The Letter

By Ladyisis

Rated K/K+

Warnings: AU

Synopsis: Response to a forum challenge. Set after The Doctor left Rose at Bad Wolf Bay the FIRST time. In his newly regenerated form the Doctor travels back to Earth bearing a letter for a seventeen year old Rose Tyler.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is owned by the bigwigs at the BBC and the base concept is credited to Talia Taylor who set the challenge.

The Letter

The Doctor stared blankly up at the TARDIS ceiling, still lying on the grate in the control room. Blinking again he felt fresh, silent, tears overflow, winding down the sides of his face and into his hair. New hair. New new Doctor, all over again. He had regenerated, thus another connection to the memory of his time with Rose was severed.

He'd managed to stumble back to the TARDIS before the regeneration really kicked in, hitting the controls to send him flying out into the vast vortex before falling to his knees, letting the energy take him over completely. Floating safely in the vortex he had collapsed on his back on the grate, and here he still lay, hours later.

He hadn't moved, hadn't even bothered to look at himself to see what he had now become. Was he old? Was he young? Was he handsome? All of the questions that had pressed upon his mind in every previous change were insignificant to him now.

It hadn't worked. He was trying to reach Rose, to find a way back to her at any cost and it all backfired, he had failed. He had died, well regenerated, but he could just as easily have been dead dead Doctor. Part of him wished that was the case, to think of the destruction and the death he would have brought had he succeeded. He was ashamed of himself.

He hauled himself over onto his front and slowly up onto his wobbly legs. His body's automatic pilot took over as he traversed the corridors to his room, then unceremoniously flung himself on the bed. There he slipped into sleep, exhausted from the regeneration itself, and from the intensity of his own emotions. Emotions he had always been so good at keeping in check, until he lost her.

Who knows how long he slumbered, for a Time Lord does it really matter? The Doctor rose and blinked his bleary eyes repeatedly. His body ached, as if he were being crammed into clothes too small for his size. His previous regeneration had been uncommonly slim. He tossed aside his now battered pinstripe jacket with no small amount of frustration. And for the first time, felt a small spark of curiosity. Splaying his fingers out before his eyes he examined his hands, turning them and noting the smoothness of his skin. He darted his digits to his face, then rose to find a mirror.

On the small desk in the corner of the room sat a mirror he had added to the room in his previous body. His hair had refused to be tamed without aid and for that he required the looking glass. He'd never have admitted thus to Rose, after claiming for so long that he had naturally fantastic hair.

He was young, very young, definitely still in his twenties, by appearances anyway. 'The perfect physical match for her,' he solemnly mused, wondering if Jackie would have approved of them any more now that he looked of a similar age to her beloved daughter.

His hearts sank once more as he lowered his gaze from the mirror, his eyes blindly scanning the various discarded items on the overcrowded desk. He halted, them beating with fervour once more. He picked up the old parchment and opened it, reading the words, 'My lonely angel.'

Madame De Pompadour's letter. A letter. The only way to contact him, knowing she would never lay her eyes on him again but safe in the knowledge that her words would reach him eventually. "Thank you, Reinette!" he kissed the refolded parchment and tossed it (respectfully of course) back among the old bits and bobs he'd accumulated as he ran from the room as fast as his tight trousers would allow him.

"Bye Shireen," Rose waved to her friend as they parted jollily.

The teenager gradually stemmed her laughter from her parting conversation with her friend as she walked through the dim park. She meandered the paths at a leisurely pace, stopping every so often to reply to a text message, smiling and poking her tongue between her teeth as she did so. She was oblivious to the young man following at a safe distance, smiling broadly every time he saw such an expression upon her. An expression she used to point in his direction so often, one he missed with all of his hearts.

The heavens opened and Rose made a slight squeak as she ran for cover under the branches of some trees, though they made a poor shelter in such a sudden downpour. The Doctor saw his opportune moment and grasped it. Running under the same tree and smiling politely as if he had never met her before in his life, he put up an umbrella, lifting it silently in invitation to the young girl beside him.

"Thanks!" Rose raised her voice above the pelting of the rain around them.

"You're welcome," the handsome stranger smiled, "Do you think it'll pass over or are we destined to get soaked do you think?" he laughed, attempting to draw her into a conversation.

"Knowing my luck, I'm sure it's going to bucket down now for the rest of the evening," she laughed and he politely did so in return. "I'm Rose," she offered, still slightly shouting.

"John," he smiled back, perhaps wider than he should have as they shook hands.

It felt like electricity running through his arm at the feel of her touch. Here she was, his Rose. But she wasn't, she wasn't his. Even if he pulled his plan off, she still would never be his. But at least she'd know. That was some comfort at least.

"Nice to meet you Rose."

"Off anywhere nice? In the pouring rain?" she laughed musically.

"Um, just work, you know, coming home from work," he improvised.

"Really? What do you do? It must be something nice to be wearing such a sharp suit…wait don't tell me…urm, a Doctor?" she guessed.

His brows rose, and his breathing hitched just to hear the word 'Doctor' from her lips one last time. Thankfully the noise of the rain concealed his audible slip up.

"Got it in one," he tried to dazzle her with his smile but he felt it failed in intensity, his former body had a cheeky grin that was difficult to replicate. "W-well," he stuttered as an afterthought, "Well I'm training to be one anyway," he added suddenly, remembering his youthful appearance only when Rose squinted at him slightly, perhaps not quite believing him due to his age.

"Cool," she non-comittally added.

They glanced out at the rain again in silence. 'Do it now, before it's too late,' his mind was urging.

