Title: You Each Time

Author: Littlestkitten (saratu on lj)

Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou

Pairing: Conrad/Yuuri, implied past Conrad/Julia

Rating: G

Word Count: 2,575

Summary: Yuuri and Conrad have finally gotten together. But Conrad has an untimely realization.

Notes: This was just a "what if?" scenario that wouldn't leave me alone. There's a full explanation at the end of my thought processes behind it. Don't hate me? And just to be clear, this is not part of my other arc. This is supposed to be a stand-alone but I might eventually write a sequel. Emphasis on might and eventually.

The past few months had been bliss for Yuuri. Not only had he resolved things with Wolfram without having to get married, but he had also confessed to Conrad and had his feelings returned. The first few weeks had been spent in a joyful sort of daze that nothing, not even paperwork, had been able to pull him out of.

But now things weren't looking so good. Something was wrong with Conrad. He had gotten to know the man well enough that even with Conrad's near perfect poker face it was still obvious when things weren't okay. He had made it his immediate mission to discover exactly what the problem was.

Conrad was not always easy to find, but he still seemed to be in the first place Yuuri decided to look for him. It was one of those odd phenomena that only seemed to work for the young king. Anyone else could search for Conrad for hours and not find him, but the instant Yuuri set out, Conrad would just appear. It was something that had sent Wolfram into jealous rages in the past, even though Yuuri could never figure out how such a sixth sense could possibly mean he was cheating.

This day was no different than any other and Yuuri had gone no further than the courtyard when he found Conrad dismounting from a patrol. He smiled softly as he watched the soldier gently lead his horse into the stable after shooing away the stable hand. Perhaps it was sappy, but it was things like this that made Yuuri love the man so much. Even though his mother had been the Maou, Conrad was still so humble and gentle with everything and everyone.

"Conrad?" Yuuri asked softly from the door, his smile widening when Conrad turned and smiled back.

"Yes, Heika?" A grumble and a glare were his response as Yuuri chastised him once more for his seemingly unbreakable habit.

"I think the fact that we're together should mean that you should remember my name!"

"Sorry, Yuuri."

The young king felt his breath catch when Conrad said his name. He'd always felt vaguely guilty before at how much of a thrill he got from such a simple thing. His name sounded ordinary coming from anyone else, but the way Conrad said it was just so teasing and sensual, Yuuri had almost blushed the first time he'd heard it. And he'd woken up many a morning sticky and panting with the faint echo of it in his head.

But these sorts of thoughts weren't helpful and would too easily get him sidetracked. This wasn't a conversation he particularly wanted to have and he needed to focus if he was going to get through it. He'd never really understood relationships, and the idea of talking about their specific relationship made him nervous in ways he didn't really want to think about. But he wasn't one to run from his problems and he wouldn't run from this. Even if he'd rather do almost anything else.

"Conrad . . . has something been bothering you?"

Conrad's hands slowed in their brushing motions before stilling all together and simply resting against the horses sides. He turned toward his king in such a way that made Yuuri know that he had the soldier's full attention.

"Why do you ask?"

"You just, seem unhappy lately. Almost . . . distant."

"I apologize, Yuuri. I did not mean to worry you. I've just had some things on my mind."

Conrad abruptly went back to brushing down his horse. He'd never done something like that before. He never ignored Yuuri. Not unless it was an enemy or a dangerous situation and even then he always made sure that Yuuri still felt listened to. This was a dismissal, a blatant disregard that Yuuri had never faced and didn't know how to deal with. He floundered slightly before stepping forward.

His mother had always said that touch was an important part of any relationship; it was reassuring and could let someone know you cared for them without words. A hug could say many things and while Yuuri didn't know the words to say in order to make things better, he knew that sometimes simply being there for someone was enough. With that thought in mind he finished his journey into the stall before gently wrapping his arms around Conrad's waist and laying his forehead against the strong back. His only response was a slight stiffening before Conrad disengaged from him and moved to the other side of his horse.

Yuuri watched him go with a feeling of dread that he didn't quite understand. There was a good explanation for this. Conrad was just busy or had important things to think about. It wasn't Yuuri he was reacting to. He chewed his lip softly as he tried to convince himself that it wasn't his presence that seemed to be making the man so uncomfortable.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Yuuri winced slightly at the almost desperate tone in his voice. Sounding pathetic and needy wasn't going to solve anything.

