The Master List of Things That I, Adric, Must Not Do When In the TARDIS or Otherwise Traveling With the Doctor in Any Capacity
Be a little smartass (oops, too late)
Reprogram K9 to call the Doctor "Mistress"
Smoke anything I find anywhere, especially the lab
Make lame attempts to steal fruit
Go into the bathroom when anyone (especially Romana) is in the shower
Attempt to see anyone (especially Romana) naked
Mess with the TARDIS controls
Steal any item of the Doctor's clothing because they will not fit me
Steal any item of Romana's clothing because I am not a woman nor will I ever be one
Get a sex change
Get a tattoo (especially of curse words or the seal of Rassilon)
Suffix everything with "of Rassilon" (such as "underpants of Rassilon" or "nostril of Rassilon")
Try to get money off the Doctor when he's drunk
Memorize dirty songs and try to get the Doctor to sing them when he's drunk
Tell Romana that the Doctor got drunk
An addendum to #5: I may not surprise Romana in the shower because that is perverted. I may not surprise the Doctor in the shower because it will make me feel inadequate. (Note: ask the Doctor what he meant by that and why Romana smacked him afterwards.)
Cut the Doctor's hair when he is sleeping
Make fun of the Doctor's hair
Do basically anything to the Doctor's hair (including brushing it)
Point out that after the Doctor's hair is brushed, he resembles a brown dandelion
Turn up the humidity in the TARDIS
Ask the Doctor and Romana if they've ever had sex (with each other)
Tell the Doctor and Romana that they probably should
Eat the last green jelly baby
Inject alien DNA into Romana's veins for whatever reason
Wear the plaid skirt from the wardrobe. Only Scottish men may wear plaid skirts and I am not one.
Dye Romana's hair
Cheat at cards
Beat K9 at chess and then proceed to tell the Doctor about it
Beat the Doctor at chess
Mispronounce Romana's full name
Shave off the Doctor's sideburns
Stick them to my face
Ask the Doctor why his sideburns are a different color than the rest of his hair
Ask the Doctor why he has no eyebrows
Cannibalize K9 for parts
Build a robot to serve me or clean my room
Accidentally call the Doctor and Romana my parents because they are not
Speculate as to what a child produced by that union would be like
Send Romana a Valentine's card from the Doctor
Pretend like I don't know the "Facts of Life" and make the Doctor explain them to me
In detail
Sing ABBA at two in the morning
Tell people that I'm descended from spiders and marsh people
Tie bows in my hair
Additions to the Master List Made After Romana and K9's Departure
Ask the Doctor why he ran out of K9-making kits
Point out that all the burgundy makes the Doctor look like a tired old man
Complain about the nasty things I've had to clean out of the shower drain (especially at dinner)
Set the TARDIS translation so we all sound like the monkeys from "2001: A Space Odyssey)
Open the door while in flight to see if the vortex looks like the really trippy sequence form "2001"
Ask the Doctor why he used to be friends with a corpse
Mention Romana too much
Ask the Doctor about the question marks
Straighten the Doctor's hair
Additions to the Master List Made After That Weird Affair On Logopolis and at the Pharos Project
Eat the celery
Develop a major crush on Nyssa
Attempt to see anyone naked or in the shower because that's being perverted and Tegan will kill me
Try to figure out why all of us seem to wear one color all the time
Ask the Doctor if his pants are candy-stripped too
Steal Nyssa or Tegan's underwear
Mention rabbits
Eat the last piece of chocolate
Call the Doctor "Master" at any juncture
Ask why K9 called the Doctor "Master" and if the Master has a robot dog that calls him "Doctor"
Ask too many questions about this whole regeneration thing
Land the TARDIS at the edge of a cliff
Imitate Tegan's accent
Read Tegan's diary
Try to get the Doctor drunk
Try to understand cricket
Invent worlds built on my computations
Steal Nyssa's tiara
Try to figure out if Nyssa is the Doctor and Romana's child
Streak up and down the TARDIS halls
Piss Tegan off
Write or read slash fanfiction
Leave fake positive pregnancy tests in Tegan's trash can
Compare the current Doctor with the old one
Do vector calculus on the walls of my room
Imagine Nyssa in nothing but the fuzzy boa thing from the wardrobe
Curl the Doctor's hair
To Be Continued (Unless I Die or Something)