Disclaimer: I still don't own KH.

Chapter 4 - Neko

At the same time Gary Stu was screaming like a little girl, in the clouds above Hogwarts, a lavender-haired Mary Sue came back to Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People from Starbucks, sipping her caffeinated drink and swinging the keys to her jet-powered unicorn around her delicate index finger.

"This day could not get any better," said the drop-dead gorgeous young woman, her hair (that went to her ankles) pristinely blowing in the wind that had just started around five minutes ago. It had apparently just got the memo that the main focus of the chapter had gotten back from getting coffee, and needed to make her look dramatic. "Granted, it did take them an obnoxiously long time to get my order right! Gosh, it's so very basic. I just wanted a skinny caramel macchiato frappuccino, with a shot of espresso drizzled on top, chocolate sauce, and an extra shot of sparkle dust! The nerve of some people."

This young lady's name, as everyone is probably wondering, was Neko. That was, of course, a nickname; her true name was long than Mary Sue 53-Name's, well…53 names. The name "Neko" came from the fact that she had animal appendages, which made total sense for all occasions. She had pink cat (or kawaii desu sugoi teriyaki chicken neko) ears and a tail, and wore a pink minidress that hardly covered anything at all. Shoes were for the weak. And by weak, that means people who don't have gigantic and largely impractical feathery wings sticking out of their backs and can therefore levitate.

Using her SUPAH NEKO SENSES (trademark), she smelled that something was off. Of course she could smell when things were wrong, Superman probably can. Anyway, a dreadful feeling began welling up in the bottom of her lower intestine.

"My neko senses are tingling!" She explained to no one in particular. "Come, obviously sarcastic and uninterested narrator! Let us go see what is the matter!"

While simultaneously breaking the fourth wall and forgetting that contractions exist, Neko flew through the jet-powered unicorn parking lot and to the wreckage of her once-beloved school. Why she hadn't noticed it was a pile of rubble before is anyone's guess.

"Oh, goodness!" Neko almost dropped her Starbucks, but then remembered how much it cost, and gently placed it down to go into her miserable tirade. Hey, she didn't make much money at her job that will never be seen nor referenced to again. Dropping to her knees, she buried her face in her hands. "How could this have happened?! I was only gone for three hours! I'll have to use my SUPAH EXPOSITION POWAHS (trademark) to find out what happened!"

Neko place her hands on her temples, standing up. Suddenly, it all began to come to her. "So…Matthew Stone of the Mary Sue Slayer Force destroyed the school for being a producer of Mary Sues. I am but one of the only survivors. Therefore, the only logical step is to extract revenge on the Slayers in an extremely convoluted and needlessly complicated way!"

The young woman frowned, picking up a piece of what was probably a wall. "Alas, I am going to need some help. My SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS (trademark) only extend so far. I shall start this plan by not talking to myself anymore."

In the process of spinning around to laugh manically, she knocked over her Starbucks. It spilled all over the cloud…stuff, which probably cause it to rain skinny caramel macchiato frappucino with espresso drizzled on top, chocolate sauce, and an extra shot of sparkle dust on wherever over England they were.

"NOOO!" Screamed Neko, dropping to her knees once again. "My precious Starbucks! My extremely convoluted and needlessly complicated plan to destroy the Sue Slayers will have to wait! I cannot destroy things without my daily shot of sparkle dust!"

Enraged, she grabbed the keys to her jet-powered unicorn and stormed off to go get more coffee.

Meanwhile, our ever-angsting protagonist was sitting at Kairi's kitchen table, with a towel draped around his shoulders. Every once in a while, he would look up to glare at Snubbles, who was sitting across from him, on his own chair.

Kairi had taken the liberty of taking our heroes back to the mayor's house, where she lived, after Gary Stu flipped the hell out when Snubbles had sat on him. She didn't get why he was so upset about the kitten touching him (something about Snubbles having no soul and dying when the thing touched him, but so far, he seemed okay), but oh well. Normally, it isn't advisable to bring random strangers you find off the beach back your house, but hey, this is a Square-Enix game. Safety laws and common sense are relative.

"You sure you don't have a change of clothes that can fit me?" Gary Stu asked miserably, giving Snubbles another glare. Said kitten just rolled over and meowed cutely.

"No," replied Kairi, who was making sandwiches in the kitchen. "Not unless you want to wear one of my skirts, anyway."

Gary Stu paled at the thought. "I'll risk death, thanks."

"So, Gary," Karina said, "How's that teleportation thing working out for you?"

He glared at her. "Shut. Up. I don't know how this happened, okay?"

"Gasp!" Karina placed her hands on her checks and gave an exasperated, Home Alone-style face. "The great Gary Stu doesn't know what happened? I'm in shock!"

Gary Stu gave her a death glare that probably could've sent a small animal into shock. Karina was unfazed. His annoyance only grew. Is this girl even human? I swear, she's not human.

"Um, I hate to interrupt, but," Kairi interrupted, "Where are you guys from?"

"I'm not so sure he's from this universe." Karina motioned to the traumatized and thoroughly pissed off Gary Sty. "But I'm from the Crossed City."

"You're from another world?" Kairi stopped making her sandwiches for a moment and poked her head out of the kitchen. There was a bit of hope in her eyes, and she seemed more excited now. "Have you run into a boy named Sora? He has spiky brown hair and big yellow shoes. And a Keyblade. He's really sweet."

Karina shook her head. "Haven't seen him, sorry."

"Nope," Gary Stu replied. "Never heard of him."

