Uzumaki Naruto

I have this urge to name all my future fics Uzumaki Naruto. This is another teaser that will probably be finished, sooner or later.

Dialogue normal/external speech
Dialogue inner thoughts
Dialogue Kyuubi speaking aloud
Dialogue Kyuubi thinking/musing

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any other franchise

Part I

We all had dreams when we were kids.

I wanted so much, so fast that things span out of control. Being a ninja in a shinobi village sounded awesome, so I gave that a shot. It was ok in the early years, until I realised that I had to kill people. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem, if there was just cause.

Money and politics was not just cause.

But what the hell was I to do then? I spent my childhood dreaming of rescuing princesses, fighting bandits, getting the respect of Kakashi and Sasuke. Maybe find lost treasure or something. It was stupidly ironic. I had the skill set of a killer, but I wanted out.

But where the hell was I going to do afterwards? It's not like I could tell people I was good at sneaking around, stealing things and bashing people up when they were acting like idiots. Those were what I found to be 'career limiting moves' outside the shinobi profession.

But then again I couldn't stay in the system. There were times when I looked at myself and couldn't recognise my own face. It was too hard, too bitter, too...

I'm out of words. Stupid Academy. Teach me to steal, stalk and throw knives. They just ignore the shit about taxes, vocabulary and non lethal force resolutions.

It occurs to me that I'm an angry and bitter man before my time. I have to think back to how it all started.

Urgh. It wasn't pretty.

Konoha
Hokage's Office

"Naruto, are you sure that this is what you want?"

The jinchuuriki nodded decisively, his eyes full of surety as he stood ready to hand back his hitai-ate to Tsunade who looked quite upset at his change of mind.

"Are you really, really sure?" she grated on with all the solemnity that she could muster with a sake cup in her hand that threatened to burst under pressure.

With a despondent smile Naruto gave a sigh before staring at his hands.

"You know, I never really knew why you hated blood so much. Do you remember when we first met?"

The blonde smiled at how the incorrigible and supremely self assured boy had the arrogance to challenge her to a fight all those years ago. And how his innocence and earnestness managed to unlock a part of her heart that she thought was lost forever.

"You wanted to kick my ass because I was bad mouthing Sarutobi," she said wryly.

The teen smiled sheepishly before rubbing the back of his head, "Yeah, I don't really know what I was on then. I blame Jiraiya for that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I mean I was travelling with him and all he did was mooch off my money and try to hit on women when he said he was going to train me."

Her hazel eyes hardened slightly before she shook her head in disappointment, "That pervert."

Both of them shared a secretive smile before Naruto looked at his hands once again, "But ... I don't like killing people," he said quietly.

Her features softening in sympathy, the Senju stood up and gave her favourite shinobi a bone crushing hug that Naruto revelled in.

"I know," she whispered softly, "but this is what we do. Some people just deserve to die Naruto."

"I know that," he spoke back with agreement, " it isn't nice, but sometimes people just won't change and if I do nothing, then even more people will get hurt. But all these assassinations for money and politics..."

He trailed off before levelling his soulful cerulean orbs onto hers that made her heart beat quicker to the oblivious male, "It's disgusting."

Somehow she knew of the catalyst for his sudden change in heart, "This was about Ozawa Maria wasn't it?"

His eyes widened up in guilt as he nodded slowly. Tsunade saw the compassion and self loathing play on his face before she rested her forehead on his.

"I'm sorry but you were the only one that could have done it. And you saved so many lives by –"

"By killing a girl that dared to become a politician in her country?" asked Naruto dangerously, pulling away from the Fire Shadow as he stalked over to the office window.

With thin lips Tsunade lashed out with her displeasure, "Don't you dare give me that crap Naruto! I probably started this whole kunoichi empowerment movement and I will be damned if you judge me on that."

"Then why did you give me that mission order then?" he asked in agony.

Unwilling to see the pain in his eyes, she looked into the distance as she whispered out, "What would you have me do? She was going to cause a civil war with her massive steps. People were taking up arms for her, willing to tear their village into pieces. Set fathers against their sons. Cousin against cousins. Brothers against brothers. Once it started, it would have never stopped."

Naruto stayed silent as he digested her words, the justifications running hollow as he remembered the weary acceptance in Maria's face as he ambushed her in the darkness.

"It would have raged and other nations would have stepped in. It has happened before you know, it is what started the Second Secret Shinobi War."

Naruto closed his eyes stubbornly, refusing to let himself by comforted by the platitudes that he knew were false. That even Tsunade knew were false as he stared into his hands.

