Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Island, or Total Drama Action, or Total Drama plus the third word of your choice. I also do not own the source material for any references made throughout this story.
Author's Note: Apparently fanfiction dot net doesn't like having more than twenty characters in a row without a space. Besides that meaning I can't sing that famous song from Mary Poppins, it means all of Ayami's dialogue has to be edited *sigh*. So now I'm staggering her dialogue, plus making a few other edits, so hopefully the story will look better.
TDA: My Way
Prologue: Into the Inferno
As a shoddily-built airplane neared a tiny island, the stubbled face of Chris McClean came into view from one of the windows.
"That there," he announced, pointing to the island below him, "is the infamous Camp Yurgonadynao, home of the active Mt. Yurgonadynao volcano, loads of freakish subspecies of dangerous animals, and-"
"Infamous?" Chef Hatchet growled from the cockpit. "No one's even heard of this camp before. You just built it a couple of days ago on that deserted island!"
Chris put his finger to his lips. "Shush! Don't let the audience know that! They're eating this up!" Chef rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, we've brought back ten of the original Total Drama Island contestants to compete with twelve of the craziest, wackiest, most unusual teens we could find! Check it out right now, on Total. Drama. Action!
After the theme song played (one without any spoilers), Chris was seen standing on an old, splinter-covered dock. He had a stage with a red curtain behind his back.
"Alright, first things first." Chris cleared his throat. "Behind these curtains are the ten returning campers from season one. If your favorite character isn't here, please don't boycott this show!" He procured a television and remote out of nowhere, and turned it on, revealing Duncan in a hospital bed, covered in bandages.
"See? Not all the campers even COULD return!" Chris revealed sternly. "Believe me, if he wasn't in critical condition, Duncan would definitely be here. He was the most popular TDI character!"
Chris then turned around and grabbed one of the ropes holding up the curtains of the stage. "And without further ado, here are the returning campers!" Chris yanked the rope, causing the curtains to fall. From left to right, Ezekiel, Noah, Tyler, Izzy, Beth, Harold, Lindsay, DJ, LeShawna, and Heather were revealed. They each appeared surprised at who was on stage with them.
"Omigosh, I can't believe you brought back Tyler!" Lindsay squealed, embracing Tyler. He gave a thumbs-up.
"No Duncan, no Geoff, no Courtney, and LeShawna? It's a dream come true!" Harold gasped.
Heather gagged. "Oh great, the ghetto girl is back?" she asked, pointing at LeShawna. "And Lindsiot? And PIG-FACE?!"
"Well, it's not like I wanted you back, either!" Beth retorted.
"Whatever. I better do better this season," Noah piped in.
"Yo, what about me, eh?" Ezekiel asked, offended. "I was the first eliminated!"
Chris, worried that the returning campers would soon start fighting, quickly turned on the TV. It showed a short Asian girl prancing around in her pink room, talking extremely quickly.
"HimynameisAyami Iwannajoin TotalDramaAction cuzitsoundslikefun andIlikefuncuz itsfunandstuff Ihavetwocats adogand aturtlenamedPeanut helikeseatingjelly soInamedhim Peanutcoolhuh?"
All the returning campers stopped arguing and stared at the screen in disbelief.
"What…was…that…?" Heather asked, her eye twitching.
Chris answered her question simply. "That's the first brand new camper, Ayami! She'll be here momentarily." He pointed at a speedboat off into the horizon, rapidly getting bigger.
Heather scowled. "Are you trying to drive us insane, Chris?"
"Yes I am." The boat arrived, and Ayami bounded off, landing an inch away from Chris.
"OmigoshIcan'tbelieve I'mfinallyhereand meetingyouinperson thisissoawesome becauseI'mahuge TotalDramaIsland fanaticandwatched everysingle episodeIthink GeoffandCody arecutearetheyhere?" Ayami's eyes darted quickly back and forth. She then ran up to Izzy and continued to blabber, "Heyyou'reIzzy you'remyfavorite campercuzyou're crazyand smartandstuff!"
Izzy clasped her hands together. "New best friend!"
Chris watched warily as Ayami settled herself with the other campers, and then turned back to the TV. "Alright guys, ready to meet the next camper?" Everyone shook their heads except for Lindsay, who did nothing, and Izzy and Ayami, who nodded.
