This is COMPLETELY A/U and OOC, I just really felt the need to make myself laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.

"Sexual Tension!!!!"

Spiked Gilly Water burned up through Hermione's nose as she choked Violently. "Hello Pansy. How was your day, oh really that's great mine was good too. THAT is how you start a conversation Pansy.

"I don't have time for pleasantries. I had an Epiphany on the way over here and I've finally found the answer to the riddle of the on going war between Draco and Hermione." Pansy said flopping down on the bar stool beside Hermione.

Hermione waved Tom the bartender over for another drink, "Nothing for that one, I think She's already drunk" Hermione told him.

Pansy rolled her eyes and ordered a drink, "I'm serious! There's no other explanation for the way you two fight. Everyone else gets along now, Hell even Weasley tolerates him, but you two still fight like you're 6th years. It's sexual tension!"

Hermione downed the last of her first drink and started on the next. "Please lower your voice, there are PLENTY of other explainations for why we fight. Let's see, he resents that I'm technically his superior at work, or he's an arrogant prig, or he's thrives on doing things simply because he knows they infuriate me. There's a million other reasons Pans, and yours just isn't one of them." She put up a finger for each of her reasons, and pointed at Pansy when she told her she was wrong.

"There's too much heat in the way you fight. If you really didn't like each other, you would simply ignore one another. I'm right and you know it, come on that blond hair, those grey eyes, the quidditch build." Pansy said

"What is this quidditch build nonsense? He rides a BROOM, with MAGIC, and he never actually catches the snitch. There's not athletic ability in playing seeker. His body comes from long hours at a muggle gym with that oaf Crabbe he hangs out with. Keep listing his appealing qualitites I might think it's you who wants to shag him." Hermione corrected.

"HA you admit he's got a nice body!!" Pansy announced triumphantly, rolling her eyes at Hermione's accusation, please been there done that bought the t-shirt, never again she thought to herself.

"Oh dear Merlin. Remind me to say no next time you ask to meet for drinks" Hermione shook her head and took another sip of her drink. "I never said he wasn't physically attractive, but that doesn't mean there's sexual tension. Hell I'd admit you were a beautiful woman if asked, I certainly have no interest in you."

"I'm telling you. I. Am. RIGHT. I may not be as book smart as you, or as money savvy as Draco, but when it comes to people I know these things." Pansy defended. "Hmm, let's appeal to your scientific side. What would you say to a little experiment? If I'm wrong I'll never mention it again, and if I'm right you'll get the best shag of your life, and maybe there will be peace in the office for once."

"You're nutters woman." Hermione shook her head but figured shutting Pansy up might be worth what she was suggesting. "How do you propose we 'test your hypothesis'?" She asked

Pansy smiled, "That skirt suit we got you last week, the pinstripe one, wear it to the office tomorrow. I'll take care of everything else. I'll see you later I have preparations to make" Pansy smiled wide, downed the last of her drink and ran from the bar digging through her bag for something.

************

"Draco, it's Pansy. Oh right caller ID I'm just getting used to this Muggle Mobile thingy, right sorry, I need you to wear a tie to the office tomorrow. I most certainly DO NOT intend on dragging you into an empty office by it, Merlin you really are a pig. Just do as I say, and shut up for once. Goodbye" She closed the phone and held her head just a little higher. She was about to prove her bookworm friend wrong and it felt good.

A/N: I actually already have a lot more of this written, but because it's so OOC and A/U I wasn't sure if anyone would like it so I'm just putting this up as a tester. It's meant to be funny though, I promise actual Draco/Hermione interaction in the next chapter, and he's actually pretty much himself.

If you want read what happens let me know, if not I'll drop the story.