Disclaimer: All characters, settings and original plots are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The author is in no way associated with this story. No copyright infringement in intended.

Summary: This story begins after the conclusion of Eclipse. Newly engaged, Bella and Edward explore the physical and romantic boundaries of their relationship.

A/N: Although I've been reading fan fiction of all kinds for years, this is my first attempt at writing one, so please, be kind, but honest.

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La Lune: Chapter 1

Sometimes I think I could stare at him all day. For the rest of my life; for all of eternity. No matter how many times I look at him I am stunned by his beauty. A perfection that I will never be able to meet. A standard set impossibly high.

My gaze is averted to my forgotten book – A Brave New World. I've taken Edward's advice and expanded my nonfiction horizons, but it is failing to hold my interest at the moment. My eyes return to my perfect boyfriend – no – fiancée. Will I ever get used to that word? It sticks in my throat like a dry lump of bread. I want to be with him for all time, that much I know for certain. I just don't quite know how I feel about marriage. My thoughts flutter past marriage and straight to the honeymoon.

A long sigh escapes my lips as I flip through the pages of my novel.

I can feel his eyes looking over at me as I mentally kick myself for the sigh I let slip. Now he'll know something is wrong.

"Bella" he whispers. "I can tell when something is bothering you."

Ever since our honeymoon "arrangement" I've had this nasty thought that refuses to vacate my mind. A nagging feeling of inadequacy. If I hadn't have pushed so hard we would not even be in this situation. I would not have a ring on my finger, I would not become the future Mrs. Edward Cullen and he would most certainly not even entertain the idea of making love to me. It's honestly that last thought that bothers me the most. It's the preverbal thorn in my side.

I'm hesitating in my response. I know I shouldn't. I know he can't read my thoughts and I'm secretly glad of it.

"Bella"

He's frustrated now. I can hear it in his voice. He tries so hard to hide it. To shield me from his emotions, but he fails. I know him better that he thinks I do. I know him better than he knows himself.

"Edward, do you want me?" I push a hard swallow down my throat. I think my pride was in there. I feel so open, so vulnerable. What if he says no? Do I leave? No, I'm at his house, on his bed and to top things off he drove me here. There is no running away from this.

"Love, why do you ask such absurd questions?" His face looks weary, battle worn. "You know I love you more than life itself." His hand cups my cheek and I lean into its coolness. Another sigh escapes my lips. How does he do this to me every time? Focus Bella. This conversation needs to happen.

"That's not what I meant Edward. I know you love me." I've pulled away from his intimate gesture just slightly. The message is received; loud and clear. His hand drops back to the bed. His eyes now locked on mine with concern and curiosity. What could Ms. Bella Swan be thinking?

"Well then indulge me. What is it you mean?"

Another swallow. I've got no pride left, just raw nerve. Here goes nothing.

I look down at my hands knowing I can't meet his eyes. I can already feel the inevitable blush creep up my face.

"I mean, do you want me... physically?"

Both of his hands are on my face now. The coolness startles me as I intake a sharp breath.

"Bella you shouldn't even have to ask that question. You know I want you. You must know by now what you do to me." He's willing me with his hands to look into his eyes, but I can't bare it. Not yet. I still don't know if he understands my meaning, my fear.

"It's just..." I pause as I watch my fidgeting hands, "I know this honeymoon thing was all my idea and I know you've agreed. I just don't think you've agreed to it for the right reasons. It feels like you're giving in. Like you're waving the white flag of defeat. I know I should be happy about it, but I can't help but feel..."

Hot tears are streaming down my face. I'm such a fool. A naive fool who can't keep her emotions in check. I feel a cool finger slide under my chin. He lifts my face to meet his eyes. My gentle Edward. His eyes are so full of love, concern, fear, confusion. I know it sounds silly, but his life is in those eyes. I fell in love with those eyes.

"Can't help but feel what?" His voice is soft and hesitant. He knows I'm scared. He knows I'm baring my soul to him.

"Guilty." The word comes out in a whisper. No human ears would, or could, have heard it. But I know he did.

His mouth opens as if to speak, but I'm not done yet. There is one more word that is rolling around in my head.

"And... undesirable." I close my eyes as I say this last word. I know it will pain him and I can't look into those beautiful eyes knowing I caused the pain.

His arms are around me now, enveloping me in a cool blanket of comfort. He hand slides through my hair as he gently rocks me back and forth.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." His murmurs sound like a chant. Or maybe a prayer. I take a deep breath and pull myself out of his embrace. One hand is still entangled in my hair. I like it when he does that, although I don't think I've ever told him. His other hand is wiping away my tears. I take another deep breath before I start to speak again.

"It just seems so easy for you. To stop. To pull away. I can't keep my hormones in check for even a moment and you can stop everything and go back to what you were doing like nothing happened. I guess I just don't understand how you do it."

Now it's his turn to sigh. Before I register his absence he's off the bed standing at the window. He's staring out at the mountains, at Forks.

"So you assume that I must not want you? That you are undesirable? Easy to resist?" He's doing it again; fighting to hide his anger from me. I can always tell when he's angry because he doesn't move. And there he is, at that window, a perfect statue carved in stone.

"What else can I assume? We never talk about it. It's not only the act of sex that is taboo, but the subject as well." I look down at my hands again. Huh. I'd been playing with my ring this whole time. I didn't notice. I don't look at it often, possibly out of fear, but it really, truly is beautiful. Made more beautiful by the fact that it came from Edward.