The TV now showed a tall, fairly muscular boy with wavy brown hair jogging on a sidewalk.
"Yo, Colin's the name, don't wear it out!" he greeted, waving at the camera. "I'm an excellent choice for Total Drama Action because I'm strong, smart, and EXTREMELY good-looking." At this point, Colin seemed to be running forward, but it was the cameraperson who was lagging behind him.
"Hey Colin, I'm getting tired!" a high-pitched male voice whined.
Colin smirked. "Guess you shouldn't have skipped gym then! Hahaha!"
"I didn't skip gym!"
At this point, Colin was already high-fiving Chris. "Wazzup Colin, my man?
"Just busy being an awesome chick magnet, ya know."
Colin swaggered toward Lindsay, ignoring Tyler. "Hey babe, like what ya see?" he asked, posing. Lindsay seemed unsure on how to answer.
"Hey, loser! Hands off my girl!" Tyler tried to push Colin out of Lindsay's face, but didn't make much progress.
"Me, a loser? Look in the mirror, you sissy jock-wannabe!" Colin pushed Tyler back, causing him to fall to the ground. Tyler growled.
Chris took a deep breath. "Ahhhhhh…Nothing like the smell of drama in the morning. Anyway, here's newbie number three."
A mousy boy with dirty blond hair was walking around a park, apparently trying to adjust his underwear.
"Uh, hi." He waved shyly to the camera. "My name's Mikey, I want to join that Total Drama Action thing so I can prove that I'm not a wimp." Suddenly he was surrounded on all sides by tougher-looking boys.
"You, get on Total Drama Island?!" the biggest one sneered. "What makes you think anyone would choose you, pathetic wimp?" He snapped his fingers, and two of his cronies grabbed Mikey's underwear.
"No!" Mikey screamed. "You just hung me from the flagpole five minutes ago!"
"Heheh, flagpole. Very funny, Mikey," the leader snickered. He then pointed to some stretching racks.
"Isn't that…illegal?" Mikey asked, shivering.
"Who cares?!" The leader knocked the camera on its side while Mikey's screams could be heard offscreen.
Harold gasped. "Wow…And I thought I had it bad…" He watched as Mikey carefully left his boat and shuffled toward him.
"Hi Harold…I respect you a lot for standing up to that bully, Duncan." Mikey almost smiled.
Harold smiled back and patted him on the head. "Thanks little dude. That means a lot to me."
Mikey then turned toward LeShawna. "Are y-y-you going to b-beat me up?"
LeShawna chortled. "Why would I do that? What'd you ever do to me?"
Mikey's eyes widened. "…Have I finally found a place where I'm finally accepted?"
Chris averted his eyes. "Meh, dunno about that, dude. Here's contestant number four."
A girl with straight red hair and round glasses stood next to a draped object. "Greetings Total Drama Action staff! My name is Mary, and I'll be the smartest person on the show. This is my robot, the Laboring Obedient Unibot, or Lou for short." She pointed to the small robot at her feet, which was effortlessly carrying several tools larger than it. "And this," she continued, pointing to the draped object behind her, "is one of my hundreds of world-changing inventions; the Pollution Converter." Lou lifted the drape, revealing a sleek, humming machine resembling a futuristic vacuum cleaner. "It reacts with harmful pollutants in the atmosphere, converting them into oxygen and other harmless compounds."
Noah yawned. "Showoff. I'm much smarter than she is." He then experienced a sharp pain in his shin, caused by Lou, carrying luggage, kicking him. Behind it, Mary was frowning while tapping her foot.
"You really think you're smarter than me?" she asked, frustrated. "I'll have you know that I graduated college at ten years old."
"Wow. Amazing," Noah replied sarcastically. "You ruined any chance of ever acquiring human friends. I received a scholarship to Harvard at age five, but turned them down because I didn't want to leave my ACTUAL HUMAN friends."
Mary narrowed her eyes. "Okay then, Mr. Genius. Name all the important contributions to mankind YOU provided!"
"Contributions? Every contribution has a consequence, typically worse than the solution it provides. Ever hear of atomic weapons? Global warming? The ozone layer?" Noah retorted.
