A/N: This website is confusing the life out of me. Anyway…

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING BEYOND THIS BOLD SECTION. I MAKE NO PROFIT AND OFFEND NO ONE

So here goes my first shot. Exciting. Please Please Please review and tell me if you think it's crap or not. I think it's pretty dandy. It could use some love here and there, but it's my first so play fair.

Oh and reviews will keep me going so, keep that in mind if you want me to finish transcribing all the conversation from the rest. Seriously there is a lot of it and I don't want to do it for naught.

Much love, enjoy!

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Isabella was in my arms. Isabella was warm and alive and in my arms. My beautiful Bella was safe with me. My angel in the darkness of this life was once again shinning through the shadow.

The thoughts in Rosalie and Emmett's mind meant nothing to me, I don't think I could even hear them. Not once on the way home from SeaTac did my eyes drift from her resting face and body. I slowly rubbed her back and pulled her further into my stone chest.

The red-eyed monster that lived in my mind was reaching out for her, but not to kill her. No, no he wanted to hold her living body and protect her once again. My monster didn't care that her smell was more potent than it ever had been. He didn't care that she was resting defenseless in my arms and that my mouth was so close to any part of her. He was just relieved that she was alive and that the pain from being away from her was gone.

Yes, the pain. I cringed beneath her remembering it. I could never forgive myself if I knew that I had caused her anywhere near that much pain. The pain that all but killed me. It ripped ever centimeter of my body apart. Every part that had touched her, even through clothing, burned and stabbed and ripped being away from her. The sweet relief that I felt now would have brought tears to my eyes if a vampire could cry. Almost as if she knew what I needed she pulled herself more into my chest and took a deep breath and her body relaxed a little more. She sighed and in the sigh my name came out, as if it was resting in the back of her throat waiting to make an appearance.

All too soon we were stopped at a wet house on a wet street in the wet town on a dark day in Washington. It had been such a long time since I had been to this house, but still I remembered it perfectly. Rosalie got out and opened the door for me and I stepped out of the car. Carlisle had parked behind us and everyone got out of his car too.

"Bella!" shouted an irate Chief Charlie Swan. His mind was nothing but a string of profanities with my name and Bella's mingled in. Instinctively I pulled Bella into my chest more to protect her from his mind.

"Charlie?" she murmured softly. Her voice was like the dawn of a spring morning, all beauty and softness. "Shh. It's okay' you're home and safe. Just sleep." Yes we were both home and safe. I can't be sure if her home was the house of her father or in my arms.

"I can't believe that you have the nerve to show your face here!" I'm going to get my gun. I swear I will shoot him if her doesn't let go of her. I won't let her slip back into her depression. I will kill him and go to jail for life before I let that happen to her again. Yeah, I guess I deserve that. I had heard Alice and Charlie's discussion even though she tried to hide it from me. I now knew it all because Charlie's mind was drifting back to her dark days and the beast inside of me snarled at him to stop. The pain was coming back even though she was in my arms like a beacon of light.

"Stop it dad," she mumbled again only a little louder. Once again it like she knew what I needed, like she could read my mind.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie yelled now only a few steps away from me. "She's just very tired, Charlie. Please let her rest," I pleaded with him. That's Chief Swan boy, his mind yelled in protest. "Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

But my hands did the reverse. I couldn't give her up, not now, not after all we had been through. I gripped her even tighter, but I knew better. I extended my arms to pass her off but this time her hands grabbed my shirt tighter than I ever though imaginable. Charlie started pulling on her arm and I worried that he would hurt her. "Cut it out dad," she demanded. This time she opened her unfocused eyes to the dim day trying to find him to glare. "Be mad at me." How could anyone be mad at my angel? "You bet I will be! Get inside."

No, I didn't like that. She had risked her life to save me, once again I might add, even though I had already destroyed her. She was brave beyond her years and was more kind than I deserved. I deserved to be killed by the Volturi, and the fact that she was alive didn't change that account. My brave, fragile, soft Isabella. "'Kay. Let me down," she asked.

NO! I thought that she was in tune with what I needed. Letting her out of my arms was not on that list not matter how short of a time that we would be apart. But I did as she asked and gently put my angel on her feet. She still looked like she was half asleep and confirmed my belief when she collapsed after two steps. Quick like a vampire I grabbed her before she was hurt. "Just let me get her upstairs. Then I'll leave." I knew that the words weren't true but they still burned and only increased the pain I was feeling more.