"Maybe," he conceded with disgust, " but she was trapped by her twisted supporters. Those who were using them to further their own agenda. They were the ones that we should have killed. Animals," he spat out.

Tsunade stayed silent, aware that Naruto went after them with his own special brand of justice that had effectively ended the stand off in the North East. The status quo had been maintained by the blood of the innocent.

"Necessity knows no morals Naruto," she whispered out.

"That is why I am getting out," he repeated.

"Are you sure, don't you want to be Hokage?" Tsunade asked desperately.

Naruto had a lump in his throat as he struggled vainly to say no. He had built his
entire life on his singular goal of becoming Konoha's Fire Shadow. It was what he had sacrificed his childhood over, bled over, had endured countless trials and tribulations over. To give it up seemed like a betrayal of his nindo.

Then again, killing innocent women was never my nindo either...

He stood up and Tsunade could see a part of Naruto die that day in her office as she pushed him for his answer. A part of her mourned for the loss that weighed heavily on his mind as she wanted to do nothing more than to sit down and demand that Naruto outdrink her. He would take on her challenge like any guy would and she would indecently flirt with him until he would run away from her teasing.

The jinchuuriki slowly walked over to her and hung his head slightly, "I, I, I'm sorry."

Seeing how badly his decision was weighing down on him, the blonde once again embraced the civilian to be with some guilty pleasure.

"If this makes you happy..." she started off with hesitation, her warm brown eyes begging him to reconsider.

The blond took a deep swallow but couldn't back down now, "It will."

"Dammit! I only accepted this job so I could pass it on to you!" screamed out Tsunade in frustration.

Naruto stared at her desk with some trepidation, "Yeah, I was a bit of an idiot when I was a kid."

"What am I going to do now then?" she pouted out.

With a foxy smile he went up to her and gave her a light hug, whispering in her ear, "Sucker."

Swearing, the Hokage gave him a negligent smack to his cheeks. The blond flew back before hitting the wall and dissipated into smoke.

Her eyes narrowing at his cowardice, she called out for Shizune:

"Bring the real Uzumaki Naruto to me now!"

Konoha
Ichiraku's Ramen Emporium

"Geez Naruto, what are you going to do now?"

The blond shrugged with little care as he was busy shovelling ramen down his throat, making appreciative sounds as he chewed the savoury noodles at great speed.

"Baka! Slow down!" chided Ino as she watched her friend eat like a duck.

Choji gave an expansive shrug before digging into his noodles as well, "Don't you kinda need money or something?"

The jinchuuriki let out a satisfied sigh before tilting his bowl to savour the soup base at the very bottom. Taking deep gulps of the savoury stock, he closed his eyes and entered into a state that his friends called "Naruto's happy place".

"He's doing it again," commented Ino wryly.

"Tceh. We know this, but why do we keep on coming here then?" Shikamaru asked with a sigh.

"Because this is the best fucking place in the world! Dattebayo!"

"Naruto! Language!" chided Ayame with indignation as she glared at him.

"Ano! Ano! I'm sorry, but the ramen made me do it!" said Naruto with a straight face.

His friends turned to face him with scepticism. His face was artfully innocent and he flashed his trademarked foxy smile at all of them, "It's true."

Ino turned to face the amused waitress before whispering loudly, "What are you putting in his noodles?"

With the same whisper she smirked and wrapped her arms around Naruto fondly, "Just lots of sedatives to keep him less high. Can you imagine him without his daily fix of Ichiraku ramen?"

The blond leaned back and looked into Ayame's brown eyes, "Do you really drug me?"

She nodded with mock seriousness and bent down to whisper into his ear, "Of course. It is a important public service that we provide to Konoha."

"Ah, I get it now. You also put something in there to get me addicted as well," he accused playfully.

Sniffing at that, she held her head up high before making her declaration, "We don't need to do that. Unlike some of our competitors."

Choji nodded and finished his bite before answering, "This place is pretty good. Especially after you expanded into a brick and mortar place. I really like what you did with the place."

With a sunny smile she gave a low bow before speaking earnestly, "And we are thankful for the glowing reviews that the Akimichi clan has provided us."

He blushed slightly at the thanks, but waived it off, "Nothing but the truth. Naruto does have good taste."

The blond puffed his chest out at that.

"At times," amended Choji, unwilling to inflate Naruto's ego anymore than was healthy.

With an amused grin the Nara sipped at his tea before getting back to his original question, "But honestly Naruto. What are you going to do with your life now?"