Chris chuckled as Noah and Mary angrily stared at each other. "Chris, you are a casting genius," he told himself. He turned on the TV once again.
This time, there were two teens, a boy and a girl, on the screen. Both were nearly identical, being the exact same size, wearing the same color scheme and having similar curly brown hair.
"I'm Joseph-" the boy managed to utter before the girl elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ever heard of 'ladies first', brother? Anyway, I am Josephine…Now you say your name."
"But I already said my name!" Joseph argued.
"Yeah, but you said it out of turn!"
"Does it really matter? The TDA folks will have heard it already!"
"JUST SAY YOUR FREAKING NAME!!!"
Joseph shot a look of venom at his sister, and continued, "And I'm Joseph. I'm going to win Total Drama Action beca-ow!"
"I'm winning Total Drama Action!" Josephine yelled. "I'm the only one in this family who isn't a retard!"
"Well, I'm the only one in this family who isn't a crazy power trip!"
"Oh that's it! You're going down!" The rest of the video showed the twins fighting within a comedic fight cloud.
Even before they left the boat, everyone could easily hear the squabbling between the twins.
"I get to leave the boat first, remember?" Josephine asked Joseph.
"Why does it even matter? Can't we just jump off at the same time?"
"Yeah, except that you'll scare everyone with your hideous face before they see my beautiful one."
Joseph grumbled as he leapt off the boat a second after his sister. Upon meeting Chris, the twins pointed to each other and announced in unison, "Put us on different teams, or else!"
"Whoa whoa whoa, fine. Whatever." Chris gestured towards the stage with the other campers on it. "Just…stand on opposite ends of the stage or something. It'll be fine." The twins hmphed simultaneously and headed towards the opposite sides of the stage.
Chris wiped his forehead. "Alright, that's half of the newbies. Time to reveal the seventh." Once again, he turned on the TV.
A tweedy-looking boy wearing an odd assortment of clothes kept turning his head, not saying anything.
"Don't be nervous, sweetie," the boy's mother called out from behind the camera. "Just tell the nice men from TV your name and some things about you."
"Uhhhhhh…My name? Uh, my name is…is…Edman?"
"Edmund, sweetie."
"Oh, right." Edmund scratched his chin. "Guh…I is nervous. What if no one thinks I is special like you, Ma?"
"Don't worry, honey. You'll always be special, no matter what the other kids say."
"…Gee, thanks Ma." Edmund ran to the camera with tears in his eyes, causing his mother to fall down and the camera to break.
At that point, Edmund was slowly sauntering towards Chris.
"Uh, hey Edmund," Chris greeted. Edmund did not respond.
"Uh…Edmund? You there, man?" Another minute of silence followed, until…
"Ohhhhh, yah, my name's Edmund! Hi!" Edmund grabbed Chris's hand and partook in a wobbly handshake."
"Yeah…Hi Edmund. Now you need to go to the stage."
"Guh…Okay." Edmund started to saunter in the opposite direction of the stage.
"Brah? The stage is thattaway." Chris pointed toward the stage.
"…Oh, the STAGE! S-T-A-Y-J! That's how ya spell STAGE!" Edmund clumsily ran toward the stage, tripping on the stairs while everyone else just gawked.
"Wow…" LaShawna gasped. "That's…just…wow."
"Wowisacoolword becausewhenyou sayititmeansyou're reallyexcitedand beingexcitedisgood cuzit'slikebeing happyexceptbetter Ilikebeinghappy Itrytobehappy nomatterwha-oof!" Josephine nudged Ayami before she could speak anymore.
"New camper number eight…" Chris mumbled while fiddling with the remote once again.
A tall girl with several piercings, dark clothes, spiked wristbands, and a large mohawk was scowling at the camera at a nighttime setting.
"Alright wimps, I'm Tam and I'm gonna kick all you're a$$es. Got it?" The camera shook up and down, causing Tam to become even angrier.
"I wasn't talking to you, idiot! I was talking to the other contestants of Total Drama Action!" She delivered a swift punch below the camera, causing the cameraperson to thud onto the ground. Tam held the camera herself.
