My first new fic in awhile. Enjoy :]

s u r r e n d e r

i surrender, i surrender. please stop breaking me.

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She is surprised when she does not feel the pressure ­ (of tears that threaten to fall) aching behind her eyelids.

She is painted, her cheeks a pasty shade of dusk that imitates her blush. Her skin is no longer porcelain, her hair pretended to be the hue of spring blossoms.

He does not recognize this woman. She does not cry or reach out to him. She does not smile, speak his name. Her eyes are supposed to be emeralds (like he remembers them) and not dead jade.

She feels nothing when he says her name. Nothing at all. He repeats it, his voice rising at the end, he is questioning her. She nods absentmindedly as her mind trips over itself, trying to grasp some thread of emotion.

She feels nothing- her heartbeat doesn't quicken, and her eyes stay dull.

"I can't love you." His voice is tense. He is waiting (expecting) her reaction.

She has known this all along. She knows her heart is somewhere, shoved so far deep and so far back that she can't find it anymore, but she (knows), somewhere, it is breaking.

They can only be friends, barely even that. She would not let herself imagine, or believe in anything for a moment. Her thoughts were forever focused, on anything at all, just to keep the daydreams at bay. The lies she had told to herself (He'll never love you, he can't love you, he won't love you, he'll hate you, he'll never want to see you again) had become her reality.

"…Sakura?" He repeats her name. (Say it again, say it again, pleasepleasepleaseplease) She wants to hear the letters drop from his lips again; she gives no sign that she hears him.

"Sakura." It is forceful now. The syllables are hard, firm, pronounced, slamming into her like weights on her shoulders that are not so thin now. That's how she knows she'll survive this time, because before they would have crushed her.

"Of course, Sasuke!" Her smile is understanding, caring, kind- the kind of smile she has everyday. (She's careful not to overdo it) He's been able to read her face for years, and…it disturbs him, just slightly, that she isn't faking it. (He never suspects that she may have finally learned to believe in the falsehoods she's fed herself)

As she turns to walk away, waving behind her (She wants to be the one to say good-bye this time) she knows the rain will come eventually (In her sleep, like it always does, when she torments herself with reminiscence) but for now, she feels nothing.

It scares her just a little that she's already given up on love. (There can't be anything left for her.)

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