I am so thoroughly embarrassed for taking so long. I owe you. Take a few seconds to back-track if you need to... I won't begrudge you that. Just give this little story some time, it's always in my mind. Even if I am the slowest ever. I'm estimating 3 more chapters until completion. The action's a-coming.

They said their goodbyes in the morning, him promising a phone call soon. Her heart fluttered as he dipped his head to hers and softly pressing his lips to hers before ducking out the door. Bella showered and got ready for the day, feeling full and empty all at once. She had never slept so peacefully. Edward was next to her, even in the most innocent of ways, and she was blessed that life had smiled on her. His departure left her bereft, missing his cool breath but she tried to push the clouds away. Her soft violet sweater, khakis, and crocheted boots snuggled her into the day, beckoning warmth and comfort. The bus pulled up to school, and she smiled at the driver before exiting. The sky was lightening, and students yawned into the cold air. December peeked from around the corner and gingerbread lattes at Starbucks were already scenting her dreams.

The office was not as relaxing as her quiet musing on life. Lola was gesturing wildly on the phone, panicking. Bella sat at her small desk, flipped her laptop open, and started on emails while she tried to get a handle on Lola's life issues. Deployment. Iraq. Italy. Anywhere. It was enough to fill in the gaps. Andrew, her fiance, was in the Navy, and that came with certain responsibilities. Lola had known that, but it was always hard. Bella bit her lip and waited patiently for her to get off the phone and explain what was going on now. She had been planning the most romantic, extravagant wedding she and her single mother could afford, and her red splotched face didn't bode well for whatever was happening. Lola was a year ahead of Bella in her PhD, set to defend and nearly done with her dissertation and everything neat and tucked into place for after the wedding. She wanted to write and would supplement her life by teaching on base with Andrew, wherever life and naval obligations took him. It was foreign to Bella, that someone would know how their life would be, and accept the uncertainty with it.

All she had known was familiarity. Her only wild streak had come by spending the year in England, and she was hardly planning her life. Perhaps she was just stalling. She got the masters, she knew she didn't feel ready for the big bad world. So she went for her PhD. It wasn't as though she was scared, per se, she just... didn't know where to go, what to do. Her life was in Seattle, even if it meant going out once a month, and staying in alone watching Masterpiece Theatre and rereading novels. Did she want to teach college level? Community college? High school? Write? Read? Edit? Her heart knew that, ideally, she would read and write and edit. The things that didn't sustain you financially - unless, that is, you happened upon a Dan Brown sort of phenomenon that made Bella gag at the thought. She had some half started novels written, ideas floating unconnected in her mind. What to do with them, she wouldn't know. Did she even have it in her? Somehow, she thought she'd end up settling into a life rather ordinary. It was disconcerting.

"Shit shit shit SHIT!" The redhead from across the office broke Bella from her selfish pondering, and focused at the task at hand.

"What's up, babe?"

"Andrew is getting transferred to Italy. In a week and a half. I think the wedding grandeur has to end, and we're getting hitched this weekend. You ready to don something like a bridesmaid's dress?"

"You betcha... I guess a honeymoon in Italy sounds pretty grand." Bella bit back her hesitance, the ache smarting in her belly at the idea of losing a friend to the wild world abroad.

"It sucks, sweet pea. It sucks. But you'll be smashing next to me, you can bring that new man if he's worthy. And I'll get married and we'll be happy." Bella stood and hugged her friend, swinging her around and squeezing her tight. They brainstormed the immediate guest list, the made the plan for the Justice of the Peace ceremony, and the restaurant for the party afterwards. Quick, intimate, and fun. Lola had her dress, and Bella was prepared to bridesmaid shop as the planned dress would not come through in time. As Lola hustled and bustled about the wedding, Bella pulled out her phone when she felt it vibrate with a text message.

Alice has a box at your house for a wedding. She's overwhelming. - E.

Bella laughed and blushed at the same time. Alice was indeed the most overwhelming, but giving and loving person she had met. She reminded Bella quite fondly of Gemma, her English sister-at-heart, though much more psychic and much more vampiric. Those traits seemed to make any other comparison quite shallow, and yet, Bella couldn't help herself. She replied back to Edward, asking him over to watch a movie, anxious to get another gloriously restful night's sleep next to him. And some makeout time in. Definitely ignoring his... vampireness. Oh, God, what an idiot.

And so it was. Lola would be getting married in a few days, would be off to Italy in a few weeks, and would come back to defend when she was done. Their day flew by, grading papers and thinking about wedding details and making Bella's head spin.

