Epilogue Part 3

Nowaki entered the dark quiet house, silently shutting the door behind him before scanning quickly across the living room and kitchen, looking for his Hiro-san.

It was just past midnight and his shift had finally ended, thus allowing him to come home. The whole day had been absolute torture for him. When Hiro-san had left so dramatically in the afternoon, all upset and miserable looking, Nowaki had felt another part of his heart shrivel up and die.

He had wanted to chase after his Hiro-san, to explain everything, to wipe away the tears, to fix the misunderstandings and ease the unnecessary pain. But having missed so many important tutorials during his trainee period, the Head Doctor in charge of trainee doctors had arranged many private one-on-one lessons for him to catch up, and it just so happened that he had three of them lined up that day, all three that he could not miss.

And so he had spent the whole day in a daze, worrying and stressing over the scene that had unfolded earlier on. Nowaki knew of his Hiro-san's insecurities about his appearance and illness, and also of the jealousy that Hiro-san had refused to admit regarding Tsumori-senpai.

He had seen it all clearly written on Hiro-san's face as the elevator doors closed. He had sworn never to let his Hiro-san suffer again, and yet this had all erupted on his face.

Such thoughts just kept running through his mind on loop the whole day and on the short journey home. And as he surveyed the quiet empty apartment, it became quite clear that Hiro-san wasn't in the living room nor the kitchen, and neither did it look as though Hiro-san had even made his dinner.

Panic streaked through his thumping heart as he wondered if he had lost his Hiro-san again.

After spending seven months searching for him, and finally finding him all the way in Kyoto, Nowaki could not bear the idea of losing him again. Nowaki was not sure if he could go through any more of those empty, lonely months of mindless searching. Had he finally done enough to chase his precious lover away from him once and for all? And should he have left, Nowaki knew it would be close to impossible to find him again.

Drawing in a trembling breath, Nowaki padded silently over to the closed door that led to their bedroom.

With hands that were shaking ever so slightly, Nowaki slowly turned the door knob and pushed the door open.

With a soft whoosh, Nowaki let out the breath that he had unknowingly been holding.

In the corner of the room, all huddled up on the futon and swathed in blankets was unmistakably his Hiro-san's thin body, illuminated by the weak rays of light from the moon shining through the opening in the curtains.

Leaning back against the door frame, Nowaki lifted a trembling hand to his face and covered his mouth desperately, in a bid to keep his cries of relief in. Large tears rolled down his face as he came to grasp with how terrified he actually had been.

Terrified that he would return to an empty house again. Terrified that Hiro-san had abandoned him once and for all. Terrified about never being able to hold his only loved one ever again.

The whole time, he was watching the curled up figure in the corner. Hiro-san's thin and frail body. His chest rising up and down with each breath.

After getting his emotions more under control, Nowaki crept silently across the room and sat down beside Hiro-san's huddled form.

Running a hand gently over the side of his Hiro-san smooth head and down over his cheeks and to his chin, Nowaki was finally able to soothe his pounding heart. It was really his Hiro-san lying there, not a figment of his imagination.

At the very least, Hiro-san had not left. He was still there. Upset that was for sure, but still there.

As Nowaki stared entranced at his Hiro-san's beautiful face, his fingers unconsciously swept across his long brown lashes that had thankfully been spared the cruelty of the chemotherapy treatment, and this caused Hiroki to jerk awake.

Nowaki jumped slightly as he was suddenly pierced by two large hazel eyes. He immediately drew back his hand so as not to anger his Hiro-san any further.

Hiroki blinked his puffy eyes groggily as they adjusted to the dim lighting. Only after which did he notice the large hulk of a man sitting quietly beside him with his head bowed low down.

'Y-y-you're back', Hiroki croaked, his voice rough from sleep.

'Yes, my shift only ended at 11.30pm. I… I'm sorry Hiro-san. I wanted to come back and explain as soon as I could, but I had compulsory tutorials that I had to attend. And-and…'

'It's ok.'

Hiroki cut in swiftly before Nowaki could explain any further in a cold tone, and shuffled up into a sitting position against the wall, with his head turned away.

'Hiro-san, are you still angry about what happened today? Please I can explain. Please let me explain. There was nothing going on.'

Sighing tiredly, Hiroki lifted a hand to run it through his hair, only to remember that he no longer had any hair to run his hand through, hair that Nowaki used to love running his fingers through.

