Why Kate Wants Off The Island

Disclaimer:I do not own these characters

Warning: This is a Sayid and Kate pairing. Fans of Sawyer/Kate and Jack/Kate should turn back now

Chapter 1

Kate stared wistfully at the dark sky. It was a clear night and the dark sky was filled with stars. Rousseau had scouted ahead and would

meet them tomorrow. Locke had gone off to do who knew what. She was seriously beginning to distrust that man. She had found him a bit

odd from the moment she met him, but this was beyond odd. This was edging toward dangerous. She glanced over at Sayid who was

rearranging his bandages. She smiled a little. She was glad Sayid had come with her to rescue Jack. If there was one person on this island

she trusted with her life it was him. He was always so calm and levelheaded even in the face of crisis. He did not let his emotions govern

his decisions like Jack did, he acted for the good of the group and not himself unlike Sawyer, and unlike Locke she never doubted his

sanity. Also, he listened to her when she just needed to talk. Her past did not alienate him like many others on the island. Having

committed his share of crimes in his life, he did not cast stones at her. Also, unlike Jack, he never tried to hold her back when she tried to

help. With Sayid she could simply be herself. She did not have to prove anything to him and when he said something to her she never

found herself questioning what he really meant.

"How's the arm?" she asked. He smiled wryly.

"I've had worse," he said. "How's the jaw?" She lifted a hand to the bruise where the one eyed Russian had clocked her. She shrugged.

"I've had worse," she said. He nodded and continued to fuss with the bandages.

"Let me," she said standing and moving to his side. He dropped his hand and allowed her to tend to his wound.

"Well," she said. "I'll say one thing for our Russian friend, he knows how to stitch up a bullet wound."

"That he inflicted," Sayid said bitterly. Kate grimaced as she retrieved a fresh bandage from her pack.

"You know when the plane started to go down all I could think of was getting out of those handcuffs. Escaping," she said thoughtfully as

she wrapped the gauze around Sayid's bicep. He did not answer but stared at her thoughtfully.

"And then when I was in the Others camp," she said her voice breaking just a little. "All I could think was that the federal penitentiary

would be better than this because at least I would have actually done something to deserve it." She finished dressing the wound and

turned away so he would not see her trembling.

"Kate," he said gently.

"We didn't do anything to them!" Kate snapped. "We landed on their island, that's it. They spied on us, they killed our people, they stole a

ten year old boy off a raft, they kidnapped a pregnant woman and did God knows what to her, they hung Charlie from a tree, they drove

Michael to kill two women, and they kidnapped Jack and Sawyer and I just so they could use us to get what they wanted. To save that

worthless assholes life!" She was shaking by now. Sayid wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. Kate sighed against him. It

was amazing how without speaking a word he could calm her racing pulse.

"What gives them the right to treat other human beings this way?" she muttered.

"They don't have the right," Sayid said. "They are monsters. It is as simple as that."

"I'm not religious, Sayid," Kate said softly laying her head against his shoulder. "But I wonder sometimes if maybe I'm being punished for

my crimes."

"If you are, then all the rest of us are as well," Sayid said sadly. "No one on this island is completely free of sin. Well, except perhaps

Aaron." Kate chuckled a little and then she sighed.

"It's funny," she said, "we've been stuck here eighty plus days and in all that time you're the only one I haven't lied to. All the lies I've told

since I killed my father. I've gone by at least five names since I was twenty years old. Some of the people on this island whom I've come to

call my friends don't know why I was put on Oceanic 815 in handcuffs. All these secrets and lies and I've have never lied to you. Not once."

Sayid rubbed her shoulder.

"I have never lied to you either. You are the only person in the world that has that claim. The crimes you have committed in your past, they

are not what define you. I believe it is what we do now, in our present that truly define us. That is why of all the saints and sinners on this

island you are the only one that has earned my complete trust." Kate smiled even as tears fell from her eyes. No one had ever said these

words to her. I love you, I like you, I hate you, I care about you, but never I trust you. They sat in companionable silence for a few

minutes.

"May I ask you something?" Sayid asked breaking the silence.

"Sure," Kate said.

"When you said, "We have to get Jack back, I owe him that," what did you mean?" Kate sighed. She didn't like thinking about it but she

knew since Sayid was risking his neck trekking across the jungle, and he'd already be injured, she owed him an explanation. "He's a

doctor," Kate said. "Do no harm, it's his code, the one he lives by. He put Ben, his patient, in danger so they would let us go. He

compromised his moral ethics to save us. I don't know what kind of repercussions they have for him, but he put everything on the line to

get us out. After what I did…" she paused and looked away.

"What did you do, Kate?" Sayid asked gently. Kate let out an anguished sigh. She could tell him. He would not judge her. But yet she did

not want him to know. She was quite disgusted with herself for sleeping with Sawyer. She had believed that they were never going to get

out. She had regretted it the instant it was over. She felt nauseated when she thought of it now and she had the overwhelming need to

scrub herself raw.

