Author's Note:
Ok, as you know, you are reading "123 Ways to Annoy My Band Director". This was originally written specifically for my band director, so if you don't get some of the inside jokes, that is your problem. To make this more enjoyable and understandable for the outside person, here are some basic facts to know about my band director: He is a percussionist. He is slightly OCD (ok, a bit more than slightly). He is rather immature (he loves Guitar Hero). He can't play the flute to save his life. He is easily aggravated and annoyed. Ok, now that you know about the director, now about the band. We aren't exactly a marching band (we don't exactly have the skill or coordination to play and march at the same time), we are one of those bands that sit and plays boring music during one period per school day. Also, we have these folder things that we have to keep all of our music in that our director cares about a ton, so you may hear them referenced a lot here. This includes many inside jokes, so don't try to understand everything if you don't go to our school. I also encourage you to try out everything here on your own band/orchestra director! Enjoy!
123 Ways to Annoy My Band Director
1. Talk in class.
2. Not talk in class (not speak at all, just to creep him out, especially if you area big talker).
3. Talk back to him.
4. Do homework in class.
5. Ask his opinion on hot guys.
6. As his opinion on random fandoms ("Who do you think is hotter, Edward Cullen or Jacob Black?").
7. Bring Furbies to class.
8. Decorate his office.
9. Play with the toys/percussion stuff in his office when you aren't supposed to be in there.
10. Go into his office.
11. Tape stuff to his office door without telling him.
12. Talk to him excessively about TV shows.
13. Talk to him excessively about books (chick lit is the best to talk about with him).
14. Tape signs up everywhere saying "Save the Piggies!" or anything else random and confusing you can think of.
15. Tape drawings of him up everywhere.
16. Draw him and show him your pictures (make the drawings purposely bad).
17. Draw him in a dress.
18. Draw him in a chicken suit.
19. Draw him in a hula-girl outfit (complete with coconut bra!)
20. Constantly ask him if you can play the piccolo.
21. Constantly ask him if you can play the tuba.
22. Try to make bets with him.
23. When he is grumpy, twist his hair into little devil horns.
24. When he is grumpy, give him "Happy Mid-Life Crisis!" cards, or make other assumptions about his mood (use your imagination).
25. When playing a piece, all instruments in your section stop playing except for one, giving that person a solo.
26. Play every other measure of a song.
27. Play the song backwards.
28. Play some random, different song than the rest of the band while they are playing the right song.
29. Be purposely late for early morning band.
30. Purposely don't show up for early morning band.
31. Take apart one of those musical birthday cards and hook it up to your folder so that every time you open it, it plays the obnoxious music.
32. Tape pictures all over your folder.
33. Put tons of sharpie markers in your folder and color on everything within your grasp.
34. Keep all of your past concert music in your folder, even when he tells you to throw it out.
35. Purposely "forget" to bring your instrument to the concert.
36. Steal extra "potty passes" (I know, it's pathetic, but he has these potty pass things that we have to use to go to the bathroom).
37. Make paper snowflakes in band and don't put the scraps in the trash.
38. Keep scissors in you folder.
39. Cut up, or "fringe" your sheet music.
40. Put your hands in your sleeves and hold scissors and pretend to be Edward Scissorhands.
41. Cut the hair of people around you, or attempt.
42. When he confiscates the scissors, steal them back.
43. Write fanfictions about him.
44. Match the color of his shirt to a food and tell him everyday which food his shirt is.
45. Wear weird things to concerts (for example, the wrong colors, cross-dress, go nude, etc).
46. Try to get everything you have confiscated (instrument, music, or anything else, oh, and you can be creative in how to get it taken away)
47. Do the opposite of whatever he tells you.
48. Throw your instrument off of the stage.
49. Push your stand partner off of the stage.
50. Vote him "off of the island" and tell him.
51. Cry when he tells you to shut up.
52. Swear at him.
53. Gossip about him loud enough for him to hear.
54. Comment on his appearance loud enough for him to hear.
55. Teach "Growth and Development" classes during band class.
56. Use bad tone.
57. Don't use dynamics.
58. Mess up.
59. Blast every note (especially if it is piano, and if you have bad tone!)
60. Play every note wrong.
61. Say Guitar Hero is stupid.
62. Say percussion is stupid.
63. Tell him that you're better than him.
64. Force him to play the flute.
65. At concerts, when he makes a speech, count how many times he messes up and tell him.
66. Eat and drink in class.
67. Say that band is "retardando", and when he accuses you of being disrespectful, say that you are only exercising your musical vocabulary.
