Life sucks and then you die.

Yeah, I should be so lucky.

Chapter 1

Teen Angst is so Cliché But it's Not Like I can Get Rid of it

The only female werewolf in existence. The only one. That's me. What's wrong with me? I know the others hate me, think I'm annoying. Here comes Leah and her angst again. But I can't help it. What am I supposed to do when we share thoughts? It's not like I can keep it hidden.

I am so pathetic. If there ever was a more pathetic human being than me, I would like to meet this person. We would probably get along. We could have a party together.

Why did Sam even invite me? I thought sourly as I sifted through my clothes looking for something appropriate to wear. He knows I'll only spoil the party. And he probably didn't even want me there anyways.

It was probably Emily who asked him to. Emily who still tried to be my best friend, even after everything that had happened between us. She had even asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. As if I could stand there and watch Emily marry the man I was in love with. It was too much. I know she was trying to be nice, but still. I couldn't do it.

"Leah, time to go," Seth called from the bottom of the stairs. "If we get there late, all the food will be gone!"

I rolled my eyes. Was food all that boys thought about?

"Coming," I yelled down. I threw on a red knit sweater over my black lacy tank top, and surveyed myself in the mirror. Not awful. That was the best that could be said about me right now. I dragged a brush through my cropped, chin-length hair, and hurried down the stairs.

I had to admit, one of the major downsides to being a werewolf was that I couldn't grow my hair long. I knew it looked much prettier when it was long. Long hair took away the sharp angles of my face and made me look more feminine, more soft. But you can't have too long of hair when you're a wolf. It makes your wolf coat shaggy too. And then it gets caught in things and then it's just a mess. So short it is. I know short hair makes me look like a boy, but what does that matter? I'm only part of the pack anyhow.

Seth was waiting impatiently at the front door, coat already on. Little brothers are so annoying.

"About time," he said, nearly bouncing with excitement. I sighed. Seth loved Christmas, but to be honest I found it a bit of a trial. Especially now that Mom was living with Charlie Swan. It meant all sorts of family things.

It was cold, but not biting outside. Not like my temperature wasn't much hotter than a normal human's anyways. Seth and I trudged through the snow. I refused to drive to Sam's house when it was only just around the corner, but I hadn't factored in a foot and a half of snow. Seth and I walked single file in someone's tire tracks.

This sucked. This sucked so badly. Being forced to see Sam at any time knowing that he didn't love me any more sucked. But seeing Sam and Emily radiantly happy in their tiny, cheerful house, seeing Emily six months gone with Sam's baby, seeing the look of adoration Sam always reserved just for Emily, that hurt more than usual.

Some way to spend Christmas. I scowled at the thought.

"This is going to be great, isn't it?" Seth asked.

I grunted.

"Ah, come on, Leah. Cheer up. It's a Christmas party," Seth said, frowning at my lack of enthusiasm.

I sighed.

"Whatever, Seth. I'm coming, aren't I? Just don't ask me to be all happy and cheerful or anything."

"Nobody's asking you to be that," Seth muttered under his breath.

We were getting near to Sam's house. It looked like a freaking Christmas card. Tiny cottage backed by snow-covered woods, soft piles of snow all around, more falling in gentle drifting flakes. The house itself was warm and inviting looking, with a Christmas tree right in the middle of the front window, its lights shining, the ornaments sparkling. There was even a small brown bird perched on the roof next to the chimney, from which a think curl of smoke was going up. It was perfect. Sam's life was perfect. So where did that leave me?

There had been a time when Sam loved me. I know there was. I could remember it. We were together for two years, and they were the happiest years of my life. Sam had just graduated from high school, and we spent every minute in each other's company. I could still remember the soft, adoring look on his face when he danced with me at my senior prom, and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I could still remember the warmth that had flowed all through me, the joy I felt, how I wanted to be with him every moment of every day, forever.

And then, the fateful day came. It was Christmas, just like this. I had been gushing to my best friend and cousin Emily about Sam ever since we had started dating, but she'd never met him. She was coming for Christmas, and I couldn't wait to introduce her to my wonderful boyfriend. If I had know what would happen, I would have done everything in my power to keep those two from ever meeting. The minute they locked eyes, that was it. I was history. Sam barely remembered my name. From love-of-his-life-on-the-verge-of-engagement to… daily reminder of pain and annoyance.

I guess it was better that he had met Emily then, instead of at my wedding or something. That would have been some sort of scandal. My groom leaving me at the alter for my maid of honour. Not that that could have hurt any worse than this.

And the worst part of it was, Sam knew that I wasn't over him. Before I left his pack for Jacob's he knew everything. Every thought I had about him while in wolf form. Every bit of anger and hurt and pain, he knew about. And there wasn't anything he could do about it. Emily was his destiny. He could no more do without her than a flower could do without rain. They belonged together.

