If you got past the sucky summary, then well done! If you only got past the summary so that you would review and tell me how bad it was, please be aware that this story is an attempt to bring all the cliches of Alex Rider fanfiction in one story.

I was planning to write a whole fic where Alex went to an SAS training camp, discovered his burning passion for Wolf, Yassen, James Sprintz, Paul Drevin, and Yassen's daughter, then became a bodyguard to James Sprintz, then Jack died, then Alex had to go on a mission with the new Mary-Sue in town, (who was Yassen's long-lost daughter) who was a spy for the CIA, go on a mission with her, and so on, but then I lost my draft, which included a long, vital list of major plotlines, so I probably won't t continue until I find it. (Sorry about the insanely long sentence.)

In other words, I did it on purpose.

Alex Rider was tired.

He had just gotten back from the brutal SAS training camp with his class (what a week!), only to rediscover his mutual passion for a certain soldier who he hadn't thought he would ever see again, then come back home and receive a text message from Wolf, ending their relationship. He lay awake thinking all night.

Alex didn't know how he would live without his Wolf.

So it was no wonder that he had fallen asleep in Algebra on this depressing Friday morning.

'Wake UP!' hissed Tom, to no avail.

Tom could swear he heard Alex murmur something that sounded suspiciously like:

'Yassen, we're just too different.'

He then succeeded by smashing a pencil case over his head. (Just in time, as well, because at that moment their head teacher Mr. Bray walked into the room.)

Alex was too groggy to notice who he had with him.

'Class, we have a new student with us today; her name is Ria Komakov. I hope you will make her feel welcome."

Alex finally gained the strength to look up, and gasped. All thoughts of Yassen and Wolf instantly vanished.

This girl… (Ria, he told himself) was so… beautiful. He couldn't think straight.

It wasn't the tiredness. It was because he was bewitched.

She stood, there, a little self-conscious and yet defiant, as Alex marvelled at her beauty. She had cascading raven locks that formed perfect ringlets down her back. (Tom dimly wondered whether you could shoot peas through her curls, they were THAT perfect.)

They caught the sunshine in ways Alex didn't think possible.

No one should be allowed to be that attractive, he thought. It makes the rest of us feel so hideous.*

She casually brushed a lock of the ivory hair from her eyes - sparkling emerald, with flecks of sapphire blue, (eyes that seemed to know everything, and yet maintain a gorgeous innocence)- allowing Alex to look upon her perfect features.

Her radiant porcelain skin seemed to glow. It was free of blemishes, unless you could count a beauty spot set above her magenta cupid's bow lips.

Ria is perfect, he thought.

He thought he could see something familiar about her face, but Alex just put this down to his girl-induced stupor.

He unwillingly snapped out of his reverie when Mr. Bray cleared his throat. (Unnecessarily loudly, in Alex's opinion.)

"Well, Ria, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?"

"I just moved here from America to live with my aunt." What looked like sadness filled her eyes. "She's the only relative I have left after my mother died."

"Oh. Well, er, Ria, what an interesting name!" said Mr. Bray rather pathetically.

"Thank you!" she said with a shy smile. "It's short for Maria-Susan Amelie Anastasia Violet Komakov."

"Oh, really? Why don't you sit in that seat next to Alex Rider then, Ria?"

Her eyes flashed silver with what looked like recognition, but it was gone as soon as it came.

She sat down.

Alex tried to shoot her a friendly grin but he couldn't move that vacuous, dreamy expression off his face. He instead settled for an idiotic, pained expression.

Stupid, Stupid, STUPID! He scolded himself.

He gave a sharp intake of breath as Ria sat down next to him, which conveniently resulted in him choking on his own spit.

Alex couldn't help but stare at this absolute goddess. She noticed, but he didn't care. He had lost his last scrap of dignity long ago.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," said Ria with a smile.

Scratch that, Alex cared a LOT.

"Disclaimer: I own Alex Rider. It's true. I am the genius behind it ALL!!" (cackles the delusioned author.)

*Says Alex Rider, the most (in my opinion) attractive fictional character there is!