A/N: I have removed the lyrics due to a rule on this site. This story and this chapter specifically is inspired by my favorite song by Evanescence "Bring Me To Life"

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I wouldn't have to worry about money so much

Bring Me to Life

By Ellivia22

Chapter 10

Beast Boy

I leave my bedroom at 5:35 pm. My body is shaking, but not from pain this time, but nerves. It's time for me to say goodbye to the girl I love.

I repeat my goodbye over and over again in my head. I can't forget a single word. Raven, I think you are wonderful. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for everything and that I love you. Goodbye. Then I'll bolt out of the room as fast as I can. I don't think I'll be able to stand seeing her reaction.

Robin's voice breaks my concentration. "Do you know where Raven is?"

"I believe she is in the living room," Starfire chirps back.

I see Robin enter the hallway. I don't want to see him, or for him to see me. I can't take any more of his abuse. Quickly I turn into a rat, using all my strength. Ever since I became suicidal, I haven't been able to morph very well. I think it's because I've lost all my motivation and concentration. I scurry into a nearby mouse hole and wait for Robin to pass me. He enters the living room. I leave the mouse hole and turn back into myself. I hide behind the wall, my courage failing. Robin is talking to Raven. I listen to their conversation.

"Raven, are you sure you don't want to go to the carnival with me, Star, and Cy?" Robin asks.

"Isn't Beast Boy going with you guys?" Raven asks. My insides twist. I can tell she is still really upset because of me.

"He said he didn't want to come."

I grit my teeth angrily. "He didn't even ask me," I mutter. "He must still think I'm a monster." Raven's hurt voice rings in my head over and over again like a broken record. I decide to spare her the interruption and go do it. I don't want to burden her anymore.

I turn and slowly walk back to my room. The door slides behind me. I lock it, then walk to the middle of my bare room. My hand shaking, I grab the gun from off the floor and press it against my head. This is it, I think to myself, closing my eyes. I feel surprisingly calm. This is the last time I'll draw breath. It will be the last time I cause trouble to my friends, and my love, Raven. I cock the gun, then pull the trigger.

BANG!

I hit the ground, but instead of feeling pain in my head, however, I feel it in my back from the fall. I'm still breathing. What the hell? I open my eyes.

Raven is on top of me, a black shield over us. Her hood is off and I see the fright on her face. She must've tackled me when I pulled the trigger. I'm slightly happy to see her, and very angry at her for ruining my death. I was almost out. I was almost away from the pain, from this worthless body. She ruined everything.

Raven suspends the shield, but doesn't get off me. My heart is pounding hard in my chest because she's on top of me. I struggle against her strong grip. The gun is a few inches from my right hand. If only I could just reach it. "Get off me, Raven!" I snarl.

She glares at me, straddling onto my waist. "Are you crazy?" I hear a window break. I can't take my eyes off her terrified face. "Do you really think I'm going to let you go so you could kill yourself?"

I glare at her. Her fake concern makes me very angry. She doesn't care about me, and why should she? I am nothing but an annoying pest to her. I am the reason why she's constantly in a bad mood. I know that deep down, all she wants is for me to leave her alone. "Oh, so now you care about me?! You should be happy! You'll finally be free of such an annoying jerk!"

Raven looks completely caught off guard. She stares at me in shock. "Beast Boy, I-I don't think-."

"Forget it!" I snap. I don't want to hear any more of her lies. "Just let me go so that I can finish what I started!"

"No!"

I stare back at Raven's pale face with a fatigued expression. I'm tired of arguing with her, I'm tired of hurting. Most importantly, I'm tired of living. I've got to end it now. I turn into a rat and get out of her grip. I am about to reach the gun when it is suddenly moved out of my reach by black aura. I watch in horror as Raven takes the gun and empties it.

I have no idea what to do now. Raven succeeded in preventing me from killing myself. I know that if I try something else, she'll stop me again. Damnit! I was so close! With nothing left to do, I turn back into myself and bury my head in my knees. Sobs start escaping from my throat. I'm such a failure that I can't even kill myself right.

To my utmost surprise, I feel arms wrap around me tight. Shivers run up and down my spine just by Raven's touch. I thought she hated me. I wrap my arms around her skinny frame and hold on tight. "W-why won't you l-let me die?" I sob. Though she is holding me, I am far from feeling better.