"So, ya think I'm too similar to that wimp Duncan to be on your show?" Tam asked, making a fist. "Loser hasn't even been to real prison! Besides, I already put him in the hospital, so he'll be unable to distract his idiotic fangirls!"
After a hefty dose of booing by the girls watching the program, Tam stomped over to Chris.
"I better win," is all she said before joining the other campers. Mikey took a few steps away while everyone else stared warily.
"…You're trying to kill us, aren't you?" DJ asked Chris nervously.
Chris shrugged. "Hey, I'm only looking for ratings brah." He then turned the TV back on once again.
A rather plain-looking girl was sitting on her bed, eyes sparkling.
"Ooh, is this that show where everyone falls in love?" she asked no one in particular. "I've been trying to find a boyfriend for years now! I wanna boyfriend dangit!" The girl banged her fists on her bed. "My name's Casey, and I'm gonna win Total Drama Action! With a boyfriend hopefully!"
Chris shuddered. "Meh…can't win them all." At this point, Casey landed on the Dock of Shame and slapped Chris in the face.
"How dare you! Where's my boyfriend?" After a quick scan of the contestants, Casey ran over to Colin.
"Hiya big guy, my name's Casey. You wanna be my boyfriend?"
"…Not worth my time." Colin turned his back toward Casey and continued to flirt with Lindsay, causing Casey to cry.
"Wow…that was soooooo mean," Beth whispered to the campers near her.
"Yeah…what a jerk!" DJ replied. "She deserves better than him."
Chris sighed. "I'm getting bored…Here's newbie number ten…"
A blond boy was shown brushing his teeth. How exciting.
"Hey TDA, name's Samuel." Samuel finished brushing his teeth, and then started gargling mouthwash. "Mah motha's FORCIN meh ta join yer show!" He spit the mouthwash in his sink and started flossing. "My doctor told her that I am too sterile and need to expose myself to the elements. Ha! As if anyone can be too sterile!" Samuel finished flossing and started vacuuming the water off his sink. "Other than my sense of cleanliness, I am an intelligent, loyal friend, so I can win!" Samuel rushed out of the bathroom after this sentence, and then a washing machine's whirrs could be heard.
"Yo Samuel, hi-five me!" Chris held out his hand, causing Samuel to flinch.
"Dude, where have those hands been?"
---
Flashback…
"Hey Chef, guess what day it is today?" Chris asked, clad in a diving suit above a landfill.
Chef rolled his eyes. "Chris is a Total Idiot Day?"
Chris chuckled. "Nah, it's National Dirty Day!" Neglecting to put on his gloves, Chris dove headfirst into the landfill.
End Flashback…
---
Chris shifted his eyes. "Uh…nowhere they weren't supposed to be…" Before Samuel could react, Chris hi-fived him, leaving a streak of grime on his hand.
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MUST SANITIZE!!!!!" Samuel hurriedly grabbed a bottle of antibacterial spray and a towel, and cleaned his hand.
As Samuel angrily shuffled toward the other campers, Chris let out another chuckle. "Heheh, these teens are TOO EASY! Anyway, I present our final chick!"
A good-looking blond girl was singing into a microphone.
"Oh, oh oh, oh ohhhhhh, my name is Allison…
I'll join Total Drama Action and have lots of fun…oh yeah…
Many challenges and trials to face…
I must persevere to win that first place… I invented that song myself!"
All the campers stood wide-eyed after hearing Allison's audition, while Chris was beside himself in glee. "Oh man, looks like this show will finally have a good singer this season!"
Trent sued Total Drama Action.
---
One Lawsuit Later…
"Well, there goes our awesome giant fighting robot competition…" Chris lamented, checking his new credit card balance. He then noticed that Allison was standing in front of him for hours now.
"Heheh…sorry about the lawsuit…"
Allison shrugged. "Meh, it's okay. Trent's just jealous of me." She walked back to the stage with the other campers, receiving a few looks in the process. Chris shushed any remaining conversation.
"Ladies and gentlemen, there is only one camper left to reveal! He is the most insane, loony, high-ratings promising contestant ever! He's going to knock your socks off! He's going to leave your jaws agape with fear! He's going to-"
"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Heather yelled.