Conrad sighed softly before turning at an angle so as to not quite look Yuuri in the eyes. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not."

"Oh, I'll just go then."

He stumbled out of the stable slowly; half hoping that he'd be called back. But there was no voice telling him to stop, and no footsteps following him.

***

It was two days later before Yuuri saw Conrad again. He'd been trying to convince himself that he wasn't being avoided. Conrad was just busy, or something. The fact that he never seemed to be anywhere Yuuri might be was just a coincidence. And Yuuri couldn't find him because he was locked away somewhere working, not because Conrad was making an effort to hide.

They ran into each other when Yuuri was heading back to his room after finishing a sufficient amount of paperwork for Gwendal to let him go. They both slowed as they drew closer before stopping entirely and just watching each other for a few moments. The air felt thick and heavy in Yuuri's throat and he felt the atmosphere getting more tense and awkward. He unconsciously started to hold his breath as he waited for something to release them from this moment.

"Yuuri, I need to tell you something."

"Okay." They watched each other for a moment more before Conrad took a deep breath and continued.

"You are, perhaps the most important person in the world to me. Nothing can change that and I will never leave your side no matter what . . . " Yuuri stiffened as Conrad trailed off. This was not good. He had never been broken up with before but this sounded like the sort of thing someone would say before doing just that. But Conrad couldn't be breaking up with him. Conrad loved him. Even if he'd never exactly said so. Conrad had to love him, he'd loved Julia and Yuuri had Julia's soul so Conrad had to love him too.

They continued to stare at each other while Conrad seemed to try to figure out what to say or maybe get the courage to actually say it. Finally Yuuri couldn't stand it anymore and prompted him.

"Conrad?" The soldier avoided his eyes for a few more moments before he seemed to get the courage to continue.

"I really do love you. I just, don't think I quite love you the way you deserve. I'm sorry."

His heart did not stop, and Yuuri refused to think something so cliché, even if it sort of felt like it should have stopped. Yuuri had never been a selfish person, and he wasn't one to let others suffer, no matter how much pain they might have caused him. And he could tell that Conrad was suffering right now, that his admission had cost him a lot, so Yuuri put on a brave face and did his best not to break down.

"That . . . that's okay. I . . . I understand." He took a deep breath, trying not to cry, trying to be strong; even if all he wanted to do was let the tears fall. But he couldn't stay, not after hearing something like that. So he ran. And he kept running even when Conrad called his name, his real name, and he didn't stop until he was completely lost in the gardens outside of the castle.

***

"Hey there, kiddo."

"Yozak!" Yuuri started as the man popped out from nowhere. He was on edge after his conversation and didn't quite appreciate being startled. At the same time, the other man always gave good advice, and always seemed to know exactly what to say. Maybe it would be good to talk to him.

He glanced up at Yozak who was watching him carefully. Yuuri patted the ground next to him and waited for the other man to get comfortable.

"What's wrong?" Which was just like Yozak. Apparently, he didn't believe in beating around the bush.

"Nothing," Yuuri sighed as he tried to wipe his eyes in as discreet a manner as possible. Yozak pointedly looked away to give him some privacy. After a moment he cleared his throat to show that he was ready to continue their conversation.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me. You wanna talk about it?"

They sat silently for a while as Yuuri tried to shift through his thoughts and figure out a way to voice his problem. It seemed like such an embarrassing thing to talk about, as if Yuuri wasn't good enough, or had done something to cause this. He almost wanted to just forget about the whole thing. But Yozak was Conrad's best friend, if anyone knew how to fix it, or if it could be fixed, it would be him. Finally he just went with the most straightforward wording. Might as well get it over with.

"Conrad doesn't want me anymore."

He glanced at Yozak out of the corner of his eyes as the man digested that piece of information. For once the spy didn't seem to have a quick response. Yuuri almost felt as if he should be proud for shocking the unflappable man, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but sorrow.

"The Captain say that to you?"

Yuuri nodded before turning back to picking at grass. He couldn't quite bring himself to look Yozak in the face.

