The End Of The Beginning

Firstly I want to say that this story was written a long, long time ago, when I was absolutely and completely devastated by Rochelle's death.

(Raise your hands if you agree)

It started off as a one shot, but then a plot bunny snuck up on me and bit, and so, I shall continue.

Anyways I really, really hope people enjoy this!

Disclaimer : Guardians of Time is really not mine. I wish Ethan were but unfortunately he is not. So please don't sue me.

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Prologue – The Way We Are

Ethan's POV

I started deep into the lake, its water frothing and swirling in the evening breeze. The sun was setting, its blood red rays setting the glassy lake ablaze in golden sparkles. The sky above me was like a canvas, lit up in tropical reds and pinks and oranges and purples.

Three weeks ago I would never have noticed any of this. But I had changed. Things had changed. The beauty of Nature surrounded me. Too bad all I could thing about was another beauty – the beauty of a person who had made my life finally make sense for a whole two glorious moments.

Before being killed of course. Because things like that never last for me. That feeling of completion that had enswathed me with Rochelle in my arms had been so heady… so exhilarating. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I picked up a smooth rock and hurled it to the other side of the lake, pouring all my anger and frustration and sorrow and regret into it. With the combined force of physical and mental prowess, it soared high over the waters and landed somewhere on the other side of the lake.

It had been my fault. How could I have been so bloody stupid, not to have seen what was right in front of me. Not to have recognized what we shared from the moment I set my eyes on her. And even when deep inside I did, not to have acted on it and protected her from the ugliness of the world she was in. I should have been there for her, like sher very presence, unknowingly, was there for me. I should have shielded her from all the mistrust, from the accusations and the blind, stupid, bigoted hatred of the Guard, and made her feel wanted and loved, and God knows if I had maybe, just maybe, she'd still be here today.

With me.

The thought was almost too painful to bear. It gripped my heart with tantalising promise, only making her absence seem all the more painful and my life, all the more hollow and empty. For the billionth time in the last three weeks, I silently called out to her, begging her to come back to me.

I heard the dull thud of footsteps behind me, but I didn't turn around. I didn't want to. It had to be someone from the Guard, but I'm not ready to face them yet. I don't ever think I will be.

I felt Isabel move my rucksack from beside me and take its place, silent and warm. On the other side of me, Dillon sat down, throwing a nervous glance at me profile.

I felt tendrils of rage stir within me, and so I kept my gaze resolute on a spot in the lake. Dillon just pissed me off. Even though I know blaming him was petty and silly, and that Rochelle's death was not his fault, it made it easier for me to make someone else the scapegoat. Someone apart from me.

"Hey", said Isabel softly. I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks, ever since Rochelle died. Ever since I packed up my clothes, a tent and some money into my rucksack and left. To be alone for a bit, I had told her.

Apparently she defined "bit" as "three weeks one day and 18 hours".

I turned to her and nodded in stoic acknowledgement. She looked tired and stressed. Her sun kissed hair was rumpled in a haphazard ponytail, and she had smidgeons of dirt on her face. She looked older, so much more mature. It was in her eyes, those deep brown eyes. That zealous, almost reckless enthusiasm that usually lit it was now replaced with almost resignation. She had aged. But then again I think we all did.

And if that's what Rochelle's death had done to her, I can barely imagine what I look like.

"Ethan I…", started Dillon hesitantly, and I clenched my fists involuntarily.

He stopped, realising that a direct approach was really not going to sit well with my frayed nerves.

"This was her favourite spot", he started again, softly this time. "I remember she used to come here whenever she could and just sit and stare. I used to make so much fun of her, calling her a romantic sap."

I know its her favourite spot you dimwit. That's why I'm here.

"Ethan I know its my fault", he suddenly let out brokenly. "And I blame myself for it ever single day. And I'm so sorry. I know that you'll never really find it in you to forgive me. But I need you to know that I regret every word I said that day. And if I had the chance Ethan, I would have run off into that forest myself instead of Roh"

"Don't you dare talk about her like you care!" I spat at him, something inside me snapping. "She cared about you, you know! So much! I could see it even if you didn't. You were like a brother to her. Kin. She thought you two were the same. Both defected from the Order, both struggling to fit in, to make sense of a new world. And then you…"

My voice broke. But I still had much to say.

"She was the strongest of us. All her life she's been betrayed, by everyone she's ever trusted. What she had been through no one had and she still found it in her to be so good, so… pure. First it was her father, her only family, and you know what he did to her. And then Marduke, who she thought was looking out for her. And all he was doing was using her for his own gain. And still she found it in her to make the right choice at the right time. Even though she knew about the prophecy and what it would imply for her. And then…us. The Guard. The apparent good guys. We constantly belittled her, constantly accused her, and mistrusted her and…hurt her. Me included. Me especially. And still she fought for us, protected us, took unnecessary risks…almost drowned. She sacrificed herself for the Guard. She accepted Lorians.."gift", even though she knew it would just distance her from us. Make people mistrust her more. Make her a target. And that's just what happened. But still she fought, fought with everything she had in the final battle. She even uncovered the real traitor. And then you…"

My voice broke again, even though my eyes were dry. They had dried out a long time ago. Dillon just started at me, glimmering rivulets of tears down his cheeks, Beside me I could feel Isabel stiffen too, and she took my hand in hers.

