Dealings with Fangirls

Disclaimer: Of COURSE I don't own Legend of Zelda. Who did you think I was, Eiji Aonuma?

Da Scribbler says: What an astonishing turn of events. I mean, FanimeScribbler is (1) Back on Fanfiction and (2) Writing a ZELDA fic rather than a Bleach fic! Simply astounding...

Anyways, enough of the remarking of the unlikiness of this all happening. So, how did this fanfic get written? Well, about a week ago, I started on a Twilight Princess fanfic (no...not this one) that seems to promise to take some time to complete. At any rate, while I was writing it, my friend asked me if I was gonna include Link's fangirls in it. I was at a bit of a loss.

"I dunno. They're kinda trivial aren't they?"

"Yeah, but it would be funny."

"True..."

And with that in mind, it evolved into...this.

Anyways, enough of that. I'll leave you now to read my first Twilight Princess fanfiction to be posted on ever. Please review ^^.

"They're following you again", Midna informed him gleefully from his shadow.

Link moaned and rolled his eyes skyward. "Again?"

"Yes, again."

He tried not to look back, but couldn't quite resist, and shot a furtive look over his shoulder. With a squeal and many loud giggles, the trio of pre-teen girls ducked none-too-subtly behind the nearest apple stall. In her haste, the green haired one knocked over a tub of apples with a half-shriek of alarm, sending the fruits tumbling onto the paved street ground much to the annoyance of the stall tender. Link moaned again, and tried to pretend, for what possibly be the hundred thousandth time, that he had not seen or heard anything his personal stalkers had just done.

"How do they do that?" he complained as he continued down the busy streets of Castletown. A few people shot him strange looks, since he did appear to be talking to thin air. The rest of the town residents had seen him in town enough times to dismiss that particular trait of his as a personal idiosyncrasy. "It's like they're psychic, or have a sixth sense – not like mine, of course. I don't use mine to stalk people all day long."

Midna snickered and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Ilia". He decided to pretend he hadn't heard that either.

"I wish they would leave me alone. I can't even figure out why they go to all the bother of following my every step whenever I come to Castletown."

From his shadow, he heard something that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a snort.

"Midna? What was that supposed to mean?" He turned right and down another street leading deeper into the town and from the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of his fan club following and giggling hard. He redoubled his efforts to ignore them.

"Well, isn't it obvious, Mr. STAR?" came the response as he passed a couple of brawling boys. Link did not say anything, but his ears did turn red. Of course, this did not escape Midna's notice.

"I told you that you shouldn't have wasted your rupees on that stupid game", she continued smugly from inside his shadow; he could just imagine the smile she would be wearing right now. Link sometimes wondered where her overpowering need to always be right came from. Maybe it was a confidence issue sort of thing.

"The big quiver came in handy though," he defended himself. The stray dog of Castletown came bounding out of the grass and welcomed him ecstatically, barking and raised on its two hind legs to paw at his knees. He bent down to pat its head absently, then straightened and continued down the street, the dog yelping happily at his heels, with furiously wagging tail. "You've got to admit that."

She snorted in the way that he knew meant she was rolling her red eyes at the same time. "You could've just stolen it from him later."

"Midna! I couldn't have done that!"

"Of course you could. I have complete faith in your ability to break into people's houses, Link."

He rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. "That was not what I meant. It just...would have been wrong morally."

"It didn't stop you from stealing the sword and shield from Ordon when you had to."

Midna got no response other than a guilty silence.

"Sweet Nayru, Link, do you have to be so infuriatingly noble all the time? Or is it just naturally part of being the Chosen Hero?"

"Quit that. You know I don't like being called that."

"And he's disgustingly modest to top it off, too," she muttered slyly.

Link gave up. There was no reasoning with her when she was like this.

"Well, what's done is done and now I'm stuck with my very own stalker fan club." He sighed heavily as the afore-mentioned stalker fan club continued to stick to him like a second, very loud shadow (or would they now be the third, since there was Midna in his shadow already?). The thought of turning into a wolf occurred to him. If they saw him go wolf, that would probably terrify the silly girls into hysterics...he toyed with the notion briefly, then dismissed it. Midna would never allow him to. He sighed heavily.

"What's this about a fan club I hear?" Telma asked Link as soon as he entered the threshold of the bar. He made a strangled sort of choking noise and his eyes were all but popping out.

