Hello! This is a Christmas fic I wrote for my and my friends, and it's total crack, so don't take anything seriously...

I do not own Naruto, or Nesquik...or Twinkies.

Thanks for reading! Please review!

The Adventures of Those Four Crazy Chicks

Christmas With the Akatsuki

Brandi, our unlikely heroine, was currently in the middle of an important, and life changing discussion.

"The twitch is hereditary."

"The twitch is not hereditary. You have it because you are crazy."

"What are you talking about, my mother had this twitch."

"That is because she was crazy."

"My mother was not crazy."

"Yes, she was very crazy, which is why she had the twitch."

"I told you the twitch, it is hereditary."

"The twitch is not hereditary. You are just crazy!"

"I am not crazy! The twitch is very hereditary."

"The twitch is not hereditary!"

"The twitch is hereditary!"

Ah yes, the mindless ramblings of two bored girls on a cold winter day. Throw in the fact that they were speaking with funny accents and overly dramatized expressions, and all in all this made for one very amusing sight.

Brandi, the one whom this story shall focus upon, was of average height, with long oaken hair and a slim build. The girl she was having this oh-so important discussion with, Ariel, was actually quite round about the middle, but made up for her lack of a model's figure with her tall stature. Her hair, which was died black, curled and hung down her back.

"For the last time!" Ariel cried, feigning an expression of incredulity and anger. "The twitch is not hereditary."

"It is hereditary." Brandi bit back, puffing out her cheeks as her right eye twitched rhythmically.

Before Ariel could rebuttal, the girl's other friends walked in. Morgan, around the same height as Brandi, with blonde streaked brunette hair, and a build that, while not as slim as Brandi's, was still smaller than Ariel's. Samantha (affectionately known as Sam-chi to her friends) had a build bigger than Morgan's but smaller than Ariel's, and stood just a few inches shorter than Ariel as well. Her blonde-brown hair (no one was quite sure which to call it) was in its usual ponytail.

"GUYS!!" Morgan burst uncharacteristically, running forward to shake at Brandi's shoulders. "GUESS WHAT?!"

Brandi and Ariel tore their gazes from each other to look at the girl and say, "What?"

"We have neighbors!" Samantha trilled, fairly skipping into the room.

Brandi switched her gaze to the other girl. "Who?"

Samantha and Morgan exchanged looks before speaking simultaneously, "The Akatsuki!"

Brandi squealed, hopping in place on the living room floor and clapping her hands. Next to her, Ariel's face twisted into a feral grin.

Slowly, all four girls narrowed their eyes at each other made eye-contact.

Ariel's hand shot in the air. "I CALL THE PUPPET!"

Samantha's followed. "I CALL SMEXY UCHIHA!"

Brandi went next. "I CALL TOBI, ZETSU, AND DEI-DEI-KUN!"

The other three paused to look at her. "You can't call three people!"

Brandi pouted. "Why no~t!"

Morgan pointed accusingly at her. "Because! You're taking all the good ones for yourself-other than Zetsu, which I don't really understand your obsession with the plant man, anyway-and not leaving me any!"

Brandi huffed. "I am so! I left the priest!"

"Hidan's a freaking masochist and a sadist! I can't pick him! Imagine what being with him would be like!"

Each girl paused in their respective fangirl moments to ponder that, and gave a collective shudder.

"Okay, I see your point," Brandi admitted. "But! I want those three! How am I supposed to pick between them?!"

Ariel suddenly squealed, and jumped at the couch, pulling the cushions aside. When she surfaced, she held her hand to the sky, as though the Holy Grail itself rested in her palms. The skies parted outside for just a moment, the sun shining through the window as heavenly music played. Angels trilled as the light shone on Ariel's palms, revealing…a nickel.

"OMG PHILLIP!" Brandi lunged at Ariel, knocking the girl over and snatching up the unsuspecting coin. She rubbed it against her cheek lovingly. "I thought I lost you!"

Ariel managed to pull herself up, grabbing back the silver from the hyper girl. When said girl began sobbing, crying out for her beloved nickel, Ariel drew back a hand and slapped her. "Get a hold of yourself woman!"

