HIGHLIGHT A TWILIGHT PARODY CHAPTER 3: SMELLA IS SAVED FROM TYLER'S MEANIE VAN BY HER ADONIS, DEADWARD. YES I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY LONG CHAPTER HEADING, DEAL WITH IT CHILDREN!
*PREVIOUSLY, IN HIGHLIGHT*
SMELLA: Bitch moan bitch bitch moan!
DEADWARD: I'm really hot.
Smella: Moan bitch moan?
Deadward: Ew I can't stand smelling you in our biology class all day, I'm switching classes!
Smella: Biiiiiiiiiitch moaaaaaaaaaaan mooooooooooaaaan!
*AND NOW, CHAPTER 3*
Smella: I can't believe Deadward switched classes because of me, how could he do such a thing when I love him and want to marry him!?
Karlie: Oh Smella, just because Deadward is the sexiest thing since buttered bread doesn't mean that you have to automatically love him. I mean he was a jerk to you, shouldn't you be hating him instead of obsessing about what you did wrong and how beautiful he is?
Smella: Karlie you just don't understand teenaged girls!
Karlie: Well if you're the future of America I should just go kill myself right now.
Smella: What did you say? I was just thinking about Deadward and I didn't hear you.
Karlie: Nothing oh great and wonderful Steph- I mean Smella!
Smella: Okay Karlie, I'm just going to go and cook dinner because everyone knows it's the only thing women are good for. And in about one year I'm going to go and get pregnant with Deadward's hellspawn because babies are the only other thing we're good for!
Karlie: *Mumbles* Why oh why did your mother have to try to abort you with a coat hanger?...
Smella: Just go fishing and leave me alone! I'm going to listen to Linkin Park and Muse because their lyrics are more emotional than this entire book series!
Karlie: Alright, I'll leave you to have wet dreams about this boy you just met and I'll go have sex with Willy.
Smella: *STARE*
Karlie: Um... I mean GO FISHING! *Runs out door*
Pet Cactus: You are a terrible role model Smella!
Smella: I can't stand you speaking the truth anymore Pet Cactus *Cocks gun* It's time to put you down.
Pet Cactus: NOOOOOOOO!
*Gunshot*
*The next day*
Smella: I can't believe Deadward still isn't at school! He's been gone for days now, every moment I don't see his wonderful, amazing, hot, super, face is a moment that I feel great chagrin!
CHAGRIN WORD COUNT: 1
Jessica: Smella, can you please stop thinking about Deadward? I mean you just saw him and already you think about nothing else besides him, isn't that a little... unhealthy?
Smella: No, YOU are unhealthy! You want to go to the school dance with Mike, and you said Deadward was cute!
Jessica: Yes I did, but I still hang out with my other friends and focus on other things besides the guy I have a crush on.
Smella: It doesn't matter, the Twilight fangirls will still love me reguardless of how bitchy and stupid I am.
Jessica: Sadly, I think you're right.
Mike: Well of course, my beloved Smella is always right!
Eric: Smella will you please look at me instead of staring at the Mullets' lunch table?
Smella: No way Eric, now leave me alone you guys. Your shallow teenage values are distracting me from fantisizing about the guy I just met.
Mike: Whatever you say my future wife!
*The Next day*
Smella: *sniffle* He didn't even show up for biology today, how am I going to live without him?
Tyler: Jeez I really hate that Smella Yawn, why does everyone worship her when she's such a bitch to them?
Tyler's Van: We should kill her Tyler, KILL HER! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Tyler: Yes! It's perfect! We'll even make it look like an accident, it is really icy out right now. No one will suspect us!
Smella: OMG I see Deadward across the parking lot, I can't believe he really came back for me!
Deadward: Oh shit is Smella checking out my ass again?
Casper: *NOD*
Blemish: Well you DO have the most perfect ass in the universe Deadward, sometimes I even like to check you out.
*Awkward silence among the Mullet kids*
Posalie: That's it, no sex for a week Blemish.
Blemish: But Posalie I think that maybe I might be... Gay...
Malice: But Blemish, you know homosexuality is forbidden in the world of Stephenie Meyer, I mean stalking, emotional abuse, and sexual grooming/ pedophilia are fine but certainly not homosexuality!
Blemish: I am so sorry please forgive me oh great Stephenie Meyer!
Stephenie Meyer: *Eats 10 big macs*
Smella: AAAHHH! Tyler's van is coming towards me and there is absolutely no time for me to get away on my own! Oh won't a sexy, strong man please save weak, human, me?
Deadward: Oh no! Smella smells like the new Arby's BLT sandwich! That is my sandwich foolish vehicle!
*Deadward stops van with face*
Mike: Wow, I totally didn't see Deadward Mullet just stop that car with his face!
Eric: And I totally didn't hear any noise when his face stopped that car!
Everyone in the school: OH NO SMELLA! OUR PERFECT GODDESS COULD BE HURT! *All of them dial 911*
Smella: Oh Deadward your sexiness is making me faint!
Deadward: Must... not... eat... sandwich!
Tyler's Van: CURSES! I shall destroy that annoying Mary Sue if it's the last thing I do!
*At hospital*
Smella: Go away Karlie, I'm fine and I want to see my wonderful Deadward!
Karlie: I wish that car had hit you...
Fartlisle: Why hello Smella, I am the perfect and pale foster father of Deadward!
Karlie: That's not suspicious at all!
Smella: I notice how weird it is because I am a Mary-Sue!
Fartlisle: Well Smella, just so we have everything clear... Deadward totally didn't save you from that van okay?
Smella: Yes he did.
Fartlisle: NO he didn't.
Smella: YES, he did.
Fartlisle: NO he didn't.
Smella: Yes he did.
Fartlisle: NO he didn't.
Smella: YES, he did.
Fartlisle: NO he didn't.
Deadward: I shall use my dazzle powers to clear everyone from the room!
*Dazzle Dazzle Dazzle*
Karlie: I am so Dazzled! I will leave you two alone, come on Fartlisle.
Fartlisle: I don't get what Deadward sees in that little bitch.
Karlie: Neither do I, let's go get some fish!
Deadward: Smella, you can't tell anyone that I obviously saved you from that van. Why they didn't figure it out themselves is beyond me though...
Smella: But, I love you and I want to know everything about you my dazzling jockstrap of hotness!
Deadward: In time my dear Sandwich, in time...
Everyone in Forks: Oh Smella we came to see if you were all right, we love you!
Office Lady: NOt me, I came to see why you're with another woman! *Sob*
COMING SOON: CHAPTER 4: EVERY GUY IN SCHOOL ASKS MARY-SUE SMELLA TO THE PROM