"When did you find out about that?" Dear Farore, please, please, please let it not be that the fan girls had started openly announcing themselves "Link's #1 Fan Club" and had been parading around town like that...

"I heard you complaining about them to yourself outside the bar door." Shoot. He needed to watch how loudly he talked to Midna. "Not to mention that I can see them peeking in through the window." She jabbed a finger at the window where indeed, Link could see three sets of eyes staring at him. Shrieking, they ducked. Louise hissed in the direction of the window, and Telma chuckled good-humouredly.

"Popular with the ladies, aren't you, dearie?"

"No, not really." Midna laughed again, but of course, nobody but Link heard her. He sat himself down at a stool by the bar.

"Oh, come now, darling." She crossed her arms under her generous bosom, and leaned forward with a twinkle in her eye. "You can see that Ilia is just head over heels for you, can't you?"

Link sighed. Here they went again. "Ilia is just my childhood friend. There is nothing like what you're implying between us."

"Maybe for you there isn't...and what about that blonde girl who was making eyes at you the last time you came here?"

Link's face went red. He had been trying to forget that had ever happened. Midna had not helped – she had mimicked the blonde's antics for days afterward. "That was just the one girl - she seemed the flirtatious type anyways."

Telma laughed. "Whatever you say...you'll be wanting the usual, Link dear?"

He nodded quickly, grateful for the change of subject. "Yes, please."

Telma brought up a pot of milk from the counter, but paused.

"Are you certain you wouldn't like some ale, Link?"

"Yes, I'm quite certain." Ever since becoming a wolf, his human senses had turned significantly stronger and to put it simply, the smell of alcohol turned his stomach. "I don't really like the taste of it."

She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "That would be only because you've only ever tasted regular village beer. Now, my ale...tell him, Rusl."

"Mhm, yes, it's quite good," Rusl muttered from the round wooden table, barely even looking up from the map of Hyrule spread out on it. The rest of the Adventurer's Guild were currently out in various parts of Hyrule.

"That didn't sound very convincing, Rusl," Telma noted in a disparaging tone of voice. Rusl mumbled something incoherent and jotted something down on a scrap of paper. Link tried not to smile.

"I'm sure your ale tastes heavenly, but all the same, I'll have the milk." Telma gave up, and pushed the pot of milk towards him with a long suffering sigh. Link grabbed the pot eagerly and gulped a large mouthful down. She watched him drink it with an amused expression.

"You know, dearie, I never thought the day would come when I met a man who didn't love ale. Now that I have, I do believe that I prefer them the way they are."

"That's inconsistent," Link accused her in between mouthfuls of milk. The busty barmaid chuckled.

"I suppose it is. But enough of that – now tell me about your fan club."

Link sourly muttered something under his breath as Telma laughed. She had obviously found his story enormously amusing. Unknown to Telma, Midna was having her own laughing fit inside Link's shadow. Even Rusl chuckled once to himself before resuming his intense study of Hyrule. Link gritted his teeth. Didn't anybody take him seriously?

Wiping a tear of laughter from her eye, Telma found enough breath to weakly say, "My, you are popular with the ladies, aren't you, dearie?" before chuckling some more.

"It's not that funny," he mumbled, his ears red again. Telma chuckled and pinched his cheek – a bit harder than was really necessary, actually. He winced slightly. She laughed again.

"Aren't you just the most adorable thing?" Then she grew serious – that is, as serious as it was possible for Telma to get. "But yes, if it's troubling you, then no, I suppose it's not funny." Was she in earnest or was she mocking him? He wasn't quite sure and decided to pretend it was the former.

"Well, it's not really so much a problem as it's just a nuisance," he complained. He placed his empty pot of milk down on the counter.

Telma crossed her arms and pursed her lips, eyes thoughtful. "Well, maybe if you just talked to them..."

He gave her a disbelieving look. "Talk to them? I can't even look at them without them screaming their heads off."

She winked at him. "Oh, you'd be surprised, dearie. They're probably following you in the hopes that you'll take notice of them and talk to them. They might actually start acting like normal people around you."

"Well...maybe," he consented. He glanced at the window. The fan girls were peering through it again, and again, they ducked out of sight with loud cries of "Kyaaa!"

Telma nudged him. "Well?"