I deserved a fate worse than death. I deserved to be a vampire.

"No," she cried fully waking up looking back up at me with fear in her eyes. . Her whole body was in a panic frenzy and it hurt even more knowing that this was her response believing that I wouldn't come back. I couldn't ever leave her again. The few minutes that it would be when I wasn't touching her, breathing her in, would bring back every ounce of pain that I felt for the past…God how long was it? It feels like an eternity.

"I won't be far," I whispered softly only for her. There was still a part of my mind that was staying in my families mind and I could see Alice's vision that I would be back here in less than five minutes after we left. I picked her up again and carried her into the house with Charlie not far behind me. Her breathing deepened by the time I was at the staircase telling me that she was asleep again.

My steps were silent as not to wake her while Charlie blundered up behind me. His mind was still dancing around the idea of grabbing his gun and putting one in my back as I left. It was still less than what I truly deserved. I put her softly on her bed and she automatically rolled into a ball on her side. I could see in Charlie's mind that this was a habit she picked up when I had left. I lifted her just a bit to pull her sheets down and then over her. "Sweet dreams, my Bella," I whispered to her knowing that Charlie was so wrapped up in his own mind that he couldn't hear me. A small smile lit up her face at the sound of my voice and it felt like a raging ball of fire had just hit me square in the chest. But it was a good pain; it was a relief so strong that it hurt. I pulled her door silently shut behind Charlie and me. "You ever walk through my door again boy, and I will kill you. I will never let you hurt my Bella again." The beast snarled ferociously at the phrase 'my Bella' because she wasn't his.

Isabella Marie Swan was mine. Even if she didn't love me anymore, she was still mine. I would do all in my power to make her love me again if it came to it.

I nodded, but not in agreement. "Good night Chief Swan," was all I said to him. I walked down the stairs and outside to the waiting car, hearing nothing but Bella's heartbeat. As Emmett sped home I could still hear her heartbeat and I held onto it the farther away I was.

I barely noticed as I raced through the house that while we, the three of us, were gone that the rest of them had moved in. I ran up to my room out of habit and tore off my clothes, not even bothering to do it properly, and tried to put a new set on. I could still hear her heart beating and it made me too hasty that I ripped one outfit apart. I took a deep breath trying to slow myself and I slid on a new outfit. I nearly pulled my door off its hinges when I went to open it. I wasn't expecting to see Rosalie on the other side of it and I nearly bumped into her. For once in all the time I have known her, her mind was completely silent. Her face looked guilty and hurt but her mind was silent. We stared at each other for a moment.

"Run to her Edward."

And I did. I ran harder and faster than when I was tearing myself away from her. I listened as the most meaningful sound in the world grew louder and louder. For some reason that I couldn't understand I stopped just on the edge of her yard. There was still some part of me that couldn't believe that I was really here. I had pleaded for this for so long that it didn't seem real, finally getting it. Without permission my mind walked back to the last time that I was standing in this forest. When I had broken my Bella. I had loved her so much that I was blinded enough to leave her. How could she possibly love me after that? If I will always hate myself for it then she must be of the same mind. But then again, she always surprised me by doing what I didn't expect. No, no this time she would do what I expect and when she opens her eyes she is going to tell me that she doesn't love me.

It took two heartbeats for me to depress myself and that was all I could handle standing away from her. I could hear Charlie still rumbling around the house. He was planning against me and praying that Bella wouldn't turn back into what she was. He saw a horribly pale and empty girl walking around the house. He even remembered the calls that the teachers made voicing their concerns about her. That girl in his mind wasn't the one I was looking at right now. Before me was my perfect Bella. It was true that she looked thinner and paler and I knew that it was my fault, but I didn't love her any less. I crossed her room and saw from my peripheral vision that I was gone four minutes, but that was too long a time.

Without hesitation I crawled onto her bed next to her and she instinctively rolled over into my arms. If she loved me in her sleep, could she love me in her waking? I prayed that it would be true, but I didn't hope for it. Her scent was once again the comfortable burn in my throat and stomach. I had been away from it so long that that particular pain insanely relieved my body. The monster in my mind was at peace and smiled that she was once again in our arms. Charlie went to fall asleep on the couch, still remembering his zombie daughter. The only defense I had was burying my face in her hair and holding on to her tighter. "Please love me Bella, I need you in my life" I whispered every few minutes. I was substituting the word forgive with love because in my mind it was all the same thing. If she loved me then she might forgive me someday. But if she just forgave me, there was no guarantee that she would love me.

