Title: The Power of Cute

Author: Littlestkitten (saratu on lj)

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing/Characters: Sort of Ganjyu/Hanatarou

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,048

Summary: Hanatarou and Ganjyu have the daunting task of finding a new family for their adopted kitten. But nothing is stronger than the Power of Cute.

Notes: Written for koi_suru_usagi with the prompt of: "While walking home from their job they find a lost kitten and have to take care of it without Kukakku/Hana's fellow Shinigami knowing. Hilarity ensues!" Since this one turned out so cracktastic I've started an alternate version that's more true to the prompt. That should be posted soonish. And I apologize for the severe amount of crack that I'm about to subject all of you to.

It had all started innocently enough. They were on their way back home from a long day of work and were both quite tired. Ganjyu probably wouldn't have even noticed the kitten if he hadn't almost tripped over it. As it was, he only barely managed to miss landing headfirst in a mud puddle. His first instinct had been to attack whatever annoying person/item that had tripped him. Unfortunately, even the great Ganjyu was not immune to the power of cute.

***

One hour later found the two of them sitting on their couch and watching the innocent looking kitten play with Hanatarou's hair tie. They had tried to stop it but one look and a pitiful mew had quickly turned them both into piles of mush. Unfortunately, they both knew that this could not continue. Which was why a rather heated debate was currently in progress.

"But Ganjyu-san, I really can't take him."

"You're the one who wanted to rescue him!"

"Um . . . that was you."

"Well I still can't take care of him."

"Kurotsuchi-taichou eats kittens!"

"He does?"

Hanatarou nodded solemnly with wide and innocent eyes.

"My sempai at the academy told me so."

"Well Nee-san skins them for her clothing!"

"I thought she bought her clothes at the marketplace. And anyway, isn't she friends with Yoruichi-san?"

"She is, and I thought so too. Alas, Fluffy was not meant to be."

. . .

"You're not allowed to name our cat."

"Fluffy was a perfectly respectable name for a cat!"

"Of course it was. But this one's a boy so-"

"Fluffy was a boy." After a moment of confused (Ganjyu) and incredulous (Hanatarou) silence, the argument continued.

"Anyway, Unohana-taicho has a strict no pets rule. The patients might have allergies."

"Bonnie-chan gets jealous if I pay too much attention to other animals."

"Well, we can't just abandon him. What if he gets attacked by a dog or . . . or starves?"

"We'll just have to hide him and share the responsibilities."

A grim look was shared between the two before they sealed a pack in blood to protect their precious kitten.

***

Keeping a kitten hidden was a lot more trouble than either of them had originally expected. The Fourth Division now had rather inappropriate (and inaccurate) ideas about Hanatarou's sex life and Kuukaku was still confused about why Ganjyu now meowed when he sneezed. All in all, it appeared as if "Operation: Hide the Kitten" needed to be revised. They met at their secret base of operations (the sewers) to discuss their new plan.

"Maybe we could give him to someone else."

"You want to give away our baby?!"

"We've only had him for one week."

"Good point."

. . .

"But how will we know that his new owners will love him and care for him like we do?"

"I don't know. We'll just have to find someone who will. Who do we know that likes cute and adorable things and that can get away with having a cat?"

A paper and a pen (with an odd looking bunny on it) were produced and they started their list of potential new owners for their cat. Unfortunately, the criteria were rather strict and they could not come up with many options. It seemed everyone they knew had some issue that would make them unsuitable for the position of future adopted parents to the kitten.

Zaraki-taichou would probably eat it, small animals never seemed to last long around Kuukaku, and Hanatarou had once seen Komamura-taichou chase a cat up a tree. The other captains were also dismissed for one reason or another and it had been decided early on that Rukongai was too rough for their baby. Shinigami with ranks lower than captain weren't allowed pets and they soon realized that there was no one in Soul Society fit to raise their kitten. It was thus decided that they would have to continue their search in the birthplace of the kitten: Earth.

***

It was a warm and sunny day when they arrived in the transient world. They had agreed that the best place for the kitten was probably the Kurosaki household. They had heard that Ichigo's younger sister was partial to cute things and were hoping that she might take pity on the kitten and adopt him. Unfortunately, they were not meant to reach their destination. And their kitten was fated for a rather odd new set of parents.

***

"Aizen-sama~"

"Yes, Gin."

"Look what I found! Isn't he the most adorable thing you've ever seen?"

It was then that the all-powerful King of Hueco Mundo met what was to be the instrument of his downfall: the very kitten that Ganjyu and Hanatarou had been trying to find a home for. The rest of the world faded as he laid eyes on the cutest and most precious kitten he had ever seen. His one true weakness had been cute things and he was powerless to resist the allure of the kitten. Gin noticed his fascination and Aizen soon had an armful of cute, soft, and snuggly kitten. There was no other way to describe it - he was in love.

***

The Shinigami of Soul Society were celebrating. They had won the Winter War and had defeated Aizen and his arrancar. The official report was that Substitute Shinigami and his friends had defeated Aizen in a surprise attack. The truth was that the kitten had fallen off of Aizen's throne while playing with the Hougyoku and the King of Hueco Mundo had chosen to rescue it instead of defeating Ichigo. Of course that story was too fantastical to be believed so it had been modified a little.

What they hadn't realized was that the kitten that had saved them all had found it's way into Ishida's sewing kit bag and had thus hitched a ride back to Soul Society. It was now detangling itself from the thread and looking for more mischief. That mischief showed itself in the form of the kitten's original owners.

Ganjyu and Hanatarou were relieved that their kitten had not been eaten by Ichimaru or any of the arrancar. Their relief was short-lived, however, once they realized that they now had to find someone else to adopt the kitten.