"You do not have to tell me," Sayid said taking her hand and running his thumb over her palm. "But I can see that it is weighing heavily on

your shoulders." Kate sighed again and stared down at her hands.

"I slept with Sawyer," she said so softly that she was not sure he had heard her.

"I see," he said his voice sounding funny.

"The second it was over I wanted to undo it. Even when it was happening it just felt so wrong. But I just felt so helpless and so trapped

and I was certain we were never going to get out of there. God, how could I do that!" Tears fell from her eyes and she buried her face in

her hand. She felt his arms surround her and pull her against his strong chest. She let herself cry against his shoulder, not embarrassed,

never with him.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," he said rubbing her back. "You were reacting to a situation where you felt you had no control.

Though I must say your choice in men leaves much to be desired." She laughed. How did he do that? How did he always know what to say

to make her feel better? She pulled away and ran a hand across her eyes.

"Story of my life," she said. "I always seem to choose the bad boy. The one time I didn't I had to leave him. Even though I tell myself it was

for his sake, that his position as a cop would have been compromised, deep down I know it's bullshit. The truth is that he was so, good, so

decent that I knew I would never be good enough for him." She laughed wryly. God, wasn't that just the exact way she would describe

her relationship with Jack. He was so good, so noble, and he did care about her. But she could never live up to his nobility.

"Perhaps you are too hard on yourself," Sayid said. Kate shook her head. Sayid cupped her chin and forced her to look at him.

"I have known many bad people in my time. They all try to justify what they do but the truth is that they are just evil. You are not a bad

person Kate. You are one of the bravest, strongest, noblest people I have ever had the privlidge to know. Men like Jack and Sawyer, and

this man you were married to, it is they that do not deserve you." Kate sniffled and ran a hand over her eyes.

"Then who does?" she asked wryly. Sayid shook his head.

"I know of no man who is deserving of such a treasure," he said with a smile. Kate smiled a little.

"Not even you?" she asked a bit shyly. Sayid looked down.

"Least of all me," Sayid said his voice sounding sad. Kate gazed at him very carefully. He was so close to her. She could feel his breath on

her shoulder. The light from the fire reflected off his bronze skin. He was so beautiful in an almost mystical way. How a man such as he

could call her a treasure was beyond her knowledge. She looked down at her right hand, the same hand he had kissed the day he left the

beach after torturing Sawyer. She remembered how her hand had tingled for many long minutes after he had disappeared and how her

heart had ached as she watched him go. She met his eyes now, black as coal and so deep she felt she was drowning. He was close now,

just a breath away. The moment was familiar, the moment of choice where she had to decide to retreat or plummet. She had plummeted

once and it had left her feeling empty and small. Another time she had plummeted and it left her feeling full of shame and self-loathing.

Somehow she knew, in this moment, that this plummet would only make her feel whole. He hesitated just a moment. Giving her the choice

to retreat if she wanted to. As she leaned forward and let her lips touch his she felt herself falling. His hand came up and wrapped around

the back of her head. His tongue slid along the crease of her lips and she willingly parted them. She wrapped her arms around his neck

pulling him closer, needing to feel his body. He pushed her hair away from her neck so he could trail his lips down her neck to her shoulder,

kissing and gently sucking at the tender skin there.

"Oh God," she moaned. "Don't stop." He continued his ministrations to her neck as her hands fisted in his hair. This felt so right. He was

setting every nerve in her body on fire. She wanted more, needed more. But she was afraid. Afraid to take what she wanted. She did not

want to ruin this as she had ruined everything else that mattered to her. This was too important. He solved her dilemma for her as his

fingers slid beneath her shirt. His hands on her skin were so strong and firm and she wanted them on every part of her. He lifted his eyes

to hers seeking permission. She nodded. He lifted her shirt over her head and flung it into the grass. She gazed into his eyes as he

lowered her onto her back. He was over her now lips crashing down on hers as her breasts filled his hands. Her heart was roaring in her

ears. She wanted to feel his skin. Tentatively, she slid her hands down to where his shirt met his pants. She slid her fingers beneath his

shirt slowly. He jumped as her fingers met his skin and she yanked her hands back as though a snake had bit her. She stared up at him as

he met her eyes, waiting, wanting him to lead. She did not have to be in control with him. She trusted him to lead her. He smiled down at

her and quickly pulled off his own shirt. He was beautiful. He took her hand and placed it over his heart. His was pounding as hard as hers.

She sat up slowly and pressed her lips to his neck just above the pulse point. She heard him groan and continued to kiss his neck. His

arms wrapped around her waist and crushed her breasts against his hard chest. The rest of everything faded away as he held her in his

strong arms. She could feel a deep burning between her legs as he lowered his head and took her breast into his mouth. She leaned her

head back and closed her eyes giving herself over to the waves of pleasure he was making her ride. She gasped when his hands found

their way into her pants and found their way to her special place. She buried her face in his neck as his fingers stroked and teased her.

