Eat it All
Foreign theme, and this is my, what, third try? Jesus Christ. D:
Well, enjoy the Canon, and it was a lot of—holy shit, Mulan's on, got to finish this fast!
Disclaimed.
"I can't eat this—" Kanda snapped, his voice on the edge of actually whining. He shoved the ceramic bowl from the spot in front of him, scowling. "It's fucking bugs."
"Not bugs," Allen corrected. "Winged termites. They're a sacred food in this part of Africa, so I say enjoy—"
Kanda leveled him with a deadpan look. "When have I ever cared what you say?" he asked slowly, cocking an eyebrow. "Seriously, you never say shit worth listening to."
This is true, Allen mused with an agitated smile. The older teenager had a higher chance of dying in a ridiculously unexciting way than listening to Allen when he warns 'hey, there's poison in that cup' because he cares.
Of course, if Kanda was about to fall off a cliff and the only way he could survive was by Allen explaining to him the instructions on how to save his rude, disrespectful, ungrateful arse…he'd die. At least excitingly. That's the best way to die when you're under the perpetual control of the Vatican and it's supernatural-of-sorts army, according to Cross.
"What the hell are you smiling about?"
"What don't I smile about?" Allen retorted, smiling wider just for spite. Cross must've had an exciting death—if he were truly dead, that is. They really needed to call Sherlock Holmes and solve that mystery. "Really, how long have we known each other? Months?"
Kanda opened his mouth to snap off some sort of insult (most likely pertaining to his face or his intelligence—if he had the right to talk about either) back, but stopped as he wondered what didn't the younger exorcist smile about.
"Good boy." Allen smiled around his spoonful of the meal provided by the South African innkeeper. He didn't see the problem, as even if it is a meal of the bug variety, it's quite delicious.
The Japanese exorcist looked utterly disgusted. "What the fuck." He looked at his own bowl of cornmeal porridge, flavored artistically with winged termites, and gagged. "You're insane."
The innkeeper came back in, a white smile on his dark face. "How is your meal?" he asked kindly in the best English the exorcists had ever heard from someone in such a foreign place like South Africa. It must've been the British colonization, like many others had gone through. The man did have the obvious hints of a British accent, which Allen could recognize with no trouble.
"It's disgusting." Kanda stated immediately, pushing the bowl farther away from himself. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
The man's smile slipped off his face, and he looked utterly devastated at the oldest exorcist's criticism.
"Don't listen to him, Natal," Allen said, throwing Kanda a look demanding he shut-the-heck -up. "It's superb! I cannot believe I have survived so long without eating this porridge."
Natal smiled delightedly, clasping his hands together. "Why, that's the greatest compliment I've heard in all my years," the black man said happily. He winked. "I'll leave it to you, then."
"Thank you." The white-haired boy nodded at his exit, and turned back to Kanda exasperatedly. "Have you no bloody manners?" he demanded.
"If you weren't an exorcist, you could make so much stupid money just being a professional liar," Kanda snapped back, going off on a tangent that Allen believed was just as stupid as he was.
Allen rolled his gray eyes, pointing the spoon at the nineteen-year-old lazily. "Then, lucky me, because I once had a rather successful career in the con artist occupation." He frowned, looking towards the sunny window despite the fact that it was December, and it should've been quite cold. "Then, I got caught, unfortunately." He was too used to London, then, if sunny weather caught him so off guard.
"Then, you obviously suck. I bet I could do it better."
Like a child, Kanda attempts to get under his skin by commenting on his faults and failures.
And, also like a child, Allen humors him. "No you can't, but that is not the point," he cuts the man off with a dismissive wave of his pale hand, cocking an eyebrow. "Are you going to eat the damned food, or are you going to complain like a little girl?"
"Hey, I'm not you." The Japanese exorcist crossed his arms. "I just don't eat bugs."
"It's just bloody porridge, you twit! Just eat it, you need the nutrients."
"I'd rather starve." The man was an idiot, to the ninth degree. "Don't give me that look, punk! You're acting like I'm some sort of idiot."
"Um." Allen shoveled some of the porridge into his mouth immediately, trying to stop himself before his mouth answered before his brain. "Yrmm, mmm hrmmm," he mumbled instead, the creamy meal dribbling slowly from between his lips.
"What the fuck? Ew." Kanda scooted his chair father away, scowling. "That's disgusting, you brat."
"Hrmmm." The white-haired boy swallowed with ease, smiling. "That was oddly refreshing. You really should eat yours, it's delicious."
"No, you should wash your mouth because you just ate fucking bugs."
Kanda was going to eat that porridge, Allen mused cruelly, smiling. No one will waste a perfectly good meal—not on his time. "Actually, the bugs are probably faux, and it's just a ruse meant to scare away the white men, like us."
"I'm not white and you're not a man." Kanda snorted. "Stupid."
Ouch.
That was actually kind of offensive.
Allen reached over for the older teenager's bowl. "If you won't eat it," he muttered. "Then I will."
Kanda snatched the bowl back, obviously just trying to be spiteful.
What a jerk.
"You trying to be fat, brat?" he demanded, placing the bowl firmly in front of him. "Don't look at me like I'm some sort of jerk!"
Okay, he couldn't stop himself this time. "Then it's okay, because you are." He knocked his Innocence-blessed hand on the underbelly of the wooden table, the surface thumping violently. With the motion, the ceramic bowl jumped and tipped over on Kanda's lap.
Oh. Allen smiled. And the meal was still rather hot?
He loved his God sometimes.
"…Erk." Kanda hissed slowly, an eye ticking and his teeth bared. "My…crotch."
"Oh dear. Would you like me to kiss it better?" Wait, that wasn't the right thing to say.
The Japanese exorcist gave him a weird look, and he stood up. "Yeah right," he snapped, limping around his chair as the porridge covering the lower abdomen cooled slowly. "I'd rather, uh, eat bugs or something." He walked unsteadily into the kitchens, cursing loudly.
"Are you okay, sir exorcist?" Natal asked worriedly as Kanda shoved past him, and Allen leaned over to see.
Kanda went off. "Do I look okay? Jesus Christ!" The profanity followed the Japanese teenager all the way outside, where he was probably proceeding to strip next to the water supply.
Allen grinned, swirling his spoon in the porridge. "He'll be okay," he said for his comrade, smirking. A smile lit up his face. "By the way—could I get a few more bowls of that porridge?"
At the loud sound of something breaking, Natal jumped while Allen smiled. "Are you sure your friend will be okay?" the African man asked worriedly, rubbing his bald head. "He seems very…er…angry."
"Oh, that's simply default. He wouldn't be precious Kanda if he weren't angry." The white-haired exorcist shook his head in faux-shame. "He'd be disturbing, and nobody truly wants that. More food, please?" He held out his bowl invitingly.
"Ah! Right away, sir exorcist!" Natal took the bowl with a smile. He paused. "Oh, dear, does your friend know that we only use hot water for washing?"
"Fuck!" Kanda practically screamed, and more things broke violently.
Allen smiled harder. "Now he does."
He loves foreign countries, sometimes.
END
Okay. Mulan ended about the same time I finished this last fic, and it was damned hard to pay attention to my computer while Shang was all shirtless and stuff and I'm so straight, rulers can't keep up. :3
So. It was really fun, you guys. :D When I read a good majority of the Yullen Week submissions (of which I need to review), there was a hell of a lot of drama. I wanted to put a smile on the reader's face, because I grinned while writing each and every one of these stories. :) Hopefully I succeeded (especially in making Divva smile, she's super important to me).
Okay. :D I'm done.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. ;)
The Pup loves you!