The ex-shinboi's grin faltered slightly as he started pushing the remnants of his meal with his chopsticks, "Eh. Who knows? I'm still young. Healthy. Good looking. Awesome. I'll find something."

Ino gave him an admiring look before swatting him over the head, "Yeah right. You're not quite the charming playboy yet that will woo women with your sophistication and worldly ways."

Naruto pouted at them, crossing his arms in an offended manner before he fixed his puppy dog eyes upon Ayame, "Tell me she's lying Ayame. It's not true, is it?"

The girl felt conflicted in what response to actually give her close friend.

Seeing the subtle sexual tension develop Shikamaru decided to intervene and save himself the trouble of seeing the potentially awkward scene any further, "What will you do for money?"

"I get paid unemployment benefits."

They all blinked at him in surprise, "You do?"

"Yeah, doesn't everybody?" he asked in confusion.

"Hell no!" exclaimed Ino with jealousy.

"Yeah, Konoha doesn't quite tax people enough for that to happen," Shikamaru said suspiciously.

"But Tsunade said that retiring nin are given an allowance so they can adjust to civilian life afterwards," Naruto defended stubbornly.

Ayame shook her head before taking a seat and leaning against Naruto, "That may be true, but you have been 'retired' for six months already. It wouldn't last that long."

"But that means that she ..."

They saw Naruto gain understanding before he had a sad smile on his face.

"Tsunade really likes you," Choji said suggestively.

"Apparently I remind her of her brother," he said sadly.

The Nara and Akimichi exchanged a somewhat lecherous glance before Ino and Ayame shot them dirty looks.

"Perverts," whispered Ino with disgust.

Naruto, being somewhat unaware of the implications, just looked confused before fingering the pendant that the Godaime have given him all the while ago. He had never really understood how you could purchase a mountain with it, but the thought amused him nonetheless.

"She really does care for me," he whispered.

"Yeah, if she is paying for your living expenses even after you quit being one of her own. How does it feel being Tsunade's boy toy?" teased Ino.

With a somewhat guilty look Naruto looked up in denial, "That hasn't happened yet!"

"Hasn't?!" shouted out all his friends in shock.

Naruto felt some nervous sweat gather on the back of his neck as he tried to correct himself, "I mean, that's not it. That's not it at all! We are just close because we saved each others lives," he responded hastily, trying to shelf away certain fantasies that he had entertained late at night.

"Pfft. Lie all you want, we know the truth," Choji said with a wink.

Crossing his arms, the blond fixed them with an arrogant look before standing up, "At least I have the military leader of a shinobi village on my side."

Ino couldn't resist the opening so she took it, "On your side, or underneath you? Or does she like to be on top?"

"Arggh! Shut up about that!" Naruto whined out petulantly.

"But no seriously, what are you going to do now?" Shikamaru pressed with uncharacteristic force.

The jinchuuriki gave a nonchalant shrug, "Why do you care so much?"

"A bored Naruto means a destructive Naruto," pointed out the genius.

Naruto cocked his head like he had realised something profound, "You know, you're right!"

"Of course I am," acknowledge Shikamaru without losing a beat.

"I really should perfect that Rasen-Shuriken of mine!"

With that the boy leaped to his feet and exited the restaurant in a rush.

Shikamaru groaned and dropped his head to the table, wincing at the damage Naruto's 'training' would cause, "Oh kami. Somebody call the ANBU!"

Ayame just looked at the vacant spot where the boy had just been before standing up as well and yelling, "You didn't pay for your meal as well! Cheapskate!"

Konoha
Training Field Seventy Two

Naruto grimaced as he gingerly bandaged his hands up, his motions awkward where every movement made him grit his teeth a bit more.

"You know, you could get Sakura to do that for you micro-penis."

The blond ignored Sai's perfunctory taunt as he badly tied off the knot before collapsing onto the ground, utterly spent as he surveyed the results of his damage.

"Yeah I could. But then I would have to hear her bitch at me for an hour. And then she would tell Shizune. Who would then tell Tsunade. That's like getting bitched at cubed!"

"I never knew that you could do higher level maths," Sai commented cattily.

"I'm just full of awesome surprises aren't I? But eh, the bastard fox can take care of it soon enough. Just takes a few hours as the lazy fucker has gotten more efficient lately. I just need to stop the bleeding because it's a hassle to clean blood out of clothes."

"You do your own laundry? You're such a domesticated micro-penis."

"Could a micro-penis rearrange the landscape like that?" he asked sarcastically.

The pale faced artist looked at the massive craters that dotted Training Field Seventy Two and shrugged his shoulders. The area was gouged with deep, perfectly symmetrical holes that were at times a kilometre wide. The cost was that Naruto's hand was a shredded mess where he could clearly see pearly white bone sticking through.