Her text alert rang again, she smiled that beautiful smile as she read it's content and tucked a damp strand of errant blonde hair behind her ear. Something she usually did when talking to him, the old him that is. That shy blush accompanied with that smile.

"A friend?" he questioned, knowing that probably wasn't the case.

"Um, well sort of. Well, I mean yes he's my friend, we've known each other for years, it's just he keeps asking me out."

"Really? What's his name?"

"Mickey."

The Doctor suppressed a chuckle and felt his jealousy melt away. "Mickey, sounds like a good name, maybe you should give him a chance."

"Maybe I will," she mused aloud.

'Come on, come on,' his brain pressed as the rain began to ease up.

"Um, Rose," he turned to her with another polite smile, wondering how exactly he was going to swing this.

She turned her attention back to him with a smile and nodded for him to continue.

"Rose, do you believe in fate?"

She looked stunned for a brief moment before answering cautiously, "I think we all decide our own fate."

'She always did know her own mind.'

"Would you humour me? I have a letter for you, but I can't tell you anything about it."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, and darted around them, probably for an escape route.

"I'm not a nutter," he laughed, "This letter," he handed it to her like it was precious, "Only open it on the day your true love breaks your heart."

"The day my heart gets broken?" Rose looked at the sealed note with almost distain, "Who's to say Mickey and I won't live happily ever after."

"Maybe you do," he lied, "Maybe it'll never be opened," he lied again, "But if the time comes Rose, you'll know. Keep it safe, please, the one who wrote it, his whole self is in that envelope."

That said he turned abruptly before the tears could fall, he all but ran from her for fear he would simply wrap her up in his arms and never let her go again.

"John!" he heard her call, her voice drowning against the sound of the rain.

When he was as far as he could go without being out of her line of sight he turned, the rain beat down and masked his tears. The umbrella he'd left to keep her dry she held at her side, letting herself get soaked through as she stood half under the tree, staring after him with a melancholy expression. He wanted to linger, but he couldn't. She had to be with Mickey, she had to forget about Doctor John so that she would eventually be with him. He turned and left, never looking back. Even when he reached the TARDIS, he vowed, never look back.

"But it was him, I know it was!" croaked Rose through her tears as she hysterically pulled at the TARDIS' central console.

The Doctor had sent her home, he was fighting the Daleks, if he was not dead already, on the gamestation. She had to get back to him, she had to open the console and look into the heart of the TARDIS, it was the only way.

"In the rain that day, I don't recognise his face, and I don't know how it was possible, but it had to be him. Some kind of technology masking his true face to my vision, for fear of corrupting the timeline…" she trailed off, trying to justify it being the Doctor that day.

"Rose, sweetheart, how could it have been? Even if he did somehow dupe you into seeing some other bloke's face…he was right love, he did break your heart, but I forgive him, 'cos he did the right thing. He sent you home to me." Jackie tried to make her daughter see sense.

"I'm going to open it!" she produced the worn letter.

"Don't," Mickey urged, "We ain't giving up on him yet Rose. Here attach this to the console," he handed her a chain then got into his car, waiting for Rose's signal. This couldn't be it, not yet.

Rose's lip trembled. All of her trembled. He was gone, sealed in eighteenth century France. With her. He chose Reinette over her? He rode in upon his great steed and rescued her. With him trapped there, she had a pretty good idea what came next. He'd make his life with her. She was furious, jealous, frightened, stranded on an alien ship, but most of all she was heartbroken.

"The day your true love breaks your heart," his words echoed in her mind.

And they were his words, she knew that now. It must have been a future regeneration, someone she didn't know. And now never would. Tears stung her eyes as she took the letter from her jacket pocket and glared at it with such anger. Mickey watched her toil of emotions then lunged for the envelope as she made to tear it in two.

"Rose no!" he yelped, "Don't do something you'll regret. He went out of his way to get this into your hands Rose. He does care."

"How can you say that? He chose her over me."

Mickey calmly analysed the current situation. "If you didn't know his face Rose, then it's a future Doctor."

She nodded, with an expression filled with hope, yet her hurt still reined supreme.

"So," Mickey tried to think of a way of saving the one he loved from such hurt, such feeling of abandonment, "So he's gotta find a way out of this, in order to deliver the note to you." He was incredibly proud of himself as he handed the letter carefully back to Rose, where she smoothed out it's kinks and lovingly replaced it in her jacket pocket.

"He's got a couple of days, if he's not back, he'll have broken my heart."

Mickey ran to her, holding her and rocking her as she wailed and her body crumpled down into the sand.

"No!" she cried to the sky, "It's not fair!"

"You knew this day would come," Jackie wiped a silent tear from her cheek as she watched on helplessly, "You've always known sweetheart."

"But like this!" Rose's cracking voice poured out, "I just needed to hear it, just once!"

Rose woke abruptly, surveying her surroundings and barely holding back a sob. It hadn't been a dream. It was all too real. She composed herself this time however for she had no more tears to give him. Illuminating the lamp she sat up in her bed, she was in her new bedroom, in the Tyler mansion. She had the family she had always wanted, but for the price of the love of her life, her Doctor.

She glanced at the open letter on her bedside table, and reached for it again. Curling back beneath the luxurious blankets she hugged the paper to her chest, breathing deeply as her pulse raced. She held it again before her, her eyes sore from crying, but forcing themselves to focus on his perfect handwriting. Her heart swelled immeasurably as she read his words for the hundredth time since his image faded on the beach. Five words was all it contained. The most powerful words in all the universes. They held the power to make her forgive him, despite his warning being true. He did break her heart, but not willingly. And so she read them another time, and another. And she whispered them aloud.

"Rose Tyler, I love you."

THE END