She slept like a small child. Never letting herself get to far from me, which caused me undeserved hope. In my mind I tried to plan out what I would say to her when she woke up. There are so many things that I want to say to her that I have no idea where to start. Every so often I murmured that I loved her and that I was sorry. Some of the time she would smile, other times she gripped her chest in a strange way and bury herself more into my chest. I didn't understand her reaction, but I was sure that she would explain it to me. Or I would see the truth in Charlie's mind.

I looked around her room and saw how barren it was. I remember her having books and CD's and other various bobbles, but there was none of that now. I could see in her garbage that she had thrown away a lot of her CD's. Her big Jane Austen book was tucked away on the top shelf of her closet along with many other romance novels.

Good God, what had I done? Did I break her heart so badly that she couldn't love any of the things she loved before? Yes, I knew I did. Her irrational love for me and my never-ending love for her told me that I took more than just myself away.

I glanced at the clock and it read 5 in the evening. Charlie was up again and making himself dinner, debating whether or not to wake up Bella and offer her some. He decided against it and I was relieved that I didn't have to pull myself from her just yet. Without any warning she began to moan and whimper in her sleep. I could see the pressure building behind her eyelids as the tears welled up. Charlie heard the noise she was making. Damn that boy to Hell. He did this to her. She hasn't had a decent nights sleep in half a year. Now that he has come back it will only make it worse. Good thing my Bella is smart enough not to take him back. Then again, she held onto him like she never wanted to let go. Charlie's mind continued on weighing the chances that she would take me back or not.

"Edward? Edward where are you? Come back to me!" and the tears escaped from her eyes. I broke my precious porcelain Bella. "I'm here Bella. I came back for you," I tried to soothe her. I hummed her lullaby in her ear and wiped her tears away. If I could cry, I would. I kissed her forehead again and again until she stopped crying. Her breathing became deeper and I knew that she wasn't dreaming anymore. I couldn't hold her any tighter to my body without crushing her, but I wanted too. I wanted to pull her deep inside of me like I was a cave and protect her for forever. I wanted to do and be everything that I was before I made the wretched, stupid, moronic, jackass, evil decision to leave her.

Evil. That is a great description for it. It caused both of us nothing but pain and almost our lives.

Seeing Bella in that horrid castle in Volterra was enraging. She should never have had to be in such an evil place. Once again it was my fault that she was in a dangerous situation, but I'm not leaving again. It was leaving to protect her from a dangerous life that dragged her to the worst situation imaginable. And of course, it was the one situation that my constant fretting didn't see coming. If the world was hand awards out for biggest moron who could do the most damage to another person, I would take first without question. I wish someone would just hit me with a car. I know it wouldn't help and I don't know why I want it. It just seems like something Bella would say if she were miserable like I am.

Great, now I'm back to thinking about how miserable she must be. If someone just hit me with a car it would put me out of my misery. It might save Bella from having to get rid of me herself. It can't be possible for her to love me. It can't be possible for me to ever stop loving her. It doesn't matter that she touched me in the same ways or is holding me like she still loves me. I can see what I did to her in Charlie's mind. I might as well have just stabbed her through the chest and stared at her while she bled out on the ground.

I shivered in reaction to letting my mind go there. Picturing a lifeless Bella still, and always will, hurt me.

Attempting to think in any direction only made the pain worse, which I deserve. Waiting seems to be the punishment that the fates have given me for now.

And so I waited. I watched my beloved Bella sleep in my arms. Hours slipped by as I stopped my mind from doing anything by rememorizing her. I had no idea what I would say when she woke up. I had no idea what she would say when she woke up. All I knew was that I would make her love me again somehow.

There were a few times when she would shiver and grab her chest again. She also said my name. Charlie didn't even bother checking on her again before he went to bed. He listened to the door for a few minutes then wandered to his room muttering about what I had done. I still deserved taking a few bullets to the back, but we both were going to let Bella decide what I would suffer.

Slowly her breath began to get shallower. Her muscles twitched as she awoke from her slumber.