AN: This fanfic is totally unlike anything else I've ever written as far as the style and composition of it goes. I was tempted to write itthough after I read a similiar one about Sakumo by the very, very talented kimi no vanilla. So here goes. Hope you guys like.

How to Effectively Become Kakashi Hatake

Be born into a world of glass

Be oblivious to the fact that it is soon to shatter

Form your lips so that at ten months your first word is 'blood'

Look up to your father

Love him and want to be just like him

Be distraught to later learn that no one else does

Watch him take his own life with the white tantou, in the dojo, in the dark, on the cold ,empty floor

Try to pull the tantou from his body as he collapses

Watch as the light fades from his eyes

Try to shake him awake, get the blood on your hands

On your face

In your hair

Let it dry

Shatter

Feel nothing

Become a ward at the orphanage, latch onto the future Yondaime

Wake Yondaime up at night shaking with feverish images

Pretend to be sound asleep when he hurries in to check on you

Love Obito. Love Rin.

Lose Obito. Lose Rin.

Realize that it is all your fault

Feel that you don't deserve the red eye

Become afraid to close it

Become afraid to see Obito in your face

Break any glass you come across that dares to hold your reflection

Cry

But only when no one is looking

Become enraged with yourself

Plot to swallow a suicide soldier pill

Join ANBU instead

Become a monster

Hear people whisper about you always

Afraid

Hate yourself for liking the fear in their voices

Shed blood

Scrub your body vigorously from head to toe the first six weeks to erase the stench of it

Forever smell like blood

Pillage villages, slit the throats of pregnant women, cripple men

Assassinate a young child

Become unable to forget the way her eyes look when you snap her neck

Let it keep you up at night

Turn to lewd books with lots of sex and always happy endings

Tell yourself you believe the words in them and burn through them while you drink heavily in your compound

Never answer the door when anyone knocks

Turn away from their smiling faces and approachable words

Tell them you are fine and actually force a smile

Ignore them when the smiling faces become afraid of you and begin to doubt your sanity

When they eventually stop coming to your door tell yourself you wanted it this way all along

Pray that ANBU eventually kills you

Request an extra two years to ensure that it does

Be yanked out of ANBU by the Hokage before it can happen

Become a jounin

Become a sensei

Remember Yondaime, Obito, Rin, as if you could ever forget them

Fail every lackluster, skill-less child they send you for testing

Attend services that you make up in your mind at the Memorial Stone

Memorize the names on the stone in order

Recite apologies you have written but never would have said before

Be sorry you are not better

Apologize profusely to Obito, especially

Feel your Sharingan eye throb

Meet Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura

Sakura who smiles like a girl you used to know

Sasuke who never smiles

Naruto who is oblivious to the fact that his glass world is soon to shatter