68. Tell him he has OCD.
69. Call him a Perfectionist Percussionist.
70. Make a hit list for him with everyone in band ranked.
71. Get up in the middle of class, or in the middle of playing a piece, and walk around.
72. Ask him that if ff means fortissimo, then what does pp stand for. When he replies that it means pianissimo, bust out laughing while he groans at your immaturity and that he actually fell for that.
73. Embarrass him in front of his "teacher friends".
74. Color all of your music so that it is impossible to read.
75. Write on his schedule.
76. When he makes you sit and face the wall because you were talking to much, turn around and talk to someone.
77. Try to get him to make you pack up your instrument early every day because you talked too much.
78. Imitate his hand-clap-for-silence thing.
79. Imitate his hand-on-heart-beat thing.
80. Point out his every flaw.
81. During first chair auditions, tell him who is playing to ruin the fairness of it all.
82. Tell him that you were absent yesterday because you are a vampire who was out hunting.
83. Try to bite your stand partner.
84. Assassinate your stand partner.
85. Mispronounce his name, or just drop the Mr.
86. Try to discus politics with him.
87. Insult the Patriots.
88. Stare at him for the entire class (the more people in your band doing this, the scarier for him).
89. Text message during class, or talk loudly on your cell phone.
90. Bring dolls to class and play with them (be creative, you can scare or annoy him a lot with some dolls).
91. Chew bubble gum as loud as you can, even when he tells you not to. Blow bubbles and have them pop as loud as you can, get the gum stuck in your hair, or get it stuck in the mouth piece of your instrument.
92. Turn around in your seat the entire class and talk to the people behind you.
93. When playing the song "Above the World", rename it "Above our Standards".
94. Complain about a certain song so much that he takes it off of the list of songs for the concert, or play so badly that he is forced to take the song off. Give him grief about the bad choice in songs.
95. Play movie music all of the time, until it is driving everyone insane.
96. Break your instrument... on purpose... in front of him.
97. Throw random items at his head.
98. For trombones, go and empty your spit in the trashcan right when he wants to hear your section.
99. For flutes, take of the head part of your instrument and buzz like a trumpet into the middle section part of your flute really obnoxiously.
100. For reed instruments, don't suck on your reed until he tells you to start playing. Or, chew on your reed constantly.
101. For brass instruments, take off the little buzzy mouth piece thing and buzz into it at every free moment.
102. For percussionists, mess up. That's all you need to do.
103. Ask intruding questions. (What did you have for breakfast? How is your wife doing?)
104. Call him childish and immature.
105. Steal his baton thing.
106. Tape your nose up so that you look like a pig and make really disturbing noises.
107. Scream his name when you see him in a crowded hallway.
108. Go visit him at lunch and ask to eat with him.
109. Invite yourself to detention with him, so that he will have to spend extra time with you.
110. Stalk him.
111. Call him father. Tell everyone in the school that his is your father.
112. Ask why he isn't taking you to the Father Daughter Dance.
113. Talk to him in an annoying voice (gangsta, high pitch, southern, British, Indian, Canadian, Italian, Boston, etc.; the more unbearable, the better)
114. Be number 1 on his hit list (see number 70 if you don't remember).
115. Be Mary.
116. Be Rachel.
117. Be Robbie.
118. Be McWeeny
119. Be Dan or Eric
120. Be a percussionist, or even better, be an idiot percussionist.
121. At the concert, dance instead of playing your instrument.
122. Become one of those memorable students that he will tell future students not to be like.
123. Write your own list of ways to annoy your band director and use it as a checklist.
Author's Note:
The end!!!!! I hope that you use this to your advantage. Annoy your band or orchestra director as much as you can, and send this to your friends so that we can have a huge conspiracy of annoyance! Print this out and use it as a checklist! Muhahahaha!!! Also, this would not have been possible if it had not been for some fabulous people who did most of the things on the list and inspired its birth. Here is the list of some of the veterans of the fine art of annoying band directors: Mary, Rachel, Robbie, McWeeny, Dan, Eric, Jack, Julia, Juliana, Duncan, Shannon, all of the percussionists, the Red Band, and many more fabulous people. Anyways, please REVIEW! Thank you for reading, and have fun annoying your band director!