Inspired by Katy Perry's I'm Still Breathing. Listen to the song over and over while reading it, that's how I wrote it.

Characters created and belong too Charlaine Harris. I just like to play house with them

I was hit with a mighty bolt of inspiration while listening to this song. Please review and let me know what you think. I wrote it in one sitting, of about 3 hours. Am too tired to edit right now, but didn't not want to post it.

That look on his face haunted almost every waking thought of mine, the look he was giving me after I ran over the evil vampire Sigebert

When I did sleep, my dreams were filled with the moments of my time with him, My Eric, over and over again. It was killing me.

I didn't understand what that look had meant, I feared it was something along the lines of his hate at having to be saved by me again. He had always shown distaste whenever I had come to his aide.

The last time I had seen him, he was walking out the door of Merlotte's

Blowing me a kiss.

That was months and months ago.

And not a word

Him living in Shreveport made the bond feel like a faint hum in the deepest crevices of my heart. I couldn't feel anything, just his presence but not what he felt.

After a month of not hearing from any of the Shreveport vampires, him in particular, I decided to start a diary. I had always wanted to keep one. But for some reason every time I started writing in it I filled it with thoughts of Eric. I tried to write about my night at work or what I had done that day but I always ended up pouring my deepest thoughts about the Viking out on paper.

Had I shrugged him off too quickly after he had regained his memories of our time together? He had probably thought I would be ecstatic at him remembering. But hadn't I been? Initially freaked out yeah, but that had changed, but I had never told him. Of course not, because I was scared. Scared that what had happened with Bill could happen again, but more than that. I knew full-well that if I gave myself to Eric, I would be utterly and completely destroyed if he betrayed me. That's why self-preservation. That and stupidity.

After two months I started to think he had finally moved on from his obsession with me. Sick and tired of chasing me as I ran and ran. It broke my heart.

I had never entertained the idea that Eric would ever not be there. Taking his relentless attempts at seducing me for granted. Every time that sexy smirk had spread across his lips, I fought my instinctual reaction of throwing myself in his arms. Instead I would fight back with my pride in one had and my stubborn nature in the other.

Now when I lie in bed at night, I keep my breathing as silent as possible listening for his noises: tapping at my window, a Corvette pulling up my drive, those words I fought so hard to keep him from calling me. Now all I wanted to do was wrap myself in that silky strong voice and let his whisper caress my every pore.

After three months I resigned myself to the fact that he was not going to return. Yea sure maybe when he needed my telepathic abilities. But he won't come for me. My Eric doesn't exist. My Eric has to become a ghost. While the real Eric goes on in his undead life,only short drive from me, My Eric is dead and gone. How do you grieve for something that never really existed?

The moonlight became my solace. I begged Sam for day shifts only. I didn't care how my income suffered.

I walked in the beams alone, barefoot and wearing the nightgown I wore the first time I fell asleep next to him, through trees and over creeks I walk. I didn't care what was around me in the woods at night.

I felt the unmistakable presence of a void one night. My heart burst with relief. But out of the shadows came a dark head and sad eyes. And again my heart folded in itself.

"What are you doing out here Sookie?"

"What the hell are YOU doing out here Bill Compton?!"

I didn't care if he looked hurt. He would never really know pain. Not like me. Bastard.

"I heard someone in the woods, came to investigate and found you. Sookie it is very dangerous for you to be out here alone at night. Let me walk you home."

"Damn you Bill, you stay away from me. What do you care? What do any of you care about me?"

"Sookie, please I lo-"

"NO!" I screamed this as loud as I could, he just stared at me.

"You have NO idea what love is. You have no idea what its like to REALLY lose something you love. You didn't really love me, never! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"

I pushed him as hard as humanly possible, but he stumbled back out of pure surprise.

I ran back home, flew through the front door and into my kitchen. Thankful again that I had rescinded Bill's invitation. The only vamps that could still come in my house whenever they chose were Pam and Eric. The two people I wanted to see the most. The two people who never came around. Everyone else did. At least the three around the table always did. True, two of them did live here, but didn't hey understand I just wanted to be left alone?

"Eat this Sookie" urged Amelia with a bowl of soup.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" inquired Sam.

"Come on Sookie, eat, please." now from Octavia.

"Why are you guys bugging me like this? I'm fine, just fine. Just leave me alone."

Sam stood up and came over to me. He went to hold me and I backed away like he was a giant bug.

"Please Sookie, I just want to help." Sam eyes were pleading but his thoughts weren't. I probed them deep, not caring about his privacy, how dare he intrude on my feelings.

I wish she could move on. He isn't worth it. Look at what she is doing to herself. That bastard, I should just stake him myself.

My rage ran over violently, I slapped him hard and hissed at him, "If you ever lay a hand on him Sam Merlotte, I will do the one thing that will hurt you most!"

Sam looked positively livid, "He doesn't deserve your grief." Then he turned away and walked out.

I screamed after him, "GOOD and stay out, and I QUIT!"

Amelia's eyes were wide and filled with tears. I calmed immediately and walked to my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

I laid across my bed, spread across the top was the ugly quilt I clung too every night.

There was a gentle knock on the door. Then because she knew she was such a good broadcaster she thought 'at' me, "Sookie, please can I come in"

"Yea Amelia, but just you."

She pushed the door open slowly crept in. Closing the door behind her she came over to the bed and laid down next to me. My face was shoved down into the mattress, it soaked up my tears.

I felt her lay a hand on my upper back, I turned my face towards her. She was crying silently like me. She knew all about My Eric, I told her everything out of desperation and loneliness. She understood how deeply I had cared for him then, screw it, how much I had loved him. And she knew how he was ripped from me. I can't say it was unexpected but I had a silent hope he would stay My Eric.