"Still can't get it right?"

Naruto started to get defensive over Sai's tone, "Hey, I'm working on it. This is like a S classed jutsu man!"

"It's no good if you can only use it once," commented Sai dryly.

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm training. This is much more complicated than those ink clones that you use," Naruto responded arrogantly.

"Perhaps," allowed the nin amiably, his ink brush still in his hand as he made some finished touches on the sketch he was working on.

"So, whatcha drawing?"

Sai put the finishing touches on the canvas before passing it over to the teen.

Naruto chuckled at the artfully rendered masterpiece depicting his destructive jutsu in progress, "Not bad. Nice use of colour and dimension."

Sai looked at him oddly before giving a slight snort.

"What?" asked Naruto with some hurt in his voice.

"Since when did you appreciate art?" he asked pointedly.

The jinchuuriki crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, "Just being polite, geez. Does it have a name?"

Sai rubbed his chin for a few moments before nodding his head decisively, "I think I shall call this… Impotent Man railing at Nature."

Naruto's forehead started throbbing uncontrollably as he had to restrain his urges to go and strangle the ex 'Ne' operative.

"Remind me why we are friends again?" he asked plaintively.

"My sunny and charming personality attracts dipshits like you."

Naruto choked at the lie before pointing his finger at his former teammate, "Man, who the fuck are you kidding? You may be a yaoi fangirl's dream, along with that bastard Sasuke-"

Sai's head whipped around suddenly and gave Naruto an impassive look that promised a lot of pain if he didn't stop his train of thought. The blond just ignored it with a smirk and ploughed ahead.

"I'm sure you're really popular to them as you lie so well. Ino still think's you're pretty good looking from back then. But really, all they are imagining when they are with you is Sasuke putting his hard, throbbing cock into your –"

With a growl the shinobi's ink brush blurred into motion and summoned animals around him.

"Pfft. Is that shit supposed to scare me? I'm Uzumaki Naruto bitch!"

The nin stayed silent before giving a slight smile, "You sure are."

With the unspoken truce declared, both of them relaxed and sat back, enjoying the comfortable silence between the two members of Team Seven.

"Why did you do it?" asked Sai suddenly.

Naruto was expecting questions from all of his friends about his sudden choice to quit the shinobi forces, but he didn't think that Sai would care that much about it.

"You want the truth?" Naruto asked seriously.

"Why would I want anything else?" asked Sai with confusion.

The blond took up a leaf in his hand and played with it, twirling it over in his fingers as he struggled to find the right words that would not bare his soul to the enigmatic ninja that he called a friend.

"How can we keep on doing stuff like this?" he asked softly.

"What do you mean?" Sai responded with curiosity.

"The fighting, the killing, the stealing, the violence?"

Sai blinked a bit before shrugging, "It's the only thing that I know."

Naruto's heart broke a bit at hearing that, but the ninja wasn't finished.

"We do a necessary yet morally … questionable job that no one really understands. I don't see why you have issues. You still have an urge to kick people's asses and engaged in gratuitous violence," he finished dryly.

Naruto coloured a bit before recovering, "I was just a kid back then!"

"You still scream it out as a greeting to some people," Sai recalled with a smirk.

The jinchuuriki stopped and hung his head a bit, "Yeah, well, call it a force of habit. And it's only to some people," he whined out.

Sai gave a wide false smile before continuing, "But seriously. Your entire life, your identity even, was built around your goal of becoming Hokage. How could you walk away from that?"

The blue eyed ex-shinobi closed his eyes as he struggled with the words that were on the tip of his tongue. He finally found something just as Sai was losing his patience.

"Did you ever want something when you were a kid?"

The shinobi shook his head before answering in a monotone, "My entire existence was a controlled experiment designed to make me the most effective weapon possible for Konoha."

The blond winced at that before he scratched his head, "Ok, well, can you pretend that you were a kid then?"

"Sure, why not."

Naruto's eyes misted over slightly as he began to feel a sense of acute melancholy, "I was an orphan that wasn't even sure that my name was even right. No one ever told me who my parents were until I figured it out by myself."

"Yes. The resemblance is quite uncanny, even if most people chose to ignore it."

"So yeah, I had nothing. People avoided me. I grew up in a dump learning to live by myself as a kid. Then I see this kind old man that everyone respected. Shinobi, civvie, it didn't matter. They had that look in their eyes that I wanted. And when you're a kid, you can want things pretty badly."

