This is my first HTF fic, guys. I hope you enjoy the madness, and don't forget to review!!!
Happy Tree Friends
(the page turns)
Rush Hour
(the page turns)
Starring: Lumpy
(the page turns)
Featuring: The Mole, Russell, Mime, Sniffles, Lifty & Shifty, (the page turns) Petunia, Pop & Cub, Disco Bear, and Handy
It's business as usual at the Happy Tree Mall, with numerous generic tree friends shopping and working in the stores and stands. The Mole, wearing a Jolly Roger hat, is working as cashier in a pirate-themed clothes store called Ocean's Attire. It is owned and run by Russell, who puts a Help Wanted sign out in front of the store's entrance.
Lumpy is walking around the mall, looking at the job list on a newspaper. Then he stops at Ocean's Attire, where he sees the Help Wanted sign. Lumpy looks at the job list, then at the store...
"Mmm-hmm!" Lumpy decides to apply for a position in Ocean's Attire. He has to wait, however, because Mime is already filling out an application at the counter. Mime finishes and hands his application to the Mole before happily walking out. Lumpy goes up.
"Hello, I would like to apply for a position here!" says Lumpy. The Mole hands him an application and a pen, which he accidentally stabs Lumpy's hand with since he is blind. Lumpy takes the pen and fills out the application. He gives it to the Mole after finishing, then leaves.
Later, the Mole shows the day's applications to Russell, who sorts through for favorite picks. He reads through Lumpy's application...
"Aha! Yahahaharr!!!" Russell approves Lumpy's application, and begins writing an interview letter for him.
Sniffles the mailman drives up to Lumpy's house (a 2-floor house, not his trailer). He deposits several letters inside Lumpy's mailbox, then drives off to deliver more letters. Later on, Lumpy comes out to pick up his mail and sorts through them as he re-enters his house.
"Bill, bill, taxes, loan..." Lumpy lists the letters as he discards them one-by-one. Then he sees the letter with the Ocean's Attire logo on it (resembling Russell).
"Aha!!!" Lumpy says, opening the interview letter. He reads it. "Tomorrow at noon! Perfect!!!"
Lumpy goes to his bedroom and readies a clean suit inside his closet for tomorrow's interview. Then he puts on his pajamas, sets his alarm clock to 7 AM, and goes to bed, snoring obnoxiously.
But as Lumpy sleeps, a certain van pulls up in front of his house. Lifty and Shifty leap out, ready to ransack Lumpy's house.
"Eee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!" the raccoons snicker mischieviously, entering Lumpy's house through an open window. Inside, they steal all of Lumpy's stuff, including his TV, furniture, and refrigerator. They head upstairs and steal even more stuff, including Lumpy's suit, drawers, and alarm clock. By the time they're done, all that remains is Lumpy's bed and toilet paper.
Lifty and Shifty cram all the stolen merchandise into their van. But when Shifty starts the van, the engine stalls. Shifty tries again and again to start the engine, but to no avail.
"Lifty, check the engine." orders Shifty.
"Oh alright." Lifty pulls out a wrench and opens the van's hood to check the engine...... "The engine's dead, Shifty."
Then the brothers see Lumpy's car, then they grin. "Eee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!" They remove the engine from Lumpy's car to replace their own. Then they drive off into the night with Lumpy's stuff.
The sun rises, but Lumpy continues to sleep in since his alarm clock was stolen. When he finally wakes up, he sees to his horror that his bedroom is empty.
"Huh!?" Lumpy checks his closet, also empty. "MY SUIT!!!"
He checks downstairs, but everything there is also gone. "AAAAAAAH!!!" Lumpy screams in shock. Then he remembers his interview and gasps. He runs outside and leaps into his car. He checks the time in his car: the time is 11 AM, exactly ONE hour before the interview!
"Oh no!!!" Lumpy panics, then tries to start the car to get to his interview. But it won't start. "Errrr..."
He opens his car's hood to check out the problem, only to discover that his engine has been stolen. "GAH!!!"
Lumpy runs down the road to reach the interview. Then Mime comes riding by on his unicycle, wearing an outfit for his own interview. Lumpy shouts "Aha!" and chases after Mime. Mime stops when he reaches a stoplight at an intersection. Lumpy catches up and smacks Mime off his unicycle, taking it for himself to reach the interview. Lumpy rides away on Mime's unicycle, but then he suddenly returns and beats up Mime to take his interview outfit. Lumpy somehow fits it on perfectly.
"Thanks!" Lumpy thanks the now-naked Mime, riding away on his unicycle. Mime struggles to get up since he is so beaten up.
After riding on Mime's unicycle for a while, Lumpy's stomach growls, so he decides to eat. He sees the Happy Tree Cafe up ahead, then rides into the parking lot. He leaves Mime's unicycle outside while he goes in to eat. Inside, he checks the clock on the wall: the time is 11:20. Lumpy decides he has enough time to eat, and orders a bowl of soup and a drink. Petunia, the waitress, serves Lumpy his bowl of soup and his drink, then he begins eating. While Lumpy eats his meal, Lifty and Shifty are leaving the cafe, having finished their meals. Outside, they see Mime's unicycle.
"Eee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!" they snicker. They take Mime's unicycle and throw it into their van, then they drive off.
On the road, Pop is driving his car with Cub sitting in a baby seat next to him. Pop is humming a song as he drives.
"Huh?" Pop checks his gas meter, seeing that it's almost empty. So he pulls into a nearby gas station, which is just across the street from the cafe. Pop gets out of the car and enters the station to pay for the diesel gas.