Brandi blinked rapidly, right eye twitching spasmodically for a second. "Mommy? Why yes, ma'am, I am a talking Chihuahua. No! NOT THE HOSE!" Brandi fell off the couch, convulsing on the floor as foam trickled from the corners of her mouth.

"Damn it Ariel!" Samantha slapped the girl on the back of the head. "What have I told you about rattling Brandi's brain? She's crazy enough without your help!"

From her place on the floor, Brandi managed a feeble protest past the odd sounds issuing forth from her foaming mouth as she convulsed harder. "I am…nghhh…not… wigghn…crazy! The twitch…eaghssss…is….raghh…HEREDITARY!....meghhsas…"

Morgan sighed, and made her way from the room. "I'll go get the bucket."

(Five minutes and a very wet Brandi later.)

The four girls sat on the couch, Ariel holding the nickel in front of them.

"Okay," she said, "we're going to flip, heads or tails. Tobi is heads, Deidara tails. Zetsu will not be a part of this," she quickly shot a look at Brandi, telling her not to protest, "because frankly, the mental image of the two of you together like that just creeps me out. Besides, he self pollinates."

"How do you know!" Brandi cried, outraged.

Ariel gave her a serious look. "Internet."

At that Brandi faltered, knowing better than to question the powers of the almighty internet. When something has the ability to turn your life into a living Hell worldwide in a matter of seconds, you don't challenge it.

Ariel flipped the coin, and Brandi watched with bated breath, as the coin flipped in slow motion in the air.

(Ten minutes later…)

Ariel's head bobbed as she fought off sleep, body jerking as she did so.

Morgan discreetly glanced at her watch, and then back at the coin, which was still flipping mid-air.

Brandi stared intensely at the coin, not having blinked once in the past ten minutes.

Samantha, growing bored of watching Ariel's head bobbing and Brandi's obsessive staring, quickly grabbed the baby powder from Ariel's back pocket. She used it to momentarily blind Brandi-who would protest vehemently at the girl's next actions if she saw them-and reached out to slap the coin to the ground.

When the commotion ended-Brandi coughing and sputtering the whole way-Morgan looked over at Ariel. "Why do you keep baby powder in your back pocket?"

Ariel shrugged. "You never know when you might need it."

Silence, then: "And Samantha, how did you know Ariel had baby powder?"

Samantha glanced conspicuously from side to side. "No reason."

Another silence, but it, too, was broken. A loud squeal had everyone swiveling their heads in Brandi's direction, following the direction of her excited gaze to the coin on the floor.

"I got DEIDARA! Woot!" She pumped a fist in the air, then paused, frowning. "But that means I don't get Tobi."

Morgan rolled her eyes. "Wah wah wah, stick with what you got." She stroked her chin, seemingly in though. "Hm, I suppose Tobi isn't too bad…but that mask has got to go. At least while we're-"

"La la la la! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Brandi cried, clamping her hands over her ears.

Samantha, ignoring Brandi's general insanity, instead looked over to Ariel, who a vaguely thoughtful expression on her face as she looked at the wall without really seeing it.

Samantha sighed. "You're picturing it, aren't you?" Ariel gave a distracted nod. "One word: ewww."

Brandi jumped into the air, fist pumping. "Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's go great our new neighbors! YOSH!"

The other three stood up and followed her out the door, but not before Samantha sighed, "Great, she's a Rock Lee wannabe."

(Meanwhile, the Akatsuki were settling in to their new home…)

"Pein! Get out from under the staircase and help me unpack!" Konan yelled, pulling a stick from the innermost pockets of her cloak and using it to poke at the darkness beneath the stairs.

"I don't wanna!" Pein whined.

Konan took a deep breath, then let it out. Calmly, she asked, "Why?"

"I can sense them Konan," he replied in a fierce whisper. "The fangirls. They're coming, Konan!"

Konan rolled her eyes. "That's nonsense, Pein. You can't sense fangirls. Now come out from under the stairs!"

"Nuuuuuuuo!"

Sighing, Konan rolled her eyes. "Fine! I give up! Stay under the stupid stairs if you want!"

With that, she stomped away, leaving Pein to do…whatever he was doing…under the staircase.

(With Itachi and Kisame…)

Up in their room, Itachi and Kisame were putting Kisame's fish in their tank.

