Author's Note: Listen, this is a silly fic and I a having so much writing it and I hope you are having fun reading it. I've of course been eyeing this story ever since I stopped working on it years ago and I'm glad I've come back to it. It is such a good release for my silliness so that I can work on some more serious stuff. And if you are interested in my serious stuff I am working on a few serious pieces. I only have the beginning of one posted, but soon I am going to be posting a sexy erotica story that I've been working on so you know, if that's your thing, keep an eye on my profile over at fiction press at ~lazychestnut and thank you for reading! I don't do this for the reviews but they are always nice to get!

Please Believe Me, My Love, And I'll Show You

In the beginning, Betel Geuse had thought she was a bad influence on him. Ha, more like tryin' to be one. As he watched Lydia tie Mark McAlli to a chair in his basement, he decided he was one the being the bad influence on her. She tested the tightness of the knot and when she appeared satisfied, she stood in front of the sniveling man and punched him with a POP! across the jaw.

Well, maybe he wasn't a bad influence at all, it looked to him like she was rather enjoying herself.

"Unfortunately for you, Mark," Lydia was saying in a low and sexy voice. Betel supposed she was actually trying to sound scary. "We can't release you from the torture you're about to endure with death."

Betel smirked, goddam she was fucking sexy. He watched her hands fly, as she let her monster out on this man and he wondered if he loved her. How could he? He'd never even got a chance to tap that. Her. Have sex. He couldn't even think of a nice way to say what he wanted to do with her, but as blood spattered across her face he decided he didn't need to. He wanted to fuck Lydia and he wanted to love her. He wanted to watch her torture a fellow ghost and fuck her right on the floor and hold her in his arms afterwards.

Was there anything left to accomplish in this afterlife if this was his reality?

Lydia suddenly backed away, breathing hard. Mark McAlli was looking up at her, looking confused.

"I was helping you Lydia, and after everything you break the contract and beat me? We were so close to accomplishing... everything." He sounded so hurt, it made Betel Geuse mad and so he struck him across the face.

"Shut your damn mouth, shithead!" Betel Geuse shouted down. He felt a hand on his arm and looked down to see Lydia, her eyes still wild and her face red.

"Wait, what do you mean by 'everything'? How was I supposed to go back to my life after all this time?" Lydia asked, her voice trembling with some emotion she was struggling to keep at bay. Betel Geuse couldn't decipher if it was anger or excitement, if she felt anything like him then it would always be a mix of both.

There was an odd voice coming from Mark ad a second later, Betel realized it was some deranged form of laughter. What the fuck was his problem? The man was shaking and bloody and bruised, but he laughed up at him.

"When I was alive, I called your name three times, Betel Geuse," Mark said and the calmness in his voice made Betel's skin crawl.

"Well, thanks for the business. Freelance is a tough gig, ya know?" Betel Geuse said with a smirk, earning the side eye from Lydia.

"No, you never showed up. And after the bio-exorcist failed to save us from the ghost of my deceased sister, she strangled me and I showed up here in this fucking place. The Neitherworld. Well, I was a liar in life and so in the afterlife it just became easier, especially as a murder victim. So many people stuck here killed themselves, but I was the victim of a ghost attack. I won some special privilege, my case worker let me go and do as I pleased... And so it was when I was snooping around that I discovered the reason you never showed up... you were too busy trying to score with this underage little goth girl."

Betel Geuse scoffed. He had remained quiet through this whole fucking monologue of his, but whatever. "There are plenty of other bio-exorcists here man, and I've paid my due enough for that little gig, alright?"

Mark shook his head slightly, "Have you really? It seems to me that, the now legal, Lydia is right by your side. Rather comfortably if I may add. Now you are here in my house, thinking I am the one at your mercy. Tell me, Betel Geuse, just how hard do you think it was to possess Lydia's little boyfriend that night? No, you underestimate the power I've acquired in my travels here and the anger in my heart."

And just as he said that, the room around them went dark. Lydia let out a startled shout and Betel shouted, "What the fuck!?"