And where did that leave me? Out in the cold. Bitter, annoying, sour Leah that nobody wanted around. I knew I had made myself like that, but I couldn't help it. At least now I didn't have to hear Sam's thoughts, and he didn't have to hear mine. Thank God for Jacob and his alternate pack. Not that hanging around the Cullens all the time was very much fun, but it was better than listening to Sam think about Emily. Anything was better than that.

Seth rang the doorbell, and Emily answered.

I had to admit, she looked beautiful, even with the scars that raked across half her face. After three years, they were faded now, not so red and obvious. And somehow even with them they didn't detract from her beauty. She was radiantly glowing, one hand on her bump, which was just beginning to get round.

"Seth! Leah! Come on in!" she said with a huge smile.

Seth bounced in, and I shuffled after him, wishing I wasn't here. Wasn't it enough that I had to live every day knowing that Sam didn't love me? But I tried to shake off those thoughts. Just for one day. For Emily.

I drew in a deep breath.

"Hey Emily," I said as I passed her.

"Hey Leah," she said gently.

I shrugged out of my coat and she took it.

"Merry Christmas," I said, half heartedly.

"Merry Christmas," she said back, a wide smile forming on her face.

"Hey, Em, do we have any more… oh, hey Leah," Sam walked into the tiny hallway. He nearly filled up the whole space, he was so big. As per usual when he was around, my heart sped up to an uncomfortable staccato rhythm. I cursed myself. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't I get over him? Why?

"Hey Sam," I said, trying to make my voice sound neutral.

"Everyone else is in the living room," Sam said to me, giving me a sympathetic smile. I know he could hear my heartbeat. He was sympathetic to my feelings, really he was. He just couldn't do anything about it. I bit back a grimace.

"Thanks," I said, slipping past him and trying not to let our bodies touch anywhere. It was a useless effort. The hallway was just too small, and Sam was too huge. My side brushed against his as I squeezed past, my hand skimming over his bare arm. Immediately, it felt as if my arm was on fire. My skin sang where it had touched his, and I bit my lip, fighting back tears.

The house was so small, I wasn't sure how it fit so many hulking teenage werewolves. Seriously. If Sam wanted to have any more of these gatherings, he was going to have to buy a bigger house. Seth was already draped across the sofa when I walked in, sitting beside Nessie Cullen. Of course, Jacob was somewhere near.

Nessie was technically only three years old, but she looked thirteen or fourteen. Still in the gangly, slightly awkward early teen stage. But you had to hand it to Jacob: she was already breathtaking. Pale skin with a rosy undertone, luminous brown eyes framed with long lashes, and rusty red curls that hung down her back in that messy tangle that boys find so alluring.

"Leah!" she cried, jumping off the couch as she caught sight of me. She was so graceful in all her movements, something she must have picked up from her bloodsucker relatives. She ran over to me and flung herself in my arms.

I smiled slightly, and hugged her back. I may not like the Cullens, but it was pretty hard not to like Nessie, never mind the fact that whenever I'm in Jake's head he's thinking about her.

"Hey kid. You grew since last I saw you or what?" I asked.

Nessie wrinkled her nose. It was a joke between us. Every time I saw her I asked whether she had grown any, since it was more than likely that she had.

"You saw me yesterday, Lee," she said, using her nickname for me.

"I know. But you've probably grown another foot since then or something," I said.

Nessie rolled her eyes.

"Sure sure," she said, using one of Jake's favorite phrases.

I looked around the rest of the tiny room. Every available surface was covered in giant, hulking boys. Even the floor.

Quil and Embry were in the corner playing with Quil's imprint, a five year old Claire who seemed totally delighted with the Christmas tree. I waved to them, since with Jacob and Seth they were the rest of my pack. Paul was there making goo-goo eyes with Jake's sister Rachel. Ewww. Gross. Jared, his imprint Kim, Colin, Brady, Alex, and Tom were all involved in a very serious discussion about an upcoming snowball fight. Alex and Tom were 15, and the youngest of Sam's pack. Still, they were just as huge as the rest of the boys.

I sat down on the floor next to Jake. He shuffled over to make more room for me, and Nessie shifted as well, so that once again she was directly behind him. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Imprinting was so… melodramatic. Destiny and all that crap. Whatever.

"Hey Leah," Jake said, smiling at me.

I felt my spirits lift just a little bit. Jake had, shockingly, become a friend since I joined his pack. He and I both knew what it was like to have the person you loved choose someone else. Course he was over that now that he had imprinted on Nessie. But still. It was nice to have someone who knew how that felt.