Her head was in a fog as she walked to the bus stop. How things were changing, and how she was blissfully ignoring what was happening to her. The letters on her stoop, the man in her life, the expanse of time known as "the future" she didn't know how to fill. The bus ride was short, empty faces and blank expressions leaving her filled with sadness. What a change from her happy morning. All these thoughts, all these feelings, and all Bella wanted to do was forget them entirely. What she saw at the bottom of her stairwell did cheer her up quite a bit.

Edward.

Tall, long limbed, leather jacketed, ripped jeans. Quite unlike a man from the early 1900s and quite like the hottest thing she'd ever seen in the 21st century. His eyes were dark, his figure so still she would have figured him for a wax statue of the Sexiest Man on Earth. Her mind went blissfully blank.

"Edward, you're early." Her voice teased, not angry at all.

"Bella... I found something on your doorstop."

His eyes were dark and dangerous, in his hands an envelope with red wax on the outside. Her heart raced. Her mouth went dry. He knew.

"It's not what you think - I'm sure it's one of the copycats. You know they've found lots of these copycat letters around town, at least ten women have come forward. Really. Edward, it's no big deal, I mean, who would want to kill me? Really? Me? Who am I? I'm no one, no one at all, no one special." Her voice waivered, her insecurities bubbling up

"Perhaps quite the opposite," his eyes dark as they moved over her body, "if only you'd believe that. Let's get you inside." She turned her eyes down, up the stairwell with the tall dark and handsome behind her. The box on her doorstep was huge, making her crack a grin at Alice's overwhelming antics. Bella's ears turned a shade of crimson as Edward moved to pick up the box, closing in above her and breathing his sweet, minty breath down her face. It was impossible to think clearly when all she wanted was to press him to the door and hump his leg.

His lips descended onto her forehead, brushing back and forth, soft and cold as they sent shivers down her body. He took the keys from her hand and unlocked the door, and it was all she could do to muster up the brain power to back slowly through the door. Edward drifted his fingertips over her face, slowly and gently, almost reverently. Bella's lips fell open, and his mouth hovered over hers taking her exhalations and making them his own. They stood in the doorway in a way that would have made Bella gag if she weren't knees deep in this attraction, bound and pulled toward him in a way thrilling and deadly.

"Okay, shall we see what Alice has sent you?" His voice broke the spell and Bella's hands shook as she scooped the box up and moved to her bedroom, gulping air greedily. The box was large, and the ribbon was easily untied with the lid lifted off.

"Oh Edward, it's really perfect!" He was behind her, smirking against the doorway, watching her with eager eyes. The dress was a muted royal purple, plunging v with an empire waist and knee length chiffon. Perfectly elegant, simple, and ready to watch her friend put a ring on her man. Underneath the dress, Alice had packed a pair of champagne peep-toed stilettos, their red soles glinting obviously in the low light of her cheap rent apartment.

"I can't possibly accept this Edward. I really can't." It was said sadly, accepting that as perfect as the outfit was, it was going back in the box.

"You'll break her heart if you give it back; you should really take it." He was behind her, closer, impossibly close. Bella tilted back, his whole body against hers. His hands wrapped around her, dangling two long earrings made of champagne pearls.

"These are from me. On loan of course, in lieu of flowers or a corsage or whatever people are doing now. Since I think I am going to be your date after all."

"Only if you want to come... but I would be most obliged."

He spun her around, lips descending, and her dress so perfectly chosen by Alice was tossed gently on the cream chair in the corner. Bella's leg locked around his own as he laid her down on the bed in front of them, dress box thudding loudly on the floor. Their tongues met and she was lightheaded at the slightest touch. He was careful, always so careful, but when he shifted slightly, Bella rolled completely so that she was on top of him. Finally, the power was all hers. Her hips shifted as though it weren't dangerous, her arms squeezing his shoulders roughly as her teeth scraped his lip. As if someone so strong could be impacted by something so small. And still, his head shifted, glorious jaw ready for the taking, and she was finally selfish. Her tongue met his smooth skin, missing the human stubble but not nearly enough to make it any less of a fantasy come true.

He lifted her off of him quite suddenly, moving as a blur to her human eyes, to the doorway again. His voice was rough as he spoke.

"I need to fill your hole."

"Um... what?" Her inner monologue ran much dirtier - I'd say it's time for a "that's what she said."

"I put a hole in your drywall just now. I'll need to patch it."

He was out the door, and Bella watched out the window as he sped off on his motorbike and she finally cleared enough to see the fist sized dent in between the whitewash rails of her headboard. Whoops.

Edward worked on the drywall while Bella made dinner, silent in his way. She ate dinner alone at the table, staring out into the Seattle night. He walked across the kitchen, hands over the sink, before he moved to wash the putty off of them.

