Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil. If you are reading this thinking that I think I do, you're a freak. Yes, you. You're a freak. You are a freak.

Me (Nikki) and my friend, Julie, thought it would be a fun idea to prank call some characters from Resident Evil. But, is it really worth the death-threat and such? Hell yeah!

First up, I called Wesker.

Nikki: (phone rings)

Wesker: (answers phone) Hello?

Nikki: Oh, hi! I was just wondering when the baby's due?

Wesker: (pauses) Wrong number.

Nikki: Wait! Albert Wesker? Yeah, you're supposed to be pregnant. So when are you due?

Wesker: (long silence)

Nikki: Hello?

Wesker: I have no idea who you are, or who put you up to this, but call me again and I'll make you regret it. (hangs up)

After he hung up, I continued to call him repeatedly, even though it was painfully obvious that he was ignoring me. Until…

Wesker: (answers phone) What do you want?!

Nikki: I want to have your babies.

Wesker: Er…

Nikki: Please? You can name them!

Wesker: (uncomfortable silence, then hangs up)

Then Julie chose to call Leon.

Julie: (phone rings)

Leon: (answers) Hello?

Julie: Hey, pretty boy!

Leon: Dammit! Another fan girl. (hangs up)

Despite the shortness of that one, it was still my turn. Look who I called!

Nikki: (phone rings)

Billy Coen: (answers) Who's this?

Nikki: You're worst nightmare.

Billy: Rebecca?

Nikki: Nope.

Billy: Well, who is it?

Nikki: Must I tell?

Billy: Yes.

Nikki: Okay. I am…Me.

Billy: Well, then, "me", if you ever call me again, I'm going to shove a grenade up your ass. How do you feel about that?

Nikki: Sounds fun!

Billy: (hangs up)

Touchy, isn't he? All right. Ju-Ju-Budder's turn! (by the way, I risk bodily harm by calling her that)

Julie: (phone rings)

Ada Wong: (answers phone. Ada here.

Julie: Ada! Are those rumors about you true?!

Ada: What rumors?

Julie: About you and Krauser!

Ada: Oh my god, he told everyone…It didn't count, I was drunk!

Julie: (mouth gaping open in shocked silence, no, you're not missing anything, she was joking about the whole rumor thing, but apparently Ada wasn't)

Ada: Hello?

Julie: (slowly hangs up phone)

Then, I decided It was my turn to call the "pretty boy) Marty Stue, Leon.

Nikki: (phone rings)

Leon: (answers) Hello?

Nikki: Hola! Como estas?

Leon: (freaks out, there is a loud noise and the call is ended by what can only be described as Leon shooting his phone)

Well, while I was trying to recover the hearing in my right ear, It was Julie's turn again.

Julie: (phone rings)

Chris Redfield: (answers In hushed voice) Anne, I told you not to call me in the evening! I'm with Jill; do you want her to know about you?

Julie: (shocked silence, yet again, and slowly hangs up, yet again)

Looks like Julie's having a bit of bad luck today, eh? Anyways, I've gained partial hearing back in my right ear.

Nikki: (phone rings)

Wesker: (beeping noise) I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed either does not exist, or has been disconnected.

A/N: Please review. If I do get good reviews and decide to continue this, it'll be something different every chapter. Even if you have a completely biased, hard-assed, Gung-Ho review, I would like to hear it. Any opinion in a good opinion!