"Don't say I didn't warn you, Heather." Chris replied as he started the final tape. "Oh and by the way, if you are easily offended, I recommend you close your eyes now."
"Why would I close my - Oh…my…god…" Heather wished she had closed her eyes sooner.
The bedroom on the TV was hardly describable. Every inch of the wall was covered with posters of Heather, the bed resembled Heather, and there were a line of Heather standees next to two television sets replaying scenes from Total Drama Island with Heather in them. All the sudden, a black-haired boy started clawing at the camera, tears flowing from his eyes.
"I MUST BE ON YOUR SHOW!" He wailed, gouging marks on the camera lens. "Ever since I saw her, I knew…I knew I had to be with her! On Total Drama Action! OH PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!" The boy blew his nose on the camera, obscuring the view of the room.
Chris gestured to the final boat approaching from the sunset. "May I present the final camper of Total Drama Action: Ethan!"
Heather's eye twitched. "…You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
Meanwhile, Beth, Lindsay, and LeShawna were on the floor in uncontrollable laughter.
"Just what that stuck-up prick needs! A creepy boyfriend!" LeShawna wheezed.
"Omigosh! That was the best thing ever!" Beth agreed.
"This is gonna be awesome…" Chris snickered. "Anyway, now we need to set up the teams. When I call your name, go stand over there." Chris jerked his thumb towards a dirty circle in the ground. "Lindsay, Beth, Tyler, DJ, Noah, Colin, Mary, Josephine, Edmund, Samuel, Allison."
The aforementioned campers walked onto the circles.
"Henceforth, you shall be known as…" Chris threw a flag with a blue otter on it to DJ. "…The Hollering Otters!"
"Oh yeah! Let's holler Otters!" DJ whooped. "WHOOOO!"
"YEAH!" Lindsay and Beth yelled, hi-fiving.
"Yay, I'm an aquatic mammal. Woohoo." Noah added snidely.
Chris interrupted the cheering. "Now for the rest of you. That's Harold, LeShawna, Heather, Ezekiel, Izzy, Ayami, Casey, Mikey, Tam, Joseph, and Ethan. You guys stand at that other dirty circle. You will be known now as…" He threw a yellow flag with a bird on it. "…The Deadly Sparrows!"
Heather raised her hand. "Chris? I refuse to be on the same tribe as him." She gestured toward Ethan, who was smiling rather creepily towards her.
"Too bad, cause I'm not changing it! Anyway, now I should explain the game rules-"
Ayami suddenly started yammering. "Everythreedays there'sachallenge thewinningteam getsimmunity andareward andthelosershave togotoa marshmallowceremony andvoteoffa memberoftheirteam andtheycan't comebackever howeveryoulied whenyousaidthat andtwocampers returnedlastseason thelastcamper remainingafter eightweekswins $100,000!"
Chris clutched his head. "Uh…yeah, I think you've pretty much got it. However, thanks to the killer ratings of our last season, we were able to raise the winnings to half a million dollars!" Everyone's jaw dropped.
"Guh…that's like, a lot of money, huh?" Edmund asked.
"You bet. Anyway, the first challenge starts in ten, so you should start the meet and greet now." Chris walked offscreen while the other campers just stared.
Confessionals
Chris was shown inside a dilapidated outhouse. "Oh, and don't forget to share your feelings with the audience in our confessional stall."
---
"Omigoshthisisso awesomeI'mactuallyin theconfessionalstall sayingaconfession-"
---
"Chris is a dead man," shot Heather. Clawing sounds could be heard outside the stall.
---
"I'vewatchedthis showsincedayone andsincethenI alwayswantedto joinbutmy-"
---
Samuel made a face. "Does anyone ever CLEAN around here?" He sprayed some antibacterial spray around the stall.
---
"Thenonmy sixteenthbirthday IgotaponyandI namedhimGeoff causeGeoffissocute andsoisthepony-"
---
"Hey chicks, the Z-man ain't gonna make fun of ya no more, so save a big, fluffy marshmallow for me at the campfire, K?"
---
"ThenIhadtogoto thehospitalinorder togetthepantsremoved itcostalotofmoney andmymom'sa nervouswreckand won'twearpants!"
The campers all met Chris on top of Mt. Yurgonadynao, where he was seen holding cords and harnesses.
