The best lack all convictions, while the worst are full of passionate insanity.

William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

Insanity

I feel like I'm about to die.

I won't, of course. I've had this feeling before. I've been shot, beaten, burnt and sometimes all at once. Such experiences are common on the battlefields of the Great War, and Castle Acorn is about as far away from that as you can get. Not that that's particularly far of course, considering the advance of the Overlanders upon our territory, but still, I'm not complaining.

Not that I don't have reason to complain. There's something in this room that irks me, that tempts me to check that this isn't some dream, or that I'm on the battlefield somewhere and am hallucinating. After all, with King Maximillian Acorn talking to our recovered cargo cordially instead of...well, whatever rulers do in times of war, it comes as kind of a surprise.

Given how Warlord Kodos keeps reaching for his axe, I guess I'm not the only one who's uneasy...

But still, this is partially my fault. Charles Hedgehog, scientist extraordinaire, zipping around in a motorbike with my brother Jules as part of a standard patrol. Not exactly the way I planned to spend my life, any more than I planned on finding the Overlanders hunting down one of their own. Jules, ever the idealistic one, insisted that we should take him make to Mobotropolis. Leaving an Overlander to drown in a pond goes against my brother's nature, even in this day and age. As for myself...well, suffice to say that my inclinations were the opposite.

Does that make me amoral? Or more realistic?

"Surgery, is what your kingdom needs," says the man to King Acorn, trying to be eloquent in the face of his people's enemies. "A clean start. A new slate."

"And you think you can provide this?" the king asks.

Our new arrival shrugs. "I've worked in engineering. A to B to C, back to B if C doesn't work...I know how to solve problems. That's what comes from being a scientist"

I'm barely able to stop myself from laughing. This is so rich, one of their kind being eloquent, an Overlander claiming to know what it means to be a scientist. What would those barbarians know about the pursuit of knowledge?

The king nods. "I see. And you would be willing to apply such a formula for Mobotropolis as opposed to Megaopolis?"

The Overlander bows, his fat seeping over his waistband and towards the ground. "Of course sire," he says. "I owe you my life after all. The least I can do is repay this debt."

"Bullshit," I murmur. Jules glances at me, his look saying don't do it. I sigh. This is why I prefer working in the lab. Science obeys rules. Mobians and Overlanders don't. Or if they do, they're liable to break them...

Just like the king is really.

Is he insane, King Max? After four years of war, he's willing to trust an Overlander? "Know thy enemy" is a saying I understand, but still...

"Very well, doctor. After escaping from your people to come to us, I suppose you deserve some consideration."

I'm tempted to scream at this point, just as tempted as Kodos is to use that axe of his. And judging by the look on Commander St. John's face, the skunk having just walked into the room, similar thoughts are going through his head also. Something about this stinks, and the stench isn't his own.

"So tell me doctor," asks the king. "As a scientist and Overlander, what strategy would you recommend against our mutual foe?"

"Mutual foe?" St. John whispers. "Is the king mad?"

"Perhaps," I whisper back to him. "But don't worry commander. He'll come through..."

"You are willing to trust my judgement?"

"Of course."

Hmm. Maybe he won't come through. Perhaps I should get working on my will. Still, I keep watching the scientist, waiting for him to answer. Eventually, he does so.

"I have an idea," he says. "As my people rely more on their size to intimidate their opponents, they're actually quite vulnerable to a direct attack. Especially when outnumbered."

The king nods, seemingly seeing wisdom in his words. Me? I see the same muck that was in that swamp we pulled him out of.

"Very well," King Acorn says. "Since you know their weakness best, it seems you're the logical choice to lead the troops, Warlord Julian."

I wait for a pin to drop, given the silence that descends upon the room at this point. A silence eventually broken by Kodos, storming off from the room, muttering numerous curses under his breath.

"Julian?" St. John asks. "That bastard has a name?"

I shrug. Given the status quo between our two races, getting the man's...no, thing's name was the least of my worries. I guess Jules must have got it though. My brother has always worked like that. Focussing on the little things instead of seeing the bigger picture. No wonder he always lost in debating.

"Yeah, that's his name," says Jules, coming up to the two of us. "His name's Julian. Julian Kintobor of the House of Ivo."

St. John snorts at this and while I have enough willpower to keep silent, I'm tempted to follow suit.

"Kintobor..." the commander scoffs. "What kind of name is that?"

I shrug. I don't know and despite the king's decision to treat this Kintobor as an ally, I don't really care either. Still, at least I can have some fun making up anagrams...

...such as "Robotnik", for instance.