Edward is repeating iI love you/i against Jacob's neck, apologizing, begging the silent room for one more minute. He can't stop replaying the last moment in his head and it's killing him.

He closes his eyes tight to hold on to Jacob in his memories. Seeing Jacob huddled up in bed, covers thrown off from the fever that had taken him over. His temperature was well above what any could live through, even a wolf. His skin was like wet fire, sweat pouring off him and all Edward could do was hold him, letting his own icy skin attempt to bring Jacob back to normalcy.

"Connecting…," Jacob mumbles and Edward makes a noise, inquiring. "We haven't connected in a while." Jacob's voice is barely an echo of a whisper.

Edward shuts his eyes tight, breathing in and rubbing Jacob's back. "You always think of sex, Jacob. Like you could do anything in…" He nearly says 'your condition' but bites his tongue. He doesn't even want to acknowledge Jacob is dying; he'll cling to hope as long as he can.

Jacob shifts in Edward's arms, smiling when he meet's his face. "I miss being that close to you." Jacob lifts his hand slowly, tracing Edward's jaw before wincing and closing his eyes again.

Edward holds him tight, wishing that this alone could save him. Knowing that he would do it for decades, he'd never move, he'd hold him forever if it meant he wouldn't leave him.

But every story has an ending and Jacob met his sooner than even Edward knew he would.

---

Alice's voice is like the first bird in the early morning, breaking the silence Edward's sat in for hours. She kneels beside the bed, putting her small hand on Edward's arm.

"Edward… I… I saw it. We came as fast as we could… Edward…please."

Edward glares at her and then at Jasper. He feels the wave of calm hit him and he shoves it away. He holds Jacob tighter, spitting words at Alice, "Get out. iGet out!/i I don't want you here. This is mine. This moment is mine. Jake is istill mine/i, Alice. Get out."

Alice stood and nodded to Jasper — their own silent way of speaking — and Edward growled deep in his chest, challenging them to disturb anything. Jasper used every ounce of himself to calm Edward down and it was finally starting to have an effect.

Edward's arms started to go limp around Jacob's body, but still holding on as best as he could. He barely has a voice, the waves hitting him like concrete bricks. "Please… idon't make me let go/i. I can't let go of him. He's… he's… still mine…" Edward's voice drifted out and his arms finally fell.

Alice stifled a sob, her hand over her mouth. Jasper kept his head down and lifted Edward from the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. iI'm so sorry./i"

He's not sure who said it and it didn't matter now anyway. Sorry couldn't fix this, sorry couldn't bring Jacob back, and sorry wasn't going to repair the hole in his chest.

---

Edward sits in a chair just inside the living room, what used to be itheir/i living room. His legs are crossed, arm propping his head up by the chin. He can't get over how quiet it is, how his favorite sounds are gone and he's left to sit here. Left to look back and never make another new memory.

He hears his name being called and he nods before getting up. He knows he can't stay here, Jacob's scent is everywhere, their scent litters every surface and trinket. He can see them in every worthless piece of furniture and when he shuts his eyes, he can still hear Jacob in the kitchen. He tries to smile, but he exhales like a bullet has hit him. Alice's arms wrap around him and he pushes her off.

"Don't. Just don't. I don't want anyone touching me. Not… not like he did."

Alice folds her arms and chokes back yet another sob, her small body shaking in fear or sorrow, he isn't sure. Jasper comes up behind her, kissing her head and glaring at Edward.

Jasper hits Edward with the waves of calm again and Edward is cursing him under his breath. Jasper frowns and speaks silently to Alice, "It's done. We can go."

Edward picks up the end table —itheir/i end table — and throws it at the wall. His breath ragged and his hair falling over his face, he growls, "Nothing is done. We're not going ianywhere/i."

Edward falls to his knees when Jasper hits him again with the waves and he's clawing at his chest to keep himself sane. "You don't understand.. you both don't understand.. please just let me have this. Let me have this pain.. idon't take it away/i from me. Please. iPlease./i"

Edward's voice echoes in the room and he's vaguely aware of Jasper carrying him outside. He closes his eyes and when he opens them he sees the small house and he's screaming things he doesn't understand.

Alice sits in the backseat with him and he lays his head on her lap. She runs her fingers through his hair and never says a word.

---

When they pull up to a house Edward doesn't recognize, he hears Carlisle and Esme and his eyes close tight. He doesn't know if he can face them, not yet. He knows they're worried, their thoughts give them away and he wants to scream at them to shut up. This is his pain, his to bear and his to wallow in.

"Can you get him, Jasper? He won't let go of me." Alice's voice is meek like a small mouse and he sits up when she moves under him.