"There's Nemo…and Dory…and Marlin…," Kisame checked under his breath, looking through the glass of the tank and making sure all were present. Suddenly, his blue face paled, and he gasped. "Gill? WHERE'S GILL?!"

Itachi walked over and glanced through the glass, pointing leisurely after a few seconds. "He's right there," he deadpanned.

Kisame blinked. "Oh, right…"

Itachi sighed, then sort of blended in with the shadows in the corner.

"How does he do that?" Kisame vaguely wondered to himself, then shrugged and went back to admiring his fish.

(With Kakuzu and Hidan…)

Kakuzu and Hidan were discussing Hidan's religion.

"You know greed is a sin, right? You're going to fucking Hell bitch."

"So says the man that sacrifices virgins in his spare time."

"That's in my bible, asshole, I have to do that."

"You're bible, is nothing but a load of bullshit!"

"JASHIN DAMN YOU!"

Yeah…let's skip that conversation.

(With Tobi and Zetsu…)

Tobi and Zetsu were in the backyard, where Zetsu was planting his new garden-or 'babies' as he liked to call them.

"Be careful with Petunia, Tobi, she's my favorite," Zetsu's white half spoke, eyeing Tobi carefully as he lowered the plant into a pot in the greenhouse they were standing in.

"Tobi will, Zetsu-san! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi smiled, sparkles shimmering in the air around him.

"Yes, Tobi is a good boy. But Tobi better not harm Zetsu's plants in any way or Zetsu will eat him," Zetsu replied, his dark half finishing for him.

"Tobi won't! Tobi promises!"

"Good boy, Tobi."

(With Sasori and Deidara…)

Sasori and Deidara were upstairs, Deidara making sculptures, while Sasori worked on his puppets.

"Danna, look, un!" Deidara exclaimed, holding up his latest 'masterpiece'.

Sasori glanced up, bored, to see what his terrorist of a partner had made this time. He stared at the sculpture, which somewhat resembled a banana sticking up from between two oranges.

"Brat, is that what I think it is?" he monotoned, raising one slim eyebrow. Deidara giggled, effectively confirming his suspicions. Sasori sighed. "If you're going to make a penis out of clay, at least get the shape right."

"Who lacks penis?" Sai asked, popping up from a crack in the floorboards.

Sasori stared at the newcomer. "Go away."

Sai shrugged, then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Deidara gazed at the place Sai had just been, a frown tugging his lips. "Is he gay, un, or just freakishly obsessed?"

Sasori shook his head, turning back to his puppets. "I don't know, nor do I want to."

"Riiiiight…un."

(Now, back to our main characters.)

(Outside the Akatsuki's house…)

"You do it, Ariel."

"No way, you go Sam-chi."

"Morgan, you go."

"Brandi, you do it!"

"FINE!"

Brandi, the only one that actually had the guts as of the moment to go up to the door and knock, approached slowly as the others watched, wide-eyed behind her. Carefully, she rang the doorbell.

About ten seconds later, the door was swung open to reveal an irate looking Konan. "WHAT?!"

Brandi's eyes went wide, and she unconsciously leaned back a bit. "Uh…"

Konan glared down at her. "What do you want? I have enough to put up with! Do you KNOW how hard it is to take care of these idiots?!"

Brandi, seeming to come back into herself and remember just who she was, straightened and placed her hands on her hips. "Excuse me! I was just trying to be a nice neighbor and come visit for a little while to welcome you to the neighborhood! But NOOOOOOOOO! You just had to be a little paper bitch! Well you know what? You can just back off, cause you know what I've got? Yeah, that's right! A LIGHTER!" Brandi pulled the lighter (Which was purple with sparklies on it!) and held it menacingly in front of her.

Konan put up her hands placatingly, while backing away slowly. Meanwhile, Morgan came up behind Brandi, attempting to wrestle the lighter from her grip.

"Now Brandi," Morgan soothed, "I know that burning Konan into a pile of ashes may seem like it's rewarding now, but violence is never the answer." She promptly ignored Ariel's disbelieving snort from behind her.

"But Morga~n!" Brandi whined.

"No buts-unless it's Deidara's, in which case, go ahead and do whatever you wish to it, just don't touch Tobi's or I will kill you; he's mine."