The room got cold and suddenly the floor was out from beneath Betel's feet and he felt the rather terrifying sensation of falling down a pitch black pit.

He didn't know how long he fell, but it seemed that he screamed forever. Even after he hit the ground with a thud he had trouble telling if the nightmare was over or not. It wasn't. There were trees all around him, and eyes shining in the moonlight. Though it was nighttime, the wildlife seemed to have the grey tint of the Neitherworld to it, but he had never heard of this place. He decided it was simply too dark for him to judge where he was.

"Lydia?" He called out and jumped at the movement of bushes to his left. Then he heard a soft groan.

He ran to where she lay, groaning and sprawled on the ground.

"Babes, are you okay?" Betel Geuse asked. As she tried to stand up, Betel went to put an arm around her but she pushed him away and continued herself.

"Don't touch me," she said softly.

Betel stopped. Of course it was not the first time she had said this to him, but he had been under the impression that just a few hours earlier they had shared a smoking hot kiss.

"Lyds, it's okay if you are hurting we just fell from another dimension or some shit. Come on babe, let -"

"'If I'm hurting'? Why shouldn't I be hurting? I would still be alive if I never met you!" Her shouts echoed through the forest that suddenly seemed still around them. Betel couldn't think of anything to say, he wasn't clever enough to think of some way to apologize to that and he knew it.

"No, why should you have anything to say? Just stay away from me," Lydia said as she walked away. Betel put his hands up in exasperation.

"You can't leave, Lydia! It isn't safe out there!"

"What's gonna happen? Is something going to kill me?" Lydia asked, her voice sour and so Betel Geuse watched her go. She had disappeared into the darkness for probably ten minutes before Betel Geuse decided he should call someone.

"Juno Juno Juno!" He called out. Nothing. Was she ignoring him? He called out again, louder. Still nothing. He tried other names of his coworkers but it was no surprise that they did not answer, they probably couldn't teleport even if they wanted to. But Betel Geuse couldn't teleport out there until he knew where he was, and he had a feeling even if he did there were probably some sort of wards set up by Mark to prohibit him from doing so.

He tripped and stumbled, knowing that this would be much better if he had a torch or if he could wait until the morning to walk, but what the hell was he supposed to do? Set up camp in the dark? For all he knew he could be walking through poisonous patches of some sort of vegetation or some shit... he didn't know the words for that kind of stuff he wasn't a farmer!

However, after the third face splat he did over a tree root, he decided to take a seat and lean up against a tree trunk. Suddenly, Betel Geuse was left alone with his thoughts and nothing left to distract him. Was that Mark McAlli's plan? To put him into a big time out?

What an ass... but what could he do to him? Exorcise him? He had never done that to someone who could transport him.

And what of Lydia? What would she do without him? He was positive she had never learned how to transport and so she would likely wander the woods until Betel Geuse found her. And then she would be so thankful that she would forgive him and then they would commence with the love making.

The thought did little to make Betel Geuse feel better, but before he knew it he was falling asleep against the trunk of a tree.

Betel Geuse wasn't sure how long he had fallen asleep but the sky was still dark when something startled him awake. He looked around groggily and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

His eyes widened as he remembered exactly what had happened and where he was and the possibility that it could have been Lydia's screams for help that woke him up.

"Lydia?" He called out, but was answered with silence.

Carefully, Betel Geuse stood up and began walking again. He noted that he could see better than earlier and realized there was the smallest amount of light in the sky.

He was walking for a while when he heard shouting and so he began running. It was a few minutes more when he began hearing laughter as well and a sort of chanting. Oh shit why did that sound so familiar?

Betel came out into a clearing and the sight about floored him. There Lydia sat on a throne high above several little creatures. She had some sort of ridiculous looking bush on her head and he realized then that they were goblins all about her. What the fuck had he just walked in on?

Suddenly, all eyes turned to him and he let out a small, "Fuck me."

Then a mass of shouting let out and he was being surrounded. Betel screamed and tried to break away from their hands but in a group, goblins were fucking invincible. They had managed to pull him to the ground when he heard Lydia cry out for them to stop.

The goblins dragged Betel Geuse by the legs, having already tied his hands together.

