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It was late one night at the SGC. Colonel Jack O'Neill and his team had just returned from a long mission and strangely, General Hammond had not been standing in his usual spot at the end of the ramp to greet them. Because of the late hour, O'Neill ordered his team to the infirmary for their post mission physicals and went off in search of the general, promising that he would meet up with them later.
After spending an hour on a fruitless search, he opted for leaving a message for the general on his desk and then hitting the showers. It would be morning soon anyhow and they would brief Hammond then. O'Neill made his way down to the locker room, but was stopped short by the site of Captain Carter and Dr. Jackson with their ears pressed against the door, trying to stifle their laughter.
"What's so funny?" he demanded.
"Jack," Daniel pulled him to the door beside him. "Listen."
O'Neill held his breath, afraid of what might be going on in the locker room. Over the sound of the showers he heard the voice. It was a man's voice humming, and Jack realized they had found the missing general.
The voice paused for a moment and the tune changed, turning into something very upbeat. And then he began to sing:
"I
am the every model of a modern Major General,
My Stargate stands
so mightily before its line of sentinels,
But Sokar came to warn
us with glowing eyes and frightening threat,
If we were to pursue
him it would surely bring about our deaths.
At best he was the
worst of all of those infernal System Lords,
He managed quite
effectively to incite the wrath of unwashed hoards,
But even
though the prospect of a daring battle was quite grim,
I knew that
this was one campaign my SG teams would need to win."
"Oh my god," Sam whispered. "Where's Teal'c? He's got to hear this."
They had all been to see Cassie's school performance of the Pirates of Penzance the week before and the Jaffa had been very interested in the musical. But before anyone could offer to go find him, Teal'c's deep voice was heard over the sound of the water.
"He
knew that this was one campaign his SG teams would need to win,
He
knew that this was one campaign his SG teams would need to win,
He
knew that this was one campaign his SG teams would need to win!"
"Very good, son," Hammond complemented him before taking up the tune.
"Oh
Teal'c he was the first to fight and draw the Goa'uld fire,
But
wounded was his symbiote and he did begin to tire,
So Jack stepped
in and took a shot, swore and cursed and yelled a lot,
But in the
end it was a loss. A grenade is what he should have tossed.
"So Jack stepped
in a took a shot, swore and cursed and yelled a lot,
But in the
end it was a loss. A grenade is what he should have tossed."
"What the hell?" O'Neill almost shouted before Daniel could clap a hand over his mouth to silence him. "Why's he picking on me?"
"We
called upon the Tok'ra to join us while we did resist,
But they
were far too busy with Apophis to visit.
The Doc was most patient
as she put us back together,
She told us to be careful, for she
can't do this forever," Hammond
continued, unaware of the
their presence on the other side of the door.
Teal'c also seemed oblivious as he sang his part.
"The
Doc was most patient as she put us back together,
She told us to
be careful, for she can't do this forever."
"Doctor Jackson
raised a cry and joined the fight against the Goa'uld,
He wanted
to bring freedom to the planets over which they ruled.
With Carter
standing gamely with her physics firmly by his side,
He started to
keep track of all the times it was that he had died."
Jack could barely hold back the laughter now, especially upon seeing the look on Carter and Jackson's faces. Damn Hammond was good! And Teal'c was really getting the hang of it. "They should go on tour together," he remarked as Teal'c started another verse.
"We
soon discovered the might of Thor as he tried looking out for us,
But
his planet had been overrun and his efforts were a bust.
We jumped
from gate to gate to gate to gate times infinitesimal,
And found
out that the Zat gun was the weapon that worked best of all.
"And found out
that the Zat gun was the weapon that worked best of all,
And found
out that the Zat gun was the weapon that worked best of all,
And
found out that the Zat gun was the weapon that worked best of all!
"We'd gambled on
an attack that would most surely leave us all for dead,
Putting C4
in the mothership while the world was tucked all safe in
bed.
Escaping in the death gliders while Daniel in the hall did
lie,
They knew we had defeated them by the flashes in the midnight
sky."
"Well, at least he's got the details right," Daniel muttered. What as Jack complaining about being picked on?
General Hammond now took up the chorus.
"Escaping
in the death gliders while Daniel in the hall did lie,
We knew you
had defeated them by the flashes in the midnight sky."
And in a rousing finish that left Jack, Daniel and Sam leaning against the walls, hand over their mouths trying not to let the laughter escape, both Hammond and Teal'c could be heard to sing:
"What
happened was the moment that he awoke was the very last,
He dialed
up the Stargate like so many times did he in the past.
And
standing in the gateroom among the many men invited,
He pushed his
way right through the crowd and SG-1 was reunited.
And standing in the
gateroom among the many men invited,
He pushed his way right
through the crowd and SG-1 was reunited."
The three members of SG-1 stayed hidden behind the door as the last echoes of the song faded into the steam. The showers were turned off and after a few minutes the general and Teal'c exited by the other door. Sam collapsed on the floor; no longer bothering to hold back her giggles as Daniel removed his glasses to wipe the tears from is eyes. Jack had regained his composure, but just barely.
"Well," he shrugged. "At least it had a happy ending."
~ End ~