The Noah Within

(Short. Crackfic. 550 words.)

"Oh my god," gasped Allen. "Lavi, why didn't you tell us that you were a Noah?"

Lavi looked at him blankly.

"You know," Allen said, "You shouldn't feel like you have to keep it all to yourself. I mean-" –Allen bit his lip- "I might not know exactly what you've been going through, but I think I might be able to understand, if you just talk about it."

Lavi stared intently at his hands.

"Yeah, Lavi," Lenalee added, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. "We'll always be here to talk. We're your friends, we don't care what other people think about you. You shouldn't care about what other people think about you."

Lavi sighed, quietly.

"Hn," said Kanda. "Fucking rabbit. Noah or not, you're still annoying as hell." Which was supposedly his version of comfort. Or maybe he was trying to say something else. Like, maybe that Lavi really was annoying as hell. Maybe. (Probably.)

Lavi put his head into his hands. "Where," he said evenly, "Did you put my eyepatch?"

"Uh…" Allen glanced nervously at Lenalee.

"Lavi," Lenalee announced sternly, "We already told you that you don't have to hide from us anymore!"

"Give. It. To. Me."

"But Lavi-"

"Give me the eyepatch."

"But- umm…"

"GIVE IT."

"What about-"

"TO ME."

"Aren't you-"

"RIGHT NOW."

"Actually, uh, you see-"

Lavi rounded on Allen and Lenalee, eyes blazing. "This is not about some fucking Noah shit. This is about me having an eye that processes so much information when it's used that it's just really fucking stupid! So what if it happens to be gold, and not green like my other eye? I'm biracial! I'm triracial! I'm a mutt! And I happen to have a hangover the size of Allen's appetite! Don't you get it? Where is my eyepatch?"

"Uhh… What were trying to tell you," began Allen, "Is that… um…" He looked helplessly at Lenalee.

"Well," said Lenalee nervously, "We happened to… Um, we…"

"They incinerated it this morning in Jerry's oven," Kanda deadpanned.

"Oh shit," muttered Lavi, trying vainly to block any light whatsoever from entering his Noah-esque-but-not-really eye. And then Bookman entered the room, carrying a very large encyclopedia in the crook of his arm.

"Lavi," he said in surprise, watching his apprentice clutch at his eye. "What happened?" His eyes narrowed sinisterly. "What happened to your eyepatch?" And then, "Do you have a hangover?" He hefted the encyclopedia casually, as if he was testing out its weight.

Lavi stared. Lavi cowered. Lavi tried in vain to crawl back under his bed before the book could hit him. "Oh shit," he said.

And the book made contact.

A/N: I wrote this over the weekend and decided to post it now... I always wondered about the circumstances of Lavi's eye, I think it would be interesting if he was a Noah but it also has the potential for some serious funny, which I attempted to tap into. Hope you enjoyed (maybe even so much/little that you wanna write a review?)