This is not meant to be slash, its just a story about what happened when Ironhide got drunk.
If You Give a Bot Bad Energon
"Ohhh, my head…" Ironhide awoke from deep stasis, his memory core feeling blank and his head aching.
"FINALLY YOU FRAGGIN' WAKE UP,YOU HUNK OF WORTHLESS SLAG!"
Ironhide starednto furious blue optics. He slowly realized it was a VERY angry Chromia. Nothing was worse than an angry femme.
"W-what's wrong with you, baby?" Ironhide asked innocently.
"LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW!" Ironhide scratched his head dumbly. "Actually, no, I don't…"
"PROBABLY CAUSE OF THAT BAD HANGOVER YOU HAVE!"
"Hangover?"
"Yes, you fueled up on some bad high grade last night!"
"What?"
"Do you want me to tell you what happened?" Chromia sighed.
"I guess…"
Chromia began to tell of the night before…
(NOTE: This is not written in Chromia's POV.)
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Sparkplug Witwicky had just taught the Autobots to play a human game called 'poker'.
Ratchet had made them a set of transformer sized playing cards and poker chips. It was going to be a fun night.
Ironhide, Jazz, Optimus Prime, Wheeljack, Bluestreak, and Prowl all sat at a table, surrounding the dealer, Ratchet. They were ready to play.
Just as Ratchet began to pass out the cards, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe ran into the room.
"WAIT!!!!" They hollered.
"What is it now?" Ratchet sighed impatiently.
"Wemadeyousomeverytastyenergon!Hemadeitjustforyou!" Sunstreaker replied excitedly.
"What did 'ya say, Sunstreaka'?" Jazz cried. "You sound like Blurr!"
"We made you guys some high grade…" Sideswipe said, eying Ironhide.
Optimus raised an optic ridge. "Well…that was thoughtful. Thank you."
Sunstreaker gave each of their eager comrades a cube of premium high grade.
Sideswipe held only one cube, handing it to Ironhide.
"Make me one special?" The tough mech asked suspiciously.
"Oh yes, we added a special…touch." Sideswipe answered him solemnly. That worried Ironhide.
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"Aren't you gonna drink that?" Prowl asked Ironhide, sipping his own energon.
"Well…"
"Cause if you aren't I will!" Bluestreak piped up.
"I'm wary of the twins, but…" Ironhide fidgeted a little. "I can't resist some good high grade!" He sipped some of his energon.
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"So, URP! Why does Shrapnel say the, HICCUP! Last word of, URP! Every sentence twice?" Ironhide asked staring at a poker chip.
"Man, that poker chip sure is pretty!" He giggled.
Optimus Prime held Ironhide's shoulder. "'Hide, I think you need to go back to your quarters…"
"NEVER!!!!" Ironhide transformed and crashed through the wall.
"Yep, he's drunk…" Jazz said, stifiling a chuckle.
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Ironhide sped down the corridors of the Ark, poor bots dodging him as he drove on and on.
"Hey, Gears!" Ironhide finally transformed back into his robot mode, greeting the small Gears.
"Are you drunk?" Gears asked grumpily.
"Yeah, but don't tell anybody." He gazed at Gears. "You-URP-are hot!"
Gears sighed. "Yeah you are too." He said sarcastically.
"Wanna make out?"
"NO!"
"I see it in your optics, baby. You know you do!"
"Get the frag away from me!" Gears said, turning away.
But Ironhide desperately leapt upon him, trying to kiss him.
"YOU FRAGGING DRUNK IDIOT!!!!!"
"I'll get you, I'm sooo much stronger!"
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Seconds later a shriek echoed throughout the Ark.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
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(End of flashback)
"I-I o-overloaded Gears?!"
Chromia began to sob. "AND YOU WANTED TO, TOO!!!" She began to run off.
"W-wait! CHROMIA!"
"WE'RE THROUGH!"
Ironhide sat there, in his quarters alone, a dumbfounded look on his face.
"I-I o-overloaded G-Gears?"
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Ironhide went to find Optimus Prime, almost collapsing as he did.
"Optimus Prime is gonna fume."
The bad aft mech finally found all the Autobots in the med-bay, surrounding an unconscious Gears. "I-I think Ironhide hit him a bit too hard. He m-may be offline for good!" Ratchet diagnosed.
Suddenly, all the Autobots turned to Ironhide. The mech looked straight at the twins, who had guilt spread all across their faceplates.
"COULD. THE. TWINS. COME. OUT. FOR. A. MOMENT?"
The twins slowly stepped out and walked away with Ironhide.
"WE"RE SORRY!" They suddenly sobbed.
Ironhide raised an optic ridge.
"WE PUT A POWDER IN YOUR DRINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU HIGH!!!"
Ironhide clenched his fists.
"We didn't know you would be so high you would…overload Gears!"
Ironhide began to twitch.
"I'm now going to be known as a drunken homosexual who likes mechs like, ugh, GEARS! BECAUSE OF YOU."
He stepped closer to the twins.
"AND YOU MADE ME LOSE CHROMIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His optics darkened.
"I'll give you three seconds to get away….starting….NOW!"
The twins transformed into their alt modes, their tires squealing as they raced down the corridor.
"I"LL RIP OUT YOUR SPARKS FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!" Ironhide cried, speeding after them.
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"Whoa, what a bad dream…" Ironhide sighed, waking up from deep stasis. "It was so real." He turned on his side on his recharge berth and saw Gears laying beside him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.
This is not meant to be slash, its just a story about what happened when Ironhide got drunk. I HATE SLASH.
I know it was kinda crappy, my spirits have been down and I wrote it for a good laugh... No flaming please, unles you must.