"Hey guys, and welcome to your first challenge!" Chris whistled, and Chef, angrily muttering, stepped to Chris's side. "Guess what you're doing? You're gonna bungee jump off the face of this volcano!" Chris pushed Chef into the volcano. Screams could be heard.
"Uh…did he just…die?" Beth asked nervously.
"Oh he'll be fine." Chris waved it off. "Anyway, each camper must either take this life-risking bungee jump, or face the wrath and humiliation of the dreaded chicken hat!" Chris pulled out a chicken hat.
"ARGGGGHHH!!!!! CHICKEN!" Tyler threw himself onto Lindsay's arms.
"Heheh, looks like we've got our first chicken already!" Colin laughed at Chris's joke.
"Oh yeah?" Tyler jabbed a finger into Colin's stomach. "I'll show you, fancy-pants!" He ran over to the bungee cords, set himself up, and jumped into the volcano in record time.
"WOOHOO! Go Tyler!" Lindsay cheered.
Colin scoffed. "Whatever. Anyone can do that, especially when the whole thing is fake!" He then jumped straight into the volcano without a bungee cord.
"Fake? We couldn't afford a fake volcano!" Everyone grimaced as a burnt Colin screamed, shooting upward from the pain.
"You…stupid…loser…" Colin managed before fainting.
Confessionals
Colin shifted in his seat on the confessional stall. "Okay, I have no idea why Lindsay's wasting her time with a guy with no talent whatsoever. She can do a lot better…like me!"
"Alright, that's two for two so far for the Hollering Otters," tallied Chris. "Who's next?" Beth raised her hand meekly.
"I'll take the chicken hat again…" she murmured.
"Aw…still scared of our challenges? That's okay…" Chris plunked the hat onto Beth's head. "That just makes you a chicken! Brawk brawk brawk!" He turned to DJ. "You quit your first challenge too. Will you give this one a shot?"
DJ shrugged. "I guess. At least there isn't any water down there." He gulped and performed a graceful dive. The Hollering Otters cheered.
DJ popped back up. "Yo guys, it really ain't so bad. Just make sure you got that bungee cord attached." DJ's words prompted the rest of the Otters to try the task.
Allison then dropped in. "DJ's right. Just let the fear go, and it'll be alright."
"Is lava sanitary?" Samuel asked nervously before jumping.
"Lava is liquid rock, genius," Noah and Mary remarked at the same time. They then glared angrily towards each other.
"I bet I can finish my jump before you!" Mary challenged.
"Like how you graduated college first?" scoffed Noah. "Yeah right." They both jumped at the same time anyway.
"Uh…how do ya put this thing on?" Edmund asked, tangled in a bungee cord.
"Ugh…like this." Josephine helped him put on the cord correctly.
"Gee…thanks purdy lady!" Edmund blushed.
"HEY SIS, HOW DO YA LIKE YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?!" Joseph shouted from the other side of the volcano.
Josephine turned red. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, YA JERK!"
"I'm not?"
Josephine pushed Edmund into the volcano in rage. "NO YOU'RE NOT!" She then followed him into the volcano.
"Alright." Chris counted on his fingers. "That's nine bungees and one chicken. Lindsay's the last one to go for the Hollering Otters."
Lindsay peered down the volcano nervously. "Uh, will this mess up my hair?"
"Oh yes it will!" replied Heather, trying to psych her out.
"Oh…Can I have a chicken hat please?" Lindsay took a chicken hat from Chris while the rest of her team groaned.
"Great. Score zero for Little Miss Clueless." Noah remarked.
"That's a final score of nine for the Hollering Otters!" announced Chris. "Let's see if the Deadly Sparrows can beat it!"
"We better beat it," Tam threatened, punching her palm.
Confessionals
Tam scoffed, "I can already tell that I'm the only one on my team that can do anything. So I took matters into my own hands today."
"Alright, you're going first shrimp!" Tam picked up a whimpering Mikey and started walking to the volcano's base.
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" wailed Mikey. "I DON'T WANNA GOOOOO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!" Right before Tam threw him in, Chris blocked her path.