Kairi looked crestfallen. "Oh…"

"Friend of yours?" Gary Stu asked. Seeing as his glare was futile, he looked away from Karina and leaned back in his chair. He seemed to have calmed down a bit and hadn't exploded yet, which, depending on your opinion of him, was either a good or a bad thing.

"He's one of my two best friends." Kairi walked out of the kitchen and took the seat next to Snubbles, who had since curled up and decided to take a nap. She proceeded to tell Gary Stu and Karina everything that had happened to her- about the islands being destroyed, how she had lost her heart, Sora being the hero of the Keyblade and restoring the worlds, and how she had been separated from her friends and sent home.

"Wow," Karina said, once Kairi had finished her story. "That's…wow. What a story. I'm glad you and your friends are okay."

Kairi smiled sadly. "Thank you, but Riku's still trapped on the other side of the Door to Darkness."

Gary Stu folded his arms. He wasn't sure what to say for the first time in his entire life. His feelings were doing something he had never quite experienced before. Did he feel…sorry for this girl? After everything she and her friends had gone through, she hadn't gotten her happy ending. Sora was who-knows-where, Riku was gone, and she was sent home with no way of knowing if they were alright. That wasn't fair. They were only kids. Kairi should've gotten her happy ending with her friends.

Wait a minute, he was the master of angst himself! He wasn't supposed to go around sympathizing with girl he'd met maybe an hour or two earlier, even if she had shown him kindness. He was supposed to make people sympathize with him for no other really reason than the fact that he was a big ball of angst! What was going on?

"Gary? You okay?" Karina asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. "You zoned out for a couple of minutes and were kind of staring at me."

"Sorry," he grumbled.

"Did you just apologize?"

"Don't let it get to your head."

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and Gary Stu quickly shielded his face with his hands to protect his sensitive eyes. When the light faded and he uncovered his face, a girl he didn't recognize was standing in front of the table. He guessed that she was one of his sister's friends, judging by the cat ears and ridiculous (even by his standards) outfit.

"Who," he inquired eloquently, "the hell are you?"

The girl made a face, wrinkling her nose. "So vulgar, Gary Stu. Tut-tut. This is a Disney-based universe, no swearing. Moving on. I'm here to enlist your help."

Karina gave him a confused look, but Gary Stu ignored her for a minute. "Well, you can find someone else to help you. Not interested."

"Oh?" the sparkling girl smiled knowingly. "You haven't even heard what I want your help for. I think you will be interested in what I have to say."

Not giving him a chance to interrupt, she reached into one of her pockets (how a pocket actually fit on her dress is up for artistic interpretation) and pulled out a piece of what appeared to be a wall. "What do you think this is, Gary Stu?"

"…Oh my God, you held up a Home Depot."

"No! Imbecile. I have SUPAH AMAZIN HOME IMPROVEMENT POWAHS (trademark), so why would I need to do something that idiotic? Ahem." She drew in a deep breath, regaining herself. "My name is Neko. This is all that's left of Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People."

"You mean that sparkling abomination my sister went to?" Gary Stu frowned. "What happened to it?"

"Someone destroyed it, obviously. And by someone, I mean the Mary Sue Slayer Force." She waved her hand and the piece of wall she was holding disappeared. "I know you begrudge them just as much as I, Gary Stu."

Gary Stu opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. That's right- they were the whole reason he'd started off on this extremely sidetracked revenge scheme to begin with. It had actually begun to slip his mind that it was his motivation this entire time. They had killed his sister, so it was obvious that he had to extract revenge. But was that what he really wanted now? By the God of Angst, he was confused. What was happening to him lately?

He put his head in hands as Neko continued. "Join me, Gary Stu. Together, we can bring the Sue Slayers to their knees."

"You're insane!" Karina said, then looked at Gary Stu. "Gary, no. You wouldn't help her…right?"

"Come now, my dearest Gary Raven Darkness Emo Depression Agonizing Blood Pain Suffering Loss Death Black Kentucky Fried Chicken Moon Night Cemetery Cremation Coffin The Stu. Are you going to listen to this girl? She has ridiculous hair, to boot."

"Hey, whose hair are you calling ridic-"

"ENOUGH!" Gary Stu interrupted, getting up out of his seat. "If I want revenge on them, I can do it myself. I may not know what's going on in my head anymore, but…" he glanced over his shoulder at Kairi, Karina, and the sleeping Snubbles. "I know who my…acquaintances are. You're nothing but bad news, Neko."

"Fine!" The Mary Sue spat, he peaceful lilac as suddenly turning to red. She had a peculiar red glow around her, as well. "You can perish along with your so-called acquaintances for all I care! I was merely trying to spare you their fate! Good day, Gary Stu!"

In another bright flash of rage, she vanished.

"…What just happened?" Kairi asked slowly.

"I'm not too sure," Karina replied, blinking. "'Acquaintances'? Really?"

"Shut up, I just saved your ass." Gary Stu plopped back down on his chair and resumed placing his head in his hands and trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Did he really just turn down an offer for help with his revenge scheme in favor of helping two girls he barely knew and a kitten?

Karina looked at him with concern as Kairi sat quietly, pondering over the mysterious Neko and her amazing home improvement powers. About ten minutes went by of awkward silence before she got up and went back to the kitchen.

"…What did you guys want on your sandwiches, again?"

A/N: I'm so sorry I take forever with updates! Senior year is killing me, you guys. Well, not really, but my stress levels are up the wazoo. I also had a major case of writer's block, but hopefully, that's gone now. Thank you all so much for putting up with me and sticking around for more Gary Stu antics! I'll try and be quicker with updates from now on.