"Sookie, I'm scared for you honey."

"I don't know what you are talking about Amelia. Yea I am sad, but I'll get over it won't I? Sooner or later everyone does."

She shook me lightly, "Hun, you haven't eaten in days, or slept for that matter."

"Your being ridiculous Amelia, I have to eaten, and I have too slept."

"I don't know if your lying to me on purpose or if you just don't know any better. But Sookie, the last time you went to eat something you were heating up some soup on the stove two nights ago and you left it, just left it, with just the gas on. I was in the kitchen when you did it and you didn't even notice me. And as far as the sleeping goes, I hear you sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to walk through the woods. And when you come back in you don't lock the door! That is so incredibly unlike you! Please Sookie you have to stop. Something is going to happen to you if you don't stop"

She was begging and pleading for me to listen to her.

I shook my head at her, "not tonight Amelia, I just want to sleep."

"I'm going to call Eric."

I sat straight up, now I was weeping, "Yyyou will ddo no such thing Amelia. That would make it worse. You think I want you to call him and then have him just not give a damn about what is going on with me? I couldn't take that."

"He would never do that Sookie. He loves you, I know he does." She whispered this.

I laughed nastily, "Oh yea, isn't it obvious? All the time he is spending with me. All the flowers he is sending me, yea regular love machine that Viking."

"Maybe he is waiting for you to go to him. He was chasing you for so long maybe he is just waiting for you to realize you love him."

"No Amelia, I'm not going to him. I know what would happen, he'd reject me or make me feel like his pet. That's not the Eric I want. That Eric is gone forever."

"Ok Sookie, I'll leave it alone, but ONLY if you eat something right now."

"No Amelia, I'm still breathing. I'll eat in the morning. Its only like 10pm maybe I can get some real sleep tonight." I saw her skeptical look, "please Amelia, I just want to sleep."

She shook her head got off the bed and walked back out the door silently.

I crawled underneath my ugly quilt and started my nightly routine of playing our back our moments together in my head.

When I sucked the bullet from his shoulder in Dallas.

His blood-giving in Jackson, the hot moments before that.

When we had danced at Rhodes, he flung me in the air and I could have sworn I saw joy shining in his eyes.

I fell asleep thinking about this last memory.

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Amelia's POV

I was really starting to get worried about Sookie. Incredibly worried. It had only increased when she slapped Sam. Now when she had refused to eat for the night I was downright panicked. I had figured there was no way she was going to him, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands

I left Sookie to sleep, who knows if she actually would.

I went up to my bedroom, I didn't want Sookie to overhear her. But this was for the best.

I pressed the 5 on my speed dial and Pam picked up on the second ring, "Well hello my darling friend, it has been too long. Have you missed me?"

I couldn't help but smile, I liked Pam a lot, she was so much fun, "Hi Pam, this is actually a very serious call, its not business."

She paused and resumed in a much more serious voice, "What is it Amelia?"

"Its Sookie."

"Hold on, I'll get him."

I heard the thumping of the music inside Fangtasia as Pam walked through the bar to give the phone to Eric. It got quite again so I knew she was headed to his office. Good I wouldn't want any annoying fangbanger around when I told him what I was about to tell him.

"Amelia, What's going on?" His voice was sharp and full of concern, whoa. Now I was positive this was the right call to make.

"Eric, something is really wrong with Sookie."

"What? Is it that damn Compton? What has he done now?"

I let out an exasperated sigh, "No Eric, its you."

SILENCE

"You still there Eric?"

"Yes, I am, what is it with me."

"Well the best way I can describe it is she is heartbroken and might even possibly have a death wish."

He hissed loudly and I jumped back from the phone. Jesus, this guy was terrifying. But it was a slight comfort that it was for Sookie.

"What can I do to help her?" His voice was a little quieter. Ok good, this was good.

"Well I have an idea, but this might be a little difficult for you to accept."

"What is it Amelia?" His voice had taken on a very dark tone.

"Well I think you should basically kidnap her. I can put a sleep spell on her so she won't wake up until after sundown tomorrow. This way she doesn't freak out when she wakes up by herself."

"True, but don't you think kidnapping her in the first place might put a damper on our relationship?"

I sighed, ok this guy needed to really get the point, "Eric just come over. You will understand when you get here.

_____________________________________________________________________

Now he was standing by Sookie's bed. She was under Amelia's restful sleep spell. He stared intently at her, he wanted to hurt himself when he saw the sight of the massive black circles under her eyes. Her skin and lost its sun-kissed luster, she had obviously had stayed out of the sun, he cursed himself for his stupidity.

____________________________________________________________________

I woke up, feeling surprisingly refreshed. I stretched, as soon as my arms were over my head I realized something, I don't own midnight blue silk bed sheets. And my bed is definitely not this big. I stretched my arms the rest of the way and touched a thick, intricately carved headboard. I didn't feel scared waking up in this strange. I actually felt strangely calm, I just wanted to stay snuggled in the sheets. They smelled so good…….wait!

Oh no, I knew whose house I was in.

Right on cue, a voice came from a door way about 15 feet from the foot of the bed.

"Are you feeling better My Lover?"

Then I did what I had wanted to do for months.

I flung myself at him.

I jumped in the air, he caught my arms and wrapped them around his neck while I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Then I looked into his eyes, "Please don't ever leave me like that again Eric, I love you, I love you. I can't hold it anymore. I can't lose you again, I can't live without you. I'll die……"

At that he silenced me with a kiss. A slow tender kiss. His lips slowly pulled the barbed wire from around my heart.