****

Isabel's POV

So much anger, so much of it.

It broke my heart to see what my best friend had become,

I took his hand softly in mine, wiping my eyes with my other hand. I couldn't feel his pain, no one ever could know what it felt like. Just the thought of living without Arkarian makes my blood run cold. I could shudder at what Ethan must be going through, But I had to tell him what I came here to do. I had to help him heal, help him recover, get him away from the vicious raging inferno of anger and frustration that was threatening to take over him.

"Ethan you know that's not completely true.", I said softly. "You know its barely Dillon's fault. That it would have happened anyways."

He sighed, and I felt tears well up again. He looked so defeated. So…withdrawn. So unlike what he used to be.

"I know", he said softly. "I know."

Still not looking at Dillon he continued, "Dillon I know you're not to blame. And this Is NOT an apology. I can never forgive you for what you said to her. But I know that I'm just about as much to blame as you are. And I don't think I can ever forgive me either."

He muttered the last bit under his breath but I heard him.

Oh God. I felt like hugging him so hard, and shielding him from all the sorrows of the world. And then chasing down the bastard who wrote the prophesy.

I decided that there was no opportune moment to tell him what I was here to say, so I simply dove in.

"Ethan you have to come back", I said softly. "We need you back"

"I'm not ready to come back", he snapped immediately and then his expression softened and he amended himself. "Isabel I don't think I would even be much use for the Guard. I'm…I'm a complete mess. I can barely think let alone fight or scavenge or whatever it is you want me to do. I need to just be alone right now. I need to clear my head. I need space"

I wasn't giving up so easy.

"Its been three weeks Ethan. You've been camping out here for three weeks and you have to come back now. We're all…we're all so worried for you. Shawn's a mess. Laura is breaking down all over again and the rest of us…"

He turned to say something but I silenced him,

"Look at what you've done to yourself", I said, my voice mirroring the tears ready to spill from my eyes. "You've changed so much. I know you need to heal Ethan, and this is the worst time for me to call you back but you need to know we're there for you. You need to be around people right now Eth, people who love you and care for you. So much has happened Ethan. We really need you."

He had changed. So much. His dark hair was long and messy, falling to shadow his eyes. He had lost weight; he looked rangier and…wilder and more muscular. His jaw line had become more defined, as had the hollows of his eyes. He had dark stubble on his chin, and his hands were grimy and calloused. His eyes, instead of the cheerful blue were a dark, dead sapphire, and were line a stone wall. Blank, hard, and utterly impregnable.

Those dark, cold eyes flickered as he caught on to something she said. Beside her Dillon swore softly under his breath,

"What do you mean so much has happened?", he asked stonily.

"Isabel…", said Dillon in a warning tone.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you because no one knew how you'd react.', said Isabel stubbornly. "But you need to come back. And if this is what brings you to us again, then so be it. After you…left, we started rooting out all the remaining members of the Order. They were scattered, defenceless and confused so it wasn't all that challenging. But we didn't realise that someone had survived the battle. Keziah, the wizard. I don't know how he did it, but he somehow rallied some of the remaining members of the Order and ambushed us. All the members of the Tribunal fell Ethan. He cast some dark, malovelent magic and aimed it right at the tribunal itself. Like some final show of spite. We captured him, got out the identities of the remaining members of the Order and he's on his deathbed, but Ethan we lost so many. Lord Penabrin is the last one left…and he's calling for all the Named one last time."

Ethan's face was like a storm cloud, and I felt his hands ball up in mine.

"How much more…", he whispered to no one in particular. "How many more deaths will we have to weather. When will it all be over .Finally over"

I tried to pacify him but he got up abruptly, and I got to see exactly how much he had changed. Picking up some scarps of paper lying by the river, he packed them into his bag, and tied up his rolled up tent to it too. Walking over towards the forest's edge, I noticed a tied pile of wooden logs. An axe that was glinting on the floor disappeared at his single glance, and his levitated the pile of logs away from the edge of the lake.

I cocked my eyebrow at him in curiosity.

"I found that physical exercise kept my mind off… things", he said in a clipped tone.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, enveloped in something that I had come to recognize.

Despair.

And so we made our way to Arkarian's chambers, in a comfortable, amiable and very out of character silence.

****

THERE we go!

Dedicated to - Debbers And Her Love For Bug Names

PS – I love reviews!