**2-1-09 Update** Yes, this is still Breaking the Bed. I'm just adding oneshots of all the other Cullen 'kids' with Esme.

One of my BFFs inspired this while reading Breaking Dawn (she's the one who hates SM). She asked "what will Edward tell Esme?" I stared at her, imagined this, and cracked up. Enjoy!

Oh yeah: Am not, never have, never will be SM.

Edward's POV

I stood outside the door to Esme and Carlisle's room nervously. I hated doing things like this. I know they trusted all of us 'kids', but every once in a while we had to confess to something. Something big. Something that everyone else probably would use as blackmail for the rest of eternity.

This was probably going to get very, very awkward. Ah, who was I kidding? It was already very, very awkward. Might as well get it over with…

Yes? Carlisle thought. Apparently he had heard me hesitate at the door. I'm a bit busy. My eyes widened perceptibly. Carlisle?? I heard a whisper, and Esme giggled girlishly. Esme giggling is never a good sign. It usually means things aren't exactly G-rated in there.

"Um…" What was that? I don't say um! I was brought up in proper society! Jasper must be making more nervous. I'll get him later. "Uh…" Dang it! There I go again! Teenagers must be rubbing off on me…

"Should I come back later?" I wondered out loud. Busy packing. Packing, Edward. Come on in. I sighed in relief. You think I would be used to this house after nearly a century but some things can still scar you. Luckily I hadn't walked in on them before. There's only so much a guy can handle…

I opened the door a crack. Clothes were strewn all over the room. There were clothes all over the floor, draped over lamps, and several other… interesting places. Carlisle and Esme were standing in the middle of the room with half-filled suitcases staring at each other's choices.

"Yes?" Esme asked, one eyebrow raised. My mind was racing. How to say this without getting her mad? I tried to act casual, failed, and started to stammer out my story.

The first thing that popped into my head was, "Where are you going?" Mentally I cursed. I sounded defensive. Like I had something to hide. Oh, wait: I did. Oops.

Esme regarded me curiously. "My Island. It's that month again." Of course. Once every decade, they took a month-long vacation from us. There's only so much they can take of us, too. Every other time, though, they just kick us out. Luckily, I've always been the good guy, though Emmett and Jasper have always gotten revenge.

"Before you go, I- I have to tell you something." My carefully composed speech slipped. Here we go.

Esme cocked her head. I swallowed. I knew that look. I also knew that, from the burn in my throat, I needed to go hunting again. Dang it, there you go again, getting off topic… Wait a second; why was I talking to myself?

Get on with it, Edward. We have a flight to catch… Carlisle chided me gently.

"When we were on your Isle- Bella and I, that is- we sort of- we sort of broke your bed." The words rushed out of my traitorous mouth. From downstairs, I could hear Emmett hooting, Alice smirking, and Bella gasping. I ignored them and rushed on.

"I didn't mean to! It wasn't Bella's fault, so don't blame her." I stammered out. As Esme shot a quick look at Carlisle, the other's thoughts came crashing through my head.

Wait to go, Eddie! Finally got a little action! Laughed Emmett. He knew I was listening.

Well, I've got to admit, Edward. You proved us wrong. Jasper smirked. Way to go.

Yes! Alice knows all! Alice sang.

Damn you, Edward. I owe Alice fifty bucks now. Rosalie thought bitterly. I had a hard time laughing at that.

"Well, whose fault was it, than?" Esme asked. I hung my head.

"Mine." I muttered. "I'm sorry. I'll buy a new bed, if you want." I could feel Jasper send a wave of remorse my way. I clenched my fist. Stupid. This was hard enough as it was. He would get it later.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, moving to wrap his arm around Esme. He had a knowing glint in his eye. Go on, Edward. I want to hear this. He chuckled mentally. I glared at him. He was laughing at me!

"Well, Bella had a bad dream one night…" I trailed off again. "A few pillows got ruined, too." The image of Bella covered in feathers popped into my head, and I had a hard time trying to look sorry for a second. I could hear Bella giggling downstairs.

"So, what happened?" Esme asked. She knew. I could tell. Oh, Edward, really? were her thoughts exactly. She wanted to hear me say it out loud.

"Yeah, so, I was, um, comforting her, and, um, I got a little distracted, and , uh, uh, I-" What was wrong with me? This was so embarrassing. "Well, she kind of wanted to, and I said, and we-" Carlisle held up his hand.

"Enough. We get the picture." He said gently. There was a wicked look in his eye, and an eyebrow was raised. He had a knowing smile on his face. If I could have blushed, my face would have been as red as blood. "So, what happened to the bed?"

"The frame kind of got broken. Most of the headboard is missing." Emmett whistled through his teeth. Carlisle sighed, closed his suitcase, and walked toward the door.

"I guess I'll get the car loaded. Maybe whack Emmett on the head on the way out. You coming, dear?" He paused in the doorway. His gaze rested on me for another second and a half. Than he was gone.

"Mmm. Just a minute, hon." Esme called absent-mindedly. Than she whirled around and began circling around me slowly. I turned with her, always facing her.

"That bed was an antique! Do you know how long it took me to buy those things? That's one of my favorite pieces!" She crouched down like she was going to pounce. I winced. This wasn't going to be pleasant. Wait a minute. Oh. Oh. Nessie.

She straightened up. This was about to get even more awkward. "Did Nessie come from… you and Bella's little distraction." Okay, hugely awkward. Try talking about how your daughter came about in front of your mother. Like I said: Hugely awkward. I think I nodded. Emmett whooped. Five seconds later, there were a few noisy whaps and a muffled "ow."

Esme nodded sharply, than sighed. Suddenly she was just a mother again. "Alright, fine. You owe me a bed. I'm ordering one on the flight and sticking it on your tab." She closed up her suitcase.

"You're not going back there for a while. We'll talk when I get back. And when I see my new bed."

I followed her out the door like a good little son. Emmett grinned at me, Bella hid her face in Nessie's hair, and Alice said to Rosalie, "pay up." Rosalie handed over a wad of cash and glared at me.

"Thanks, mom. I'm sorry." I mumbled. Esme hugged me quickly.

"I'm glad you told me. You would have been in even more trouble if you hadn't." She paused, hesitated, and turned around to walk out the door. I saw a wicked glint in her eye. Should I? Oh, I better.

"Oh, and Edward?" She said over her shoulder. "Thanks for keeping the destruction to just one room of the house. After we sent Rosalie and Emmett there for their honeymoon, Carlisle had to buy a whole new Isle! And with that, she was gone. The Mercedes peeled out of the driveway.

I stood in stunned silence. In unison, the whole family turned to stare at Rosalie and Emmett sitting next to each other on the floor. Rosalie returned the stare. Emmett smirked.

"Hey, yeah. Remember that, Rose?" He asked. Rosalie shook her head in amazement.

"Can't believe she brought that up again." She muttered.

Bella shook her head and hugged me. "I changed my mind. I don't want to know." she mumbled into my shirt.

"I'm not even going to ask." I said, as Emmett grabbed Rosalie and kissed her long and hard.

"Want a little reminder, Rose?" He asked between kisses. Alice, Jasper, Bella, and I glanced at each other. I covered Renesmee's eyes. With that, we all left the happy couple alone.

Later that night, with Nessie safely in bed, Bella and I sprawled out on our bed.

"So, that went well." She murmured softly. I chuckled.

"I kept thinking of the feathers." I admitted. We laughed, and promptly picked up where we left off that night not-so-long ago.

Hope you liked! cough- read my other story Silent Song- cough. :)

CocoaCullen