She ignores my question. "Why did you just try to take your life?" she asks softly. She rubs my back tenderly. I don't answer. I love her with all my heart, but I don't trust her enough to tell her what's going on. I don't want her to end up hating me even more than she already does. "Remember what you told me when Malchior betrayed me," Raven reminds me gently. "You told me that even though I thought I was alone, I really wasn't. And I'm here now, telling you that you're not alone. Please, Beast Boy. Talk to me."

Raven's passionate words lessens the tightness in my chest. Slowly I feel as though I can trust her. She's right. If she truly didn't care about me, she wouldn't be here right now, holding me. She wouldn't have stopped me from killing myself. Maybe I can trust her after all. I don't think I have the strength to talk at the moment. Instead I raise my hand and point to my desk where I have a piece of paper describing my feelings.

I continue to sob into her shoulder as she reads my note. She hugs me tightly. I feel my collar becoming wet. She must be crying too. After a moment, she speaks. "Beast Boy, you are not a beast!" she says firmly. "You took the antidote. You're fine!"

I laugh bitterly. "Yeah tell the others that."

"What are you talking about? They care about you. I care about you."

I am somewhat relieved. Hearing her say out loud that she cares seems more believable now than before. I guess it's because she's still holding me close. Reluctantly I pull away and look at my hands. I'm too ashamed to look at her beautiful face. My mouth opens, and I start to talk. I tell her everything: how the team treats me, how guilty I feel for all the trouble I've caused. I want to apologize for being such a jerk to her, but I can't find the words. Instead, I fall silent, and continue to let out my emotions.

I can feel Raven's eyes on me. I wonder if she believes me or not. "But I never saw anything" she says.

"They always managed to hurt me whenever you're not around. I don't know why. Coincidence, I guess."

"Why would they do this to you?"

I choke on a sob. My throat is so tight it's becoming difficult to breathe. "They hate me because of the way I acted when the chemicals were in my system," I whisper sadly. "While you were unconscious they accused me of hurting you intentionally. Robin kept begging me to tell the truth that night about what happened to you, though I truly could not remember. Robin s-said he'd have to assume the worst and that he'd have to put me in jail. Things only got worse from there. I-I just can't take it anymore, Raven."

A painful silence passes between us. I don't know what to say now. I want to tell her I love her, but I'm afraid that she'll leave me. I need her so badly right now.

"What are you not telling me?" Raven asks suddenly a few minutes later.

I attempt to sound confused. "What do you mean?"

She gives me a penetrating stare with her knowing violet eyes. "I can feel your emotions. I know that there is another reason why you tried to kill yourself. Please tell me why. Let me help you."

I sigh. Now that I am starting to feel better, I am able to really understand how hard she's been trying to help me, and that my coldness has hurt her badly. I decide to tell her the whole truth. I owe it to her. I lift my head and meet her violet eyes with my green ones. "The truth is, I-I love you Raven. I've loved you since our first mission together. W-when the team told me that they found you in my teeth I tried desperately to remember what happened, because I could never live with myself if I had hurt you. But I can't remember and it's killing me. I'd rather die than let a possible chance of hurting you again. I d-deserve to die." I finish sorrowfully.

"Y-you love me?" Raven whispers.

I nod sadly, my eyes lowering to my hands again. I might as well tell her the truth, since she's bound to start hating me again anyway. "Yes. And I always will."

Suddenly I feel her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look into her beautiful indigo eyes. Her face is stained with tears. "Beast Boy," she says in a croaky voice. "If I had found you dead, i-if I didn't stop you, I would've lost everything. I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. I've never told anyone this, but you are the most important person to me. And now that I know how you feel, losing you would've been even more devastating to me.

I open my mouth to say something, but am interrupted when Raven presses her lips against mine.

All of a sudden I feel warmth spread through me from head to toe. I've forgotten everything: the pain, the guilt, my teammates. All the matters is that Raven is holding me tightly against her, her lips against mine. She tastes so sweet, like cherries. I kiss her back with all the love I've had for so long.

We break apart slowly. I feel dazed. "I love you, Gar," she whispers. Her kiss sets me so off balance I don't even notice her calling me by my real name for the first time.

"I-is this real?" I ask hopefully. Her answer to that one question will determine whether my life is truly worth living.

She gives me a true, genuine smile. "Yes."

"I hope so. I don't know what I'll do if it isn't." I clutch onto her tightly. I think I can make it through the day. "Please, Raven. Promise you won't leave me."

"I promise. I will always be by your side, Gar. No matter what."

For the first time in a week, I smile. A full, happy smile. We kiss again. I feel happier than I've felt in days. True I still have the pain from what my friends think of me, but I do have Raven. As long as I have her, I know I'll be okay.

The End