Brandi, who'd previously been bummed at the prospect of not being allowed to turn Konan into fuel for her proverbial fire, was now enlightened at the prospect of being allowed to abuse Deidara's ass. "Really? You promise?"

"I promise."

"Yay!"

And with that, she ran inside the house, pushing past Konan on her way. The other three followed, Samantha glancing at Morgan as they did so. "You are aware that you just gave her license to play with a guy's ass, right?"

"I am aware."

"Just making sure."

As Brandi, Samantha, and Morgan walked into what appeared to be the living room, Ariel paused to smile at Konan. "Hi! I'm Ariel. The others are Samantha, Brandi, and Morgan. I think we'll get along just fine." With that, she giggled, the left to follow the others.

Konan shivered as she watched the girl go. She swore that, for just a split second, her eyes had flashed red.

Dear Lord help them.

(A minute or so later…)

Deidara frowned when a knock came at his and Sasori's door, wondering what the hell they were needed for already. He opened the door swiftly, blinking at Konan, who looked distraught.

"Our new neighbors are here," she said, sounding defeated, "and you guys have to come meet them."

"Just us, un?" Deidara didn't like this idea, something seemed…odd about it.

"No, the others are coming too. Grab Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu before you come down, will you? I'll get Zetsu and Tobi…and Pein."

Deidara nodded, turning back to Sasori to fill him in on the details as Konan left. The puppet man wasn't too happy about stopping his work now, but sighed and did as told. They then gathered up the others, and began heading downstairs to meet the neighbors that had Konan so stressed.

(Back with the girls…)

Brandi, Samantha, Morgan, and Ariel sat in the Akatsuki's living room, which was surprisingly homey. A Christmas tree stood in the corner nearest the stairs, and the walls were a nice shade of red…of course, the reasoning behind that might have been to hide any future blood stains…

Ahem.

Anyway, the floors were hardwood, very nice looking, and there was fireplace (Complete with fire!) on the left wall. Two armchairs rested in front of this, and two long couches faced each other with a coffee table inbetween.

Samanta looked around, frowning. "What, no TV?"

"It's in the entertainment room," Konan answered, venturing in from the kitchen. She'd just gone outside to alert Tobi and Zetsu of their guests, and now returned with a large plate of Christmas cookies in hand. "That's where we put most of the games and such."

"Oh my gosh!" Brandi squealed, jumping from the couch, sailing ten feet through the air, to land in front of Konan. Behind her, Samantha held up a card with a bold 8.5 in black. "The dark side really does have cookies!!"

Morgan sighed, raising an eyebrow when Brandi snatched the whole plate from Konan, hiding herself in a corner and shoving the cookies in her mouth at rapid speeds. She noticed Ariel, who sat on her left while Samantha was on her right, had her head cocked slightly to the side and a finger pressed to her lips. She had a longing look in her eyes as she watched Brandi eat the cookies.

Ariel turned to Morgan, giving her a pleading whimper. Morgan groaned, turning her head back to stare up at the ceiling. Damn, if there was one thing she didn't need, it was a pouting Ariel. "Brandi, give Ariel a cookie."

Brandi paused, looking up from her plate to glare at Ariel. Then she tossed a half eaten cookie at her, which Ariel gladly caught and ate, knowing that's the best she'd get from the cookie obsessed female.

A few moments later, Zetsu, Tobi, and the rest of the Akatsuki entered the room-Zetsu and Tobi from the kitchen, the others from the stairs.

"AHHH!!!" Brandi squealed through a mouthful of cookie, jumping forward and latching onto Deidara. Silently, Samantha held up a 7.

Morgan frowned at the score. "Only seven?"

Samantha shrugged. "The entrance was sloppy."

"Dei-dei-kun, I love you!" she cried, burying her nose in his neck as she latched her legs around his waist.

"Ah! GET IT OFF ME!" Deidara flailed his arms, panicking, reeling backwards into the wall.

"Calm down," Samantha said, leaning further back into the couch. "It's only Brandi…," she trailed off when her eyes landed on Itachi.

The Sharingan user glanced conspicuously to either side of himself, then looked over his shoulder to see behind him before looking back at Samantha to confirm that it was he who she was staring at. The Uchiha's eyes widened the slightest bit when he found that upon turning, Samantha had somehow magically appeared right in front of him while he'd been looking elsewhere. Her eyes were big, and she had a slightly awed look to her.

