Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I making any money off of this. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.

This was an idea that was rolling around in my head...it's supposed to be a one-shot, but I thought that just one chapter would be too long, so I decided to split it up.

I'd like to thank my friend, Alyssa, who was my 'laugh-o-meter.' Hopefully, this is one of the funnier things that I have written.

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"I'm telling you that it's the Galápagos-"

"And I'm telling you again that you're wrong. They're halfway across the world from the Chagos Archipelago," Severus said.

Hermione crossed her arms. "It's not at the Chagos Archipelago."

Hermione and Severus were once again arguing. This time, for the first time, neither could remember the exact location of where to find the potions' ingredient expedition that they were going to.

"If only you paid attention-"

"Excuse me," Hermione glared at him. "You were the one arguing with me over the theory of a potion. He said a few islands."

"So you're not sure," he stated.

"I-"

"We'll just go to Chagos-"

"Galápa-" Hermione was cut off when Severus grabbed her arm to apparate.

"No you don't," she said, as she whipped her wand out.

Suddenly, the two were gone, each with a different destination in mind.

---

The next thing Hermione realized was that she was plunging into water…and that Severus had fallen in on top of her.

Hermione tried shoving him off of her, but the shock of the water and not being able to breathe was making him thrash like a fish and grab onto Hermione like she was a life float.

"I can't breathe either!" She exclaimed, as she finally pushed him back into the water, and then looked around. "You arse! I was taking us to the Galápagos! Where's my wand?"

"I'm the arse? I told you we were going to the Chagos-Wand? What do you mean that you lost your wand?" He asked, and started to look for his.

"Well, where's yours?"

She watched as he disappeared for several moments, when an idea dawned on her.

"You're not missing any body parts, are you?" Hermione asked, once he had resurfaced.

"No, why would you…" he trailed off.

"We should have been splinched…we were both connected, yet going separate places-"

"You mean to say...that our wands were splinched?"

Hermione shrugged. "It's the most plausible - you'd think they'd float."

Severus stared at her for a second. "Well, isn't this just great. We're stranded...in the middle of the ocean with nothing. Thanks a lot."

Hermione rolled her eyes and pointed behind her.

"What are you pointing at? Is some big shark behind us? If it is, at least it can put us out of our misery."

"There's an island behind you, but if you prefer a shark…I'm sure we won't have to wait here long for one to show up."

"They why didn't you start swimming?" He bit.

Hermione's eyes popped. "Oh! I was under the assumption that you wanted a shark to-"

"No. Start swimming...I'm not coming back if a shark attacks you."

---

"There's no one here," Hermione said for the third time. "If there were people here, we would have seen or heard something by now, Severus."

"Ms. Gran-" He was cut off when Hermione picked up a rock and threw it at him.

"For Merlin's sake, it's Hermione! Her-my-knee...Hermione, Severus! We've been working together for a year. It's Hermione!"

"Well, Hermione, thanks to you, Hermione, and your islands-"

"Me?"

"If you just let me take you to the Chagos Archipelago like I said, we wouldn't be here in the first place."

"Fine. You can find a way off this island by yourself. Seeing as we're nowhere and there's thousands of islands on this planet, it's going to take a long time...if ever...to be found," she said, turned her back to him, and walked down the coastline.

He rolled his eyes and went in the opposite direction.

---

Several hours later, Hermione was drying off in the sun, when she suddenly felt the sun disappear.

"You're as red as a tomato," stated a familiar voice.

Hermione stiffly cracked an eye to see that Severus was looming over her.

"What do you want?"

"To tell you, so I don't hear you complaining for eternity," he stopped to point in the distance. "And it looks like a storm is coming in...the waves are starting to get high."

Hermione slowly got up, while he just watched her. When she turned to face him, he snorted.

"What?"

"You're lucky no one else is going to see you," he remarked.

Hermione narrowed her eyes and flipped her arms over; one side was beat red, while the other was pale.

"Perfect," she mumbled, and then looked back up at him. "Are you here to offer a truce?"

