"Just Another Day In Paradise"
By: FayeValentine00
For: Galatea32
Generic Fic - Jacob/Rosalie

(A/N: Jacob's POV. The banter between Jacob and Rosalie did not end after the showdown with the Volturi. This is a day in the life of Jacob Black doing one of the things he loves best... annoying Rose.)

I walked though into Cullen's oversized garage and found Rosalie sitting on the floor, adding air to the tires of her brand new BMW. I couldn't resist cracking a smile. She really was making this too easy today.

"Giving yourself a refill?," I asked sarcastically, pointing to the air pump in her hands.

"Heard it, Mutt," she muttered, not even bothering to look up at me.

"Face it, Rose. Your life just wouldn't be complete without my jokes."

"Look, Dog. You may be married to Nessie but she is my niece. I'm sure if I lost control just once, she'd forgive me."

I laughed out loud. Her threats were empty and we both knew it, even if that very fact annoyed her. "Despite yourself, you know you love me," I said obnoxiously, flashing her my best smile.

"No, Jacob Black." She spat my name like an expletive. "I let you live because I love Nessie."

"Sure, Sure."

I made my way through the garage and was almost to the door when I thought of another one.

"How does a blond turn on the light after sex?"

I waited and waited for her to answer but she ignored me completely. After years of these games, I knew that her silence meant that she hadn't heard this one before.

"She opens the car door."

"HA! Emmett and I have smashed apart houses! A car would never stand a chance," she announced triumphantly, looking at me with a wicked smile. She knew the topic and her and Emmett's sex life was the quickest way to chase me from the room.

"Ugh! I so didn't need to hear that."

As I walked into the house, I could hear her laughter echoing off loudly down the hallway.

"She one upped you today, didn't she?," Alice asked from the kitchen with a giggle.

"Yeah," I nodded reluctantly, still trying to remove the image of Rose and Emmett smashing up a house from my mind.

"You know... I had no idea that you'd still be thinking up stupid jokes after all this time."

"That's just 'cause you can't see me in your visions."

We were laughing together when Rose came inside and sat down across the room from us. When she started speaking, she did so to Alice as though I couldn't hear.

"Send the dog outside, Alice. The family won't be home for a few hours yet. No sense in stinking up the house until then."

The tiny woman beside me, blanked out for a minute, looking and then a moment later, came back to the present with a smile. "They'll be home in one hour and forty-seven minutes."

"Perfect! Plenty of time." I clapped my hands together with exaggerated excitement.

There was a long pause and then the blond, sighed in defeat. "Time for what?"

"Jokes, of course." I spoke with mock horror when she had to ask to which she rolled her eyes.

"What do you call four blonds in a row?"

"A wind tunnel," she answered dryly.

She got me there but she was playing along far to well to end this now. Pushing Rose to her breaking point was what made this game so fun. Unable to contain myself, I crossed the room and pulled up a chair right next to my victim. Risking my arm, I took the chance that she was still in a fairly good mood and put my arm over her shoulder as if we were the best of friends. Her next movements were so quick that I hardly had a chance to block.

She flew up out of her chair, grabbing the only plate in her reach that was not one of Esme's favorites and threw it at my head like a shrunken. It hit my raised arm with such force that it smashed to dust on impact.

"Rose... Esme is going to be mad to you smash up the kitchen again," Alice muttered from her vantage point, sitting on the kitchen counter but the amusement on her face made her warning weightless.

The blond ignored her sister and glared at me furiously. "Never EVER touch me. You know I'll never get the stench out! I might as well just burn these clothes now and be done with it!"

"You know you want me," I retorted, winking obnoxiously.

"Want you dead, maybe!"

"Who wants who dead?"

Rose and I both turned to the new voice in shock. We both been so wrapped up in our banter that we hadn't even noticed the family walking in the room. The voice we'd heard belonged to Bella and she was looking between Rose and I with a mixture of disapproval and amusement.

"I thought you said we had over an hour until they came home," Rose hissed to Alice, irritated.

"I lied!" The little pixie laughed as she hoped down off the counter and crossed the room to stand by her husband who'd just arrived with the others.

"Oh, Rose," Esme sighed, looking down at the plate dust covering the floor at my feet. "Do I need to buy you your own dishes so you stop breaking mine?"

That was it. I guffawed. "No need, Esme. I'll buy them for her. It will make our spats so much more entertaining!"

Esme, Bella and Alice all rolled their eyes at my comment as Nessie crossed the room to give me a kiss.

"You know, I really wish you'd give Rose a break once in a while."

"No can do," I said with a childish grin, wrapping my arms around her waist. "This started before you were born and I see no end in sight."

"I see your end in sight," the object of my abuse muttered under her breath.

"You wish."

"Yes, I really do."

Her words were harsh but I could see the amusement in her eyes. Despite herself, she liked me and, although she was easily irritated, these stupid little games amused her. In the end, I guess if I had to be really honest, I felt the same way