They stared at each other for a minute, then Itachi said, "…what?"

"SQUEEEEEE!!!!"

And that, my dear readers, was the infamous fangirl squeal. Unfortunately-or fortunately, depending on who you're asking-this squeal can mean nothing good for poor Itachi.

The Uchiha found himself sprawled on his back, Samantha on top of him as she snatched his cloak away. She jumped away, cloak in hand, leaving him in black capris and mesh shirt-five red half moons cut into his arms where she'd gripped him with her nails showing through.

"I always knew those things were deadly," Ariel mused, glancing at the nails in question.

Samantha shrugged, taking her place on the couch once more as she wrapped herself in the cloak; she sniffed the collar every few seconds, giggling. "It has his smell!" she cried, and a few swore they saw her lick the material.

"I told you!"

Everyone turned to the stairs at the cry, finding themselves staring at the darkness beneath and the odd sight of the Rinnegan shining through. Pein, Leader of the almighty Akatsuki's voice filtered through in a panicky whisper. "I told you! I told you they were coming, Konan! The fangirls!"

Konan blanched. "You mean-"

"Yes," Pein said, "them."

Konan glanced at Morgan, Ariel, Samantha, and Brandi-who was still clutching Deidara tightly-trying futilely not to freak out. If they were who she thought they were…

"Who the HELL let these four FREAKS into the house?" Hidan demanded, crossing his arms over his shirtless chest.

Ariel pouted. "We aren't freaks! We're just Those Four Crazy Chicks!"

Suddenly, silence enveloped the area as the Akatsuki froze. Deidara was the first to recover, wrenching himself away from Brandi as quickly as he could, hiding behind his Danna.

"The TFCC?" he whispered. "The very same TFCC known for their eccentricity and blatant ignorance for the laws of physics?"

"The very same," Ariel replied, suddenly appearing on the ceiling. Ariel giggled from her upside down position. "I can see down Sasori's cloak!" She paused, what they supposed was a grin, but came out to too insane to actually be one, appearing on her face. "But I like what I see…"

While the rest of the Akatsuki was tense, Tobi, being the oh-so good boy he is, thought these girls were funny and wanted to get to know them better. So, he did the first thing to pop into his mind. Jumping forward, Tobi placed himself in the seat Ariel vacated, turning to Morgan as his one visible eye swirled with happiness.

Morgan turned to the childlike Akatsuki member, a smile slowly beginning to make an appearance on her face. "Hi Tobi…," she sang.

Tobi cocked his head. "How does funny girl know Tobi's name? Tobi's never met funny girl before…"

Morgan, normally quite composed, couldn't resist the urge to glomp the orange masked nin before her. "Tobi is so cute! He's such a good good good boy!"

Tobi beamed beneath his mask. He liked this girl! She was funny, warm, and thought Tobi was a good boy!

Konan watched this all in silence, her mind whirring. She kenw what must be done, but now it was just a matter of getting the rest of the Akatsuki out of there. She glanced at Deidara, Tobi, Itachi, and Sasori-who looked a bit frightened at the feral look the one who'd given Konan the evil red eyes called Ariel was giving him. Those four were goners. The TFCC had taken an interest in them, there was no way they'd be allowed to escape.

"Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu, Kisame, Pein, come with me…now." Konan then twirled around to the kitchen, leaving the others to follow grudgingly behind her. The members of the TFCC didn't care, they had their prey with them already, who cared about the others?

In the kitchen, Zetsu turned to Konan. "Why did we leave them? Surely you aren't planning on leaving them to the mercy of those fangirls?"

Konan took a deep breath. "Yes, I am. They've captured the interest of the TFCC, they no longer have any chances of survival."

"But we can't just leave them behind-!" Kisame began to protest, but Pein grabed him and pulled him down to his eye level.

"This is war fishie! They are going to be casualties! Now you just thank your lucky stars that your sharky ass didn't catch their attention like the others!"

Kisame nodded, wordlessly, and Pein released him.

"Anyway, to escape these terrors, we're going on a little trip…a vacation. By the time we get back, they should have retreated, and if we're lucky those four in there won't be completely traumatized."

"Vacations are expensive!" Kakuzu snapped. "We can't go on one!"