"Is that it?" asked Sai dubiously.

"Well, I thought being a ninja would be pretty cool. Use shinobi skills, rescue princesses, finding treasure, being in a team that respected you, that was gold to a lonely kid like me."

"Then what happened?"

With some reluctance Naruto dragged out the name that haunted him, "Ozawa Maria."

At that answer Sai's eyes widened slowly in realisation, "Oh. You were the one that …"

There was a sudden tension in the air that made him hesitate in finishing that sentence. Naruto's eyes hardened as they challenged him into saying something.

"Come on. Say it for what it was. I murdered her," spat out the blond in self loathing.

"I believe the appropriate term is assassination," corrected Sai gently.

Naruto snorted at the distinction before waving it away, "That's just a load of shit. I murdered a girl and people expect me to be happy about it. That's just fucking sick."

"Rebellions and revolutions are dangerous things Naruto," warned Sai, "they have a habit of spiralling out of control and becoming raging wildfires where everybody loses."

The jinchuuriki refused to accept that as he stubbornly shook his head, "She didn't deserve to die. But I was the good obedient shinobi, following orders even when my heart told me to let her life. To go and help her like I did for all those other people."

"Orders are orders. Why don't you just blame Tsunade and move on you pansy?"

Naruto sighed again before burying his face into this hands, "Believe me I have tried. I cursed her, refused to do any missions that involved killing, I outright ignored mission requests. I was the most insubordinate shit chucking a sad and she was patient with me. Man, I owe her so much."

Sai raised his eyebrows and was about to make a comment before he was cut off by the jinchuuriki.

"And don't you start as well. There is nothing going on between me and the Hokage."

"Sure there isn't," drawled the artist as he twirled his brush in the air, "she just happens to have a really, really soft spot in her heart for her darling Naruto-kun."

"Screw you man. But back to the point, I realised that as long as I was a ninja, I would be asked to do things that my… conscience would say no to. That it was never going to stop. And that as Hokage, I would have to ask the next generation to do the same."

He looked Sai in the eyes as he made his admission, "I can kinda handle being the one doing the dirty work. It's on my soul. But to ask a kid like Konohamaru, Moegi or someone else? As Hokage, those hard decisions and hard orders will be there and … I don't want to be one giving them out. I never had a childhood, and I really don't want to be the one taking it away from anyone else."

"What happened to your need for respect?" asked Sai with confusion.

The boy shrugged indifferently, "I don't really care that much more. The people that are important to me realise how special they are to me. That's all that matters. I can't make everyone happy."

"This is surprisingly … mature of you," observed Sai.

"You all think I'm a ramen obsessed idiot don't you?"

"Pretty much. Dobe," he added for good measure.

Naruto spluttered at that before shooting back, "Screw you, you , you anal slut!"

"Hey hey, let's not say things that we will regret," warned Sai.

Naruto chuckled grimly before his eyes lost focus again, "Fine, but see how mature you are when every time you close your eyes to sleep you see a pair of innocent eyes stare back at you, begging you to not to kill her. Or to beg you to make it quick. I couldn't sleep for weeks after that."

Sai had a compulsive habit of keeping tabs on people that he considered to be his friend. It was a short list and hearing Naruto's explanation helped him connect the dots, "Is that why you took every C rank mission for like a month? One after another, without even spending any leave?"

"Yeah… I needed a distraction," admitted the blond with a sad smile.

"You're telling me that you didn't sleep for an entire month because you assassinated a woman?" Sai asked with disbelief.

"Yeah, well, I don't know what that makes me," Naruto confessed freely.

"A limp dicked pussy!" he shot back in mock disgust.

Naruto snorted before giving him the finger, "Fuck you. I just couldn't continue with it man. Why are you doing what you do Sai?"

"I know nothing else. I was born as a weapon and I guess I will die as a weapon"

Naruto gave him a sympathetic look before speaking again, "Man, that is no way to live. That is just existing. I-I just want to be happy. Being a shinobi wasn't going to make me happy."

He felt the passion behind his words and realised that he had much to reflect upon, "So what now? Don't you need a job or something?"

"Yeah, eventually. I don't like living off charity. I'm sure there's something that I can do."

"Well, I'm sure that there is always the option of being a garbage man. I could pay you to do my laundry as well."

"Pftt. I'll show you!"

I should have known better than to think it was going to be that simple.

Konoha might not have liked me, but they needed me because I was their ace in the hole if things went to hell.

I realised I spent most of my life being sheltered because of Tsunade and I have never really thanked her for it. I should do it before I die.

As things are I don't think that I will last that much longer.