festivals, and Aang was curiously interested.

One of the houses they had passed by, however, brought a better idea- a party. Everyone was ecstatic, since the last party any of them had been to had been at Ember Island and a Fire Nation Cave.

Since they knew that their popularity as heroes of the war would make any party they went to too crowded, they decided to make a party of their own. Of course, Toph, seeming to have an idea of what was going on, had the idea to make Sokka invite everyone on the streets.

Every. single. person.

"I would like you to know that you are cordially invited to the party… in my pants…"

The day ended as Sokka lay on the floor utterly beat up, while being attended to by a few drunken women, and a very obviously gay man. The holiday was over, and everyone prepared to return to their daily lives.

Katara, cleaning various things, stumbled upon the note in Sokka's room, explaining his strange behavior. She remembered Toph's mischievous smile, and called her over.

"Toph, what is this?"

"I don't know Katara. What is it?" Toph retorted. "I'm blind, remember?"

"Sorry. It's a note to Sokka from his stalker."

"That's great. So why are you telling me this?" Toph replied impatiently. "I can't write."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Katara felt stupid. "Never mind. I was trying to find out who Sokka's stalker was."

Toph suddenly appeared embarrassed, but tried to cover it up with indignation. "And you thought that I was stalking him? Why would I stalk him? He already has… already has… Suki…" Toph's face darkened.

Katara took it that Toph was actually Sokka's stalker, by the way she acted. "Aha! You are the stalker!"

"I told you already! I'm not!" Toph replied in a flustered manner.

"Then why were you smiling so strangely when Sokka went upstairs this afternoon?"

"Because I knew he would make a fool of himself when he heard Zuko and Mai moving furniture." Toph explained. "It was funny."

Katara didn't understand, but backed off nonetheless, wondering who Sokka's stalker was.

Meanwhile, Iroh, who was busy sleeping all day, found Sokka curled up in a ball, staring tranquilized at a note that read:

Dear Sokka.

I see that you did what I told you to do. Good.

Remember, I'm still watching you.

With Love,

Your Stalker

Outside, Iroh saw Ty Lee giggling. She cart-wheeled away.

A/N- That took much longer than I had planned. I'm going to start posting stories again after another short hiatus. Thanks for reading!