"Well, that's no good now is it?" The tone of voice was as light as usual but there was an undertone of seriousness that was unusual and almost unheard of in the spy.

Silence spread between them as Yozak watched his young king try to mutilate the innocent grass. If he was a betting man he might have made a wager that there was more to Yuuri's rapid blinking than the bright sun overhead. He'd always had rotten luck, however, and had given up gambling years ago.

"What're you gonna do about it?"

"What can I do?" And finally there was some emotion other than despair in the king's eyes. "If he doesn't love me, he doesn't love me. There's nothing to do."

But the emotion was short-lived and Yuuri deflated again and went back to picking at the grass.

"Did you ask him why he doesn't love you?"

"No, I didn't want to know. It's not like knowing will change anything." Yuuri smiled bitterly at the thought. If someone didn't love you, they didn't love you. Having them tell you the reasons would only make it worse.

"It might not be as hopeless as you think. Do you mind if I talk to him?"

Yuuri shook his head lightly and glared darkly at an innocent ant before crushing it out of spite. Almost instantly he felt guilty. If anything, it made him want to cry more than before.

Yozak melted away as quickly as he came, leaving Yuuri as desolate as before. Conrad hadn't left much room for hope, and Yuuri refused to have his heart crushed twice in one day.

***

"Yo, Captain."

Yozak stepped out from behind a tree, calmly and efficiently stopping Conrart from finishing his patrol. The other man stood serenely in front of him, not seeming to care about his interrupted path. A slight nod of greeting was the only acknowledgement that Yozak received and the spy raised an eyebrow at the cold treatment. Conrart had a good poker face, but they'd been friends for too long for Yozak to not notice the slight look of apprehension that had crossed Conrart's face when he'd seen him.

"I hear you've been busy breaking hearts this evening." Yozak folded his arms and leaned back in a pose that was both nonchalant and slightly threatening.

A slight flinch was his immediate answer and Conrart's poker face finally crumbled. Their boy-king had always managed to bring out the most interesting responses in Yozak's childhood friend. "You talked to Heika?"

Yozak smiled sweetly and nodded. He'd discovered early on that people were more intimidated by friendliness than anger. It also helped lure his potential victims into false senses of security. Not that he was going to do anything to Conrart, other than make sure he felt as horrible as the Maou currently did, of course.

"He was pretty upset. Want to tell me why you decided to break his heart?"

Conrart sighed in the world-weary way he'd developed after Julia's death. It was a sound that never ceased to cause a reaction in Yozak. Half of the time it was protectiveness and a desire to help his friend. The other half of the time it was anger at the martyr role that Conrart insisted on taking. This time, it was an odd mixture of both, and Yozak started to feel a sense of foreboding about how not right this was probably going to turn out.

"Yozak, I've been a fool," Conrart trailed off before turning to stare almost longingly at the setting sun. "I thought . . . I thought that I was over Julia, that I didn't see Yuuri as a reflection of her." He paused and turned back to face his friend with such an expression of despair that Yozak felt his anger leave him as quickly as it had come. It was suddenly very clear what was going on and Yozak wished that for once he wasn't so good at predicting the outcome of things.

Well, there wasn't anything anybody could do about it. The best that could be done was to try and minimize the damage caused by this untimely and entirely unfair revelation.

"That's bad, Captain. I take it you didn't tell him that?"

Conrart snorted in derision at the question. "How could I? He has enough inferiority problems when it comes to her. I wasn't about to make them worse."

At least Conrart wasn't too stupid when it came to the boy. He started to open his mouth to speak when a snap and a rustling of leaves was heard. They both spun to face the potential enemy. All they saw, however, was the back of a suspiciously black uniform. There was silence as the realization of exactly what had happened sunk in. Yozak sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose in a decidedly Gwendal-esque movement. So much for damage control.

Notes 2.0: There are multiple issues that could possibly get in the way of Yuuri and Conrad being together. One that is frequently touched upon is Julia. Generally people just say that Conrad loves Yuuri for who he is and not because he is the king and Julia's reincarnation. As I am a glutton for punishment, and because these ideas always seem to come when I don't have time to write them, I decided to assume that he does love Yuuri because of Julia. This was just my experiment with that possibility.