--A Fractured Sort of Forever--
It took Bella all of two months to understand the full weight of eternity.
I was surprised that such a shallow creature could show sudden perception, but the change, as we so delicately call it, is more than physical. You become more aware of yourself, somehow, noticing your little flaws and quirks, which were once so well masked by the cloak of humanity.
You accept them, after a while. Or you become mad. It could go either way, I suppose.
***
Bella frightens all of us now, Edward especially.
When a vampire is born, some things are expected. Bloodlust is easily forgiven. Rage, fear, violence, all these emotions are acceptable. Silence and meticulous brutality are a little more difficult to understand.
She has changed from a wide-eyed young woman who, despite her many imperfections, would never never hurt anyone to a strange, pale creature who plans and breaks and destroys.
She does not derive joy or fulfilment from the hunt. Instead, she smiles as she easily snaps the spine of some meaningless animal, a rabbit or a fox, finding contentment in its pain.
What happened to her? The question bubbles beneath the surface of every conversation, clearly visible in my family's eyes. I think I have an answer, but I am careful to avoid even thinking it.
This is the result, I believe, of someone purposely throwing her soul away.
***
Bella has learned to play the piano, in an extraordinarily short length of time. Vampire speed and memory account for some of it, but I am certain that there is a longing clawing at her, which she can only express through music. The family does not want to hear this explanation.
Hearing her play is not sad, far from it. It is disturbing, like glimpsing a corpse at the bottom of a well, or hearing a child crying from a neighbouring attic. Even Edward stops pretending to listen attentively after a while.
I've always been proactive. Turning up the stereo as high as it will go, I drown out the pain of yet another lost soul with heavy metal.
I have no patience for lost souls, you see. They just have to find themselves again, without my help.
***
She wants a child now.
I roll my eyes, not bitter or I-told-you-so, just frustrated. I warned her about this, once, but she did not listen. Her choices are entirely her own, I do not grudge her that, but I do expect her to accept the consequences.
Despite anything I may have said, I do understand her longing. A child loves unconditionally, even if there is no redeeming trait in the parent to merit it.
Her thirst for absolute love is perhaps the only thing that convinces me that she has not entirely lost her soul.
***
Here we are, a strange, fractured family.
Isabella, who does not wish to be called Bella anymore because there are too many memories tied with that name, is an eerie, crimson-eyed beauty. She is hurt and lost and frightening. We have moved more times than I can remember because of her mistakes. Mistakes is a funny word and an unconvincing lie, but I use it because of Edward.
I may be selfish, but I do not wish to break my brother's heart, more than his mahogany-haired beloved already has.
Fin
My first Twilight story. Please let me know what you think.