Laughing bitterly at himself, Hiroki lifted his eyes and stared straight into the dark blue eyes of his lover, or whatever he could call Nowaki seeing as how they haven't been together in ways that would allow him to refer to him as his lover in eight months.

'Nowaki. What are we doing here? We are living in a farce of a relationship. We've become like complete strangers, more of a nurse and his patient than lovers. Why did you even come chasing after me Nowaki? I didn't want to show you this ugly, sick side of me. I left so that you wouldn't have to see it. So you wouldn't be disgusted by this useless state that I am in. And after I recover, then maybe I could be the Hiro-san you fell in love with.'

'No! Hiro-san, you are still the Hiro-san I fell in love with. I don't care about how you look, you're still my Hiro-san. I could never think that you were ugly or disgusting. Never', Nowaki protested loudly as he grabbed Hiroki's wrists and tried to pull away the hands that his Hiro-san was currently burying his face into.

Snapping back in anger, Hiroki flung both of Nowaki's hands away and glared fiercely at Nowaki.

'Is that so? So then what's the reason for you not touching me anymore? Are you sure you aren't repulsed by the state of my body… If you were, I wouldn't blame you Nowaki. I can barely stand to look at myself, much less you. Just tell me the truth, and I'll leave, and you can be with your Tsumori- '

Before Hiroki could finish his sentence, Nowaki had grabbed both Hiroki's arms and shook him angrily.

'Stop deciding things for me! Stop treating me like a kid that didn't know any better, like the way you used to treat me when we first met. I'm 25 years old already, and I can make my own choices. I love you Hiro-san, I've loved you since I was 18 years old, and all these years I've never doubted my choices. Even back then, I knew that you were the one. How could you think so lowly of me, that I would be so superficial as to only see your looks, and not the beauty in you, that I would see you as a burden because of your illness, or that I would leave you because of that.'

Pulling Hiroki sharply towards him, Nowaki wrapped his strong arms firmly around the slightly stunned Hiroki, embracing him tightly as though he never wanted to let him go.

Hiroki held himself stiffly in Nowaki's arms, still too much in shock to realize that Nowaki had wrapped himself around him.

Nowaki had never raised his voice so angrily at him before. Hiroki had never quite believed Nowaki had it in him. But here he was, loudly and angrily proclaiming his love for him.

Hiroki was stunned. After all that had happened, after all that he had done to the poor boy, albeit for his own good, the silly boy was still fighting for him, fighting to be with him. His heart, that he thought to have buried that afternoon under the onslaught of fears, doubts and suspicions, started thumping hopefully again in his chest.

'Hiro-san. Please stop doubting me, yourself and our love. Please. I don't want anyone else… only you Hiro-san. I love everything about you. The good and the bad, and even your temper. So please, stop pushing me away. Let me in. Ever since we got back together, I know you haven't really let me into your heart again. You've been so aloof and cold. I hate it Hiro-san. So tell me please, how can I convince you that I want you, love you and need you desperately…'

Nowaki whispered fiercely into the crook of Hiroki's neck, in which his head was buried, as tears rolled unabashedly down his face and fell onto Hiroki's thin shirt.

Feeling the wetness of his shoulder, Hiroki was awoken from his reverie, and realised that his ever-smiling love was crying again. Nowaki had only cried once before, and that was that day back in his family home when they had been reunited after seven months.

Nothing made his heart hurt and clench tightly like the thought of Nowaki crying, especially crying because of him.

At that moment, hearing Nowaki's shuddering sobs in his ear, and feeling the wetness of Nowaki's tears, something in Hiroki's resolve shifted, and he felt the strong negative walls that he had built up around his heart slowly coming down.

The constant doubts and fears had been Hiroki's way of protecting himself. From the pain that only Nowaki could bring. He could not bear the thought of having Nowaki leave him again, so that was why Hiroki had erected such high walls created out of those fears and doubts. If he had no expectations, he could never be disappointed and hurt right.

Yet somehow along the way, instead of protecting his heart, the walls had ended up hurting Nowaki even more…

The entire time he had blamed Nowaki for not coming nearer, but in actual fact, it was the walls that he had created that had kept Nowaki from coming closer.

The realization hit Hiroki right in the face like a splash of cold water.

