Written for the 25 days of Christmas challenge on the kakairu comm on LiveJournal!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or associated properties. I'm making no money off of this. Life would be easier if I was!

Title: I Won't Be Home for Christmas
Prompt: Bah, humbug
Author: Kita_the_spaz
Rating: Probably won't go over PG-13 but if any of them do, I'll leave a warning! This one PG.

Every year it would be the same. At the end of the midwinter festival, he would go to the Hokage and demand a mission that would keep him out of the village until after the New Year. Every year, without fail.

Save this year. The Godaime Hokage, Tsunade looked distinctly unimpressed, her arms folded over her generous bosom. "No."

"Hokage-sama…" When all else fails, go with politeness.

From the look on her face, it wasn't going to work any better than his demands. "Not until you can give me one good reason why I should let you hide away from the world until the holidays are over."

He knew he was scowling, knew it could be seen in the little bit of his face left exposed, but his face refused to come to heel and obey his mental order to be an emotionless blank. "The village needs me out there."

"Bzzt. Wrong answer. Try again." Tsunade settled herself more comfortably in her chair. "Most of the surrounding countries are hemmed in with snowstorms that don't look to let up for weeks yet. I have plenty of shinobi out on patrol and the only mission that has crossed my desk this week that hasn't been for ANBU is a D-rank inside the village."

"So give me one of the ANBU ones."

"Wrong again. You are retired ANBU. Nothing I have is serious enough to justify calling you back to duty." Tsunade chuckled, and there was something in the sound that set his teeth on edge. "Keep trying. I'm waiting to see what all you can come up with."

Time to break out the big guns, then. "Tsunade-sama, please." He injected every bit of pleading he could manage into his voice and gave her the most woebegone look he could manage.

Tsunade just shook her head. "Save that look for someone who didn't know your sensei. He was better at it."

His outraged look was met with a snort.

Tsunade regarded him in silence, the gaze stretching out so long that he wanted to squirm uncomfortably, like a child facing punishment.

"Look, brat," she said at last. "I know all about how much you hate the holidays, but this year, I won't allow it. You've been hiding from everyone and anyone since you were just a child. It's unhealthy and it has to stop. So this year, you are staying in the village and you will participate in the festivities. And who knows, you might just enjoy yourself after all."

He gave her a thoroughly disgruntled look before his face went back to neutral. "You can order me to stay in the village, but I will not participate in anything."

She just chuckled and her smile turned evil. "Oh, no?"

"No."

He watched uncomprehendingly as she shuffled papers for a moment and called out to Shizune, who was waiting patiently outside the office.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Her aide asked, sticking her head in the door.

"Where did you happen to put those papers from yesterday? You know the ones."

Shizune brightened. "They're in the desk, Tsunade-sama. Top drawer."

Tsunade opened the drawer and smiled. "Perfect. Shizune, come here for a moment." She handed the papers to the younger woman. "Take these and write them up in the proper format… as mission parameters. Quickly, please."

"But…" Shizune blinked, though her smile never faltered.

"I'll pay the fee. Take it out of my personal funds. Hurry now." Tsunade's smile became frightening while Shizune's widened and became more genuine.

Shizune hurried out of the room and left them alone.

He looked at the Hokage's smile and wondered if it was too late to escape. While he was contemplating how quickly he could make it out the window, Shizune returned with a neatly written mission scroll that she handed over to Tsunade.

Tsunade glanced over it quickly, smiled and affixed her signature and seal to it. The pleased sparkle in her hazel eyes was a warning a wiser man would have heeded. She was grinning as she handed over the scroll. "I have a mission for you."

He accepted the roll of parchment and read over the details. "Is this a joke, Tsunade-sama?" he asked flatly.

"Nope." She smirked. "It was a legitimate request for aid, but until now, I didn't have anyone to take it. You just volunteered yourself. Congratulations, it's your mission now. You'll aide your client in whatever he needs during the holidays. Who knows? Maybe you might find something to celebrate this year."

She rose and rumpled his hair affectionately. "Have fun, brat."

Kakashi looked down at the scroll in his hands, convinced that the world at large hated him.