Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Google in any shape, way, or form.

Somewhere, Japan's top honor student, Yagami Light, was sitting in school, bored out of his mind. He stared out the window, wishing for something to happen. Maybe a supernatural notebook would fall from the sky. Then, maybe he would meet a Shinigami and end up in an intense cat-and-mouse chase with the world's greatest detective. Such were the ridiculous imaginings of a bored high schooler.

Matsuda Touta, on the other hand, was struggling with his identity as an incompetent police officer. He was, to his chagrin, the youngest member of the force.

"Hey, Ide-san," he whispered to the man at the desk next to his. "Have you ever been in love?"

"What the...? What the hell?! Get back to work, Matsuda!" was his response. But things were about to change for poor Matsuda.

Matsuda shivered as he walked to his cold, empty house through the autumn leaves. On the bright side, he no longer lived with his mother. Hooray bright side!

He was brimming with optimism when...

"Ow!" A book fell on his head. A black notebook... Had it descended from the heavens? Was it someone's idea of a joke?

"D... Deeathhh... N-Nooottee..." Matsuda's romaji skills were less than spectacular. "I wonder what it means..." He opened the book.

"H... Hoooww t-toooo... Too many foreign words," Matsuda concluded. "I must consult with an automatic translator."

"Aha!" Matsuda thanked the gods who created Google Translate. "Death Note! It is the notebook of death!"

"Yes, the Death Note is the note of death, and the entire English-speaking world is wondering why that isn't obvious. Lost in translation, people!" Matsuda jumped as he noticed the purple Shinigami standing behind him. "Er... Hi... I'm Ryuk, and that's Shidoh's... I mean, my Death Note. And since I have nothing better to do, I'll stay here to watch you kill people... or whatever."

"I can... kill people with this?" Matsuda suddenly felt very motivated. "All right! I'll kill all of the criminals of the world to make it a better place! It's brilliant! No one else would ever think of it!"

"Um... oookaay..." Ryuk wasn't quite sure how to react.

"You hear that everyone?" Matsuda opened a window and proclaimed to the universe: "I shall make this world a happier place by killing criminals! Mark my words, I shall!"

"Hey!" a young man called to Matsuda. He slouched, with unkempt hair, rumpled clothes, untied shoes, and dark circles under his eyes. "I couldn't help but overhear. If you really plan to systematically murder the world's criminals, I'm afraid you're out of luck. I am the great detective L and I place you under arrest."

"Crap..." Matsuda muttered.

"Eh, I'm bored," Ryuk sighed as he reclaimed the Death Note.