"I shouldn't have done that."

"What, Edward? Punch the hole or kiss me?"

"I'm lucky I punched a hole in something replaceable and not something priceless - you." His self loathing was all across his face, angry and defeated and really and truly heart breaking.

"You have got to stop hating yourself for it! How is this going to work if all we ever do is regret spending time together, Edward."

"I could never regret it, I just wish things were simpler. Wish we were equals, or at least innocently holding hands instead of moving on your bed making me want things I haven't wanted or had to worry about."

Bella shook her head in disbelief. "You wish we didn't make out? Wish I didn't want to have sex with you as soon as decently possible? I'm sorry for having a sex drive and normal wants, buddy, but that's the way it is." Her face blushed but she meant it. She was old enough to want this, need this, and it wasn't ridiculous.

"I know, I know, I know... I just don't know what to do."

"...You've never?" Her jaw dropped a bit, unsure of how to proceed. He was old - literally, old enough to have been there, done that so many times.

His head ducked, obviously embarrassed. "I have, no, I have. It was a long time ago and it was with a very different woman. It's strange, how cavalier sex seems now."

"Well, Edward, let's have this uncomfortable conversation now, I guess. I've had sex more than that. I'm not going to apologize for not being a virgin for you. I'm a grown woman, and at least now we don't marry as 15 year olds. I lost it as a 16 year old to my high school boyfriend. Then dated a guy seriously in college for 2 years. And I've scratched the itch a time or two."

"I'm not upset at you, Bella, I just don't... I don't know how to do that. To sleep with someone I don't love. To go there again. Vampires are very attached creatures, the routine and companionship gets to us. I've never felt so blissfully in my own head with you - I'm not constantly barraged by your thoughts. I can relax and think and you draw me in even still, and for the first time in my life I wish I knew what you were thinking."

"Right now? I don't really want to let you in on it. I'm feeling a little judged and pissed, frankly."

"Darling Bella. I'm not thinking you are some scarlet woman... not at all. I know modern practices are different. You've had sex. More than I have. For once, you have the advantage here. Not that I am sure that's possible to even accomplish."

"We can't sleep together? I can't just put a leather strap between your teeth and hop on?"

"If I could blush now... I would be. Jasper says it's possible, he lived for such a while with humans. But he killled them later. He didn't care like I care. I just don't know if I can risk it."

"This is like the best thing ever for a sex ed teacher. Sex could literally kill."

The conversation ended there, trying not to be any more awkward than possible. Soon enough they were joking about Bella's total lack of closet organization, Edward's freakishly long toes, and putting on a John Hughes movie. Edward knew the character's lines flawlessly, saying something about his photographic memory, but Bella guessed he had just seen them so many times. Who hadn't seen the Breakfast Club a hundred times? Bedtime was a modest affair, Bella's feelings still chuffed from his potential judgement. She wished she could see in his mind to know his real thoughts. She didn't regret her past sexual encounters, but wondered if he regretted them for her. Kisses stayed chaste, but as she turned away from him to sleep, he settled in behind her. He pulled himself to her, cool body pressed top to toe behind her with his sweet minty breath sliding over her neck raising goosebumps.

"Sorry, are you cold?" His voice was a whisper, almost inaudible, and she pulled the covers tighter and shook her head. "I'm sorry, darling, if I made you feel poorly. You are perfect, everything about you suits me. It's just so frustrating and I haven't ever felt lacking or unsure about anything before ever. Not in the life that I can recall."

She turned around, keeping their full body contact, and wrapped her arms around him. "I know you are. I just wonder what our lives would have been had we met in high school or something, what life would be like then."

"Probably very melodramatic," he answered wryly.

"I can't help wanting you, Edward. But I understand your motives and issues here. We'll just slow it down. You decide when things escalate."

"I'd like to escalate things right now, Bella. I just wanted to tell you, that here in your arms, I know something for certain."

"And that certain something is...?"

"That I am in love with you."

Her eyes dilated, already wide in the night, and her breath came short. L. Lo. Lov. Love.

"Please don't reciprocate. I mean it. Keep the words and if you feel them sometime, please let me know, but I'd like you to know that I really do. It's certain. As right as anything I have ever known." Her mouth was on him, sweet and gentle, and her head tucked under his chin, heart swollen and scared and hopeful. This was the future she was looking for. She was fast asleep in moments.

The news was clear in the morning as Bella turned the TV on, making tea, as Edward insisted on making the bed. Another girl murdered. Another life destroyed.

Perhaps now was the time for these tough questions she did not want to ask because she feared the answers.