He looked at her blankly. "Well what?"

She nudged him again. "Well, get going! Talk to them!"

"Right now!"

"There's no time like the present," she said briskly, and promptly marched to the window. "Oi, you three!"

Giggles answered her. She chuckled as well.

"Yes, you three. This boy here-" she jabbed a thumb over her shoulder to point at Link, who seemed to be looking for some way to escape his predicament. "-wants to talk to you."

A series of ear splitting screams and giggles answered her. Finally, one of them answered "Alright. Tell him that we'll be right here."

"Right now, Link darling," she whispered into his ear as he reluctantly got up from the stool. "You just tell them that you don't like it when they follow you around like that, kay?"

He nodded, looking slightly sick.

"Oh stop looking that way," Midna said irritably from his shadow. "They're only pre-teen girls! Would you rather be doing this or fighting that undead monster in the Arbiter's grounds again?"

"Actually, I think I'll take the Stallord," he whispered as he stepped outside.

She snorted. "You're hopeless."

The trio of girls stood outside, giggling profusely as he turned to them nervously. He noted again how similar they all were – it was like they were triplets or something.

"Um...hi," he started awkwardly.

They giggled and blushed and then the red-headed one piped "Hi, Mr. STAR!" before ducking her head.

Link groaned internally. Yes, this was definitely worse than facing the Stallord.

"Well, um...I've noticed you three following me around Castletown lately."

They giggled. Link pushed bravely on.

"And, um, as much as I appreciate the...the attention," he continued, coughing uneasily. "I would be really...really grateful if you stopped it. Um, is that...is that okay with you three?"

There was silence for a moment, and then the blue-haired one screamed "KYAAA, HE SPOKE TO US!" and the other two joined in. They all shrieked at a volume that made Link wince, and then they fled, running at a speed that he would have thought impossible if he hadn't just seen it. And they were gone.

Link groaned. "Why do I have the feeling that they heard nothing that I just said?"

Midna snickered.

"Oh, will you shut up?" Link asked her irritably as he re-entered Telma's bar.

Telma took in his dejected countenance. "So, how'd it go, darling?"

"Not too well, actually," he muttered, plopping back down on his stool. "They all just screamed and ran away."

Telma patted his head comfortingly. "Well, you never know. Now that they know you know they exist, maybe they'll calm down."

"Maybe." His face showed that he really didn't believe that though. "You know, I just might want to take up your offer on the ale. I'd like to forget that happened right about now."

Telma chuckled. She knew him too well to take him seriously. "So, another milk then, is it?"

"Yes, please."

"It feels good to be in Castletown again," Link sighed contentedly as he walked through the gate and into the hustle and bustle of town life. "Especially after the Yeti's Mansion...Yeto and Yeta were very hospitable, but it was freezing up there!"

"Really? It wasn't so bad for me," Midna commented.

Link snorted. "That's because you were nice and cozy huddled up in my shadow." He began to make his way to the alley that Telma's Bar was, but was suddenly greeted by loud screams.

"MR. STAR!"

And then he was attacked by a mob of pre-teen girls.

"Mr. Star, we missed you!"

"Mr. Star, where have you been? Have you been having adventures again? Oh, you have to tell us all about them Mr. Star!"

"Oh, have you been killing monsters Mr. Star? You're so brave and cool!"

"You're sooooo cute Mr. Star!"

"Mr. Star, will you wear this tunic I made for you?"

"Mr. Star, which of us do you think is the prettiest? It's me isn't it?"

"We think you're the coolest guy ever, Mr. Star!"

"Can I have your autograph Mr. Star? I don't have paper, but you can sign my shirt!"

"Can you take a picture with me, Mr. Star? My friends will be so jealous!"

"When I grow up Mr. Star, do you want to marry me?"

He never made it to Telma's Bar that day. He couldn't quite remember how he had escaped his three ardent admirers, but now that he had, he had no intention of going back there – for, perhaps, the next 10 years.

And he was never listening to Telma's advice again.

Yeah. Even I wasn't expecting the fangirls to turn out into such little demons. If that actually happened in the game, I'd be terrified of Castletown.

Thank you for reading and please review! If you enjoyed this, you might wanna wait around for when my other Twilight Princess fanfic comes out. Although...that one is most definitely not comedy.

Anyways, I'm outta here.

~Da Scribbler