"Hi ya, Jake," I said, trying to sound cheerful.

Jacob frowned, and I could tell that he knew I was faking this. He nodded towards the knot of snowball fight- planners.

"You gunna join?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"No way. Too cold."

He smiled crookedly.

"I thought that didn't bother you any more," he teased.

"Yeah well I don't like being wet either," I shot back, but I couldn't help a small smile. It was easy to joke with Jacob. He was a good guy. Plus, it helped that I was his 'beta' as Bella had once called me. It gave us a sort of connection that the others didn't have.

"You ready, guys?" Sam asked popping his head into the living room.

He looked so handsome, his hair tousled with a few snowflakes still glistening in them, warm colour behind his russet cheeks, his eyes sparkling with mischief. It was the Sam that I remembered. The Sam that would get that look in his eye before he pulled me off to see some waterfall he'd found behind a rock formation, or showed me a particularly lovely sunset. I willed my heart to stop aching.

There was a general cheer from everyone. This was obviously the signal they had been waiting for. There was a mass exodus to the door to grab hats and coats for those that needed them. Being a werewolf had its advantages. One of them being a loss of the need for warm clothing. We ran pretty warm as it was.

Seth jumped up too.

"Coming, Nessie?" he asked.

Nessie shook her head.

"I think Jake and I are going to stay here. We played in the snow at my house."

Jake grinned.

"Play? Is that what you call it? Your Uncle Emmet nailed me in the head. Hard."

"You deserved it," Nessie reminded him.

"Nobody deserves getting ganged up on by a psychic and a mountain!" Jake objected.

"You have to be sneaky around Aunt Alice. You know that already," Nessie reminded him.

"Yeah well it doesn't help she gets Emmet to do her dirty work. Could he get any bigger?" Jack groused.

"K, bye," Seth called over his shoulder as he ran out to join the others. It was best to leave Jack and Nessie to their bickering once they got started.

Quil and Claire were colouring in the middle of the floor now, but other than that the room was pretty empty. I looked over at the general mess of the food table and shook my head.

"Want some help, Emily?" I asked.

Emily looked up, surprised.

"Sure, Leah. Sure. Can you help me clear this all away?" she spread her hand over the table.

"Sure." I started bringing paper plates to the kitchen.

"They sure make a mess, don't they?" I joked half heartedly.

Emily laughed.

"They sure do. Honestly, sometimes I feel like their mother."

I smirked.

"If I was their mother I would discipline them better," I returned.

Emily grinned, and a spark of our old camaraderie came back, if only for a fleeting moment. Emily seemed to notice it too, and her eyes glowed with warm expectancy.

I turned away from it, from the hope in her eyes. We might have shared this one moment, but that didn't mean we were friends again. Not by a long shot.

The sink was already full of warm, soapy water, and I thrust my hands in, washing the dishes that were stacked on the counter.

"Thanks. That's a huge help," Emily said behind me.

"No problem. Better than snowball fighting with the boys. They're probably killing each other by now."

Emily laughed again.

"Probably. It's easy to forget, because they're all so big, but they're really just boys, aren't they?"

I smirked.

"Yup."

We tidied in silence while I tried not to resent Emily. It was hard. It seemed like she had everything. A house, a family, a life. A new baby on the way. It felt as though everything she had should have been mine. It should have been me humming slightly as I cleared away the table, my hand unconsciously flitting to the roundness of my unborn child every once in a while. It should have been me glowing with happiness and expectancy. Heck, I would even take the scars if it meant I could be happy.

I silently cursed myself for going down this path again. Hadn't I agonized enough about this? Shouldn't I be getting over Sam and moving on by now? There had to be something wrong with me, I decided. I must enjoy torture or something.

It surprised me when all the dishes were gone. There had been such a giant mound of them, and I hadn't been paying attention as I washed. I checked my watch. A half hour I had been washing, and I didn't even notice.

I looked around. Emily was sitting on the floor playing with Claire while Quil and Jake laughed and joked, and Nessie looked slightly bored. I smiled grimly, leaning on the counter.

"Well that's a joke, isn't it?" I said softly to myself.

"What's a joke?" asked a voice behind me. I whirled around, and my world stopped turning.

Author's Note: Wow. A Twilight fic. To be honest, I never thought I would write one. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about with these books. So I just finished listening to them last week (yes, listening. The audiobooks are on Youtube) and one of the parts I really liked in Breaking Dawn was in the insight into Leah's character. I really feel sorry for her.

I was really, really happy that we got to hear part of Breaking Dawn from Jacob's perspective. I pretty much love Jacob. And I was fascinated by his interaction with Leah. And that's when this plot bunny appeared. And never went away.