"I'm here to tell you that we need to find a higher place to stay."

"How much longer do we have?"

"I'm not a forecaster."

"Of course you're not. Who'd want to look at you on TV?"

"Who'd want to look at you, period?" He replied.

Normally, this would have stung quite a bit, but after a year of hanging around with Severus at the school, she'd grown quite used to it. Even the staff was surprised when Hermione didn't hex him for some of his more callous remarks.

---

"For Merlin's sake, can you please stop letting the branches hit me in the face? It burns like crazy."

Severus rolled his eyes and began looking close to the ground. When a plant caught his eye, he grabbed a small object out of his pocket.

"What's that? Is it something to eat?"

"No," he said, and flipped open the knife. "It's for collecting potion ingredients. Some need to be harvested without magic," he added, as he cut a large leaf off of the plant.

"Here," he said, handing her the leaf. "Squeeze the juice out and put it on the sunburn."

Hermione looked grateful. "Aww, I didn't know that you cared so much!"

"If it gets you to stop complaining…" he trailed off when they heard a rumble of thunder.

"Maybe there'll be a cave somewhere."

Hermione snorted. "Luck's not on our side…I think it hates us, actually. What are the chances that we end up on an island without a soul around?"

He turned around and then smirked. "Depends on what…type of soul."

"What do you mean 'what type of soul?' There's-" Hermione's voice was drowned out by a loud squeal behind her. Her blood ran cold as she looked behind her and saw some type of boar, which started to run right at her.

"Oh my God! Severus!" She screamed, as she ran and jumped on his back, seeing as he had already started to walk away. "You can't leave me!"

"I'm sure you've read plenty of books that have dealt with survival-"

"That's not the point."

"It is…can you please get off me now?"

"I don't think that I can move my arms."

He sighed, reached back, and grabbed her hands.

"What're you doing?"

In a swift movement, he unfolded her arms from around his neck and let go, making Hermione fall right off of him and onto the ground.

"There. Now you're unstuck."

Hermione was too shocked to speak. The only word that popped out of her mouth was an "Ow."

"At least we know there's something to eat-"

"No! You can't eat that thing."

"And what else do you propose we eat?" He asked dryly.

"The fruit-"

"I am not climbing up a tree to get bananas or coconuts," he stated, as the first few drops of water fell from the clouds. "Start looking for places that look like they'll stay dry."

After a few more minutes, the skies opened up and the rain started to come down in buckets.

---

"I think I may have found something!" Hermione exclaimed. "It's right down here."

Carefully, seeing as everything had become muddy quickly, Hermione walked to the downward slope, where it looked like it lead to some sort of shelter. She took a few steps down the slope, when her foot hit a loose rock and she completely lost her footing and slid down the muddy terrain.

"Oh!"

"Where is it?" Severus asked. "Hermione?" He quickly walked to where he last knew where she was. He got there just in time to see Hermione slipping down the bottom half of the slope.

"Hermione!"

After Hermione stopped sliding, she looked up and wiped away the mud from her eyes. However, Severus didn't see this, because he was too busy making his way skillfully down the side next to the muddy slope, which was made up of large rocks.

"Hermione, are you alright?" He asked, as soon as his feet hit the ground. As he got closer, he saw that she was shaking.

"Hermione? Can you hear me?"

She nodded and lifted her head…she was laughing.

"You're alright…"

"Wow…that was…embarrassing. I can't…believe…that I actually…did that."

He slightly narrowed his eyes at her, but she wasn't paying any attention.

"And now…Ugh…I'm all muddy."

He waited until she was done laughing. "Are you hurt?"

"Mentally, now."

Unbeknownst to Hermione, Severus did not find her humor welcomed in the situation.

"It looks like you did find a cave…Get up so we can go."

Hermione sighed. "It feels so good, though. Nothing stings anymore."

He briefly clenched his teeth. "There's no magic to help you, if you get sick in this weather. And if you do, you will not find me catering to your every will."

Hermione rolled her eyes as she stood up. "Lead the way," she said, as she let the rain wash the mud from her.

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