Why do I do this? I should be sleeping. Or at least revising.

DN = not mine

………………………………………………………………………………

I have my arms round his back, my head leaning against his spine. My entire field of vision is the black cloth of his jumper. His scent fills my mouth and nose. He never smells anything other than bitter, like chocolate. He's watching the rain fall. Looking at it, I can only think it's the same colour as his eyes, although truthfully, it's nothing like.

"Mello…"

I'm falling asleep.

"What?"

"We…we're always gonna be together, right? I mean, after we help L catch Kira, we can be detectives together, right? We can set up our own agency, or something…?"

I can see his grin in my head, hear it in his voice.

"Right. And we're gonna beat Near so hard…"

"So hard…"

"He won't know what fucking hit him."

He shifts round awkwardly and rests his head on top of mine.

"Right…" I say, my voice growing sleepy.

"Mello…you're gonna be better than anyone…" I whisper.

He tugs at a strand of my hair.

"And you'll be my second."

"Mnph…always…" I snuggle closer.

It'll always be like this.

Even when he says he hates me, when he runs away and won't let me follow. Even when I'm lying on red concrete and metal, shot full of empty holes, sticky and sharp, we'll always be like this. Even when he won't tell me his plan but I know what it is anyway, when he tells me I just need to do the driving while he kidnaps the woman, and I should go straight home as soon as I've ditched the car. Exactly the same. Looking into his eyes I can see the lie and I want to smile.

Lying on the hard ground, full of blood, with ash on my clothes and in my mouth, I want to smile. Smile so hard my face splits in two. I wonder if he's dead yet, or if he's still holding on. He's got me killed, but somehow I don't mind. I'm happier than I've ever been. I want to laugh. It doesn't even hurt. I'm just warm. I know he's going to live forever. I know he's going to die.

Even then. Even then, nothing has changed. We're still fourteen years old, on the couch in our room, by the window, in the rain.

He's all I can see. He's all I can breathe.

I can't hear anything but the sound of his voice, his breathing, the snap of his teeth on the chocolate. Even the noise the raindrops make as they hit the glass is gone.

I fall asleep.

………………………………………………………………………………..

T^T

…so I try for fluff and it's both horribly cutesy and clichéd AND super depressing?

*hits head on laptop*

I fail at life.