"Sorry dude, but we gotta let the campers choose if they want to go in or not. That's the point of the challenge." Chris grabbed Mikey and put him down. "So, do you want to jump in?"
"Ch-ch-chicken hat p-p-p-please." Mikey fainted.
Tam scowled. "Loser." She jumped into the volcano.
Confessionals
Mikey whimpered nervously into the camera. "Tam's, like…all the bullies in my life combined, then made worse, then made scarier, then…oh! It's just too painful!" Mikey spent the next few minutes bawling his eyes out.
"That's one and one," Chris tallied. "That means the Sparrows are falling behind. Who's next?"
"Oohoohooh memememememe pleaseIwannajump jumpingisfun mememememe oohoohooh-"
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! Sheesh, just jump Ayami!"
"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Ayami jumped.
"Okay, who's-"
"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Izzy jumped.
Chris shook his head to get the cheers out. "Ow…my head…"
"YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" Ayami hi-fived Izzy.
"Hey! What are ya trying to do? Make my head explode?"
"You can DO THAT?" Izzy asked, shocked. She then took out a bicycle pump from her hammerspace. "I CALL DIBS ON CHRIS'S HEAD!"
"NOT COOL, DUDE!" Chris started running away from Izzy, who was laughing maniacally. Most of the campers had confused looks on their faces.
"Alright, who wants to go next?" Harold asked the remaining campers. "LeShawna? Casey? Boobies?"
"Who the heck is Boob…oh, that was a bad idea Harold." LeShawna looked nervously towards Heather, who was fuming. However, it was Ethan who took initiative.
"NO ONE makes Heather mad on my watch!" He then delivered a swift kick to Harold's crotch.
"MY BISCUITS ARE BURNING!"
LeShawna then screamed, "NOW YA MESSED WITH THE WRONG WHITE BOY! I'LL KILL YA HEATHER!"
"Oh no you won't!" Ethan took on a fighting stance between LeShawna and Heather.
"Ya think ya can take me?" LeShawna cracked her knuckles.
"Yeah." Ethan quickly swept his leg, tripping LeShawna. He then started pummeling her face.
"CHEF!" Chris called out, noticing the fight. Fortunately, Chef managed to rip Ethan off of LeShawna, but not before she fainted with bruises all over her face.
Heather looked at the damage. "…Wow…She finally got what she deserved. Excellent."
"All in a days work," Ethan replied proudly, still being held by Chef. "I do kickboxing and martial arts."
"Stupid girls…" Ezekiel muttered. "Why do they always have to fight?"
All the girls stared at Ezekiel.
"Uh…I mean…girls are awesome!" Ezekiel did a fist pump half-heartedly. Then, to end the awkward situation he jumped into the volcano.
"That's four jumpers and one chicken for the Sparrows! Who's next?" Chris asked, trying to get everyone focused on the challenge.
"When this brute cares to let go of me, I'd be happy to jump." Ethan sneered at Chef.
"…Just don't give me more medical problems to take care of." Chef let him go.
"THIS IS FOR HEATHER!" Ethan dived gracefully into the volcano.
Casey sidled towards Joseph. "…Hey, Joseph. Are you…seeing anyone?"
"Oh!" Joseph blushed. "I don't see anyone. I don't like girls because of my sister."
"HEY BRO, HOW DO YA LIKE YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND?!" Josephine taunted.
"SHUT UP! SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Casey cried.
"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that!" Joseph tried to comfort Casey. "Uh, we can be…regular friends if you want. You do seem nicer than my sister, at least."
Casey just cried harder. "I'll never get a boyfriend at this rate! WAAAAAHHHHH!"
Chris scowled. "Seriously, does ANYONE care about this challenge?"
"Sure. I'll jump." Joseph did just that.
Chris walked up to Casey, who was still crying. "How about you?" Casey didn't respond.
"…I'll count that as a pass. This means that every other Sparrow must jump in order to tie. Who's next?"
Heather shrugged. "I guess it's my turn, then. At least there's nothing here to embarrass myself on T.V." She jumped amid extremely loud cheers by Ethan.
"So now there's two left, right?" Chris turned toward Harold and LeShawna, the former holding his crotch and the latter still unconscious.
"…Can't…jump…" Harold gasped.