"Sayid!" she gasped as he drove her over the edge. She gasped, clinging to him, her lifeline, the only thing that was keeping her from

floating away. He lowered her onto her back and slowly peeled off her pants. For a long moment he just stared at her. She suddenly felt

embarrassed. She turned her head away but his hand cupped her face and she met his eyes.

"Beautiful," he whispered. Tears pricked her eyes but these were tears of joy. She wanted him so badly. But he was not done. She closed

her eyes again, just feeling the wonderful sensations as his lips trailed from her belly down her thighs. Her fingers dug into the grass as

her tenderly kissed her inner thighs and all around her moist center, slowly driving her mad from the pleasure. Her back arched and her

head came off the ground as he went down on her. Licking, and nibbling, he was slowly driving her over the edge. She needed him inside

her. She was certain she would go mad if he did not enter her soon. He was merciful and did not make her wait long. He held her face in

his hands and looked into her eyes.

"Are you certain?" he asked. He was still giving her a chance to back out. She smiled at him and stroked his lips with the pad of her thumb.

"Absolutely," she said. He shed his pants and she saw his glorious body, hard and dark. She saw that he was just as aroused as her. He

was big. She bit her lip. This would hurt, but it would be so worth it. He lay over top of her and met her eyes.

"I'm ready," she whispered. He kissed her deeply as he slid into her with one smooth stroke. It was magnificent. She felt so full, so

complete as he moved inside her. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips pulling him deeper inside of her. He buried his face

in her neck and her fists clutched his hair.

"Oh Kate," he gasped in her ear. "My sweet beautiful Kate."

"Sayid!" she cried. She couldn't hold on. It was just too much.

"Come with me," he whispered into her ear. They both screamed as they fell over the edge. Kate clung to him. Keeping him with her until

every last drop of pleasure was spent.

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Sayid was aware of only two things when he awoke the next morning. One, the woman he had spent last night making love to was laying

beside him, and two he felt happier than he could remember feeling in his whole life. He didn't know when he had fallen in love with her.

Perhaps it had been in that first moment when she had stormed onto the beach when he and Sawyer had been fighting and simply asked

if anyone knew how to fix the transceiver. While trying to fix that radio and send out a distress signal a friendship had been formed. They

had grown to be each other's confidants. So many nights they would just sit on the beach and talk. She had confided in him that she was

a fugitive and that she had killed the man who had abused her as a child. That her mother had chosen that man over her. Everything she

told him didn't seem to match the woman he saw. They had bonded over the fact that both of them had sins in their past that they were

trying to escape from. She had listened when he told her of the things he had done in the Republican Guard. He had never confessed

these things to anyone but with her he had wanted no secrets. She had not looked at him with disgust, like so many did just because of

where he came from. She had looked at him and told him that none of it mattered, that on this island, none of what happened before

mattered. After he had nearly killed Sawyer when he had lied about Shannon's inhalers the way she had looked at him had torn him apart.

He had not left because he was ashamed of what he did, he had left because he couldn't face her. She had begged him to stay and he

nearly had. When he had returned it was as though it never happened. They were friends again. Those days when she had been held by

the Others had been torture for him. Not knowing if she was alive, what they were doing to her. When she walked onto the beach safe,

alive if a little worse for wear was a reprieve from hell. When she had declared her intentions to go back for Jack it was though his heart

were being ripped out again. He had seen in her eyes that there would be no stopping her when she said she was going. He had needed

to come along, to protect her because he had failed to save her before. His plans to take one of the Others hostage had not only failed

but he had put Jin and Sun in danger. As much as it tortured him he could not go after her again, he was needed back on the beach. Locke

had insisted coming along though he was uncertain as to the man's intentions he had been to determined to catch up with her that he

had not questioned the man. He wondered now if that were a mistake, given Locke's recent behavior. He did not want to think about that

now. He only wanted to think about this woman and the magic he had felt when he made love to her. She had been so warm last night, so

open. It had surprised him how tentative she had been. He sincerely hoped she did not regret it as she did with Sawyer. But it was not

the same. Her eyes were fluttering open now. She blinked and gazed up at him.

"Good morning," he said. She smiled, a little uncertainly.

"We should…"

"Don't say last night was a mistake," she said clutching his arm panic in her eyes. "Please don't say that it was a mistake and it will never

happen again." He looked down at her in shock. She believed he regretted it. He gently stroked her forehead.

"It was not a mistake," he said softly. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. "What we shared last night was very special. As

for it never happening again, I sincerely hope that is not true. Once we have rescued Jack I hope that we will have many repeats of last

night. I was merely going to say we should get up and get dressed. Locke could be back at any moment." She grinned and lifted her head

to kiss him. They got to their feet and found their clothes. Locke returned as they finished getting dressed. They packed up and continued

their journey to save Jack.