Edward throws the car door open too hard and it falters on the hinges, falling to the ground. Alice stares at him and he looks away, walking toward the house, straight past Carlisle and Esme, and upstairs.

As he climbs the last step, Rosalie's arms are around him and he shoves her off him. She glowers at him and he drops his head to the side.

"Please don't.. just idon't/i, ok?" Edward's voice is wounded and Rosalie reacts to his tone immediately: her face twisting into a frown, her hands going to her throat.

Edward walks past her, finding a room he's sure was always reserved for him, sure that they always kept a room for him. Thinking of this tore Edward's chest open more; knowing that his family waited for this day and knowing that they had probably prepared for this even if it all seemed futile.

Edward slammed the door to the vacant room. It housing only a large couch and boxes of books and albums that Edward hadn't ever sent for. Everything was screaming Jacob and he started to throw the boxes into corners, throwing sheets from the couch over them. He looked down at the couch and fell to the floor.

Rosalie followed him and when she heard the crashing inside his room she hugged herself firmly, her eyes blinking when she heard the couch being ripped to pieces. She walked to the door and put her hand to the knotted wood.

"I love you, Edward."

Edward stopped for a moment until he heard her leave and finished his destruction. He was intent on making everything around him a mirror of himself. His own broken heart reflected in scraps of wood and fabric.

---

Rosalie's knock on his door broke him out of thought and he hissed at her when she came in without his permission.

"Edward.. I.."

Edward glared at her and his voice boomed against the stale air, "Get out, Rosalie. I don't have the patience for you."

Rosalie got to her knees, sitting in front of him and reaching out to stroke his cheek. Edward winced under her and a growl erupted from his chest.

She stood again walking out of his room but stopped at the door looking back at him, pursing her lips as she spoke, "I lost him too, Edward. He was my friend too."

Edward was on his feet and had her pinned against the wall in a second. "Don't try to level your pain with mine, Rosalie. There is not a chance in ihell/i that this hurts you any where inear/i as much as it hurts me. iI loved him./i He was mine. What was he to you? A mistake when you had your whoring phase?" Rosalie gasps at this. Edward's mouth turns up slightly, but full of anger. "Don't think I don't know."

Rosalie shoves him back and slaps his face. His face remained turned for moment before focusing back on her and seeing the rage in her eyes. "You're pathetic, Edward! You're so fucking selfish and you still haven't learned that what you say iactually hurts people/i. I loved him too. He was my friend. You act like you're the only one that cared for him and you're wrong. We all did. We all feel like we lost a family member, Edward. Stop acting like such a brat."

Edward turned from her, then back when her thoughts screamed curses at him. "You don't get it, Rosalie." He laughs and isn't sure why, this isn't amusing but it's all he can do to keep from crumbling. "Emmett will never die, you'll never have to sit by his bed and hold his hand until his last breath leaves his lips. You'll never have to tip-toe around when he's ifinally/i resting for the first time in days. You'll never have to feed him and bathe him because he can't do it himself. iHe'll never leave you, Rosalie./i So you can't possibly understand any of this. And by trying to, you trivialize ieverything/i that Jake meant to me and ieverything/i that we ever were."

Rosalie chokes on her words, opening her mouth to speak but holding her throat instead. Edward turns away from her again and hisses, "You'll never love someone that can leave you, whether by choice or death. So, don't talk to me about relating. You sound like a child."

Rosalie's arms wrap around herself, something that makes Edward wince. She turns to leave, casting one last glance over her shoulder to Edward before closing the door behind her.

---

It's been years and they've moved to a new address, a new life and nothing has changed. Edward's new room is exactly the same as his old one: boxes with sheets on them, lights kept off, no furniture or bed to rest on. Everyone has come to accept his behavior and doesn't disturb him.

Edward barely hunts, only when he's writhing in pain and hunger does he attempt to. Emmett took him out on his first hunts after he'd returned home but grew irritated at Edward's lack of enthusiasm. Edward started to hunt alone when he saw the pain in Emmett's face over his new way of existing.

His days and nights were spent leaning against a wall, Jacob's memories replaying in his head, theirs and his. He'd laugh at times, remembering things that Jacob has said, or moments when they'd laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. And his face would fall when he'd see their fights, their talks late into the night about forever.

iForever./i

Edward hated this word now. Something he had and Jacob never had a chance of. It stung his chest, ripping it open and feeling as if air was rushing through it

iForever./i

Something he'd now have alone, only memories and assorted keepsakes to keep him company. His voice barely functioned, so many months without really saying anything aloud. But it is five years today. Today. And he speaks quietly, hoping no one hears him. But also hoping one person does.

"I love you Jake, you're still mine. iStill mine/i."