Raising his hand slowly, Hiroki placed it on Nowaki's broad back and rubbed up and down gingerly, in a reluctant attempt to sooth the man.

Nowaki, feeling the loving gesture, immediately gathered his Hiro-san more tightly within his arms and held him tighter.

Hiroki returned the act, and held on to Nowaki with both of his hands, running them gently and soothingly up and down his back.

Nowaki, sensing a change in his Hiro-san, reluctantly pulled away to peer warily into his slightly wet face. A slight glow had entered into Nowaki's previously desolate eyes, a glow that Hiroki realised he had put there, just with his simple action.

Upon that realization, Hiroki's heart immediately decided that Nowaki deserved someone to love him wholeheartedly and unconditionally, with no walls in between. Even though Hiroki still feared being hurt, he knew that he owed Nowaki that one chance at the very least. To hell with it.

Sucking in a deep breath, Hiroki closed the short space between the two of them and met Nowaki's unknowing lips.

Taking the small gasp from Nowaki as an opportunity to slide his tongue in, Hiroki boldly pushed against Nowaki's tongue, as Nowaki sat as still as a statue due to the sudden change in events.

But at the insistent push of his tongue by his Hiro-san's, Nowaki immediately reacted by pushing his tongue back in an erotic dance.

Lifting his hands swiftly to cradle his Hiro-san's head, Nowaki tilted his Hiro-san's head back to give him better access so that he could plunder his mouth thoroughly.

As the two tongues fought for dominance, and the kiss grew more intense, the two leaned further and further back till suddenly Hiroki found himself lying on his back on the futon with the breath knocked out him, and Nowaki on top of him.

'Oh no. Hiro-san, did I hurt you? Are you ok?'

Nowaki quickly raised himself onto his elbows to take the weight off his Hiro-san, all the while looking at him rather anxiously and guiltily.

Growling softly, Hiroki merely glared his usual glare at Nowaki before muttering, 'Shut up. I'm not some fragile little porcelain doll. Didn't you want to show me how much you loved me?'

Face flushing immediately at his bold words, Hiroki quickly turned his head sideways to avoid looking at the slow idiot hovering above him.

When the words finally sunk in, Nowaki's dark blue eyes lighted up with joy, and with almost uncontrollable excitement, he grabbed onto his Hiro-san's waist and rolled them over so that his Hiro-san was now lying on his chest.

'This way I won't crush you', was all Nowaki said, rather impishly, his eyes glowing with happiness, before he caught his Hiro-san's lips again in a engulfing kiss.

As Hiroki moaned quietly into the kiss, his hands slid quickly under the turtleneck that Nowaki always wore. It had been so long since he felt Nowaki's skin against his skin. Though he'd never admit it to Nowaki, he knew that he had missed that connection dearly.

As though reading his thoughts, Nowaki broke the kiss off, panting raggedly, and quickly pulled on the hem of Hiroki's shirt and lifted it easily over his head.

Moving on to his, he grabbed at his rather blindly, before Hiroki wriggled lower down his hips so as not to get in the way. Just as Nowaki managed to pull off the turtleneck, Hiroki realised that he had wriggled his way on top of Nowaki's burgeoning erection, and now both of their trapped swollen members were pressed tightly against each other as Hiroki straddled Nowaki.

Moaning loudly, Nowaki immediately grabbed his Hiro-san's slim hips and grounded them into his own, while bucking upwards to meet them at the same time.

A gasp broke out of Hiroki's swollen lips as the delicious friction grew and grew.

Soon it became too much to bear, and Nowaki quickly let go of his Hiro-san's hips to pull down his loose track bottoms and boxer shorts. Getting the hint, Hiroki got up and divested himself of the annoying clothing, while Nowaki too made short work of his jeans.

Once throwing his jeans aside, Nowaki pulled the suddenly shy Hiroki to him.

Pushing him gently on to the futon, Nowaki gave him a gentle sweet kiss, that overflowed with acceptance and love.

'Don't be ashamed of your body Hiro-san. I love you no matter what you look like', Nowaki whispered gently against his Hiro-san's ear, before he continued his journey downwards, kissing, licking and worshipping his love's body.

Shuddering as waves of pleasure crashed over him, Hiroki moaned and whimpered unconsciously as Nowaki nipped and sucked his way to his chest.