Konan turned to the greedy Akatsuki member slowly, her eyes screaming at him. "Would you rather be left here with the TFCC?" she asked quietly. Kakuzu blanched. "I thought not, but now there's just one little problem…" She glanced at Hidan.

The Jashinist blinked. "Fuck, what?"

(In the living room…)

Several crashes were heard from the kitchen, and the eight present in the room listened as the screams died off, then a car tearing out of the driveway told them that obviously, someone had left. The eight made their way to the kitchen, curious as to what had gone on in there. What they found was very…interesting.

"I didn't know it was Thanksgiving!" Brandi cried, poking at the tied and gagged Hidan laying on his stomach on the table's center. He glared at her.

"I don't think he's edible, Brandi." Ariel drew up next to her, getting really close to the priest's face. "But, we could try anyway…"

"No cannibalism," Samantha deadpanned, absently chewing on one of Itachi's cloaks coat sleeves. "Remember the last time we let you two try that?"

Morgan shuddered. "The blood took forever to get out of the carpet and ceiling fan…"

Tobi looked to Morgan. "Why the ceiling fan, Morgie-pyon?"

Morgan hopped on Tobi's back, nuzzling his ear affectionately before answering. "Because that's where they decided to hang the bodies before eating them, and then somebody," she shot a glare at Brandi, "forgot they couldn't turn the fan on while they hung there."

Brandi had the brains to look sheepish. "Oops."

"Yeah, oops. That shit got everywhere."

Itachi and Deidara had already moved to the furthest corner of the room upon hearing this tale, thoroughly horrified, while Sasori looked thoughtful. "Hm…the ceiling fan. I never thought to hang them from there before…maybe…"

"Don't even think about it Danna, un," Deidara warned.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Ariel pulled the gag from Hidan's mouth. "Why did the others leave you behind as well?" She found it pretty obvious why Sasori, Itachi, Tobi, and Deidara were left, but Hidan made no sense.

Hidan glared at the open backdoor-the other member's escape exit. "Konan-the BITCH-said that if I went with them that whatever hotel they went to wouldn't accept them because of my fuckin' foul mouth. Assholes!"

Ariel cocked her head, scrutinizing Hidan. "Well…we don't exactly need you either, so…" Ariel grabbed Hidan and pulled him outside, him cussing her out all the way. When she came back, the others in the room were wide-eyed.

"What did you do to him?" Brandi asked, leaning forward with a finger on her lips.

Ariel shrugged. "I sent him to Stephanie's house."

"Isn't her dad a preacher? Christian?"

Ariel's grin was malicious. "Exactly."

Samantha chuckled. "Brilliant."

Out of nowhere, Brandi lunged forward, slipping beneath Deidara's cloak to grab his ass. He screeched, jumping around the table, legs flying out as he tried to dislodge her from his ass. Samantha held up a 10.

"Well, I did say she could play with it…," Morgan admitted.

Ariel giggled uncontrollably, sending Sasori's backside surreptitious glances.

"Well," Samantha said, making her way towards the door, "it's getting late. We'll see you boys tomorrow!"

In a flash, all four girls were gone, and Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, and Tobi were left standing in the kitchen.

"Tomorrow's Christmas…," Sasori said quietly.

Deidara shuddered. "I wonder what they have planned, un."

Tobi smiled. "Tobi is a good boy!"

Itachi looked at the spot Samantha had once been standing. "…that girl still has my cloak…"

(The next morning…)

(Itachi's morning…)

Itachi awoke the next day in the usual Uchiha manner, which consists of:

1. Blink.

2. Stretch.

3. Glare at the time on the clock.

4. Make mental note to buy a new clock, as the previous one is now broken.

Itachi threw away the broken clock in the bathroom, as he went about his duties. He stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds, Sharingan whirring, before ending the glaring contest with himself as a tie. But someday, someday he would beat the man in the mirror…

It should seem obvious now, after that little statement, as to why some believe the Uchiha are going insane.

Heading downstairs, he paused as the smell of pancakes, sausage, actual edible food that was cooked wafted to his nose.

Itachi walked into the kitchen, seeing the food on the table, and wondered who had made it.

Samantha turned around at the sound of someone entering the kitchen, a smile plastered to her face. "Oh, you're awake!"