"Babe!" He said, as he landed at her feet. "How long was I sleeping? What the fuck are you doing?"

Lydia shrugged, "I was walking and they caught me and put me here. Like what the fuck would you do Betel Geuse? They gave me all this wine and we've been like partying all night." Lydia burped. "Also, fuck you and call me Queen Black-hair or whatever they're saying. They're hilarious."

Betel's eyes widened, she was drunk. Absolutely wasted and had a small miniature army at her disposal.

"That's great Lydia, but did it ever cross your mind that that might be one of those offers that are too good to be true?" Betel asked, struggling to try and sit up so he could have some dignity as he talked to Lydia, however a goblin shoved him hard back to the ground and he realized he would have to be comfortable talking to her without his dignity. "I mean, just think about it Lydia, if Mark Mcalli sent us here then it's probably not so you could be the queen of the goblins and get drunk."

Lydia looked down at her glass of wine, a sudden realization coming across her face. "I have drank a lot of wine... but so what? If I am being sent here it's your fault. If I'm a part of some elaborate scheme for revenge - it's all YOUR fault!" Lydia shouted and the goblins began murmuring with excitement. These little fuckers were blood hungry, it was obvious. The ones closest to him were beginning to shove him around.

"You're right, Lydia, okay you're right!" Betel Geuse yelled out. Lydia stopped her wine sipping and looked at him evenly, or tried to but she was swaying a bit. "What can I do to show you I'm sorry?"

Lydia looked rather thoughtful for a moment before she said, "Goblins, untie our guest!" As the rope came off, Betel Guese sighed with relief and stood up. He was glad she was being reasonable.

"Betel Geuse, if you can fight off my goblin army I'll forgive you. And because of our history, they will give you a head start, okay?" Lydia was smiling and Betel stood there a bit dumb founded, not quite sure he had heard right.

"Uh, what? I've been pretty fucking cool, you know that Lyds? I've been fucking amazing to you and you're gonna make me suffer for some crazy assholes hang ups?" Betel shouted at her. "You're nothing but a fucking shit talkin' little tease Lyds and you're earning yourself quite an enemy with me!" he threatened but Lydia kept smiling at him.

"I said run, Betel Geuse." Lydia said and suddenly the goblins all around him were growling. Betel Geuse's eyes widened and he gave a small shout before he took off running. Holy shit, she was goddam crazy. Why? Why did she have to be so fucking sexy?

A few seconds later, and he could hear the goblins coming after him. They had given him a head start but Betel Geuse was really out of shape so that didn't really do much to even the odds in his opinion. Just when he felt like his lungs were about to burst and he was wishing for a cigarette, an animal crossed his path. Betel Geuse stood still, watching the boar cross his path.

Betel Geuse looked around and saw a dead goblin clutching a spear. The goblin seemed to have been there a while and not been discovered by his clan mates yet. Or it was some game Mark McAlli was playing with their heads and he had delivered it. When the boar looked over at him, Betel Geuse decided he didn't care and picked up the spear. Dead or not, being skewered by a boar never felt good.

As the boar snorted rather threateningly to him, Betel tried to stand still and convince the boar with his body language to move along, but the goblins were getting closer. If he made a run for it, maybe the boar and the goblins would simply cross paths and attack each other?

Just as he was trying to decide what to do, the boar made a run at him and as Betel Geuse raised the spear to defend himself the goblins came up to the scene. As the boar made a rather terrible sound and died at Betel's feet, the goblins around him cheered loudly and suddenly they were bowing. Apparently it was easy to earn the trust of a goblin, Betel decided.

They led him back to their little camp where Lydia was passed out in their little goblin throne. Aw, how cute her face looked as she woke up and saw the goblins cheering around Betel and bringing a large boar back to the camp or goblin town or whatever it was.

"Looks like we've made it into royalty babes," Betel Geuse said with a grin as a weird looking crown was put onto his head.

Several other goblins began cheering and a goblin shouted out in joy, ""Now that we have boar, the humans can live!" Betel Geuese's eyes widened. What the fuck was going on here?