"Okay then. The Hollering Otters are the winners!" Chris announced. The Hollering Otters…well…hollered.
---
The Deadly Sparrows were sitting in the cafeteria, contemplating their loss.
"Oohhhhh…" LeShawna adjusted the ice pack on her face. "I don't know about y'all, but Heather shouldn't've come back here in the first place." Ethan held out his fist, growling.
"Okay okay, I won't vote her out! Sheesh!" LeShawna added under her breath, "I'll just vote out you instead."
Ezekiel put his hand to his forehead. "Well, I think we would've won the challenge if you girls weren't fighting all the time! I mean, if we were all boys…"
"GET HIM!" Every girl in camp, plus Ethan, started beating up Ezekiel.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I SHOULD'VE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT!!!!!"
"Woohoo! Check out that fight!" a familiar voice rang out. A fat blond boy suddenly ran over to watch.
"Owen? What are you doing here?" asked Harold.
"Oh, me? I convinced Chris to become a member of the cast. I'm the official poison checker!" Owen started eating a steak. "Nope, no poison in here. But I better check the rest of this steak in case the poison isn't evenly distributed." Owen finished off the steak.
Confessionals
"At first, I wanted that freak Ethan off, but he seems to be useful. Maybe as an extra vote, or to convince others to vote my way," Heather relayed. "Tonight, I'd want LeShawna to go, but there seems to be someone else who deserves to be in this game even less."
---
"That Ethan is really askin' for it, but I think I'm gonna vote for someone else," said LeShawna.
---
Ezekiel laid back all cool-like in the stall. "I'm awaiting that marshmallow, because there's no way all the boys will be voting for me!"
---
"That LeShawna is Heather's main rival. BUT Ezekiel provided a worse insult," said Ethan.
---
"Boobies."
Campfire Ceremony…
After the dramatic music played, Chris welcomed the Deadly Sparrows. "Welcome to the drama-inducing Campfire Ceremony! You all made your votes and cast your decision. Here I have ten marshmallows." He held out a platter with ten marshmallows on it. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers. And he or she can't come back…EVER."
A few campers shuddered upon hearing this.
"So, let's pass some marshmallows then!" Chris put his finger to his chin. "First marshmallow goes to…Joseph."
"Phew." Joseph got up.
"…Tam."
"Hmph!"
"…Izzy."
"Wahoo!" Izzy ran up to the platter and picked up a marshmallow with her mouth.
"…Ayami."
"YayIsurvivedthe firstepisodeso Icanpartakeinmore challengesand Ihaveachanceof actuallywinning whichissocooland-"
"…Harold."
"Booyah!"
"…Casey."
Casey wordlessly got up.
"…Heather."
LeShawna glared angrily as Ethan grabbed Heather's marshmallow for her.
"…Mikey."
Mikey cowered from the glare Tam gave him.
"Next marshmallow goes to…LeShawna."
"In yo' face!" LeShawna held the marshmallow to Ethan's face.
Chris smiled. "Ethan, Ezekiel, it's down to you. Who will get the last marshmallow?"
Ethan scoffed. "Well that's a dumb question. You guys need me for ratings!" Ezekiel shivered.
Chris slapped his forehead. "You can read us like a book, can't you Ethan? Whatever, thanks for ruining the suspense. Ethan gets the last marshmallow!"
Ethan picked up the marshmallow. "Thank you."
"Okay, why do I keep getting voted out first?" Ezekiel asked angrily.
Chris patted him on the back. "Well, my advice is to stop royally pissing off half the world's population!" Ezekiel sighed and walked the Dock of Shame, while sad music played.
Next time, on Total Drama Action…
The teams have to invent something out of scrap.
"Alright guys, here's your next challenge; the Invent-Off!" Chris gestured toward the pile of parts.
But some campers may want to invent an excuse.
"Why are ya'll bullying Sam?"
Colin gulped. "…Cause it's funny?"
An excuse to get away from this fight!
Noah and Mary stood with their faces less than an inch away. "GRRRRRRR!!!"
Who will be eliminated next time…
Chris slapped his forehead. "Are you guys going to allow ONE dramatic campfire ceremony this season? HUH?!"
…On Total Drama Action.