Itachi turned to her, stoic face in place. "Hn."

She pulled out a chair for him, and he cautiously took the offered seat. She saw the gleam in his red eyes when he looked at the plate she placed in front of him, which consisted of pancakes smothered in maple syrup and whipped cream, a side toast/bacon/sausage/eggs, and a tall glass of milk.

She vaguely remembered how, had Brandi been here to comment on her thoughts, she would have said 'penis' rather than milk-a long running joke between the four of them. Samantha began to grow impatient as she watched Itachi eat, glancing at his plate every few moments.

Any second…

SPLAT.

Itachi's face fell forward into the pancakes as he fell unconscious. Samantha did a little victory jig, pulling the backpack she'd previously had hidden from beneath the table.

"I'll have to thank Ariel for letting me borrow some of her chains later," she mused, picking up Itachi and dragging him up the stairs. "His face may be covered in syrup and whipped cream, but that's okay. I can just lick it off later!"

Samantha's following giggle echoed as Itachi's door closed with a very final sounding click.

(Tobi's morning…)

Tobi sat in the green house, in the section furthest away from the man eating plants, puffing on a hand rolled joint. The smoke looked oddly pink.

"Tobi is a good boy…," he whispered to himself, taking another puff, "Tobi is a really good boy…"

"No, Tobi is a bad boy."

Tobi's head whipped around, finding Morgan leaning idly against the wall near the greenhouse door.

Morgan smiled to herself as Tobi panicked. She hadn't found him in his room when she'd arrived with the others, so she'd looked in the only other logical place he could be-Zetsu's greenhouse.

"Morgie-pyon!" Tobi cried, dropping the joint and trying to hide the other things he had on the little table next to him.

Morgan walked forward with exaggerated slowness, moving Tobi out of the way to look at the items. "Why Tobi," she chided, "have you been smoking strawberry Nesquik?" She clucked her tongue. "And injecting Twinkie cream as well! Oh, Tobi, you have been a very bad boy."

Tobi hung his head sorrowfully. "Tobi is sorry, Morgie-pyon."

Morgan pat his shoulder. "It's okay Tobi, but Tobi must be punished for his actions. But don't worry, by the time I'm done Tobi will be a good boy again."

Tobi looked hesitant. "Tobi will?"

Morgan chuckled. "Yes Tobi," she walked to the door, turning the lock into place, "Tobi will be a very good boy…"

(Sasori's morning…)

When Sasori opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the ceiling. He blinked, confused. How had he fallen asleep? He was a puppet-he shouldn't be able to sleep.

He attempted to sit up, but found himself restrained to the bed. He struggled against the chains, but these were special, infused with some kind of chakra to keep it from breaking.

Sasori growled, "Damn."

Upon hearing a chuckle from next to him, he looked over to find the one girl-Ariel, the one that like to walk on the ceiling-sitting on Deidara's vacated bed.

Ariel was quite happy as of the moment. She'd infiltrated his room about an hour ago, quickly working her magic before he noticed her presence, then knocked him out. That led to him being tied to the bed as he now was, completely naked just beneath the blanket.

Ariel's grin widened as Sasori struggled. "I assume you're wondering how you were able to sleep?" Sasori paused, glancing at her, then nodded swiftly. "Simple-I made you human. Surely you should have noticed the new sensations your body's feeling?"

Sasori widened his eyes, looking down at himself. "I'm…human…? But, how…?"

She raised an eyebrow, hopping off Deidara's bed and moving to stand next to the once puppet man. "When Deidara explained the TFCC, what part of 'blatant ignorance for the laws of physics' did you not understand? We can just do shit like that."

Sasori nodded. "Alright, brat. But why would you make me human?"

Ariel pouted. "Isn't it enough that I like you Sasori-danna?" He glared at her. "Okay, truth then. Because your puppet body may be cool, but it's a hindrance when it comes to certain activities."

"Certain activities…," he trailed, confused, but rapidly understanding when Ariel's hand grabbed his crotch.

"Yes," she purred, "certain activities."

And then she pounced.

(Deidara's morning…)

Deidara had been hiding in the closet since midnight.

