Gainful Employment

Author: Lucidscreamer
Series: Epilogue (crackfic division); see my profile for the series list and recommended reading order.
Genre: humor (aka crack!fic); mostly gen (mild, implied YamixYugi)
Note: Part of my post-canon universe that starts with "…Whom the King Loves"
Summary: A bored Yami goes looking for a job. Chaos ensues - most of it on Kaiba Corp property. *evilgrin*

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! was created by Kazuki Takahashi

No one had even suggested that Yami attend high school, for which he was grateful. He didn't think Yugi would appreciate Yami sending the unlucky bearer of such a suggestion to the Shadow Realm, which would have been his first impulse. He had received quite enough education from his palace tutors, thank you very much, and had a working knowledge of the modern world thanks to his bond with Yugi, from when the two of them still shared Yugi's body. Still, it left Yami with quite a few hours of the day to fill, while Yugi finished his own high school career. And a bored Yami was no one's idea of a Good Thing.

Put simply, the Pharaoh needed a job.

Grandpa Mutou had happily put Yami to work in the game shop - having an instantly recognizable Duel Monsters world champion on staff was a boon to business - and Yami didn't mind helping out, but he knew it was not something he wanted to do forever. Or even more than a few weeks, if he could avoid it. The work was simple - and that was the problem.

Yami needed something that offered him a challenge, either physically or mentally. He did not consider "menial" labor beneath him, despite the position he had held in the ancient past. Here in Domino City, his titles meant less than nothing. He would gladly work with his hands, should the opportunity present itself. Of course, opportunity was the other problem. He had no references, and no past experience he could put on a resume. "Former absolute ruler and god-king" sounded impressive, but who would believe it?

And then Yami realized that there was one person in Domino who knew the truth about him.

So, he went to see Seto Kaiba.

-o0o-

"You want what?"

Yami met Kaiba's affronted glare with a calm expression that did little to hide the smirk lurking in his eyes as he repeated himself. "A job."

"With my company? Are you insane?"

Kaiba returned to his chair - which he had bolted out of in the aftermath of Yami's bland announcement - with a graceless thump. His right hand twitched toward the silver case containing his deck. It seemed to be an involuntary reaction, like a child reaching for a security blanket after waking from a bad dream, and amused Yami to no end.

Kaiba calmed himself with a visible effort. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't call security and have them throw you out on your ass."

"Other than the fact that anyone attempting to do so will get an express trip to the Shadow Realm?" Yami shrugged. "I'll duel you."

Hand already halfway to the intercom, Seto froze. Yami had been quite adamant about refusing all challengers since returning from Egypt. "…What?"

"I'll duel you. If I win, you have to hire me. If I lose-" Like that was going to happen. "-you'll have regained your world champion status." In a gesture dripping with nonchalance, Yami made a show of studying his nails. "Of course, if you aren't interested-"

"I'll do it."

Yami smiled. Sometimes, you had to make your own opportunities.

-o0o-

Yami won the duel. Damn him.

And the smirk - the smirk that haunted Seto's nightmares - was back on the Pharaoh's face. Seto gritted his teeth and reminded himself that punching Yami would only get him, Seto, a one-way ticket on the Mind Crush Express. Been there, done that, bought the fucking travel brochure. Besides, if he got himself Mind Crushed again, Mokuba would kill him.

Seto sighed as he stalked along the empty corridor leading away from the dueling arena, long strides eating up the carpet. Beside him, Yami was practically jogging to keep up. Seto pinned on a smirk of his own and lengthened his stride. His mind was racing even faster than his legs. He had lost the duel, so now he had to give Yami a job.

Fuck.

"So," said the Yami in question. "Any ideas for my new position?"

Six feet under came to mind. Seto narrowly managed to shunt that comment aside, but the one right behind it made it past his self-preservation filters. "How about 'Vice-President in Charge of Leaving Me the Hell Alone'?"

"What kind of salary comes with that?"

Seto almost gaped at him before realizing Yami was yanking his chain. "When did you get a sense of humor?" he demanded, feeling as if he'd missed an important memo.

"I've always had one. I simply do not normally share it with anyone but Yugi."

"And yet you've chosen to inflict it on me. Gee. I feel so special."

"As well you should."

"…I hate you."

Yami smirked at him.

Seto stifled a groan. Maybe he could open up a branch office in Antarctica and appoint Yami as its head….

Author's note: While I consider this part complete in itself, I'm leaving the fic set to "in-progress," as each "chapter" will be a self-contained ficlet set in the same universe and dealing with similar situations.