Disclaimer: I may kidnap samurai, but I don't steal them! The characters and setting of Samurai 7 are not mine, and I'm not making money off this. Or even a bale of rice.

Samurainapping

"I want him," Kambei declared.

"…" Katsushiro said. Kirara echoed him. Because really, what could be said to that?

Kikuchiyo tilted his head with a whirring of gears. "Oh yeah?"

"Yes," Kambei said dreamily. He didn't seem to realize where he was, or who he was with, or the alarming fact that Kikuchio was taking an interest in what he was saying.

"Well…" The mechanical samurai tilted his head the other way. "Katsu and I could get him for you."

"What?" Katsushiro demanded.

"What?" Kambei asked, sounding slightly more cognizant than before.

"I said, if you really want Mr. Speaks-Too-Little-And-Has-Too-Many-Swords, the kid and I would be happy to oblige."

"Oh really?" Kambei folded his arms and stroked his beard. Katsushiro realized with horror that he was actually thinking it over.

"Sure!" Kikuchiyo spouted a cloud of steam. "We're samurai, aren't we?"

Katsushiro didn't see what that had to do with anything, but Kambei nodded as if it made sense and said, "Really," again, this time in the tone of a man with his mind made up.

We're doomed, Katsushiro thought with terrible certainty. He felt the sudden urge to kiss Kirara goodbye. He resisted only because he was frozen with anxiety.

"It seems like a good idea," Kambei said. Now that his reverie had worn off, he seemed almost cheerful. It was an emotion so unlike him that Katsushio began to wonder if he had taken a head injury in his battle with the red-coated samurai. "If nothing else, it'll give you two a chance to prove yourselves."

"Yeah!"

"Another chance." Kambei shrugged. "All right, ten. How long—I mean, when will you be ready?"

"We're ready now." Kikuchiyo's head turned to Katsushiro. "Riiight?"

Katsushiro didn't reply, but nobody seemed to notice.

"Come on, let's go!" Kikuchiyo leapt to his feet in a small earthquake and dashed up the alley stairs three at a time.

"Goodbye, my lady!" Katsushiro pressed Kirara's hand and hurried after Kikuchiyo before he was tempted to do anything that might lead to rejection. At the top of the stairs, he stopped and looked back.

Kirara stared after him, vast eyes glistening. With tears? That couldn't be good. He tried to catch a glimpse of her scrying crystal, but it was hidden by the angle of her wrist.

Kambei, on the other hand, stood with his chin held high and his hands on his hips, smiling in a very satisfied manner. As Katsushiro watched, he raised on arm and waved. The boy samurai waved back warily before following after Kikuchiyo.

It was almost, he thought, as if Kamei was glad to see them go.

#

"Oh, good." Kikuchiyo pointed. "Shift change."

Indeed, it seemed that one motley crew at the back door of Ayamaro's palace was being exchanged for another, slightly more motley, crew. The second crew soon became even motleier with the addition of Kikuchiyo and Katsushiro, which nobody seemed to notice. Katsushiro guessed employment in Ayamaro's lower ranks had a high turnover rate.

All the same, being surrounded by a mechanical samurai with a fire lighter for one hand, a man in a mohawk and disturbingly little else, and an individual sporting more knives than Katsushiro could ever imagine necessary, left him a little uneasy.

After the longest five seconds of his life, he and Kikuchiyo had slipped through the doors and inside Ayamaro's palace. The motley crew that came in with them evaporated through various portals in a cloud of neon colors, flesh tones, and metal.

"All right." Katsushiro looked around. The doors took up all of one wall, another wall was coated in gold leaf, another sported pink elephants, and the last held an appalling mixture of the latter two. "Where do we go next?"

"Mmm…" Kikuchiyo bounced his sword on his shoulder thoughtfully. Katsushiro backed away.

"Well?"

"Be quiet, I'm thinking! Hmm," he repeated. "If I was one of Ayamaro's lapdogs, where would I be?"

Ayamaro's lap? Katsushiro thought but didn't' say, immediately preoccupied with erasing that image from his mind.

"Huh…" Kikuchiyo shrugged. "Well, this place isn't that big. We'll find him sooner or later."

"Kikuchiyo-dono, I can't help but think that now would be a very good time to tell me what you're thinking of."

