Disclaimer! - I Own Nothing

Everybody Lies

~A Housism Explained by House~

(Rather sarcastically and annoyingly mind you!)

Best Enjoyed Read Aloud.

Pretend that you are a patient in my hospital.

You have lied to me about something.

I have lied to you about something, too.

Now pretend that you are upset by this.

You Hypocrite! You lied to me first!

But, I guess me accusing you of being a liar

makes me a hypocrite, too.

Now, pretend that I am explaining to you why I lie.

Here it comes, the explanation,

the purpose of this entire essay!

I don't lie because I care about your feelings.

I don't lie because you'll feel better if I do.

I don't lie because you can't handle the truth.

In truth, I don't care if you can't handle the truth!

I don't lie because I have to.

I don't lie because I want to.

Well, you can scratch this last one.

And, I don't lie because I can. Well, I do that too.

I lie because of one universal truth (I'll get back to that later).

And that's because we aren't just

talking about me, 'cause it's not just me.

But, it does include me. And it includes you.

And everyone else on this lying earth.

Do you want to know why?

It's because absolutely everybody lies.

(That's the universal truth, by the way.)

But I don't just lie, I just don't care.

Whether you do or not isn't the point.

So, if everybody lies, I must lie too.

That means you, too.

Huh? What a coinkidink!

Anywho, lying is universal,

Thus its being a universal truth.

Everybody does it, usually on a daily basis,

and in soo many awkward ways, too!

So why do you lie?

Hmm, that good question!

You lie because you are embarrassed.

You lie because you are afraid.

You lie because patients are idiots, and aren't you a patient?

Wow, this is starting to make a lot of sense isn't it?

Everybody does stupid things, even you.

You did a stupid thing when you lied

to a doctor who was trying to save your life.

You lie because you did something

that you weren't supposed to do.

So, I wonder what 'Patient Doctor Confidentiality' is?

Hmm, I'll let you think about that, that's a tough one.

The real reason you lie is because

'Everybody else is doing it Mommy!'

Well kid suck it up, because the eyes can mislead, the smile can lie

(only shoes tell the truth) and even God deceives you.

So, does that make lying a good thing?

Well…I'll let that one stew too.

Everybody is lying…more than ever.

Lying is in; lying is the IT thing with the kids this year!

They're all singing it!

'All I want for Christmas is a few good lies,

a few good lies, a few good lies!'

Stores are sold out! 'Lies', sold out!

Well, let's get back to reality now, shall we.

WHY do we lie?

(I'm gonna take the scientific approach to this one!)

It's, in fact, a basic truth of the human condition, that everybody lies.

So what is the non-scientific answer to such a question?

Is it because God made us that way?

Is it because we are continually lying for the

good of ourselves, for our own gain?

Is it because we are afraid of something?

I honestly don't know why everybody lies,

but I lie because everybody lies.

And even though I don't know why,

believe me on this one.

Just like I said before,

Everybody Lies.

Gregory House, M.D.

(Now wasn't that fun?)