In the cafe, Lumpy burps grossly after finishing numerous bowls of soup, messily piled up on the counter. Petunia comes to collect the bowls, annoyed by Lumpy's long and piggish eating.
"Finally!" Petunia says, glad that Lumpy has finally finished his meal. "You pig, you know how long you've been eating?"
Petunia's words re-jog Lumpy's memory, and he remembers his interview. He looks at the clock on the wall: it is 11:55 AM, only 5 minutes remain!
"WAAAH!!!" Lumpy screams with only 5 minutes left. He immediately runs out, unintentionally knocking over Petunia and the bowls in the process.
Outside, Lumpy sees that Mime's unicycle has been stolen and he gasps. Sweating with panic, he scours the area for an alternative.
He sees Pop refueling his car across at the gas station. "Aha!!!" Lumpy exclaims as he heads towards Pop's car. Pop is still refueling the car when Lumpy hijacks it.
"HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!!!?" Pop yells as Lumpy tries to start the car. Lumpy quickly backs up the car out of the gas station, running over Pop and killing him in the process. But what Lumpy doesn't know is that the gas tank is still open since Pop was still refueling, and as he speeds away, the car leaves a trail of gasoline. Pop's pipe ignites the gasoline, and thus a trail of fire follows behind Lumpy's driving.
Lumpy speeds through town in Pop's car, desperately trying to reach his interview on time. Cub, unaware of his father's death, laughs in his seat as Lumpy is practically taking him on a joy ride.
Down the street, Disco Bear is serving as a crossing guard. "Ohhh yeahhh!!!" he says as he holds up his stop sign, so Toothy and Giggles could cross the street without trouble.
But then Disco Bear sees Lumpy speeding towards them.
"HEY, STOP!!!" Disco Bear waves his stop sign wildly to get Lumpy to stop. But Lumpy honks the car-horn repeatedly and keeps coming closer and closer, determined to reach his destination.
"AAAH!!!" Disco Bear leaps out of the way a split second before Lumpy zooms by. But unfortunately, Toothy is struck and is splattered all over the car's front. Giggles, having braced herself for the worst, sees that she is unharmed.
"Ahahahaha!!!" she laughs at her survivor's luck and continues to cross, but then she steps into the trail of gasoline left by the car. "Huh?..."
The fire from Pop's pipe blazes along the gasoline trail, setting Giggles ablaze. "WAH AAH AAAAAAH!!!!!" Giggles screams in agony as she falls and burns to death.
Lumpy loses control of the car's direction, because Toothy's blood and organs are splattered over the windshield.
"Whee!!! Whoohoo!!!" Cub woops with excitement at his fun ride.
"AAAAAH!!!" Lumpy screams as he veers right and left crazily, too stupid to simply activate the windshield wipers to wipe the blood off. He crosses a red light at an intersection. Cuddles, who was driving on the green lane, spins out of control while trying to avoid a collision with Lumpy.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!" Cuddles screams as his car careens towards Sniffles's mail truck. Sniffles, who was closing the back doors of the mail truck, sees this.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Cuddles and Sniffles scream as Cuddles's car slams into Sniffles's mail truck, crushing Sniffles in-between and smashing Cuddles through his own steering wheel. The collision also pushes the mail truck to crash into a line of other vehicles, resulting in a domino effect of crashes. At the end of the line of vehicles is Lifty's and Shifty's van.
"Eee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!" Lifty and Shifty snicker as they come out of the museum with numerous valuables, heading back to their van. But the domino-line of crashing vehicles hits the back of their van, forcing the engine (Lumpy's engine) out through the front and it flies forwards.
"Huh?" the brothers see the engine flying towards them. It lands and crushes Lifty, and its rotary blades catch Shifty by his tail and pull him in. Shifty screams as he is shredded to bits.
Meanwhile, Lumpy finally uses his brain and activates the windshield wipers, wiping off Toothy's blood and organs.
"Hahaha!!!......... What the?..." Lumpy passes a detour sign, and sees Handy working on a pothole dead ahead. Handy sees the oncoming Lumpy and gasps. Lumpy slams his foot on the brakes, but unfortunately he does so too hard and he breaks them.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH-" Lumpy screams like a girl. Handy also screams "AAAAAAAAHHH-", leaping out of the pothole just as Lumpy drives up and drops into the hole, effectively stopping him in his tracks. Cub still laughs with joy!
"Ehehehe! Hehe!..." Lumpy and Handy exchange laughs nervously as they have narrowly avoided death. But the fire burning along the gasoline path finally reaches the car since it's stuck in the pothole. Cub giggles obliviously, while Lumpy and Handy utter "Uh oh..."
The fire causes the car to explode, killing Cub and Handy, and sending Lumpy soaring through the air on fire and with glass shards sticking to his arms, legs and face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Lumpy screams as he flies through the air and plunges down towards the Happy Tree Mall. He falls through the roof- and happens to land right inside the Ocean's Attire interview room. But unfortunately, falling through the ceiling has forced the glass shards through Lumpy's body, slicing him to pieces and his body parts land on and around the interviewee's chair.
Russell checks the time on his watch: it's 11:59, then it turns to 12:00.
"Mole!" Russell calls the Mole. "Yar, our potential matey's here!"
The Mole enters the interviewing room to interview Lumpy, and sits on the interviewer's chair. But, being blind, he doesn't see that Lumpy is dead.
Moral: It's all grist to the mill.
The End!!!
Remember to lock all your doors and windows at night so nobody enters. And remember to drive responsibly, always listen to road signs!!!