He huddled in the corner, frightened, knowing that they were coming, and that the cookie obsessed one would be searching for him. Deidara listened intently, hearing as the front door opened. Three headed upstairs, two into his and Danna's room, as the other checked Tobi. The fourth went to the kitchen. A second later, he heard a 'thump!' and one person exist his and Danna's room, the other leaving Tobi's a moment later. Both of those headed back down the stairs, one going outside.

Itachi awoke a little while later, and Deidara wanted to warn him, but couldn't, lest he risk himself. And in times like these, there is but one rule: Every Akatsuki for himself.

He heard someone come up the stairs, and cracked the door open just a tad to see what was happening. The girl, Samantha, had Itachi thrown over her shoulder and a backpack in her hands.

As he listened, he managed to catch the last bit of one of her sentences.

"-covered in syrup and whipped cream, but that's okay. I can just lick it off later!"

Deidara closed the door after that.

…

…

…

…WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE GOING TO LICK?!

Shuddering, Deidara began rocking himself slowly back and forth. "Remember, Deidara," he whispered to himself, "fangirls can sense fear, un. We have to remain calm, un, or she'll find us, yeah."

"Well, you're right about one thing."

Brandi watched from her position in the back of the closet-where she'd magicked herself earlier-amused and happy. Deidara's face twisted into one of pure horror as he turned to face her, realizing just who it was that was with him.

"You're right about us being able to sense fear, Dei-Dei-kun," she smiled, "but not about me finding you." She moved so she was practically on top of him. "Because really, I've already found you."

Deidara screamed.

Brandi giggled, "This Christmas rocks."

And suddenly, Deidara was unable to scream anymore.

(Two days later…)

Konan and the rest of the missing Akatsuki came into the house, they found a very tired, very worn out, but very happy Itachi, Tobi, Sasori, and Deidara lounging in the living room.

"Hey guys," she said warily, unnerved at the sight of Itachi smiling, "how'd it go with the TFCC?"

Each grin suddenly grew on the four males' faces.

"I have a new appreciation for maple syrup," Itachi murmured in his quiet monotone.

"Tobi has become the world's goodest boy," Tobi smiled.

"Chains are fun," Sasori replied simply.

"Closets are nice, un," Deidara sounded vaguely like a hippy high off dope.

"Yeah…," Konan trailed, sharing a look with Pein, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Kisame, all slightly curious but terrified at the same time as to what all those statements referred to. "What about the TFCC? Where'd they go?"

The four men looked at each other. "About that…"

"Hello, guys!"

Konan and co. swiveled to look to the top of the stairs, where four very familiar females resided.

"…we kind of, let them join Akatsuki."

As Zetsu, Pein, Kakuzu, and Kisame fainted behind her, Konan groaned, then looked around curiously. "Hey, where's Hidan?"

(Miles away…)

"You do not know the power of Jashin-sama!"

Stephanie, unofficial fifth member of the TFCC, sighed as she listened to her Christian preacher father fight with the Jashinist preacher Hidan.

She stared again at the note he'd come with in the mail, which said 'Merry Christmas, love Ariel' and that's it.

Stephanie shook her head. She just wished she could have given her something a bit more…tame as a present.

Then again…, she mused, her eyes traveling to Hidan's unclothed chest and quite attractive derriere. It might not be so bad, right?

Quickly making an excuse, she grabbed Hidan and dragged him to her upstairs bedroom, locking the door behind her. Sure, he sacrificed virgins, but she could try converting that out of him later. For now she'd work on getting the idea of her religion into him…with a very practical method.

"And now, Hidan," she breathed, slowly approaching his wide eyed form on the bed, "I think I need to teach you about how God created man. You see, first came Adam, then Eve, and then they went on to have kids." She gently pushed him back onto the mattress. "Perhaps a demonstration of that last one is in order, eh?"

Hidan's screams of pleasure could be heard from the Akatsuki hide out, as could Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi's that night.

Needless to say, this was the best Christmas they'd all ever had.

THE END

He he! I hope you all like it! It took a LONG time to type. Just a one-shot...but I may continue the TFCC in later adventures. Maybe. You'll just have to look out for them!

Thanks for reading! And this is just a story for me and my friends! So the names, personalities, etc., all belong to us! (They kinda are us...) But hey! When you review, if you could tell me which of the four girls was your favorite, I would seriously appreciate it!

Ja ne!

vampgirl8