"Isn't it obvious?" Kikuchiyo picked a door in the pink-elephant wall and threw it open. It led to a corridor, considerably darker than the entrance hall due to narrowness and a lack of gold leaf. "We kidnap old Two-swords What's-his-name, bring him back, then Kambei is so surprised and impressed that he'll be glad to let us join the team!"

"Kidnap?" Katsushiro stopped in his tracks. The door chose that unfortunate moment to slam shut behind him with a tone of morbid finality.

"Yeah…" Kikuchiyo was bouncing his sword again. "You didn't expect him to come willingly, did you?"

"Why did you get me involved in this?"

"Who else?"

"Why didn't you just go alone?"

"Look." Kikuchiyo loomed almost as menacingly as Katsushiro's vision of their bloody dispatchment at the hands of assorted Ayamaro employees. "Do you want to become a part of Kambei's little in-club, or not?"

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean…I want to save Lady Kirara's village!"

"And you can't do that if they leave us behind, right?"

"Right," Katsushiro squeaked.

Kikuchiyo clapped him on the shoulder with enough force to almost for a Katsushiro-shaped hole in the parquet floor. "Then let's go!"

At the next pair of doors they turned left. Then right. Then left, left, left, right, left. Right, right, right. They passed a room with one wall entirely taken up by a pair of doors, one wall of pink elephants, another of gold leaf, and another of gold elephants on a pink background—or pink elephants on a gold background, it was a bit too loud and stylized to be sure. This time they took a door through the gold-leaf wall. It led into a courtyard. At first, Katsushiro was so relieved at the absence of loud colors that he didn't think to check and see if they were alone. His moment of un-samurai behavior was compensated for by Kikuchiyo, who quickly scanned the courtyard and pointed at one corner, whistling appreciatively.

"There," he said in the quietest voice Katsushiro had yet heard from him. "Found him."

Katsushiro's eyes were again scorched by a blaze of violent color. Actually, by two violent colors: crimson red and sulfuric yellow. Kyuzo's back was to them, which seemed like the most good luck they had had all day.

"So…" Katsushiro started.

"I'll take care of it. Watch this." Kikuchiyo sprinted across the courtyard. He restrained himself from yelling a battle cry, which must have been trying, but Kyuzo would have had to be deaf not to hear the clanking of machinery heading towards him. Near-mute he might be, but deaf he was not. Luckily, Kikuchiyo was moving fast—Kyuzo had about half-turned around and was just reaching for the hilts of his swords when the edge of Kikuchiyo's hand hit the back of his neck. The scarlet-coated samurai crumpled to the floor.

Katsushiro blinked. "Kikuchiyo-dono…where did you learn that?"

"Oh, well, you, uh, pick things up." Kikuchiyo took off his coat and wrapped Kyuzo in it. Katsushiro wasn't' sure how inconspicuous they would look carrying a weird burden in a coat, but it had to be better than just dragging Kyuzo out uncovered. "I'll take care of Ayamaro's puppy here. You get the doors."

They passed through the portion of the motley crew that remained behind to guard the outside gate with surprising ease. Katsushiro began to suspect Ayamaro's bodyguards had developed possibly illegal ways to get through their jobs—surely those glassy eyes couldn't be natural? Or maybe it was usual to see people carrying body-sized burdens out these doors.

Katsushiro tried not to think about that for long.

Kikuchiyo's burden began wiggling when they were about halfway to Masamune's house. The mechanical samurai stopped walking. "Should I hit him again?"

"Probably not." Having been the victim of several concussions himself, Katsushiro well knew the kind of damage such loss of consciousness could involve. It seemed unwise to have an armed and disoriented Kyuzo unwrapped when they returned.

"If you say so. Hey, you! Ayamaro's dog! If you don't want me to shake you by the scruff of the neck until you stop twitching, you better knock that off right now."

Kyuzo knocked it off.

"Good." Kikuchiyo gave him another shake for good measure and began walking again, this time fast enough that Katsushiro had to sprint to keep up. "Man," he said to the boy samurai, "I can't wait to see Kambei's face when we get back!"

-Oh, but you'll have to wait…until Part 2!-

/scary 'Part II' music