Title: Loneliness
Author: Priestess Skye
Prompt: Seasons Challenge – Winter
Genre: Romance, Drama
AU/CU: Canon Universe
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 975
A/N: The fourth and final part in this little series. The links for the first three are below.

The bitter cold of February didn't seem to bother her as it once did. Wrapped up tightly in various furs, Kagome was actually quite comfortable despite the lack of a roof over her head. One year, she mused sadly. She had stood by his side for one year and she was more confused now than she had been before she made her decision to join him. Back then she ignored reason and followed her heart. Today, if she were to make the same decision? Kagome didn't know. Her heart wanted to say yes, but after this past year her head was ready to say no; it wasn't worth the heartbreak she knew was sure to come.

They had settled into a routine and life had become stagnant. There were no surprises lurking around the corner; he didn't come into their room at night citing poetry or offering flowers. No soft words of love and devotion were spoken, but then they weren't spoken earlier either. Before she fell into the well if anybody had asked her what her perfect marriage would be like, it would be the exact opposite of this one. And yet she had made her choice.

So many times she had wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn't made the decision she did. She could have returned to her time, she could have finished her schooling; she could have gone on to be whatever it was she wanted to be and she could have married…Hojo? She paused for a moment, trying to digest that little tidbit. Life would be boring no doubt.

Yet it didn't seem much better now. Sesshoumaru was not Hojo, but he didn't seem to take the time to make her feel cherished either. She was just there, standing next to him, feeling so alone.

"Are you happy?" she blurted out, turning a spit holding a rabbit over the small fire Sesshoumaru had managed to build for her. Cringing, she hadn't meant to voice her doubts, but now that she had, she needed an answer.

"You are cooking the rabbit. How can I be happy with that?"

Sighing, that hadn't been the answer she wanted. How she prepared the food had never been a point of contention between them. Confused, she didn't know where to go next. She could leave it at that and let him assume that was what she was talking about, or she could talk it through and figure it out herself. Looking up, she opened her mouth to correct him.

"I don't mean with the rabbit. Are you happy?"

He regarded her coolly for a minute and she could feel his eyes searching her, probing deep. Keeping hers open, she let him look knowing there'd be no reason at this point in time to hide, not that she'd be successful at hiding. She had never been very good at hiding from him. "Are you unhappy?" he countered instead, his gaze never leaving hers.

"No, yes, sometimes," Kagome stuttered, trying to find an answer that didn't offend him. Large, fat snowflakes began to fall, calling their intention to the incoming storm. They would need to hunker down for the night, but they still had a few hours left before the worst of the system would hit. The wind had yet to pick up.

"Why?"

Why indeed, Kagome wondered. Why did she feel so lonely when she was surrounded by people? She had Rin with her, and Shippou at times when he chose to leave Miroku and Sango. And, if she were honest with herself, she had Jaken as well. None of them let her be lonely, except for Sesshoumaru. He made her feel lonely. "I don't know. This is different than I thought it would be. You're here, but half the time it's as if you're not. It's like we lost what we first had."

"Hn."

Feeling the rising flush in her cheeks, Kagome inwardly seethed at his indifference. Eventually, she would snap. She knew it. She couldn't go on for years like this. She had barely survived one. How could she survive more?

"You are burning the rabbit," he commented idly, placing his hand on hers to turn the spit so as to roast the other side. Looking down at their hands she watched as his covered hers, their fingers entwining together. He couldn't give her the words, she realized, suddenly semi-giddy. He had never been able to give her the words, but then they didn't matter. Words were just that, and quite often superficial. But he was still here, sitting with her, letting her know that she wasn't alone no matter how distant he became. "We've lost nothing. It has just changed, evolved. All things evolve and change over time. If it didn't the world would become stagnant."

He didn't remove his hand as they finished turning the spit. She watched as the snowflakes landed on the entwined fingers, and she watched as they melted away, the small droplets of water the only evidence of their existence. "I just thought it would be easier," she admitted, ducking her head down. It sounded foolish now that she had said the words.

"If you want it, it shouldn't be easy."

No, she mused. Nothing worth it ever was. Turning her head up she looked at him, really studied him. His face gave away nothing, as it usually did, but his eyes had softened just a touch, and were wide open just for her. No, it wouldn't be easy, he wouldn't let it. But they had survived the first year. That was a start. Turning the spit together, it seemed as if they were one unit, finally. Laughing, she shifted so she leaned against him. Year two would be hard too, but she would work at it. Sesshoumaru wouldn't have it any other way.