What You Don't Know Chapter 1: Fade away, a twilight fanfic

A/N: Ok, I know I should be updating my story, but if I don't get this out of my head first I don't think I'll be able to write anything lol. Ok, so this is a three-shot story. It's set after Edward left Bella by five months. This first shot was inspired by a song called "October" for Evanescence. I've never been inspired by a song before, but it's nice lol. Ok, hope you enjoy it.

This chapter dedicated to my Beta Megan. Thank you Megan you are the best!!!

Fade away

I died five months ago. I was ripped, shredded into pieces. I was here only by body, but my mind, my heart, and…me… were back there, in Forks…with her.

Five torturous months spent with pain and pity perched on each shoulder. The weight of both emotions was unkindly and had me gasping for air that I didn't need. I knew I couldn't blame it on my family. They couldn't control their thoughts, after all. At first I tried to ignore them, but that proved to be nearly impossible so finally I just... left.

Where did I end up you may ask? I wouldn't have an answer to that. I'd been running for months; four and a half to be exact, though time held little importance to me.

I never stopped for anything. Not even to hunt. The last time I hunted was before her birthday. It wasn't that I was trying to die, because I knew from Carlisle's experience that that form of suicide wouldn't suffice. It was anger. This body, is why Bella was always in danger with me. This body, is what made me leave her. This body, is what made me hurt her. This body is what caused all of our pain. So I denied my body everything it wanted. I didn't hunt. I didn't rest. Running was primal and I could do it on instinct. I could feel the never ending fatigue wear me down day after day but I never stopped.

I didn't speak either. Words were pointless when you had nobody to share them with. Even more pointless was to speak them to keep me sane. I didn't deserve to be sane. I didn't deserve much of anything.

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

I could feel my indestructible body fail more and more everyday. And everyday I grew more frustrated.

I doubt that I could speak again, I was fairly sure that I was now incapable of speech. My lips still moved but it seemed as if they were molded to the movement of her name. Bella. Even her name was sweet on my tongue.

My eyes remained fixed forward without really seeing anything. The only think I could really see was her face. Nothing else. She dominates my every thought. Even thousands of miles away I can still smell a sweet hint of fressia.

I wanted to see her. I needed to see her. How much longer can I exist without her? Not long, I realized, but I ignored reality. I lied to myself, I convinced myself that as long as she's safe I could even wish to exist without her. But very quickly I grew sick of lying to myself.

I hurt her. Not in the way that I had originally feared. Though I hurt her to save her, the words I spoke were destroying me too and saying them had been the very blackest kind of blasphemy. I never dreamed she would believe the lies so easily. She hadn't needed any kind of persuasion at all. She believed me right away when I told her I no longer loved her. And that's when I almost told her the truth. I wanted to shake her and tell her to fight me back. Call me out on my lies. But she never did.

And now I'm dying from my own self inflicted pain.

Slowly my body started numbing. Numbing. Numbing. Until it was impossible to run. I felt my knees hit the ground, followed by limb body, then the side of my face. And the exhaustion was a strange feeling, one I had never felt before. It wasn't necessarily pain. I was more hollow than anything. I'm sorry, Bella. I let those words run over and over again in my mind. Knowing they fixed nothing but persistent just the same. I'm sorry.

I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that's real and true,
All I need is you,
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

With what was left of my vision, I saw pairs of feet running towards me. Maybe whoever they were would do me a favor and kill me. I didn't react in any way when those feet stopped in front of me. I didn't even look up to see who. Even though my body was numb, the burn in my throat wasn't. It burned and burned but it was no match to the burn that was in my chest. I swallowed difficulty, trying to stop any of both pains but I knew it was no use.

"Edward" I heard a familiar voice breath. It took me a moment to realize it was Alice's voice. She must've seen this. I tried to talk to her but I couldn't. I couldn't find neither my lips nor my voice. It was the end of me, I could feel it. The burn in my throat grew as I remembered Bella's scent. I missed it. The fressia was so close but so far. I closed my eyes as I pictured her two brown ones, causing the pain in my chest to increase. Remembering the sound of her laugh. Her touch, her smile… remembering her.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

I wasn't aware of anything around me anymore. My mind started to blur, and I dragged out my memories with her, so that they would be the last thing before………

Flash

We were sitting in the cafeteria when she lifted an eyebrow and said "So long as I'm being not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I felt something gnawing inside my chest, begging for me to go back.

"So what you're saying is……that I'm your brand of heroin?" She said confused, gnawing…gnawing.

"I love you" She whispered as she buried her face in my chest. Ripping…..ripping…. my arms screamed to have her back. To hold her tight again.

"I was wondering…about you and me…someday…" She blushed as she admitted that she was thinking about the day we would both be in the altar. My chest ached as the scratching increased by every memory. But I was content by having her in my head in my last minutes.

"I dream about being with you forever" she whispered. I crushed that dream. For both of us. I hurt her. I killed the very best thing about my existence. The only reason for my existence. And now I'm suffering the consequences. I'm dying. I wanted to see her one last time. To tell her that I loved her. To beg for her forgiveness. To hold her in my arms…one last time.

But I couldn't. I was too late. I promised that I'd never go near her again and if I did anything for her it would be to keep that promise. Bella, Bella, Bella, I miss you, I love you. Bella, Bella, Bella……

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love,
My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Slowly, I felt all my pain go away. As a new black blanket started to cover me. Slowly and quietly, it covered every part of my. Blinding my eyes and deafening my ears as it took over me. Just one unpleasant memory came to me before my mind dulled.

"Y…you…don't…want…me?" she whispered scared.

My body burned for the last time and I heard a scream laced with her name escape my lips before it all faded to black.

The pain consuming me,

But this time the cut's too deep,

I give up

A/N: I am in tears right now. I'm sorry to do this to Edward, but you'll see what'll happen. I hope you liked it.

Beta A/N: Hey I just wanted to mention that if there's any problems with this chapter I'm to blame completely because TMGH didn't get to read this one over because I'm posting it for her. Leave reviews! :D