All of a sudden, Nowaki latched onto a pink nipple, sucking on it and pulling at it gently with his teeth. This caused Hiroki's back to arch up in pleasure, as he grasped at Nowaki's now messy black locks and held him tightly.

Liking his Hiro-san's reaction, Nowaki switched to the other nipple and laved it with his rough tongue, while pinching the other slick nipple, causing Hiroki to gasp silently.

After worrying Hiroki's nipples for abit longer, Nowaki worked his way further down to Hiroki's now leaking member.

Kissing the top of it almost reverently, Nowaki then suddenly engulfed it in his searing hot mouth, causing Hiroki to jerk in surprise and almost come immediately in Nowaki's mouth.

Tightening his lips around Hiroki's member, Nowaki slid up and down it, sucking the whole time.

Feeling his completion nearing, Hiroki quickly pushed at Nowaki's head.

'Stop! Stop! I-I want to come with you inside of me', a red-faced Hiroki mumbled almost illegibly.

Luckily, Nowaki having spent years with Hiroki managed to catch that, and he immediately got up and reached to the drawers by the side of the bed and pulled out a tube of lube.

Squeezing a generous amount on his two fingers, Nowaki reached down between Hiroki's open legs and gently circled his opening.

Leaning down to capture his Hiro-san's lips again, Nowaki used the distraction to push one finger into the tight ring of muscles. As he pumped the digit in and out, he swallowed each delicious moan and gasp from Hiroki.

'Hurry', was all Hiroki could pant as he looked up at his Nowaki with bright shining eyes.

Feeling his erection throb at the eroticism of his Hiro-san's flushed face, Nowaki knew he couldn't last much longer either. Whispering a soft apology, he pushed a second finger, quickly followed by a third, into his Hiro-san's scorching and tight depths.

'Now Nowaki!' Hiroki gasped loudly.

Positioning himself at his love's entrance, Nowaki quickly pushed into his Hiro-san's tight passage. Oh God, it felt like forever since he had been in this position.

Holding still as to allow Hiroki to get used to his size again, Nowaki got the signal to move when Hiroki wrapped his legs tightly around his waist and clutched tightly at his shoulders.

Pulling out gently, Nowaki set a slow gentle pace. He wanted to do this right, he wanted to make love to Hiroki lovingly, with all that he felt for this man.

Reaching down between them, he grasped his Hiro-san's leaking member and stroked it gently in time with his thrusts.

Despite the slow pace, both men were already on the edge, and the penetration and stimulation of his member was more than enough to bring Hiroki tumbling over the edge into completion. His grasping walls as he came, also pulled Nowaki's orgasm from him, and a harsh cry from his lips as he reached his peak.

Falling onto Hiroki upon completion, Nowaki immediately rolled onto his side once his mind cleared up so as not to crush his Hiro-san.

As they lay side by side, still connected, with their legs intertwined, Nowaki held his Hiro-san tightly in his arms, refusing to let go despite Hiroki's protests about sweat and needing to clean up.

Finally Hiroki gave up, and lay in Nowaki's sweaty arms, grudgingly basking in the afterglow.

'Thank you Hiro-san.'

Nowaki whispered softly against Hiroki's head that was tucked under his chin before planting a gentle kiss on his shiny head.

A long silence followed, before Hiroki quietly replied.

'I love you too.'

Just like a typhoon, Nowaki had swept him away with his kisses, words and love. Hiroki mused silently to himself. Swept him away, never to return to the original place… He knew he could never live without this man who was holding him so tightly and lovingly in his arms. No longer could he run away or push him away either. In actual truth, he needed Nowaki more than Nowaki ever needed him.

All he could do now really, was to stay by his side and weather the storm together, till the day Nowaki should ever decide he not want him anymore.

But as we all know, Nowaki would never do that.

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Hello!

I know its been a long time coming, and I'm really sorry for the long wait. I didn't have much inspiration for the final ending. This is the first complete fan fiction I've ever written, and I'm really quite proud of this piece. And an especially long chapt to end! Haha. Just wanted to say that there'll definitely not be anymore chapters.

Thank you to all my wonderful readers and especially the reviewers who have been so great with your support, encouragement and advice. Hope you guys like the ending.

I'm thinking of doing a Misaki & Usagi piece sometime in the future, but shall concentrate on my Sirius & Remus one for now. Do read that one if you like my writing style. It has mucho angst too (: Haha, enough promotion. See you all soon! Xxx