He finally turns to look at me. "It's not taboo Bella. I'm just..." He shoves his hands roughly in this pockets, shuffles his feet. He avoids my gaze as I did to him only moments ago. He's nervous. I can't help it. I chuckle in spite myself and his eyes jump to mine in an instant.

"Old fashioned?" I say, finishing his thought for him. It's as if an invisible hammer broke the ice between us. In an instant the mood is light. He returns to my side.

He laughs lightly as he sits on the bed. "Is it that obvious?" I smile as his hand takes mine.

"Edward, old fashioned or not, I think this is something that we both need to talk about. And I don't mean talk about in circles with innuendos and secrets. I mean honestly, like two adults, in an adult relationship. We owe ourselves that."

His appearance softens as the weight of my words settles in on him. Slowly he lies back on the bed taking me with him. I press my warm cheek again his cool, hard chest. Another sigh escapes my lips and I can feel him chuckle again. He is fully aware of his effect on me. I just wish I knew what mine was on him.

"You're right. We do owe ourselves that much. I guess I just don't know where to start... or what to say for that matter. This is all new to me."

I turn to face him resting my chin on his chest. Our eyes meet and I can see that he is just as uncertain as I am. Just as nervous.

"This is new to me too Edward. Just because I lack control doesn't mean I have the slightest idea what to do or say."

"My beautiful Bella. Have you ever thought that maybe I can control myself around you because I've had decades more practice than you?" He smiles at me with that famous crooked grin. My heart flutters in my chest giving away my hand. I'll never be able to play poker with him.

"Edward stop that!" I playfully slap his chest with my hand. "You're doing it again."

He laughs as he puts his hands up in a sign of defeat. "Alright, sorry, sorry." He continues to laugh as his hands slide back down to my waist.

"What did you mean by having decades more practice?" I can feel my face scrunch up in that confused way it always does when I don't quite understand something he says.

"I've spent the better part of my life abstaining from human blood Bella. I've developed a certain level of self control. It does not mean that I don't want you." His hands are sliding up and down my back down, in slow deliberate moves. It feels like heaven. The coolness of his hands burn through my shirt, leaving trails of fire on my skin.

"Trust me. I want you more than you can imagine." With his hands in my hair he gently lifts my head to kiss the bridge of my nose. I can feel his breath on my face and inhale its sweetness deeply. Yet another meaningful sigh leaves my mouth and I clutch onto him with all my might. As much as I want this to continue I know there is more that needs to be said.

"What are you afraid of Edward? And don't just say you're afraid of hurting me. That much I know. "

He averts his gaze back out to the landscape beyond the Cullen home. I prop myself up on my elbows, still draped over his chest. This time it's my finger under his chin, turning him to face me.

"Don't be afraid. You can trust me." I will him to look at me and he grants my request, his golden eyes peering into mine.

The back of his hand glides down my cheek as he whispers, "I do trust you. But saying the words makes them all the more real and I don't know if I'm ready for that." His eyes leave mine, but only for a moment. When they turn back I can see a steely determination in them that wasn't there an instant ago.

"Sometimes I feel like there are two halves of me, each fighting to win control. The one half, the monster, desires your blood above all else." He breathes deeply as his honest words wash over me. I often wonder how much of his breathing comes from the instinct to smell his surroundings, and how much comes from his time spent with humans. Another deep breath rolls through him.

"But it's not this part of me that I fear the most. I know now that my love for you runs too deep. I know I can never hurt you in that way, that I won't lose control. It's the other half of me – the man – that I fear the most."

My face scrunches again in confusion and without even having to ask Edward answers my question.

"It's not your blood I crave. The burning in my throat is nothing compared to the burning in my heart. My love for you has awoke yearnings I'd never felt before. Feelings I don't even really comprehend. I desire you in a way I have never desired anyone before." His eyes burn into mine and I can't escape his stare. I can feel his words penetrate the very depths of my soul. He does want me. He wants me as much as I want him. Relief washes over me as I lay my cheek back on his chest for a short moment. I quickly hug him tight before I return my eyes to his.

"Edward, its okay to want those things. It's normal; human even."

I love his laugh. The way it rings through a room like bells on Christmas. It fills me with a joy I've never known before.

"Bella you make me feel more human than I ever thought I could. "

"Well good, now if I can only make you realise that you are a good man and not a monster, my work here will be done."

"You may have your work cut out for you," he states as he breaks out yet another grin that makes my insides feel all wobbly. I've turned to jello in a split second. Two can play that game.

I slowly crawl up his chest so that my face is even with his. I put on my best seductress look, which is not saying much. My lips brush past his ear, "Well Mr. Cullen" I whisper, "I do charge by the hour." He shudders beneath me and I can't help but smile to myself. Maybe I'm better at this than I thought. Not wanting this to go too far I sit up on the bed. This conversation is still far from over.

"Seriously though, there must be something we can do to make the honeymoon easier... on both of us."

There is a pregnant pause that hangs in the air. Slowly he sits up. He is pondering something. A look of deep thought.

He grabs my hand and abruptly pulls me from the bed. I gasp in surprise and stumble helplessly behind him.

"Edward, where are we going?" The words fall out of my mouth without grace, my breath still laboured from the shock of his actions.

He stops dead in the hall, his hand cupping my cheek again. His eyes look lovingly into mine and I am a puddle yet again. Dazzled.

"To talk to Carlisle."