1. Call him a mutt.

2. Say that you imprinted on his butt.

3. Give him a wedgie.

4. Scratch his car.

5. Tell him that he's 108 degrees of pure stupid.

6. Say, "Edward will beat you anyday!"

7. Ask him if he can read the minds of his fleas, also.

8. Ask him if he's really as hairy as a wolf. I mean, he could always wax…

9. Bump into him and scream, "IT BURNS!"

10. Tell him that cliff-diving is for wussies. Vampire baseball is the new rage in Forks.

11. If he stabs his hand by accident (and heals in a millisecond) scoff loudly and say, "Psh. I can heal a concussion faster than that."

12. Punch him in the face without breaking you hand.

13. Trip him.

14. Tell him he's a child-molester. And so is Quil.

15. When he transforms, shake your body spastically at his side.

16. Call him a mongrel.

17. When he turns into a wolf, say, "Aww, it's a puppy!"

18. Ask him if he needs any help holding his pants while he's a wolf. Then lighten the burden a little by throwing them off a cliff.

19. Give him a detailed description of all Edward and Bella's intimate moments. When you're done, add the icing to the cake by saying, "Phew. Is it getting hot in here, or what? Probably just you and your werewolf body heat. And stench."

20. Take his car out for a "ride". Then, with Edward's help (I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige), throw it off a cliff.

Along with the pants, of course.